Baby Squared

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• Parent Shock

  This weekend, we went up to Maine to introduce the girls to their new cousin, Deklan, who has now attained the ripe old age of three and a half weeks. He's a cute little dude. On Saturday night, my brother and his wife went out for a few hours, and my mother, Alastair and I babysat for him. I was reminded of how simultaneously sweet, exhausting and dull the newborn weeks are. It also made me think back on the surreal-ness of going from being childless to suddenly being a parent.   Once, when the girls were just a couple of weeks old, and my parents were in town, Alastair and I snuck out for a quick dinner at a Thai restaurant. It was the strangest thing to be suddenly back out in the world, doing something we might have done on a typical weekend night just months before. Since our babies were born, our lives had changed dramatically, but we hadn't yet made the full psychological shift. It was as if we were in a strange, prolonged dream, so that this -- being alone together in a restaurant, surrounded by mostly twenty- and thirty-somethings -- felt more like reality.     Read More... Posted Nov 17 2009, 12:40 PM by Roper with | with 15 comment(s) Filed under: twins, toddlers, parenthood, twin toddlers, being a working mother, work life balance, juggling

• Remember Us?

  This weekend, Alastair played at the Falcon Ridge Folk Festival, and the girls and I spent the day there with him on Saturday. It was fun, in the way that going to a large, crowded event with two two-year-olds is fun. That is, moments of fun (Clio singing a song of her own invention, the word "happy" over and over again to the tune of "Twinkle Twinkle"; Elsa going all Woodstock, playing in the mud with obvious glee) interspersed with moments of aggravation and frustration (Clio refusing to walk from the parking lot into the festival because there's too much mud; Elsa throwing a small fit because we cut her pizza instead of letting her attempt to eat "a big one"). Pretty much your typical toddler event.   Alastair and I have gone to Falcon Ridge together twice before; once in 2000 or 2001, I think, and again in 2005. We camped out up in the field with hundreds of other people, stayed up late around song-swapping campfires, drank voluminous amounts of cheap wine and beer. Obviously, this was before Elsa and Clio were twinkles in either of our eyes. It was just us, and it was all about us, and it was easy. About the most taxing aspect of it was having to trudge to the porta-potties in the middle of the night. Alastair was more into the music part of the event than me, of course, it being his metier and all. (Shocking Confession: I'm actually not that into most contemporary folk singer/songwriter stuff, even though it's what my husband does. Scandal!) But I loved being there for the people-watching, browsing the vendor booths, and hanging out around the campfire with folks at night. It's in beautiful country, too, just west of the Massachusetts border in New York, at the edge of the Berkshires. And, yeah, yeah, all right, some of the music is OK. Especially after some of the aforementioned cheap wine and beer.      Read More... Posted Jul 25 2009, 02:36 PM by Roper with | with 15 comment(s) Filed under: twins, Twins on vacation, nostalgia, depression, parenthood, twin toddlers, falcon ridge folk festival

• Nested

  Lately, I've been seriously craving a vacation somewhere warm. This isn't that shocking, I guess, given that it's about 10 degrees outside, there's snow on the ground, and we've still got two and a half months of winter to go. A few days ago, on a lark -- or perhaps just to torture myself -- I priced out how much it would cost, with airfare, for our whole family to go for a few days to one of those "Beaches" resorts in the Caribbean -- the kind where childcare is offered during the day. Um. Yeah. That's not happening any time soon. I can't quite believe that ANY family has a spare seven to ten grand to plunk down for a few days in the sun. But such families apparently exist. If you are one of them, I hate you. Just kidding.   Of course, when I really thought about what going on such a trip would entail -- namely, dealing with two 2-year-olds (un potty-trained, mind you) in airports, on planes, in wet and sandy bathing suits, requiring paid babysitters at night, etc. I realized that what I would really like is to be teleported instantly to a tropical resort -- all four of us and all our crap, plus a fabulous nanny who'll work for room and board only -- and I want someone else to pay for it. Perhaps the federal government? In short, I don't want to do any of the work of actually planning and orchestrating a trip. I just want to be somewhere else for a little while, and have it be perfectly easy. A vacation from reality, you might say.   Read More... Posted Jan 15 2009, 08:00 AM by Roper with | with 10 comment(s) Filed under: motherness, twins, vacation with twins, traveling with twins, parenthood, twin toddlers, growing up, priorities

• When Toddlers Attack

  People -- myself included -- talk plenty about the emotional strains and stresses of parenting. But we don't talk much about the physical pain. I don't mean fatigue or sore breasts or the occasional backache from lifting and carrying. I'm talking bruises, scratches, pulled hair, bumped noses and other injuries unintentionally inflicted by babies and toddlers themselves.   I would venture to guess that this problem peaks between the ages of eighteen months and two and a half -- which is exactly where we're at now: two very active, boisterous toddlers who can walk and wiggle and climb and whack and throw things but lack 1.) Awareness of their own strength 2.) Awareness of the basic principles of physics and, therefore, the fact that their actions may inflict pain. And I don't know if this is just our kids or what, but our screaming out or yelling "Ouch" or "Stop!" or "That hurts mommy / daddy when you do that," seems to have almost no effect. Granted, we are big fans and encouragers of physical activity and horseplay, so perhaps we bring it on ourselves. All fun and games until somebody loses an eye, and all that. But, man, sometimes I just can't believe how much pain a 27-pound person can inflict.     Swarm! Swarm!       Read More... Posted Jan 08 2009, 02:00 PM by Roper with | with 28 comment(s) Filed under: twins, abuse, parenthood, twin toddlers, entertaining toddlers, horseplay, pain

• A Day in the Life

  Friday, January 2. 7:40 a.m. -- The girls wake up. Clio first, as usual. She babbles to herself for a while, then starts calling, "Mommmmmmmyy!! Daddddddy!!" I nudge Alastair with my foot. It's his turn to get up with them, so I can catch a little extra rest.   9:15 a.m. -- My alarm wakes me up, and I'm surprised that I was actually asleep. The girls had been screaming and yelling downstairs -- for milk, for waffles, to sit in the big girl chairs -- who knows. While I lay in bed, I wondered a few times if I ought to get up, go downstairs and give A. a hand, but I had to deal with the more or less the same scenario the day before. It's his turn now.   9:30 --  After a quick shower, I come downstairs, eat half a banana (Elsa and Clio catch me in the act and, of course, ask for the other half) and warm up a cup of yesterday's coffee in the microwave. While Alastair takes a shower and gets dressed, I put the girls' shoes on, change Clio's diaper (she dirties it right after I put her shoes on, of course), and tell them that we're going to go to some friends' house and have pancakes. A few minutes later, as I'm getting their jackets on, Clio says, "Go friends! Have pan cakes!" I am amazed and delighted, and shower her with praise.   10:00 -- The usual mad scramble to get out the door: girls get all excited and start yelling for things (Elsa hat! Clio milk! Picka up! Picka up!) while Alastair can't find his glasses and I can't find my cell phone and we almost forget the diaper bag, and as usual in this kind of situation, we start snapping at each other. He's annoyed because I'm not positive what our friends' address is, I'm annoyed because he has no sense of direction, the girls are yelling "Nana phone! Nana phone!" but we don't have that CD in the car, and every other driver on the road is an asshole and all the lights are red and we should have listened to the GPS instead of my gut feeling, because this is a really stupid way to get to Jamaica Plain (then, what isn't?) and we're totally late and the girls are yelling for pancakes and my blood pressure must be through the roof.   Read More... Posted Jan 03 2009, 08:26 PM by Roper with | with 17 comment(s) Filed under: twins, exhaustion, parenting twins, parenthood, twin toddlers, mommy and daddy time, stress

• Parenting in 2009

  I'm not really a fan of making New Year's resolutions. I guess because January just never feels like the beginning of the new year to me; September does. I am forever locked into an academic calendar when it comes to thinking about the structure of my life. But because the girls' birthay is at the end of December, it does feel like the beginning of a new parenting year. So, in that spirit, I have a few parenting resolutions as I launch into my third (!) year as a mom:   1. I resolve to get better at saying no.  While I'm not a pushover in most areas of my life, I really do have a hard time putting my foot down where the girls are concerned. It's not because I'm afraid they'll hate me if I don't let them have their way. Honestly, it's because I hate the sound of their whining and crying and repetitive asking -- especially when it's in stereo. (Serenity now!) It's just SO much easier to give the girls a second cookie, or read them a fourth book before bed, or pick them up when they ask, rather than say no and then figure out how to distract or calm them, or even just ignore them while they continue to yell and cry. But I realize that I can't get into a pattern of always giving in. Must maintain authority! Maybe it's time for a cutesy, handpainted magnet on the fridge that says "Because I'm the Mommy, That's Why."   Read More... Posted Dec 30 2008, 04:00 PM by Roper with | with 11 comment(s) Filed under: Zen masters, twins, parenthood, twin toddlers, saying no, New Years Resolutions

• Of Church-hopping and Child-ignoring

  A while back, I wrote about how we might have found a Unitarian Universalist congregation that we'd like to join.  My background is Protestant, and Alastair is from a mixed marriage, Jewish and Protestant, and neither of us are particulary religious, but we like the idea of being a part of a spiritual community of some sort -- particularly for the girls' sake. We dig the vibe and values of the UU church, and Alastair has started getting more involved with the UU world through his music.   Unfortunately, we've become disenchanted with the church where we were testing the waters, and have started to shop around. This is the beauty of living in the Boston area -- there is a UU church in pretty much every town. Yesterday, we visited a new congregation, which we really liked. But since we're talking religion, can I make a confession? Easily 50% of my motivation for wanting to go to church these days is the free childcare. (If Unitarians believed in hell, I'm sure I would be headed there.)   Pic after the jump! Read More... Posted Nov 10 2008, 03:15 PM by Roper with | with 38 comment(s) Filed under: twins, depression, childcare, parenthood, twin toddlers, parenting and depression, unitarian universalists, guilt., church

• The 18-month Lull

  As of this weekend -- Saturday, to be precise -- Elsa and Clio are 18 months old. Or one-and-a-half, as Alastair prefers to say. He thinks they're old enough to be referred to in years now, but I want to hang onto their babydom just a little while longer, so I shall keep referring to them in months. But only until they're thirteen.   The last few months have been, admittedly, rather challenging at times. I think it peaked at sixteen months, around the time I wrote this post, whining about the physical exhaustion of running around after two very active, very needy toddlers. But I feel like in the past couple of weeks, things have turned a corner. Maybe it's because the girls have gotten a bit more physically confident and independent -- they don't fall flat on their faces quite as often, or get as upset when they do. Or maybe it's because their language skills are suddenly blossoming, so it's a little easier to understand what they want -- not to mention a helluva lot of fun teaching them new words. Or maybe it's just because we've adjusted. Just as the line of babyproofing in our house grows higher and higher (They can almost reach the kitchen counter now! Damn!) our patience and endurance climb to keep pace with their level of energy and interactivity. Read More... Posted Jun 30 2008, 09:33 PM by Roper with | with 10 comment(s) Filed under: twins, pediatrician, exhaustion, playgrounds, twin language acquisition, throwing food, parenting twins, toddlers, parenthood, 18-month twins, twin toddlers