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  • In which I poison my daughter

    Don't worry; this isn't the sequel to my last post about how having two toddlers is running me ragged. What happened this morning was purely accidental, and fortunately relatively benign. But it was a good example of how toddlers manage to find hazards you'd never even considered before.

     

    It was after I'd given the girls breakfast, and we were all hanging out in the kitchen -- the ladies playing with their rubber balls, me cleaning up. I opened the dishwasher to empty it and noticed that the hinge was catching and squeaking in a weird way. I ducked into the bathroom, where I was pretty sure we had one of the ten-thousand cans of WD-40 that "Santa" puts in my Christmas stocking when we spend the holidays at my parents' house. (Along with windshield de-icer, batteries, and usually a pair of nail clippers. When did Santa get so damned practical?)

     

    Ironically, as I was looking for the WD-40, the thought I had was "hm, I wonder if maybe I shouldn't use WD-40 with the girls around," thinking they could somehow get it on their hands and into their mouths. But I realized this was silly, because they really wouldn't be able to get at the hinges of the dishwasher door. But I was pleased with myself for being so conscientious.

     

    Until I came out of the bathroom, and saw Elsa poking at her tongue, making a "yuck" face and whimpering slightly. Her wrist had some kind of white gunk on it, and I thought at first that she'd spit up. (Not a common occurence these days, but it could happen.) I quickly realized that whatever was on her hand and in her mouth smelled far too springtime-fresh to be spit-up. Then I saw the open dishwasher door (bad mommy!), and the residue of the liquid detergent left behind in the detergent holder, scored with little finger marks. It was like some badly edited film: shot of mother examining child's mouth and hands. Cut to dishwasher. Zoom in to detergent cup. Back to child. Shot of mother's eyes gone wide. High-pitched, panicked violin music up.

     

    I grabbed a washcloth, soaked it, and rubbed it around in Elsa's mouth, which she tolerated quite patiently, then gave her some water to drink, and decided that this really wasn't so bad. She'd probably only gotten a tiny bit of detergent in her mouth, and swallowed little, if any. Hell, parents used to wash their kids' mouths out with soap for swearing, right? And this was dish soap; you put it on things that go into your mouth. How toxic could it be?

     

    But I thought to be safe, I should read the back of the detergent bottle. It said: If product is swallowed or gets in mouth, rinse mouth out (check!) give glassful of water or milk (check!), and contact poison control or doctor immediately. Um...shit. OK!

     

    Until this point in my life, "Poison Control" had always just been a number on a refrigerator magnet, or a sticker on the phone. I didn't think anyone actually ever called it. As I dialed (I found the number on a refrigerator magnet whose origin utterly escapes me) I half expected to get a recording saying the number was no longer in service and hadn't been since 1989. But sure enough, a nice woman answered, I told her about my little situation, and she said I'd done exactly what I should have, and there was nothing else to do. "Just keep an eye on her for the next fifteen minutes," she said. "If she vomits, she'll do it in that timeframe."

     

    About ten minutes after I'd hung up the phone, as if on cue, Elsa had a teeny, tiny little puke on the kitchen floor. She barely seemed to notice it had happened, and just went along her merry way.

     

    Phew.

     

    What a way to start the weekend, eh?

     


  • The Great Leaps Forward

    It's funny how babies--ours, anyway--seem to make advances in fits and starts. They'll be hanging out on a little developmental plateau for weeks, not doing anything terribly new or exciting, and then all of a sudden, wham! They're a completely different baby.

     

    Take Elsa. Please! (Thank you very much; I'll be here all week.) All of a sudden, she's a babbler. No longer content to gurgle and goo and squeal (oh boy, can that girl squeal), she's started staging long, loud, monosyllabic filibusters: "Buh buh buh ga bah ah ah bah ga ga guh guh da da ba da ba ga ah guh guh buh buh!" And then there's her special pacifier sound, a funny, nasal little speech she makes when she's in her crib with her pacifier in her mouth, which makes her sound like a cross between Popeye and an old Yiddish man: "Goy goy goy goy goy!"

     

    What's even more impressive, though, is how crazily mobile she has become. In the past week, she's gone from slow, casual creeping to seriously intentional, commando-style scooting and proto-crawling -- always in the direction of electrical cords, naturally. She's also suddenly capable of getting up to a seated position on her own, from her back or stomach or all fours. This means that now, when I put her down in her crib to sleep, whether or not she remains lying down is entirely up to her. I'm not sure how I feel about her having this much free will.

     

    In any case, we've had to make some adjustments. Yesterday, I lowered the mattress in her crib, just to be on the safe side. While she's not pulling up yet, I'd rather not have her first attempts at it land her on the nursery floor. And last weekend I gave in and paid a visit to the Superstore That Must Not Be Named for babyproofing supplies. There is now foam on the corners and edges of the coffee table, and a very nifty plastic cover over the power strip in the living room. (Who knew such things existed!) The other day, Elsa made a beeline for it and I watched, chuckling in evil triumph as she failed utterly in her concerted effort to electrocute herself.


    And what of Clio, you ask? Has she been sitting silently, stilly by while Elsa bounds ahead with verbal and gross motor skill advances? Well, sort of. She has started babbling a bit more, and last night I heard her try out the Yiddish Popeye pacifier thing. As for movement, she will occasionally push up onto her hands and knees or scoot a little bit when she's on her tummy, but she seems to be doing it more out of a sense of obligation as opposed to any real desire, like Elsa the Exploradora. Mostly, Clio's perfectly content to sit in one place and flap her arms around or play with a toy and grin, twinkly-eyed, at us, or to lie on her back and play with her feet. Cruising across the floor hell-bent on her own destruction just isn't her thing right now. And that's cool. But we are pretty sure that she's about to beat Elsa to a milestone for the first time any day now: those lower incisors are totally ready to pop.

     

    In other news, I'm very happy to report that since my post in which the girls first slept through the night (or most of it, anyway), they have pretty consistently gone from their 10:30 dream feed through until 6 or 6:30 without needing parental intervention. Elsa still wakes up and cries a little around three or four most nights, but gets herself back to sleep after a few minutes. Clio has awoken with teething pain a few times, but some cuddling and a quick hit of Tylenol generally do the trick. Meanwhile, I'm trying to adhere to a strict I-will-not-come-in-and-get-you-before-6-am policy, because as far as I'm concerned, anything before 6 am still counts as the middle of the night -- a value I want very much to instill in my children. The next big step will be to eliminate the 10:30 feeding. Any tips on how and when to do this -- including how to involve majorly painful engorgement -- from those who've been there are most welcome...
     



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About the Blogger

Jane Roper

Jane Roper in Boston

One baby? Piece of cake. Try two. This working mother gives you the inside scoop on the ultimate in extreme parenting: twins.

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