Baby Squared

My daughter was scared of pooping on the potty, too, and eventually, we just stopped talking about it, and played it totally low-key - if she pooped on the potty, that's cool! We'd give her a tootsie roll if she asked for one after that, which is our standard "treat." And if she pooped in her pull-up, oops, but no big deal (although I would add some banter about how wearing poopy pants wasn't very healthy and didn't feel good). And just didn't let it be the big drama that it actually was. It's not doing anything, it's like the anti approach. But especially since she obviously knows how to hold it and all that, making her go or making a big deal out of it (either way) only made it worse for us. Anti-attention.

You're so funny, but that's not, so I should not laugh, sorry (poor, sweet, girl). Also a bit uncanny because my friend Melissa, who also comments here, told me this very morning that her son Michael was scared of poop too!

I have no wise words, except yeah, maybe just let it go for a while? Like you said, it won't last forever, she will do it eventually... Putting a lot of emphasis on it right now could be too much pressure?

i thought of the "everyone poops" book as soon as i started reading this.

(everyBODY poops is a different book. i'm not sure which one you mean? i believe "everyone poops" is the more popular one.)

i know several families who have used the power of books to get through potty training.

"it hurts when i poop!" (about a boy afraid to use the potty too!),

"where's the poop?",

"even firefighters go to the potty"

"have you seen my potty?"

etc etc, there are many books out there.

GOOD LUCK!

We have experienced regression on the potty issue. Cooper used to do at least pee twice a day on the potty, now he has no interest in it at all. We have stopped pushing the issue and will try again in awhile. But he likes the Elmo Potty video.

Marie Eve is right, Michael is also afraid of poop.  I don't really know what it's all about.  He is doing the standard toddler thing of casually walking away to quietly poop in an unpopulated part of the room.  Then he announces that he's pooped.  But when it's time to take off the offending garment, he's very stressed about the whole thing.  If I try to put him on the potty he's stressed about that too. I think it's a phase.  I'm taking Jessica's approach. Easy breezy, it's no big deal (all the while cringing and cursing inside).

We started our girl kind of young, she was potty trained by 2, so we probably had to use more tricks  than necessary.  A couple of things, we gave her a lollipop, but she had to sit on the potty while she ate it. After the first poo or two, she started to get the hang of it and then would get an m&m for #1 and two m&m's for #2. This only went on for about a month, then it was old hat, and it was an easy transition from getting treats for going potty, and just going potty because that's what you do. Good luck. No matter how it happens, once she goes poo in the potty a couple of times, it'll start to happen naturally. I completely acknowledge candy as a reward is probably not the best idea. But I was pregnant and did not want two in diapers, and had to do what I had to do. Hope this  helps.

I've heard that some children are afraid to poop in the potty because they see poop as a part of their body and letting it go into the toilet can be scary. I had a child like this in school once (though also with control issues). I'd love to hear if you find a good way to deal with this problem, but waiting it out with support and consistency is the best I can come up with.

My oldest did not want to poop in the potty either. We used a sticker chart for potty training and it worked really well with peeing, but he would not poop in the toilet.  The bribe that worked for us was temporary tattoos.  If he went poop in the potty, he got a temporary tattoo.

With our youngest, he started pooping in the toilet right at about age 2.  He has had a problem with stopping what he's doing to bother to go to pee in the toilet - go figure.

Good Luck!

M&Ms.  'nuff said. :)

My son's biggest fear is hair-washing.  I was hoping and hoping that it was just a phase, but it's a pretty darned long phase now (at least a year or more).  I don't know how to get him past it.  So if you figure this one out...

Maybe I should try more M&Ms.

Patty - we had a major hair washing problem, too.  My daughter used to scream and cry and whine and push my hands away when we tried to wash her hair.  We used a sticker chart for awhile and that worked - if she got a whole row of stickers, she got a treat from the bakery.  When she filled the whole chart, she got a new book.  It worked!

I have no advice on the pooping problem - we used lollipops when she pooped but she never really had much of an issue.

I read the "Once Upon a Potty" boy version to my boys and they seem to really like it.  They have a girl version. It talks about body parts and is cute and about

pottying.  Been around since the 70s and still popular.

I have read that some kids have a hard time pooping while sitting down on the potty because they get so used to squatting and have a hard time pushing it out.  I heard that putting a stepstool underneath their feet and telling them to push down on the stepstool with their feet while pushing out their poop might help.  Didn't she used to have trouble pooping in her diaper awhile back?  Could be her problem?  

Poor little sweetie, it sounds like it is kinda stressful for her and you guys.  :(  Hope you figure it out soon.

We are in the same boat over here, Jane!   My daughter is mostly keeping her big girl underwear dry all day (and even her pull ups dry most nights) - except for poop.   She is really scared of it, and doesn't want to even stay there long enough to try to push it out.   She has been asking for a 'princess violin' for a while now...and I *finally* found one, so her pooping on the potty incentive was created.   I keep reminding her about it, and she actually was devastated tonight when she found the princess violin in our house, but couldn't have it yet.   (She whipped off all her clothes, ran to the potty and peed right away then said "Can I have my princess violin now, mommy?   Say ok.  Please mommy.  Say ok."  :(  I almost gave in... it really broke my heart to hold firm, but I did, for now.   I may just back off for a while like some of your other readers suggested.   I go back and forth on what to do multiple times throughout the day.   I know I have nothing helpful or encouraging to add, but wanted to share that you are not alone in this.

For Patty!

I just need to tell you that we had a horrendous time with hairwashing for a couple of years and then (like so many other things) it suddenly stopped.

It took a long time and now I look back and wonder if there might have been a physiological reason for this (my son does have acute adenoidal hyperplasia). Alternatively, he now attends swimming lessons regularly so he may have simply overcome his aversion to putting his head (ears?) underwater.

Anyway, he's five now and he washes his hair happily. I felt compelled to tell you that this too will pass.

We took the same route as Jessica, backing waaayyy off on the poop thing.  I read somewhere that toileting is a HUGE control thing for toddlers (understandably!).  They're still mastering their bodies, and withholding poop is a way to maintain some control over the process and their bodies.  Backing off and letting them exert the control they feel is necessary allows them to come to the potty on their terms.  We tried some variant of everything you listed (maybe not the potty wizard), for weeks, and there was so much resistance, but when we laid off the pressure, it took maybe 4 or 5 days before she went poop on the potty by herself.

Good luck!

We pretty much did the "stay on the potty until you go" thing.  Sorry, kid.  He was always so obvious when he went that one day Hubby stuck him on the potty and after that he was poop potty trained (he did it backwards - the pee thing took longer).

That said, although there were some tears and many many books read, once he'd done it once or twice that's what he wanted to do.

M&M's were involved.

This is a bit strange but my friend told her son that when the poop gets flushed it goes down to the poop party(which is not such a lovely image). This was the magic phrase that worked. I know, I know; the things we do as parents!

My oldest daughter was so stubborn and so cautious, that the bigger deal we made of it, the less willing she was to try. I finally just stopped bugging her about it and she did it on her own time with way less stress for all of us.

I just remembered a friend's technique that worked for her daughter (although I must admit I found it bizarre and a bit gross).  Her daughter had trouble transitioning to the potty and they figured it was because she had always pooped standing up when she wore a diaper and that sitting was the problem.  So, they laid newspapers on the floor in the bathroom and let her poop standing up.  Then they slowly transitioned to squatting, and then to sitting on the small potty, and then to the toilet.  It sounds gross and it seems a little like treating your child like a puppy, but apparently it worked for her daughter.  The things people do!

We had very similar trouble with our son. I HIGHLY recommend It Hurts When I Poop: www.amazon.com/.../ref=sr_1_1 and my son also loves Where's the Poop which you already know about. I have been dead set against using rewards in all aspects of parenting but we did end up resorting to rewards for pooping on the potty since he was so scared. I felt awful bribing him to poop when he was so scared but our experience ended up positive. He learned to poop on the potty within just a few days of this and all the struggles with constipation/impaction/Miralax etc. went away as soon as he learned to poop on the potty (actually toilet with a topper w/feet on a stool). We pulled out all the stops and gave him nice  (small and relatively cheap) toys as surprises but not just little stickers or candies and this seemed to motivate him and he doesn't seem scarred by the experience. I know not everyone feels comfortable doing rewards but it worked out for us since he was so scared. Good luck with this!!

We had "Do Pigs Flush?" and the kids liked it.  My daughter also took a long time to get comfortable pooping on the potty and still has some issues (over a year later).  Wish I'd known about "It Hurts When I Poop."  Have you tried talking to her about what she might not like about pooping on the potty?  Sometimes, when I talk about what I don't like about a certain thing, my kids open up and tell me what is bothering them.  Maybe like, "Sometimes it feels funny to have all that air on my bottom."  Or, "I remember when I was little, I felt like I might fall in."  Maybe she's afraid of the water splashing or just something like that that takes getting used to.  It must be pretty weird to have your ass hanging out when you're used to having it covered ALL of the time.  I also agree with not making a big deal of it, either way.  It will pass.  (Haha, pun not intended).

I may have recommended it here before but I highly recommend "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk."  Your girls are probably just starting to get to the age where the skills will be useful, even for what Elsa is going through now.

Good luck, Jane!

poop?. .. we are having anger management issues here (throwing stuff...big stuff ..at her twin and at ME!- fortunately not poop)...man,   I wish poop was  her problem!  Doing poop in the potty/toilet...wow it is such a big deal and then all of a suden, it isn't. The poop talk will continue for a while longer. Mine are kind of proud to go to do poos..and rather insistent that they wipe themselves (and that has numerous sub- optimal scenarios). Then there is the privacy/company debate (ie twin A does/does not want twin B in the bathroom with her)..and the locking of the bathroom doors (them inside and us outside). So whilst you ride out this current set back I give you the heads up to be prepared to handle the next set of challenges (and then they start lying about washing their hands...did you get that ...LYING!!!! . OMG oh and whilst I think of it..those flushable kid bottom wipes and foam soap -Kidmo???  they are fine to use as an incentive to cleanliness but avoid the pink foam...ugh, what a mess.

I sent Nikita and Trinity- "house trashers united" out with their daddy. mummy needs a break but I am thinking pretzel making this afternoon- thanks!.

Nutterbutter - If your kids lie about washing their hands, pretend that you just LOVE the smell of clean hands/hand soap and ask to smell them after they're supposed to have washed their hands (and when you do it, roll your eyes back as if you're in heaven).  I saw a mom do this once and took it up.  Now, after they wash their hands, my kids always ask me to smell them because they know how much I supposedly love the smell.  If I ask to smell them and they didn't wash their hands they know I will catch them in a lie so they go back to wash them on their own.

For my son it took a very log time before he worked out how to poo in the toilet - so long that we'd moved way on from the potty by the time we got there.  Like you we had a shopping list of everything that we tried and we found in the end (and this is like 18 months, so brace yourself for the long haul) that not talking about it at all got us there.  

We insisted that he sit on the toilet after every meal, even if it were just for a few seconds and after a while we got into a routine that it worked after breakfast so that is just part of our morning routine now.  Clean teeth, sit on loo and those magic words 'it worked!'

Try not to get cross, don't take it personally and trust that you'll get there in the end.  Oh and just throw the dirty pants away - life was much happier once I started doing that.  Good luck.

I'm going to add my support to the back-off approach. My eldest took over a year to poop on the toilet, with many many soiled underpants in the process. He was over 4 by the time he was fully toilet trained and it nearly drove me INSANE. But the more pressure I put on him, the more the bribes and rewards that piled up but were not given, the more irritated I was, the worse things got.

So eventually, I just said fine, do what you want (which ended up being that he would put on pull ups to poop, but otherwise be in underpants) and stopped with ALL comments about what I'd like him to do... and finally after a few more months he decided he wanted to try the toilet. He too was scared, but "how to talk to kids" gave me the idea of letting him talk about his fantasy that he could always use pull ups (whereas before I'd say, no you don't, you're too big, etc)... I don't know if it was really this that did the trick but that was the first time he pooped on the toilet, and after that he was fine "because I knowed I could do it". And suddenly, the whole thing was over and poop was a complete non issue.

Just to say though, I found it very hard to say nothing, which was not helped by a lot of pressure from my mother about how old my son was, and how it was disgusting I still had to clean his bottom, etc  - but it really was the best thing, for both him and my sanity.

Also to say... during the whole process my husband and I wondered where we went wrong, and what exactly our parents' generation did to have all kids toilet trained by 2. We never got a helpful answer.

poop-ku for annie

What is this I smell?

Pull-ups bursting with fresh poop -

no one hears your screams.

(my apologies to Peter Rothman's "blue screen of death" haiku)

"I mean, I know she won't be in college or at her wedding, holding it in all day because she's too scared to go. But I do worry that it may take a while for her to get beyond this...."

Actually, I wouldn't be too sure. I know a few grown men who do exactly this - refuse to go anywhere except predetermined safety areas, and then only if certain preexisting conditions are satisfied. I know others who sit down in the most grotesque places imaginable without a second thought. Everyone has their chosen stall; sort of a safety spot for pooping. So here is what I would try, and I admit it may be a little unorthodox.

If she doesnt already have one, I would get Elsa her very own, customized and personalized potty chair. I would put it (if at all possible) in her own bathroom. (If not, somewhere not to close to the regular toilet.) I would put some of her books next to it, and I would tell her how great, safe, and comfortable it all was, and how I wished I could use it, but of course, that I couldn't, because it was hers. Then, I'd say "Wow, that is really a great potty. You are really lucky." Then I would turn around and walk away and pretend the whole issue didn't exist until she felt the need to bring it up again.

Slaked - father of twins aged 2 years (still in diapers)

My MIL told me once about a girl she babysat who had this same issue. My MIL drew a picture for her of a little girl whose digestive tract you could see. Here's her throat, here's her stomach, here's the tube that leads from her stomach to her bottom. She explained to the girl that when you eat food, it goes down through here, and goes into the stomach, etc.  And then when the body is all done with the food, it comes out as poop!  And apparently the little girl said, "Ooooohhhhhh."  She had not understood this at all before.  Perhaps she thought she was pooping out her insides instead of food (???)  Anyway, this totally worked.  I think they used the drawing as a prop for later poops and talked about the stuff moving through the body.

Good point, Emily - this book is also helpful in those circumstances (for those less artistically inclined than your MIL):

www.amazon.com/.../0794506437

Thank you, Rachel and Voice of Reason, for your hair-washing encouragement.  For now, we're going the once a week whether you need it or not route... at least there's only a fight once a week.  For face washing, baking soda instead of soap seems to help (he hates when soap gets in his eyes, nose, mouth, ears, etc.).

We also used special prizes (Thomas train cars) for his first potty poops.  Since there were only three of them available, after than we moved to chocolate -- though he still really wants more "special train cars!"

have you made an effort for elsa to be in the bathroom when clio or one of you poops? to see that its not big deal, wave byebye, maybe even see someone else get a treat (i have consumed MANY potty treats in my time, i tell myself its helpful but its probably mostly my love of sweets).

maybe after she sees that its not a big deal for others, she will be sufficiently enticed to try it.