Baby Squared : toilet training

Fear of Poop

Roper — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 19:12:00 GMT

After my recent post in which I goofily tried to set a new world record for the number of times the word "poop" ever appeared in a parenting blog, I feel rather ridiculous for giving bowel movements top billing in yet another installment of the ongoing parenting saga that is Baby Squared. But I must. Because we need your help!!

First, let me once again apologize to future Elsa for making this public. If technology allows, and the apocolypse of 2012 spares us, I swear I will remove this post from the Internets long before you're in fifth grade, when children turn cruel and evil. (Or did in my experience, anyway. Maybe it's earlier these days.)

So here's the deal: the girl is terrified to go #2. Clio has mastered the practice quite nicely, but Elsa wants no part of it. She's also regular as clockwork, which means that every evening, right around bedtime, the same drama plays out: every couple of minutes she runs desperately to the potty, on the brink of tears, saying she needs to go pee-pee (the girl's in denial; we know it ain't just pee pee she needs to do) and will barely even sit down before she's up saying "I didn't make any." Repeat ad infinitum until finally she can't hold it anymore, and ends up going in her pants, and gets very upset about it, even though we tell her it's OK. (Whereas, a minute earlier we were telling her we wanted to her to do it in the potty.)

Usually, at least, she goes in her "nightime underpants" -- our euphemism for Pull-ups, which we put the girls in at night. Sometimes she goes after she's already in bed. But she never, ever goes in the potty -- either the potty chair or the big toilet, with the potty seat on it.

We've started giving her a bit of Miralax to make sure she doesn't get constipated, and to ensure that she can't hold it in indefinitely, which she would certainly do if she could, thus perpetuating the cycle of unpleasant potty experiences. So, I guess it's better that she's going in her pants than not at all, as I know happens with some kids. Still. How do we help her get over this fear?

Here's what we've tried so far:

Telling her she's such a big girl, and she's so good at going pee pee in the potty, and big girls poop in the potty, too
Telling her that mommy and daddy and everybody else in the world poops in the potty (except for babies and the incontinent)
Telling her that it's OK to be scared; we get scared of things too, but they're less scary once you try
Telling her that we'll flush the poop away and she won't even have to see it
Telling her that we'll stay right there with her and hold her hand
Telling her we know she can do it! She's brave! She's smart! She's awesome!
Telling her she can have a magnet on her chart and/or a special treat if she goes
Letting her flush down the poop she's made in her pullup, to feel empowered...or something
Offering to read books to her on the potty
Letting her hold her stuffed animals and have her gaga (pacifier) while she's on the potty
Having her "potty wizard" cast a spell on the potty to make it not be scary anymore (Potty wizard background here.)
Holding her down on the potty (probably not the best idea)
Closing the bathroom door and saying we're going to stay in here until she goes (also not parenting at its best)
Getting Clio to come into the bathroom with her for moral support (Not sure either of them really gets this)
Letting her sit on the potty in her pull-up and go that way, as a first step

And I'm sure there are other things I can't remember. One thing I'd like to do is get a (children's) book on the subject, to try to get her more comfortable with the idea. I know there's Everyone Poops, and another I found online that looks good, called Where's the Poop.

Any other recommendations? On books, or in general? Do we just have to wait this thing out? I mean, I know she won't be in college or at her wedding, holding it in all day because she's too scared to go. But I do worry that it may take a while for her to get beyond this....

A Potty Training Saga

Roper — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 17:45:00 GMT

Well, we did it. We survived our hardcore 3-day potty training weekend. And we've got two little big girls in underpants to prove it. It was such an intense and dramatic event, I feel like I should be writing about it in epic poetry form. Or rhyming couplets or something. But I am a writer of prose, not poetry. And I guess potty training isn't quite on par with the Pelopennesian war. Almost, but not quite.

The important thing is that, we -- like the Spartans -- triumphed. To anyone out there who feels like they're not getting anywhere with the gradual approach to toilet training, whose little ones seem perfectly content in diapers and who (like us) haven't been particularly proactive or consistent about making the move to a diaper-free existence, I'd highly recommend this cold turkey training approach.

There are lots of books and websites -- not to mention recent commenters on this blog -- who sell books and eBooks on the subject. We followed the guidelines in one lent to us by a friend. But you don't necessarily have to drop $49.99 on some kind of Guaranteed As Seen on TV Top Secret Potty Training Method with FREE bonus DVD and -- if you order now -- Handheld Diaper Shredder, to do this. It's pretty simple.

Plan to stay home for a few days, and get some help if you can. Put your kid(s) in underpants and explain that they need to keep them dry, and repeatedly remind them to tell Mom/Dad when they need to go pee or poop. Give them lots of liquids so they have ample opportunity to practice. Offer effusive praise and rewards for successful potty usage. And prepare for lots of accidents.

The first day, for us, really was a pee-fest. Lots of puddles on the floor. Luckily, we'd put a waterproof sheet on the couch and rolled back the rug in the living room. (If you have wall-to-wall carpeting...um...good luck! Maybe plan to spend a lot of time in the kitchen / outside if possible?) We did a lot of mopping and panicked grabbing of paper towels. I stepped in pee at least once.

Clio, however, pretty quickly started recognizing when she had to go, and started making it to the potty on time. Alas, then she started saying she needed to go approximately every two to five minutes. "I'm makin' pee-pee!" has become her signature catch-phrase. Better than, say, "Git 'er done!" or "Whaaasssssssup!" but annoying in its own right. She will literally go back and forth to the potty ten times within a half an hour. And sometimes, she'll just say "I'm makin' pee pee!" (Or its goofy variation "I'm makin' pay pay!) for fun, in a silly voice.

The problem, we think, is multifaceted: She doesn't empty her bladder fully when she goes, so she actually does pee some (but not all) of the times she sits on the potty. She also sees the potty ritual as a way to get attention from mom or dad (but mostly mom, at her insistence), and to earn praise -- and possibly a sticker or packet of fruit snacks. You gotta admire the girl's business sense: hmm, either I can go pee all at once and get one sticker and one big kiss from mom, or I can pee over the course of three potty visits and get three! Suckers!! When I'm feeling more generous and patient, I tell myself that she hasn't mastered her body's signals yet, and isn't quite sure when she really does have to go. I also think she's got higher-than-average obsessive compulsive tendencies, even for a two-year-old.

Elsa has the opposite problem (of course). By the third day, she stopped having accidents every time she needed to pee. But she still really resists going to the potty. She crosses her legs and grabs her crotch and dances around. She insists she doesn't have to go even when we -- oh so gently -- suggest that she do so, or try to bring her into the bathroom. I think it's partly because she doesn't want to stop whatever she's doing. But partly that she is a little freaked out by the whole concept. When we've asked her why she doesn't want to use the potty, she's said that it is "scary" or "yucky."

In a stroke of genius (if I do say so myself) I dug out an old souvenir from Russia -- a little wooden bearded guy with a pipe -- and dubbed it a "Potty Wizard" whose power was to make going to the potty not scary. Elsa was very excited about this, and it actually helped for a little while. She is still fond of her potty wizard. However, his power seems to have worn off. And as of this writing, Elsa has still not actually pooped in the potty. That is, not without some of it landing in her underwear first.

As for overnight -- the method we used recommends doing nighttime and daytime training all at once. Which sounds like suicide, especially when twins are involved. But the logic of it is reasonable enough -- be consistent. So, for the first three nights, we tried doing underwear at night. We put the potties in the bedroom. We even -- and this was arguably too much change at once -- moved the girls into toddler beds, so they could get in and out of bed more easily, and we could more easily change the sheets if needed. We told them to call us when they needed to go. We woke them up early in the morning to go.

Interestingly, Elsa seemed to do OK with the overnight thing. It was every-two-minutes-to-the-potty Clio that presented a problem. Especially in the middle of the night, when she would wake up wet, then literally not let us leave the room after we came in to change her. One more kiss, one more backrub, and then -- as soon as we left -- "I'm makin' pee pee!" It became not so much about going pee-pee, but a control thing -- right in line with some of the other recent bedtime struggles we've been having. After we'd been in and out of the bedroom multiple times, we tried letting her "cry it out." But it is not possible to win a battle of this sort when Clio is involved. Seriously. We ended up being awake in the middle of the night, multiple times, sometimes for over an hour at a time, until she finally calmed down. And she'd still wake up in the morning soaking wet. (Partly as a result of this lack of sleep, I am now sick with a bad cold, hence my free time to compose epic poetry on this subject.)

So, last night, we said screw it. We're doing Pullups at night. We hoped Clio wouldn't wake up wet, and our troubles would be solved. And -- here's the part where I start laughing like a lunatic because it's more fun than crying -- she did the exact same thing. She woke up in the middle of the night saying -- everybody, now! -- "I'm makin' pee-pee!" so I went in and helped her go to the potty, sent her back to bed with a kiss, and as I was leaving the room: "I'm making pee pee!" No sooner was I back to bed, when she started yelling again. After a few more rounds of this, we decided to just let her yell it out -- as we'd tried unsuccessfully on the previous nights. But this time we meant it. We put in earplugs and everything. (Alastair got some sleep, but I couldn't bring myself to wear two earplugs, just one, so I still heard her.) My friends, she screamed for OVER AN HOUR. Taking occasional breaks for a few minutes at a time, but never letting up. Finally, Alastair went in and rubbed her back one last time, and it seemed to work. But seriously -- how are we supposed to deal with this??

I guess it makes sense that she's trying to hold onto some measure of control in this new situation, testing limits, feeling especially clingy and needy. Elsa has acted out in her own way, being "wilder" and punchier than usual, even lashing out physically. It's disturbing. I hope all this will pass as they get used to and better at living sans diapers.

What I really didn't expect leading up to this milestone (or milestone in progress, I guess) was how emotional I would feel about it. The girls have not outwardly protested wearing underwear, or asked for diapers or anything like that. They love and are very excited about their new "big girl beds." But I've actually found it quite disorienting and difficult. Last Thursday, I was changing the girls' diapers and putting them into cribs at night. Even though I didn't think of them as babies anymore, there were still these rituals and fixtures that have been with us for almost three years. Now, I've got two little girls in underwear and toddler beds. And while it's all good -- who needs the financial drain of diapers, or the physical toil of hoisting 35 pound toddlers in and out of cribs? -- I've found myself feeling rather weepy and nostalgic. This is, I'm sure, exacerbated by the sheer exhaustion of the whole undertaking.

And so, I emerge from operation Potty Training, back to a diaperless version of our everyday routine, victorious, but decidedly weary.

The Girl Who Cried Potty

Roper — Tue, 06 Oct 2009 20:33:00 GMT

Make that girls. And they don't actually cry, "Potty"; They cry "I'm makin' pee-pee now!" and "I'm makin' poo-poo now!" And (what a suprise) they do this most frequently at bedtime, typically right after I've put new diapers on them and changed them into their PJ's, or -- more nefariously -- right as I'm kissing them goodnight. Suddenly, they desperately need to sit on the potty or have their diaper changed again. And the law of twin physics applies here: if one of them wants something, the other one wants it too. So if I give in to one child's demands, I'd better be damned ready to do it in duplicate.

This is obviously a stalling technique, right? But the question of how to respond still stymies me. In the interest of potty training, we've been encouraging them to tell us when they need to go / are going / have gone, and I feel like ignoring their pleas just because it's bedtime sends the wrong message. Even if I suspect they don't really mean it. So, I usually give them a chance to sit on the potty, or I check their diaper to see if it's actually wet. (It almost never is, and they pretty much never actually do anything on the potty, except point out various things in the bathroom and ask for toilet paper.)

But, being two-year-olds on the brink of bedtime, this is never enough. They want to go again. They want to stay on the potty just a little longer. They want me to check their diaper again because this time, they mean it -- there really is a wolf. I mean, pee-pee. What am I supposed to say? "You had your chance. If you have to pee, just do it in your diaper?" Is this really the right thing to be saying to a child that you're trying to potty train -- and, in fact, plan to do a three-day potty training bootcamp with THIS WEEKEND?

And what happens once they are on their way to being potty trained and they try to pull this kind of shit? Sorry. That wasn't nice. Let me rephrase. If they're wearing underwear, and ask repeatedly to go to the bathroom -- after already "trying" -- am I supposed to just ignore their requests? And risk soaked sheets and stinky stuffed animals?

I'm hoping this is one more to file under "this too shall pass," and that once they are actually potty trained (or close to it), they will feel a little more in control and at ease about the whole bodily functions thing. As it is, they're a little bit in potty limbo. We've been taking a gradual approach, but haven't been good about being consistent in our efforts -- i.e. having them sit on the potty every night before bed. (We try sometimes, but they frequently refuse.)

Meanwhile, we've been hinting at the idea of underpants, explaining what they are and how they work (?!) and all that. I suspect that this in-between-ness is confusing to them, and maybe even a little bit frightening. The way poor Clio was screaming last night for us to change her diaper -- over and over and over again -- you'd think that her entire sense of security and safety in the world rested on the diaper changing ritual -- one of the last vestiges of "babydom" in her life.

Anyway, this weekend -- starting Friday, that is -- we're going to begin Operation Underpants. (I love how with little kids you get to say "underpants" -- a word that sounds absolutely ridiculous when used in reference to adult undergarments, but that is so perfect for little ones. And I refuse to call them "panties," by the way; I have always hated the word, and it sounds too sexual, to my ears, to describe children's underwear. But that's just me.) We put them in underwear -- sorry, underPANTS -- explain that they need to keep them dry and tell us when they need to go, plop them on the potty when it looks like they're on the brink of going, and reward -- but never bribe -- them with stickers, animal crackers, etc. And we pretty much don't leave the house all weekend. Gosh, it's going to be fun.

But we've got to bit the bullet and do it. Bedtime potty absurdity, aside, I think they're very ready for this, and I am optimistic that at least Elsa will get in the groove pretty quickly. I worry a bit more about Clio, but but if we can at least get one of them headed in the right direction, it will be progress.

Someday, I hope, I will look back at this post and laugh at myself. For being so excited about using the word underpants, that is.

Potty Training: Is it time to get serious?

Roper — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 17:34:00 GMT

Whenever someone asks if we've started potty training the girls, I'm not quite sure what to say. In a way, yes, I guess we have. We try to get them to sit on the potty before bedtime and naptime, which they're usually amenable to, as long as they've got a couple of books to read. Every once in a while, they actually produce something, and they seem proud of themselves. But they seem just as happy to go in the diapers. Elsa does ask to sit on the potty now and then, but more often than not, it's a stalling technique -- she doesn't want to go to sleep or go upstairs and get ready for bed. Still, i's hard to say "no, you don't need to sit on the potty right now." Because every once in a while, she actually does go. She's the girl who cried potty.

During the day, however, when they're happily engaged in playing, the girls have no interest in potty breaks. They like to announce when they're making (or about to make?) a pee-pee or poo-poo, but when I ask or suggest sitting on the potty, they resist. And I'm thinking it's probably not a good idea (not to mention physically impossible) to *force* them, screaming and crying, to sit on the pot.

But I feel like they're getting closer to more "advanced" toilet training. They're starting to learn how to push down and pull up their pants. And God knows, they're obsessed with talking about pee and poop. Elsa's twin baby doll, who she's never really had a name for (she's called her Elsa, Cora -- same as Clio's, and [insert nonsense syllables here]) has recently been christened "Peep." I'm pretty sure this is a reference to pee, as opposed to the Easter-time marshmallow treat. And get this -- Clio has now decided to change the name of her twin baby doll from Cora to "Poop." Yes, folks, that's right. Elsa and Clio have beautiful, silky-haired, American Girl bitty baby twin dolls named Peep and Poop. And there's absolutely nothing I can do about it.

So my question now is, should we be attempting to implement more regular and frequent "potty time" for the girls at this point? Or just continue to let things take their natural course?

I have to admit, that part of why we've been so relaxed about the whole toilet training is sheer laziness. Toilet training with twins presents some definite logistical challenges. If you pop one kid on the potty (I guess I'm saying potty again) you still need to worry about what the other one is up to. And, of course, that other one will inevitably take this unsupervised opportunity to draw on the coffee table or climb up onto a chair and start pulling knives out of the silverware drawer or trip and bump her head on something and start yowling.

The other option is to put twin #2 on the potty at the same time, if she's willing. But inevitably, while you are helping one kid get out of their diaper, the other one will get up off the potty and start running bare-ass naked around the house. And by the time you get her and bring her back -- and hopefully, she hasn't peed on the floor in the meantime -- the other one is up, and waddling around with her pants around her ankles. Like so many things with twins, it's rather like herding cats. Loud, silly, whiny, un-housebroken, disaster-prone, bare-assed cats. (Well, I suppose all cats are bare-assed.)

I know some people suggest letting your kids run around without diapers for a while and just putting them on the potty the second the need for it becomes obvious, but again, I think this would be really tricky with twins. While you're rushing one to the potty, the other one might be soaking your couch. Not cool.

Can I just hire someone to do this for us? Is there, like, Potty Training 911 for twins? The Potty Whisperer? Anything?

Introducing Bobby

Roper — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 19:40:00 GMT

I'd like to take this post to introduce the newest member of the Baby Squared household, Bobby. Who, you ask, is Bobby? Did we buy a hamster? Is it a long-lost cousin come to crash on our couch? Or have I been secretly pregnant for the past nine months and this is our new baby boy? No, no, no. Bobby is bright pink and made of molded plastic. There are two of him, actually -- one upstairs and one down. And Bobby isn't his actual name, it's just what Elsa calls him. It. OK, OK, enough with the personification ruse. I'm talking potties, people.

(You'll forgive me for not including any pictures in this post.)

At the girls' 18-month checkup last month, our pediatrician asked if the girls had started showing any interest in the potty. I replied that besides walking in on me while I was using it (the grown up version, that is...Robert?), and once or twice splashing in it when I forgot to put the lid down, not really. But at around 15 months, Clio had started letting us know when she wanted her diaper changed. First, she'd just point in the vicinity of her rear. More recently, she's started saying, "poo poo" too, as has Elsa, usually just before she's about to go. I told the doctor this, and she said that we ought to buy a potty and start explaining to the girls what it was, and see if we could get them to sit on it, maybe before bedtime.

So, I got a pair of potties at The Baby Superstore Which Must Not be Named and now we occasionally try to get the girls to sit on them, with or without diapers on, just to try to get the idea. I've gotten Elsa to sit a couple of times, but Clio hasn't been terribly willing. (Though she is very interested in taking the inner receptacles in and out.) They do both seem to understand, though, that their potties are for the same thing Mommy & Daddy use the big potty for -- "poo poo" and "pee bee," specifically. If they walk in on me in the bathroom now, I let them watch, and I explain what's going on. (Sorry, TMI, I know, but I suspect this is how they learn....) I've also gotten in the habit of saying "bye-bye [insert appropriate euphemism here]" when I flush the toilet. As a result, they seem to think that's a big part of Bobby culture. (At one point, while we were on vacation, I found Elsa in my aunt's bathroom, waving at the toilet, saying "bye bye!")

I think they're quite a long ways from actual toilet training -- they're only 19 months after all -- but it is cool that they're starting to make the connection between what happens in their diapers and what happens in Bobby. Today, when Elsa started saying "poo poo," I brought her into the bathroom and she sat on the potty on her own, diaper still on. She didn't actually go, but it felt like a step (seat?) in the right direction. And the other night we had an incredibly exciting occurrence: I was giving the girls a bath, and Clio started looking....concerned...and squatting weirdly. I said, "Do you need to go poo poo?" She nodded and said, "Poo poo!" and I whisked her out of the tub, onto the potty, and by George, the girl dropped her little bomb right on target! I clapped and praised her madly, then we flushed and said "bye bye." I was giddy for the rest of the night. (Clio wasn't nearly as excited.)

Now, here's the part where I ask your advice: what exactly is the correct protocol for cleaning these things -- the Bobby, I mean; not the babies -- after use? I know I dump the goods into Bobby Sr., and then do a quick wipe with toilet paper. But then what? Should I rinse the receptacle out in the sink? The tub? (If the girls aren't in it, obviously) The toilet? Should I designate a special Bobby sponge that I use to wipe them down with cleaning spray or something? I've always felt stymied and a little squeamish when it comes to cleaning things that have touched human waste. Like, I'm never quite sure how to rinse off a toilet brush or plunger after I use it, or where/how I should soak the girls' clothes if they get soiled.

I feel rather ridiculous asking, but if there is some standard Bobby-cleaning procedure you have that works, please do share. (Any other potty training tips are much appreciated, too!)