Over the past week, Clio has suddenly started using two-word phrases left and right. Things like "More milk," "Clio's shoes," and "You betcha." (Just kiddin' about that last one, folks! *wink*).
One of the more interesting phrases is "not nice." It first surfaced (to my knowledge) last Thursday night when my friend Megan and her 17-month-old daughter, Marlie, were over for a pre-VP debate play-date. Marlie made an attempt to sit in Clio's little easy chair, and Clio waved her hand at her and said, quite sternly, what sounded like, "Nah Nye!" It was Megan who figured out what it meant.
It blew me away, and yet it made perfect sense -- we use the phrase all the time, when the girls steal each other's toys, food, etc. or misbehave on their own. "That's not nice to take your sister's graham cracker." "It's not nice to throw your broccoli on the floor and laugh maniacally." etc. I was so impressed with Clio that it didn't occur to me to tell her that it was also "not nice" for her not to let Marlie sit in her chair. (Not that it would have done any good.)
Anyway, Clio has said "not nice," a number of times since, when Elsa has gotten in her way or taken something from her. I have to say, it's really quite a clever tactic. (Or is it a strategy?) Instead of a more predictable and id-like "mine," or "No" she appeals to the perpetrator's sense of morality. It's not nice to take my graham cracker. It's not nice to sit down on the ladder to the slide so I can't get past you. It's not nice to try to grab the truck back from me after I take it from you.
Is this some sort of social developmental milestone? The fact that she's saying something about other people's behavior and how it affects her, rather than just doing or saying what she wants? Maybe it's not as nuanced as that. Maybe in her little round brain, "Not nice" is just another, longer way to say "no" or "me." Still, it's quite cute, and I can't help being amused.
On the other hand, it is just the latest development in a new sense of territorialness (is that a word?) that seems to be growing in both of the girls. Suddenly, it seems like a much larger part of my job as a parent is playing referee. I'm constantly trying to get two toddlers who are too young to fully understand the concept of sharing to do just that. And it can be a drag.
Not that the girls never play well together; they often do. Sometimes they even listen when I tell one of them to give something back to the other, or move over and make room -- mama's lap is big enough for two. But more often than not, when one of them is in a sharing mood, the other one isn't. On particularly cranky and contentious days, I find myself envying my friends with just one toddler this age -- friends who don't have to be constantly negotiating and mediating and problem solving; who can, say, give their kid an empty toilet paper roll to play with while they do the dishes without then having to run out to the porch and dig frantically through the recycling bin to find another one before a total meltdown occurs. And then the meltdown happens anyway because one kid hogs both toilet paper rolls. Or one of them decides that in spite of the fact that the rolls are EXACTLY the same, the one their sister has is clearly superior, and they must have it instead.
I get tired of having to satisfy two often conflicting sets of absurd toddler needs at once. I get tired of hearing myself tell them to share / be nice / give it back / give her a turn / etc. (I sound like such a mother, for God's sake). I get annoyed at myself for not being more fair and firm and consistent in how I deal with their little tussles. And I feel guilty for the times when I am not able to maintain my patience and perspective and find myself thinking, "Jeez, [Elsa / Clio] is really being an asshole." When, of course, all she's doing is being a toddler.
