If they don't keep moving forward, they die. OK, maybe they don't die. But they definitely get fussy. I proved this theorem today at our local Stop and Shop. Not that it needed proving. In fact, honestly, I don't know what I was thinking, but we needed food and I thought it might be fun to see if the girls were finally big enough for one of those cool shopping cart that looks like a car, with the little cab and two steering wheels in front. They were. In fact, they seemed to really dig it. But only as long as I was moving. (I mean, who wants to sit in a parked car, right?)
So, picture yours truly doing laps around the produce section, trying to gather up all the exotic ingredients for this big vegetarian jambalaya thing I'm planning to make (damn this resolution to eat less meat! Damn it! Damn it!) as well as other produce items, without letting the car(t) idle for more than twelve seconds at a time. Whoops, there went the tomatoes. Hey, was that parsley? Or watercress in disguise? Okra? Where are you, okra? (Why the am I making something with OKRA in it, for God's sake? I'm from New England!)
Meanwhile, middle-aged and elderly onlookers are making googly-eyed smiles at the girls (who are, no doubt, googling back) while I blithely ignore them. I'm trying to fill a bag with green beans here, people! Only have a few seconds! Must separate nice beans from withered crap....and then Clio or Elsa starts squirming and whining and attempt to crawl out of the car, all the while saying "dow! dow!" (translation: free me, please) So I rock the cart back and forth for a little while, which quiets them temporarily, until they remember that they're not six months old, and then I have no choice but to move on. Good-bye, beans. Good-bye, deli counter. Good-bye to the old lady screaming, "WELL AREN'T YOU TWO JUST ADORABLE???!!!"
I must have walked about three miles in that grocery store today. Which is great for the ole abs and glutes, I guess, but it was possibly the most inefficient shopping trip ever. It was also not a particularly budget-savvy endeavor. No time to comparison shop when you've got impatient passengers leaning on their squeaky horns and fighting over the steering wheels. (Yes, that's right; the fact that there was a steering wheel for each of them did absolutely nothing to prevent them from squabbling.) By the end, I was basically plucking things off the shelf at random. Organic split pea soup with ham? Hey! I bet the girls will love this! (Wrong, wrong, wrong.)
Needless to say, I don't think I'll be repeating this activity anytime soon. Unless you're just picking up a few quick things, grocery shopping really is best left a solitary endeavor. Or an endeavor for young, childless couples, free to sniff each peach and nectarine, make ribald banter over chicken parts, and linger languidly in front of the extra virgin olive oils. Ah. Those were the days.
Of course, there's always Peapod (Stop & Shop's delivery service) which we've become big fans of over the past year. But as convenient as it is, I miss the sensory experience of actually seeing and selecting my own foodstuffs. (See "chicken parts" above.) And it pisses me off that they put, like, one thing in every damned plastic shopping bag. So, I suppose the best solution, for now, is squeezing in solo grocery runs wherever we can. Unless, of course, there are any personal-shoppers-and-chefs-in training out there who are looking for on-the-job experience. (Unpaid, of course).
Anyone? Anyone?
