As you may have seen, both Clio and Elsa enjoy wearing my hats and shoes. Not to mention their father's. They like wearing play necklaces and bracelets, too, and usually like having barettes and rubber bands in their hair. But Elsa seems to be developing an affinity for another sort of personal grooming items: things she can put on her face and hands. As in creams, lotion, soap, etc. She has watched me put make-up on in the morning before work, and wants a foam pad so she can "put it on Elsa face!" too. She sees me put on lipstick / chapstick, and wants to "put on Elsa mouth!" I let her, a little. (Clean foam pad; chapstick, not lipstick.)
I should mention, at this point, that I think I am relatively low-maintenance when it comes to my personal grooming routine. Yes, I do wear make-up most days, because my eyes all but disappear from my face when I don't. And in the past couple of years, I've started wearing light foundation sometimes to even out my skin tone. I put moisturizer on my face before bed -- whatever happened to be on sale at CVS when I needed more. But that's pretty much it. I wash my hair, like, twice a week. I almost never wear nail polish, because it makes me feel like my fingernails are suffocating, and I just chip it off within a couple of hours anyway. I do like toenail polish and the occasional pedicure in the summer, but this is a new-ish development, as is getting my hair professionally colored. (OK, I guess I've become a little more high maintenance with age.)
Still, I grew up with a fairly non-girly mom as a role model -- a very naturally beautiful mom, but one who was never overly focused on clothes, make-up, etc. I like that. And I like the fact that I wasn't allowed to get my ears pierced or wear so much as lip gloss until I was twelve. I like that clothes and hair and shoes weren't big priorities for me as a kid or a teenager. (God, I was a terrible dresser as a teenager! My teen years spanned 1987-1993, so I sort of had an excuse, but still.) Sure, there were times when I was jealous of my more "advanced" and fashion-forward peers. But in retrospect, I'm glad I was brought up in a fairly non-materialistic, non-appearance-obsessed household. Naturally, I want Elsa and Clio to have more or less the same values.
So is it wrong that I put nail polish on Elsa yesterday?
I'm not sure what possessed me. She got into this box of old make-up and jewelry and stuff on my bureau, and pulled out a bottle of cheapo nail polish. And because toddlers (mine, anyway) seem to have an innate sense of what can be opened, she started asking for me to open it. I could have said no, this is mommy's, we're putting it away now, and dealt with the sure-to-ensue whining. But for whatever reason -- curiosity? boredom? a need for some cuteness? -- I thought: what the hell. I opened the bottle and painted the nail of my index finger, held it up all sparkly pink for her to see, and then asked her if she wanted me to make her fingernails look pretty, too.
Blech! Puke! Gross! I actually said that! "Should mommy make your fingernails look pretty?" As if some cheap-ass, craptastic frosted pink nail polish would actually make her nails look "pretty." As if they weren't pretty the way they were. But the thing is, I knew she would love it. And she did. She happily held out one finger to be painted -- beamed at it, exclaimed "so pretty!" -- and then dutifully held out her hands for me to finish the job. It was fun to see how delighted she was. (I offered to do Clio's nails, too, but she was totally not interested.)
When all was done, though, and I looked at Elsa's little shiny-pink painted nails, I felt slightly guilty, as if I'd desecrated something pure. I didn't feel like I was some psycho toddler-beauty-pageant mom, mind you. But it made me wonder: is this particular kind of "grown-up" play a good idea? Should I hide my girly habits (make up, nail polish, the curling iron, etc.) from my girls so they don't feel the need to emulate them prematurely? Or is this kind of imitative play more or less harmless, provided it's balanced with lots of other stuff -- getting dirty, making things, reading, etc.? I wonder at what point, if any, it starts to send the wrong message. Or if it's one of those things that's not a big deal -- where nature will inevitably overpower nurture. If Elsa is destined to be a girly-girl, she'll be one. If not, she won't. (Or maybe she'll gradually become moreso, as I have.) In any case, it's what's on the inside that counts, right?
