Baby Squared

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• Break it up, you two

  Someone asked in a recent comment if my girls break into fights pretty much any time I leave the room for more than five seconds. And the answer, sadly, is yes. YES! It's ridiculous how much of our parenting these days involves playing referee. And damn, it's tough. We're not even to the stage of She said / She said yet. There's no "she started it," or "she's lying." There's just...fighting.   And it seems to go in waves where it's either Elsa's fault all the time or Clio's fault all the time, and I start questioning my ability to be a fair and impartial judge, because I fear I am biased against one child or the other, based on her recent behavior. Or I worry that I'm subconsciously trying to even things out by under- or over-reacting to one or the other of them. (If you're having trouble following this paragraph, then you can begin to get a sense of how confused I often feel in the moment.)   Read More... Posted Aug 24 2009, 11:04 AM by Roper with | with 17 comment(s) Filed under: twins, I am powerless, sibling rivalry, toddlers, twin toddlers, fighting, sibling conflicts, arguments

• Elsa the Elder

  I sometimes wonder if Elsa realizes that she is nine minutes older, one inch taller and two pounds heavier than Clio and acts accordingly, or if her big-sisterly tendencies are just a function of her personality.    She has always been physically dominant, frequently subjecting Clio to not-necessarily-consensual wrestling matches, bear hugs and other manhandling. Usually her intent is playful, but there are times when she's agressive: muscling Clio out of her little armchair so she can sit in it instead. Shoving her in disputes over toys. Your typical bullying, big sister behavior. (Not that Clio is necessarily entirely innocent in every instance...)   But she is increasingly taking on a more nurturing and protective role with Clio, which I find very sweet.   Read More... Posted Dec 10 2008, 10:06 PM by Roper with | with 6 comment(s) Filed under: twins, sisters, sibling rivalry, Alpha, beta, twin individuality, twin interaction

• Sessa and Kee-o

  One of the loveliest parts about having twins is watching the relationship between them develop. When I was pregnant, lots of parents of twins mentioned this by way of encouragement / consolation: yes, it's really hard, but it's so amazing when they start really interacting. And it's a great, great thing when they can start keeping each other entertained, so you don't have to all the time.   True, true, true. But it takes a while. For the first several months of their lives, Elsa and Clio were pretty much oblivious to each other. This is understandable, I guess; If I'd spent nine months crammed in with another person in a space the size of a small watermelon, I'd want a little space, too.   Once they could sit up and crawl, they started to do things like take toys, bottles and pacifiers away from each other -- generally without incident. (Hm. I had a block, now I don't. Whaddya know about that?) When they became bipedal, they began having the occasional playful wrestling match, which would start with giggling and inevitably end with tears. (Usually from Clio, who Elsa has a habit of "loving" a bit roughly at times.) Hitting, pushing and hair pulling, both innocent and with intent to harm, followed. As I wrote in a recent post, refereeing between the two of them has become an increasingly large part of my role as a parent.   (Pics & video after the jump!)   Read More... Posted Oct 22 2008, 09:07 PM by Roper with | with 8 comment(s) Filed under: twins, sibling rivalry, Elsa, Clio, twin language acquisition, twin toddlers, twin individuality, twin interaction

• Not nice.

  Over the past week, Clio has suddenly started using two-word phrases left and right. Things like "More milk," "Clio's shoes," and "You betcha." (Just kiddin' about that last one, folks! *wink*).   One of the more interesting phrases is "not nice." It first surfaced (to my knowledge) last Thursday night when my friend Megan and her 17-month-old daughter, Marlie, were over for a pre-VP debate play-date. Marlie made an attempt to sit in Clio's little easy chair, and Clio waved her hand at her and said, quite sternly, what sounded like, "Nah Nye!" It was Megan who figured out what it meant.   It blew me away, and yet it made perfect sense -- we use the phrase all the time, when the girls steal each other's toys, food, etc. or misbehave on their own. "That's not nice to take your sister's graham cracker." "It's not nice to throw your broccoli on the floor and laugh maniacally." etc.  I was so impressed with Clio that it didn't occur to me to tell her that it was also "not nice" for her not to let Marlie sit in her chair. (Not that it would have done any good.)     Read More... Posted Oct 03 2008, 08:36 PM by Roper with | with 14 comment(s) Filed under: sibling rivalry, twin language acquisition, twin toddlers, Sarah Palin, fighting

• Babies who prey on the weak

  Last week, I started to write a post entitled "Alpha Twin" about Elsa's tendency to lord her two extra pounds and nine extra minutes of life experience over Clio -- stealing her toys, taking her graham crackers, initiating wrestling matches, etc. Then we had our "date" and I was feeling all gushy and bonded with her, and decided to write about that instead.   So, this was going to be the alpha twin post. And it still is, sort of, except the alpha twin in question is, at the moment, Clio. See, Elsa now has the cold that Clio had last week, and Clio is totally taking advantage of the situation. She's been snatching toys away from Elsa, whacking her on the head -- even doing Elsa's infamous "hoodie-skiing" maneuver. It works like this: if your sister is wearing a shirt or sweatshirt with a hood, you grab onto it and cackle merrily, letting her tug you along as she attempts to escape, sobbing.   Seeing this fascinating switcheroo, I can't help wondering: is it just natural for whichever baby is bigger / stronger / more hale and hearty to dominate the other one? Or is Clio consciously taking advantage of this opportunity to seek revenge? As for Elsa, when she's  feeling better again, will she back off, now that she's walked a mile in Clio's Robeez?   In Elsa's defense, I don't think all of her usual alpha twin manhandling of Clio is malicious in nature. Sometimes she's just trying to play (as in"hoodie skiing") or show affection, and it comes out a little too rough. (With babies, there's a fine line between "patting" and "whacking," as our cat would certainy attest.) But there are other times when Elsa is clearly trying to push Clio around. Like the other day when they both wanted to stand at the kitchen window and look outside and Elsa kept pushing Clio aside and standing right in the middle with her arms spread out so there was no room for her. In that case, she was just being a jerk. (Is it wrong to say your baby is being a jerk?)   This may sound weird, but it's actually been something of a relief to see the tables turned. We're going to have to do a lot of refereeing between the gals over the next, oh, seventeen years, and it would be a real drag if Elsa was always the one who "started it." And I don't want to feel like I always have to stick up for and protect Clio. The two of them will have to figure out how to work things out on their own. So although Elsa may well continue to be the alpha twin, it's reassuring to know that beta baby can kick some ass too.     Elsa "expresses her affection" for Clio    Posted Mar 01 2008, 02:01 PM by Roper with | with 9 comment(s) Filed under: kappa kappa gamma, sibling rivalry, Alpha, beta