Parenting through depression

re: Parenting through depression

JBH — Sun, 17 May 2009 07:31:23 GMT

Thank you so much for posting your story online. I have suffered with severe depression since the birth of my daughter almost 4 years ago. There is still a huge stigma that will only be addressed as more and more of us talk about what is going on. I continue to try to talk to my friends, though I still get "I am too busy to be depressed" comments. So thank you for sharing your story.

re: Parenting through depression

Danielle — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 03:52:45 GMT

Sooo...ages away from kids and all, but your post gives me hope. Honestly, I know with my depression, I get terrified considering I might be responsible for another human being's safety. I wonder what on earth I'm thinking when I toy with the idea again. I feel terribly guilty when I imagine my future husband having to yet again stay home to take care of my future kids because "Mommy just can't deal with life" today. Thank you.

re: Parenting through depression

Roper — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 03:06:30 GMT

VJN -- I tried going off antidepressants when we first started trying to conceive, but relapsed and decided it was better to go back on. I stayed on while nursing, too.

The drug I took/take has no known major risks, so for me it was worth the trade-off. Depression is arguably no better for a developing baby than antidepressants. But it's definitely something to talk w. your doctor(s) about. Good luck!!

re: Parenting through depression

VJN — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 02:10:35 GMT

If you have suffered from depression for a long time and if you don't mind my asking, how did you deal with pregnancy? My husband and I would like to start a family soon. I am on anti-depressants now and have to get off of them. I am and I know my husband is afraid of what will happen.

re: Parenting through depression

Amber — Sun, 14 Dec 2008 06:36:46 GMT

Wow....after going through a very horrible week, i realized that i am depressed; and that im not the only mommy of twins out there that is. I have nine month old twins, and a four year old. I am a sahm who does nothing but take care of kids, and household chores ( which still doesnt get done the majority of the time). Out of all the time that i have, you would think that i could atleast keep the house clean right? Honestly, most of the time i just want to lay around. Its like i am so tired. I feel worse than i did when i used to pull twelve to fourteen hour shifts. If i went back to work, it would probably cost more in daycare than i would make. Although im obviously depressed, im undecisive on staying at home 24/7 and working. I truly would like to go back to work, as i know i could. They call me atleast once a month to see if i will. I even dream about being back at work some nights. I truly miss it. However, i worry that after a couple of weeks, ill regret leaving my kids to work. Especially if im not really making money for it, if im just working for a break. I could go to the doctor and see if they could treat me, however i dont have insurance at the time. So that would be another expense to worry about.

re: Parenting through depression

Clearblueskies — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 17:48:53 GMT

Showing the world your challenge makes it easier for others to not feel so ashamed if they are suffering the same. I too have depressions and some days I want to crawl under a rock and die. My kids, as tiring and challenging as they are, keep me going. I tend to isolate myself from people, then feel so lonely when the depression rises a bit. I wish I could connect with other Moms in my area to form new friendships. I am 42 with 2 children ages 9 (almost) and 12. God Bless to all who suffer under the dark cloud of deperession.

re: Parenting through depression

chochomom — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 02:21:04 GMT

You are brave and generous for sharing such an important thing with us. This is one small step towards destigmatizing depression and making the world a better place for all of us.

re: Parenting through depression

April — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 18:13:25 GMT

Cute costumes!

I have been having some mood issues lately myself. Turns out according to my RE it is still PCOS rearing its ugly head again. I went three months without a period and it was like constant PMS which caused me to have a mommy meltdown few weeks ago. I got on some progesterone to make me ovulate properly and I have been a bit better. I have always had depression or mood swings, but I think it has always been hormonal due to PCOS. When I was on birth control pills I was the most sane I have ever been....

re: Parenting through depression

Danielle — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 17:54:37 GMT

What a relief to read your words. I just called today to speak to someone about my depression since my little girl was born 11 months ago. I appreciate your candor and I want to help get people talking about this. I didn't think I was depressed because I didn't have negative feelings about my daughter and enjoyed being her mum so much. I thought in order for me to be "postpartum depressed" I needed to fit that image of the mother who couldn't connect with my child (as much as she wanted to). I connect with her just fine--it's the rest of the world where I suffer. It's gotten worse lately and I think I need more help than just me telling myself to get over it.

Thanks, Jane, and all the others, for these words.

re: Parenting through depression

wendyr — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 07:52:41 GMT

Thanks for this. My doctor has just taken me off my anti-depressants (after a long wean) to see how I cope. I am optimistic, but nonetheless, also pretty sure I will be back on them again one day! Anyway, this is helpful - the husband and I are thinking about having a baby sometime in the near future, and my biggest worry has always been how will I cope with it because of the depression and all. Knowing that others are going through it makes it all seem not so scary.

re: Parenting through depression

Shannon — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 03:55:09 GMT

I just want you to know that I think about your previous depression post at least once a week. When I first read it, I had just gotten help for depression, and you were so right on about what I was feeling. Especially about the physical side of depression. I wondered what could possibly be wrong with me, and I felt better knowing somebody else was going through it. I also feel better knowing that I'm not the only one who has relapses. I guess I just expected it to be like the Cymbalta commercials, where a sad person takes the drugs and then is frolicking through a field of kittens. Instead the depression JUST KEEPS COMING BACK.

re: Parenting through depression

Lin — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 02:15:39 GMT

Lots of smooches to you for sharing this! We need more people with depression to stand up and make themselves heard. Mood disorders have a ridiculous stigma attached to them which forces people to suffer in silence and shame. The more we can stand up and band together, the happier and healthier we will feel!

I've struggled with depression my whole life (I'm 25 now), and as I'm trying to find the right balance of meds, counselling and other treatments, it's really helped me to make my depression public and stop turning it into a quiet shame.

One way I'm doing this is obvious: I had a redwinged blackbird tattooed on my shoulder last weekend. It reminds me of Emily Dickenson's "hope is a thing with feathers" and lets me feel like I can be open about my mood disorder.

THANK YOU for 'coming out'!!!!!

re: Parenting through depression

Stephanie — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 21:59:34 GMT

I too have twins and battle depression. I was worried I would have a bout after pregnancy because I have had it off and on. Ending with 9 weeks of bed rest did not help! I waited until my boys were 7 months old to get help. My parents were in talks with my husband about what to do to get me help when I finally wanted it myself. I regret waiting so long and not loving those first 7 months. I hate having to take medicine but love being able to adore my very busy boys. I still have bad days, but I know they will end. That part is a big difference.

re: Parenting through depression

Gwynne — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 21:06:39 GMT

Thank you for sharing your experience; parenting through depression is indeed a major challenge. The upside for me is that I've gotten better at asking for help since having a baby, because it's not just me that needs taking care of anymore.

re: Parenting through depression

Mildred — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 17:48:57 GMT

I went through a similar issue with Paxil at one point. I would get a medication adjustment and be fine, then maybe 3-5 months later, things would start to go downhill again. They would do another adjustment, and I would be fine, and then it would happen again. The doctor was starting to think I was bipolar except for the fact that I was never manic, just depressed. Finally, I tired of it all and just stopped the meds. Which of course made me feel like heck so got a new doctor and she put me on Lexapro. I've been on it for 2 years now, same dose and have never needed an adjustment. (except for lowering it a little while I was pregnant)

Maybe you should talk to your dr about this particular med and whether or not it is the best for you.

re: Parenting through depression

Nancy — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 17:29:40 GMT

Just read your comment on my blog - we should *totally* do a MMOTA Bloggie night out!!

re: Parenting through depression

kgranju — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 15:15:13 GMT

I think it's so important for people who live with depression to be open about it. I grew up with a parent who suffered from this disease, and it was a big secret. He was afraid he would lose his job or people wouldn't take him seriously if they knew. He worked harder at hiding it than he did at getting help. He still managed to be an awesome parent, though :-)

Thanks for sharing your struggles. I am sure that you are helping so many other parents living with the illness.

-Katie

re: Parenting through depression

Vanya — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 12:34:57 GMT

I was going to write a fan letter, since I'm so hooked on your blog. I stopped reading the book I was into and I'm still reading through your archive (while my 7month old is prolonging her daily naps from 30 mins to a whole hour and a half, hooray!). Such great writing talent and wonderful insights into parenting can only come from a deeply sensitive and mindful human being (ok, this is a fan letter). Like everyone here, I greatly admire your courage to talk about depression (I lack that courage in my life) and felt the need to comment. No matter how many times this stupid, ugly, boring demon of yours strikes back, I really believe that,as your life moves on, you're not the same person it's happening to. The key thing you said is that Elsa and Clio make you function on a higher level. Well, it's definitely a higher mental and emotional level. So, you're not sailing through depression with the same gear each time. Also, now you need to handle two kids each day - who stand there opposing everything depression is. It's hard to give in completely, as you said. These are all positive aspects! i wish you smooth sailing and look forward to enjoying more great writing from you

re: Parenting through depression

Roper — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 12:02:00 GMT

I love you guys. Thanks so much for all the comments. It is so helpful to know I'm not alone, and a blessing to know that I may be helping other people realize the same thing.

re: Parenting through depression

mombo — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 01:57:19 GMT

The pic of you with the girls is awesome...they look like they're literally pulling you in two different directions at once, and you've got this look of strength and playfulness as you try not to get pulled to bits. A picture really does speak a thousand words...

Hugs from an appreciative reader. Take care of yourself.

re: Parenting through depression

Liz — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 01:38:03 GMT

I really want to thank you for posting about this. I live with depression, and while my years as a mom are pretty far off at this point(probably another 5-10 years) I like to know that I won't be going into blind. I will assume I will fight depression the rest of my life, and just knowing that you do it with twins at home and still come out again is just really comforting to me. Thank you again.

re: Parenting through depression

Twin Mom — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 23:56:04 GMT

I completely empathize with your love of mad men. My twins completely emphasize with rubbing play doh in the floor (or chalking the white carpet or smushing manderin oranges into the couch) while their mom is watching mad men and ignoring them.

re: Parenting through depression

Nancy — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 22:32:00 GMT

You know - I THOUGHT that was you at the party, and I was > this < close to saying "hey!" but I wasn't fully sure it was you...so I didn't.

Anyway...I've been reading your blog for a while and I really enjoy your wiseass honesty. And while I don't have depression (at least, I don't think I do), my mom has battled it for years, so I can empathize.

re: Parenting through depression

Clare — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 22:15:44 GMT

One thing that really helped me when I was sick was a saying by Winston Churchill ' If you're going through hell keep going'. The best thing in a weird way of having recurrent depression is knowing that you CAN get through it and feel good again. I applaud your courage.

re: Parenting through depression

Liz — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 20:56:45 GMT

Well said, as always. I think the honesty, difficult though it can be, is what helps us really reach out and connect and know that other people go through similar things.

And I'm so bummed I had a sick kid and couldn't make it to the party and say hey!