Baby Squared : thanksgiving

Two times two equals f#&%

Roper — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 02:02:00 GMT

We had a nice Thanksgiving weekend. Really, we did. There was lots of good food and no family drama. We got some serious, slothful relaxation in, too: the night before Thanksgiving, at my brother's house, we drank wine, ate pizza, and watched five straight hours of Top Chef. I've decided I'm going to start talking to Elsa and Clio like one of the contestants to get them more interested in their food: "What I've done here is taken circular oat cereal, rustled it into a bowl and then quickly doused it with just the right amount of fresh, cold milk. Finally, I've topped it off with some thinly-sliced, ripe banana. Enjoy."

We also had twenty-eight glorious child-free hours together on the Maine coast, which we spent doing the sort of things we used to do way back when: browsing in shops, eating more frequently than is biologically necessary, talking about everything from our college days to our future plans to how Abraham Lincoln won the Republican nomination. (A. is reading Team of Rivals.) We were silly and stupid and flirty. And man, it was nice to go to sleep in a big, soft, king-size antique bed and not have to negotiate which one of us was going to get up with the girls in the morning.

Though I can't say I really *missed* the girls, by the time we headed back to my parents' house, I was eager to see them. They greeted us with bright smiles, said "Mommy Daddy here!", let us kiss them, and then proceeded to have total, screaming meltdowns. Both of them.

I don't remember what exactly triggered said meltdowns -- maybe it was just release of pent up emotion having to do with our being gone -- but I've come to believe that getting at the root cause of a tantrum is not terribly relevant when you're dealing with an (almost) two-year-old. Once they go into that mode, fugghetaboutit. Giving them back the crayons that you took away, letting them eat the third cookie they wanted, picking them back up after you put them down against their wishes -- useless. Pretty much NOTHING can comfort them. Things just have to play themselves out.

This is especially true of Clio, who has more intense and frequent freakouts than Elsa. (Elsa can be a bit of a drama queen, but she's also easier to calm down and comfort, and has been since she was a newborn.) Once Clio gets going, there's no stopping her. (Also the case since day one.) When she's in this state, she doesn't know what she wants, or how to feel better, and rejects everything we try. We pick her up, she screams "Down now! Down now!" We put her down and she screams "picka up! picka up!" She pushes or flings away anything we try to give her -- a toy, a snack, a cup of milk. The only thing to do, it seems, is to put her in her crib with her pacifier until she collects herself. In other words, a textbook "time out."

It felt like there were a lot of tantrums this weekend, both small and large. A lot of intra-sibling bickering. And they both constantly wanted to be picked up, or to sit on our laps. Part of it, I think, was the fact that they're both getting over colds. Also, Clio appears to have a big old bicuspid busting its way through her gums. The change of scene and routine may also have contributed to their fragile states. But I'm afraid the larger truth is that the terrible two's have arrived. And it's going to be rough.

Dealing with one toddler's whining / stubbornness / neediness / etc. is challening enough. But when you've got two going at the same time -- or even one in a bad mood and one in a good mood, but still wanting attention -- hoo boy. Both Alastair and I lost our cool at times over this past weekend. We yelled. We handled inanimate objects more roughly than was necessary. We shouted "Serenity Now!" (Well, I did, anyway.)

I hate that stressed-out, angry, powerless, exasperated feeling. Heart pounding, nerves frayed, temper short. I can almost feel my skin wrinkling, my hair turning gray. I wish I could take it all more lightly and easily -- respond with more humor, grace and patience. I wish I knew how to keep them happy more of the time, or help them more effectively when they're not. But sometimes it's just so damned hard.

And then they go and do stuff like this, and I just want them to stay 23 months old forever:

(Filmed at my brother's house on Thanksgiving Eve. You may hear snatches of "Top Chef" on TV in the background if you listen carefully. And my goofy laugh and dopey commentary even if you don't.)

Thankful

Roper — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 13:00:00 GMT

I could offer up a predictable litany of things I'm thankful for -- my family, my friends, my health, my relative financial security, the results of the presidential election, etc. etc. But let's face it: that would be kinda boring. So, I thought I'd mention ten of the stranger and less obvious things that I'm thankful for this year, while attempting to stay within the topic(s) of this blog. In no particular order:

1. I'm thankful that I'm not pregnant. Right now, so many of our friends are having -- or gearing up to have -- their second child. I'm terribly happy for them, but every time I hear the news, I can't help smiling to myself and thinking: thank GOD it ain't me! I never wished or hoped to have twins, but I did always want two children, and now that I've had them both in one fell swoop, I'm really appreciating the efficiency of it. I get tired just thinking about going through the whole newborn-sleepless-nights-constant-nursing thing again, so soon. And I can't imagine having both a toddler and a newborn. Then, I guess I automatically think about what it would be like to have two toddlers and a newborn, since that's what I would have. And that would obviously be a lot crazier. But still. I'm very happy not to be expecting. (Congrats to all of you who are -- I'll bring you a casserole.)

2. I'm thankful that Elsa and Clio are such good sleepers. Except for Clio's occasional nap boycotts and early wake-up spates, the girls really are amazing. They sleep twelve hours every night with little or no night waking, and take a two-hour nap after lunch. This means that we can pretty much count on having an evening to ourselves, get a good night's sleep, and have a bit of a break in the middle of each day. I am very much aware that this won't last, and am therefore very consciously grateful for how somno-rific life is now. (Another reason for #1 on the list.)

3. I'm thankful for PBS's Curious George (and being able to DVR it). I don't know what it is about that little monkey and the enigmatic man with the yellow hat (How old is he? Where does he work? Is he gay? Why the hat?), but that show, like no other, can get the girls to chill out, calm down and laugh in the midst of even their crankiest, whiniest, most exasperating moods. It leaves them much mellower afteward, too. Whatever works, right?

4. I'm thankful that I finally got a permit parking space at work. Because now I don't have to deal with the parking garage and the 10 minute walk from the garage to the office, which is particularly horrible in the dead of winter, when the wind is whipping in off of Boston harbor. And it may sound ridiculous, but even just 15-20 minutes of extra time per day in my jam-packed life feels like a major bonus. That's over an hour per week! The thrill will wear off soon, no doubt -- probably the first time I have to go out and scrape seagull poop and/or ice off my windshield. (The one disadvantage of not parking in a garage.) But for now, I'm enjoying the novelty.

5. I'm thankful for fruit, and the fact that it is somewhat nutritious. Because there are days when it is literally the only non-carb food that I can get Elsa and Clio to eat. Apples, grapes, oranges, bananas, melon, canned peaches, pineapple, pears -- you name it. They will devour it happily. I really need to start getting more creative about hiding vegetables in stuff. Luckily -- inexplicably -- the girls are also quite fond of broccoli, so at least we get some of that into them fairly often. But easily 50% of their food intake, in terms of sheer mass, has got to be fruit. (And Elsa still gets constipated.)

6. I'm thankful for online bill pay, self-scanning and checkout at the supermarket, drive-up ATMs, prescriptions-by-mail, and all the other conveniences of the modern American consumer landscape that actually save time and make life easier. (Hm. I think I just plagiarized a brochure I wrote once for a client at work....)

7. I'm thankful for antidepressants. Even though they have not been as effective for me this year as they have in years past, I still don't know how I would get by without them, or the hope of recovery that they offer. Not that I don't appreciate the value of things like exercise, nutrition, positive thinking, therapy, B vitamins and all the rest in managing depression. But at the end of the day -- fork over the pharmaceuticals.

8. I'm thankful that Elsa and Clio are finally past the phase of putting everything in their mouths. Except for crayons, play-doh, rocks....OK. Maybe they're not entirely past that phase. But they're a lot better than they used to be. As a result, we don't have to be constantly moving things out of their reach. It also opens up a new realm of play possibilities. The Bean Box, for example, would not have been possible a few months ago. We still have to keep our cat's food and water dishes up on the kitchen table where the girls can't reach them, but I'm hoping that in the near future we'll be able to get it through their small heads that the kitty's food is not for them, and put the dishes back on the floor. (Because I'm not kooky and eccentric enough to love the idea of cats on the kitchen table.)

9. I'm thankful that my parents agreed to take the girls overnight this Friday. It's going to be Alastair's and my first-ever night together away from the little 'uns. We're staying at a B&B in Camden, Maine -- one of my favorite places in the world -- and have dinner reservations at a restaurant on the harbor that is supposed to be fantastic. Throughout the many years of our relationship pre-children, one of our favorite things to do was walk aimlessly around towns and villages of the "quaint New England" variety: Bar Harbor, Portsmouth, Marblehead, Northampton. I am extremely excited to have a chance to do it again -- although, no doubt, all we'll do the whole time is talk about Elsa and Clio.

10. I'm thankful for you, my readers. For the advice, opinions, questions, support and community that you offer up here. Not to mention your tolerance and appreciation of my somewhat erratic blogging style. Have a safe, happy and otherwise excellent Thanksgiving. See you next week.