Please, won't you come in? Right this way to your table. It's a little bit sticky; the last patrons were eating canteloupe, and we didn't have time to wipe it off. Oops, look out. There's some peanut butter on your chair. Here, let me take care of that for you. Please, sit down. But feel free to get up and attempt to run out of the room whenever you feel like. Or ask to be picked up. The rest rooms? Oh, sorry, we don't have those yet. But here's a diaper. Enjoy. And can I put on your bib for you? No bib? That's fine, please, feel free to tear it off and throw it on the floor. Not a problem.
Now, I'd like to tell you about some specials we have tonight: There's some delicious leftover chicken from the grown-ups' dinner last night, served with a nice salad, and some lovely wild rice. We also have some of the macaroni and cheese you didn't eat at lunch, which the chef tells me is perfectly good once it's heated up, with a little butter in it -- No? Not interested in the specials? Of course not, I didn't think so. Between you and me, I'd stick to the menu. All of our most popular items are here, and really, they never get old.
Here you go, and let me know if I can answer any questions. Can I bring you some milk while you wait? Yes, of course, in the blue cup with the green lid. I wouldn't dream of doing otherwise.
Le Menu (Lunch and Dinner)
Les starches:
Macaroni and Cheese (made fresh to order, never left over)
Whole wheat bread with butter (spread all the way to the edges), cold or toasted
Pasta with olive oil or tomato sauce (served "wit cheese on it!! No, more cheese!!")
Sweet corn (on or off the cob)
Bagel bread with butter or cream cheese
Pizza crust (served with sauce, cheese and other toppings to be picked off / spit out)
Tater Tots (with Ketchup). Limit one order per customer per week, Chef's orders
Les Sandwiches (served on wheat bread, with side of one baby carrot)
Peanut butter and jelly
Hummus on pita wedges
Grilled cheese
Turkey and cheese (turkey and cheese optional)
Les Proteins
Hot dog, cut or "a big one"
Turkey meatballs
Veggie burger or Chik'n burger, with "lots of ketchup"
Scrambled eggs
Les Vegetables
Broccoli (One floret)
Peas (You just have to eat five. OK, four.)
Green beans (two)
Cherry tomatoes
Have you decided yet? The fresh macaroni and cheese and a hot dog cut up. Excellent choice. Can I get you a vegetable with that? No? That's fine, just be forewarned: the chef may put a little broccoli on your plate. But please feel free to take it off and put it on the table. Or on the floor, if no one's looking. I won't tell. And one Fig Newton in a bowl, you said? Well, normally we don't serve dessert until after you've had your entree, but I'll ask the chef and see what she says. She always says no, but no harm in asking, repeatedly. Maybe this will be the night she changes her mind, right? I'll be back in a few minutes with your food. No, of course you don't have to stay seated. Feel free to get up and pester the chef while she's cooking. She loves that.
Six minutes later
Ah, I see you've finished your meal -- and, my goodness, you ate more than half of the food on your plate! You must have been starving! Very good. Now, can I interest you in dessert? You can have that Fig Newton you requested, or a popsicle, and we also have a variety of fresh fruits, yogurt....I'm sorry, you want all of them? Well, normally we ask that our patrons choose one dessert, but you know what? I'll talk to the chef and see what I can do. She's had a long day, and I think I might be able to wear her down. I'll just turn on the tears and the whining, maybe throw a low-grade tantrum, ha ha ha -- yeah, you know what I'm talking about don't you? Ha ha! All right. I'll be right back....Fingers crossed!
