The 33 Worst Celebrity Baby Names
Cautionary tales, from Audio Science to Zuma Nesta Rock.
by Catherine Connors
September 23, 2008
13. Apple (Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow)
It almost doesn't seem fair to make fun of this, especially when considered against names like "Princess Tiaamii" and "Audio Science." But still. Fruit? Fruit just isn't creative. Vegetables, on the other hand . . . "Zucchini" would be a kinda cute name.
14. Calico (Alice Cooper)
I had a cat named "Calico" once. It got really fat and then it died.
Sylvester Stallone with Sophia Rose, Sistine and Scarlet, sisters to sons Sage and Seargeoh.
15-16. Denim and Diezel Ky (Toni Braxton)
"Polyester," "Suede" and "Poly-Blend" aren't good names for children; neither is Denim. As for Diezel — seriously? You want to name your kid after fossil fuels?
17-18. Seargeoh and Sage Moonblood (Sylvester Stallone)
"Seargeoh" looks like somebody coughed on the birth certificate. "Sage" is a beautiful name. "Sage Moonblood?" Sounds like the kind of "natural" feminine hygiene product that's sold in stores that also deal hemp and patchouli.
19. Jermajesty (Jermaine Jackson)
Gwyneth Paltrow with Apple and Moses.
Bad puns and awkward plays on language really should just be avoided at all costs. "Jermajesty" sounds like the name of a really bad self-produced hip-hop album.
20-21. Hud and Spec Wildhorse (John Cougar Mellencamp and Elaine Irwin)
HUD is the acronym for the Department of Housing and Urban Development. Also, Humanoid Underground Dwellers. And, yes, the name of a character played by Paul Newman. But aren't people mostly going to think of the first two? And "Spec" — short for "Special"? "Spectator"? "Speculum"?
22.Pirate (Korn frontman Jonathan Davis and porn-star wife Deven)
There's probably no better way to guarantee that your child become an accountant than to name him "Pirate."
23-25. Rebel, Racer and Rogue (Robert Rodriguez)
Suggested names for Robert Rodriguez's next child: "Rapscallion.""Rabble-Rouser." "Racketteer." "Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robot."
©2008 Babble
About the Author
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Catherine Connors aka Her Bad Mother is a writer and mother in Toronto, Canada. She can usually be found blogging at Her Bad Mother, where she tries to convince herself and anyone who will listen that Bad is, in fact, the new Good |
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