Now that everybody's digestive tracts are more or less back in functioning order, I thought I'd take a few minutes to document the unique systems of table manners that the girls have developed. I personally find many of these rather annoying and exasperating, but who am I to judge what may seem like perfectly reasonable practices to Elsa and Clio? I'm talking etiquette relativism, here. Just because I don't understand it or agree with it doesn't necessarily make it wrong.
Elsa's rules of etiquette:
1. Just as wine should be served in a stemmed glass, milk should be served through a nipple. Plastic or real, it doesn't matter. But under no circumstances should milk be served in a sippy cup. Water in a sippy cup is fine. Milk in a sippy cup? Gauche, gauche, gauche!
2. If you do not feel like eating something, you should bunch your lips up, close your eyes, and shake your head "no." But a lady always has the right to change her mind. Just because you refuse a spoonful of something in one instance doesn't mean you can't open your mouth and whine to be fed that same food six seconds later.
3. The graham cracker Clio is eating is better than the one you have. Take it!
Clio's rules of etiquette:
1. If mommy is going to eat or drink in front of you, she has to give you a bite or sip of her food or drink. You don't have to actually accept it. In fact, you can turn away when she offers it to you. The important thing is that she offers. Repeatedly. It's just a matter of respect.
2. Food is always better when served to you directly out of a bowl, plate, or tupperware container. It doesn't matter if you already have some of that food in front of you on your highchair tray. Point at the container it was taken from and insist that mommy let you take some directly out of the container. Again, you don't have to actually eat it. (Don't be silly!) Feel free to throw it on the floor or drop it onto your sister's highchair tray, if that's what you're into.
3. After taking a slug of milk or water from your sippy cup, it is traditional to fling the cup gleefully aside onto the floor. (You know how sometimes people do a champagne toast, then throw their glasses at the fireplace? Same thing, pretty much. Except be sure to cry for your cup back several seconds later.)
Both Elsa and Clio Agree:
To indicate that you are finished eating -- or if you just feel like having a little fun -- use both hands and, with a rapid wiping motion, clear all of the food off of your highchair tray onto the floor. It makes mommy say that "no" word, but seriously, what's she gonnna do about it? Stop feeding you? She is powerless. Your high chair is a throne. You are the sovereign. Show no mercy!
