Babble

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Baby Squared

With a capital "T" that rhymes with "E"

...and stands for Elsa. Although really, Friday morning's calamity was more my fault than hers. A little scene setting: our downstairs is now partitioned by three hinged safety gates, allowing us to confine the girls (but really just Elsa, since Clio stays put) to either the kitchen or to the living / dining room. First thing in the morning, we usually all hang out in the kitchen, so Alastair and/or I can make our coffee, eat our breakfast, not read The New Yorker, etc. The cat and her food dish go on the other side of the gate, safe from the marauding Elsa.

 

It was just me and the gals on Friday, and after I'd had my raisin bran and poured myself a cup of coffee, we moved operations into the living room. I was sitting on the floor with Clio, looking at some "touch me, pet me, scratch me!"-type books while Elsa slalom-crawled around the chairs and table legs of the dining room table nearby. Clio was having a great time touching the fuzzy yellow chicks, stroking the smooth velvety horse, etc., but I was getting bored -- enough with the farm animals already -- and wanted some new material. I was pretty sure we had some more Touch and Feel books upstairs in the nursery (Touch and Feel Home, Touch and Feel Seasons, Touch and Feel Chemical Manufacturing Plant, etc.) so I ran upstairs to get them. Clio, I knew, would stay put, Elsa was under her high chair eating fallen Cheerios off the floor, and the whole room is pretty much baby-proofed, so I figured all was well.

 

And it would have been, except that I'd forgotten to move the cat food back into the kitchen. So when I got back downstairs with the books, Elsa was sitting in a puddle of water (from the cat's overturned water dish) shoving fistfuls of cat food into her mouth. Yes, for all my hemming and hawing about whether or not to feed the girls meat, there was Elsa, happily downing horse entrails and veal by-products and fish eyeballs and whatever else it is that goes into cat food. (Alastair, later: "Do we have to give her cat food four days in a row now to make sure she's not allergic?")

 

After getting what bits of cat food I could out of Elsa's mouth (to her great disappointment), I scooped her up and brought her over to the other side of the room near Clio, shoved a book (Touch and Feel Auto Body Shop, I think....) into her hands, and went into the kitchen for towels to clean up the water and cat food. I got back just in time to see Elsa standing up at the coffee table, knocking over my coffee mug, and spilling (fortunately only tepid) coffee all over the table, the floor, the rug and herself.

 

That was when Clio, who is developing an excellent sense of comic timing, hit the trombone button on their Leapfrog Music table: "Wa wa waahhhh..."

 

Why is it I get the feeling there are going to be more and more mornings like these?


Comments

 

nancyt said:

My almost-8-month-old son disappeared for 10 seconds...I literally thought he had gone one direction, and when I looked for him, he was GONE...he had headed in the opposite way, out of sight. By the time I caught sight of him, he had decided to pull up on a lamp, which had tipped over. No broken lamp--thank you, cheap plastics from Target!--and no broken baby--he'd fallen on carpet, no big deal. It was just another reminder that they are literally not safe at all for one single one-one-thousand second alone. It's really hard to retrain our minds to stick them in that Pack-n-Play or Jumperoo or wherever they'll be safe (and likely screaming) while we run to pee or tend to whatever. Enough times of having the s*** scared out of me will do it, though. Mobile babies are insane.

September 24, 2007 2:58 PM
 

Cara said:

And it has only just begun... just wait til they are both moving!!!! I am fortunate to have a 2.5 year old that tattles on the 10 month old whenever she tries to escape, climb stairs, pull up on the TV etc etc etc.

September 24, 2007 3:31 PM
 

winecat said:

Alastair, so funny!

September 24, 2007 3:58 PM
 

Eva said:

Okay, it sounds a bit traumatic, but you did have me laughing out loud, and I made my husband listen (by the way, his response was, "that's really good writing, that's not your regular blogger..." Should I be offended?). Even though we have one relatively childproofed room, I still am fearful to leave for a second as every day they're taller, stronger, and more crafty.

September 24, 2007 8:54 PM
 

betsy said:

How on earth do you do it? I couldn't help having a flashback when you spoke of your little one heading for the coffee table. I was not so lucky with this scenario (the coffee (tea) was still very hot) and thought I would share for the sake of education.

www.babycenter.com/0_babes-in-the-woods-week-6-wednesdays-child_1507909.bc

September 24, 2007 9:37 PM
 

Bridget said:

Please tell me it was kitty kibble and not wet food. I dread the day when our little guy gets mobile.

September 24, 2007 9:53 PM
 

Roper said:

Betsy -- thanks for the link. Reading your story about Isla's accident brought me to tears. It so easily could have been the same scenario for us, but for luck. I'm glad she (and you!) have made a good recovery.    

Bridget -- yes, fortunately it was (mostly) dry cat food. We put a little bit of canned food on top but I think the cat had eaten most of that off already.

September 25, 2007 9:09 AM
 

churlita said:

That's a great bit. You're girls should take it on the road.

September 25, 2007 10:45 AM
 

mary said:

oh my you had me laughing out loud tonight and I needed it.  My 9 month old twins are both mobile now, and tonight I had one falling into the coffee table and cutting his lip while the other teetered precariously and screamed on the edge of the tv stand.  I didn't know where to turn first!  My heart was beating out of my chest and I broke into a cold sweat!  Luckily the mouth full of blood was just a little split lip and the other was screaming just for fun.  This is when I think I need to go buy another pair of eyes for the back of my head, I'll have to ask my mother where she got hers :)

September 25, 2007 8:52 PM
 

Melissa said:

My nephew ate cat food on my watch, years ago when I was 15.  He was a bit older than your girls-about 16 months-when it happened.  He just crawled over when I wasn't looking and the next thing you know, CRUNCH.  I think the little kibbles are just attractive to babies.  To them, kibble, Cheerios, what's the difference?  My nephew is 27 now and that's one of my favorite stories to tell him.

September 25, 2007 10:03 PM
 

Heide said:

I feel like you were spying through my window at me and my daughter and just wrote all about it!  The water bowl, the cat food, the coffee mug, everything...  And then when I start to feel guilty about it, I remember that our parents had NO baby-proofing, basically let us ride around on the hood of the car and gave us shards of glass and rusty nails to play with, so screw it.  Every day that my daughter does not have tetenus or broken bones is a resounding success!

September 26, 2007 10:22 AM
 

mama de marlie said:

laugh! out! loud!

September 26, 2007 1:17 PM
 

Lori said:

Mmmmmmmm.  Fish eyeballs.

This was the funniest part to me:  "...not read The New Yorker."

I've not read a lot of books lately!

September 28, 2007 11:19 PM
 

jeanne said:

I linked over from the twinkies and also read the entire post to my husband (who just informed one of my two girls that "your sister is not food")Thanks for the laugh!

September 29, 2007 10:35 AM
 

Amy (Tulip and Turnip) said:

Found your site by way of Stacie at The Twinkies.  Adorable!  Sounds a bit like my mornings these days, although my twinnies aren't as mobile...yet.

September 30, 2007 9:57 AM
 

Trish said:

Yes, it is very funny what mischief two can do in the space of seconds - mobility is the biggest challenge when they hit 1.It is hard not to laugh out loud when it happens every day to some of us - albeit slightly differently.

I had one of my twin sons knock  a cup of tea over (thank fully just the floor) but it was on a chest beside the lounge where I thought it was out of his reach.Then again when you can now climb and stand on the lounge and lean over the side - nothing is safe.

I will be more careful now I read Betsy's post too.

I found you thru Stacie's Twinkies site too.  

October 1, 2007 8:54 AM
 

cat food » With a capital "T" that rhymes with "E" said:

Pingback from  cat food » With a capital "T" that rhymes with "E"

October 10, 2007 2:25 AM
 

cat food » With a capital "T" that rhymes with "E" said:

Pingback from  cat food » With a capital "T" that rhymes with "E"

October 11, 2007 8:08 AM
 

cat food » With a capital "T" that rhymes with "E" said:

Pingback from  cat food » With a capital "T" that rhymes with "E"

October 11, 2007 8:08 AM
 

Baby Squared said:

So, I've figured out one way to keep cranky babies eating instead of crying during feeding: give

November 2, 2007 7:40 PM

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About Roper

I'm an advertising copywriter, wannabe novelist, mother of twins, musician's wife, bleeding heart and wiseass.

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Jane Roper

Jane Roper in Boston

One baby? Piece of cake. Try two. This working mother gives you the inside scoop on the ultimate in extreme parenting: twins.

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