Killing the Blues

re: Killing the Blues

Susie Felber — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 14:40:54 GMT

Yes I am late to this. But this is a great post and a bold post. I have goosebumps. Although your story is not my story, I can relate in that we often gloss over things we can't or don't want to share -- important things. So glad you are feeling better and you help people when you are brave enough to tell the whole truth. Thanks for it. :)

re: Killing the Blues

elmomma23 — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 19:04:35 GMT

Hello Everyone,

It's been a week since I last went on Babble but I just want to thank everyone for the amount of good advice you've offered to me via this page...it means more than you all know...I'll just update you that I went ahead & asked my doctor to prescribe me some meds & I'm going to pick it up at the pharmacy this week...also, I'm looking into seeing where I can join a post partum group nearby...

Again, thanks for reaching out & giving me that extra support via this forum...

Jaja's Momma

re: Killing the Blues

Tracey — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 14:25:17 GMT

Kudos to you, Jane! Depression is a bitch. I'm glad you're taking care of yourself, and without shame or excuses. I lost it when I was pregnant, my doc put me back on Wellbutrin and all was fine.

I haven't needed it since, but I'd take it again if necessary. Part of being a good parent is taking care of yourself. Women so often place themselves last and shrug off their own health, mental and physical. It's good to know that more women are on the ball.

re: Killing the Blues

Julia — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 07:37:59 GMT

Okay, so this post has further convinced me that:

1) I will basically BECOME you in x number of years (I am too lazy to do the math. But let's say it's only two years. For your ego. Even though that makes you pregnant at...you know what, you're older than me but not old, how's that)

1.5) HUZZAH. I will grow up to be awesome.

2) We need to totally talk sometime (for why see 1 and 1.5)

2.5) It should be before Sandy Island

2.75) Also, preferably before MY depression returns because then I won't want to talk about anything.

3) Elsa and Clio are The Cutest Babies Around. After they graduate from being that they will be The Coolest (Nicest?) Kids You Know and then they can walk around singing that song from Hairspray. It'll be epic.

re: Killing the Blues

Lena — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 04:25:19 GMT

Wow. Look at all these comments. Jane, you really have no idea how many people you affect with each and every post. I was wondering if you were struggling b/c I could sense something in your posts of late (and it seemed like a few days would go by between posts). So, when I read this, it all made sense. I'm so glad you are feeling better - it really is important for our children to take care of ourselves, as hard as that can be at times. Bravo!

re: Killing the Blues

Alastair — Mon, 17 Mar 2008 01:53:44 GMT

Jaja's momma - I'm glad you found a doctor you can talk this through with. It sounds like a serious discussion about meds is at least in order. Hopefully, your doctor/therapist will also point you to some good articles and research to learn some more on your own about depression and meds. That was a huge help to me when I first went through this.

Finally, it sounds like your partner is not being a help to you in this process, at least so far. You need to be surrounding yourself right now with people that support you and understand what you're going through. Don't let anyone - whatever their relationship - undermine the seriousness of how you're feeling.

re: Killing the Blues

Lila — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 14:35:23 GMT

Thank you so much for this blog!

I'm pregnant with my first and quit my antidepressant after 10 years (per OBGYN and psychiatrist's recommendation). The "utter lack of happiness" totally describes where I'm at, but I thought I was being melodramatic. After reading your blog I feel better about approaching the topic again with my doctors.

re: Killing the Blues

AmyE — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 13:37:02 GMT

You never know who you will help by telling this story. When I was pregnant with my first child, a woman at a party told me about baby blues and I thought she was such a jerk. However, when I went through it, it made me feel much better knowing somebody else had been through it. My mother could relate, but she didn't tell me about it beforehand, perhaps hoping she would spare me by not having me think about it.

I went through full-blown PPD with my second child. I was training to be a labor doula at the time, and still did not recognize anxiety as a symptom. I went three weeks staight with no sleep. I finally got an antidepressant and felt better within a week, even though they tell you it will take longer. Maybe just knowing I had something to help was enough. Or maybe the worst of it had run its course.

In any case, I told all of my friends about this because I knew it would make them feel better if they went through it or they could tell any of their friends who went through it about me and it would make them feel better.

People who have not been through it or seen a loved one go through it may not understand, but the ones who do understand will appreciate your sharing your story.

Amy

Mom to 3 (Yes, I had another baby after that)

www.sofiabean.com

re: Killing the Blues

Miss Candy — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 12:17:52 GMT

Very glad you discussed post-weaning depression. I and several friends have experienced the same thing, but we were never warned about it as a phenomenon that happens to breastfeeding (nursing) mothers.

Otherwise, this post is terrific. Matches my experience perfectly.

My friend's mother calls it "intelligent women's syndrome".

re: Killing the Blues

Miranda — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 05:18:21 GMT

*standing ovation*

I just wanted to throw in some cheers for you. You wrote a brave, level-headed blog on this and you need to take a few bows.

I'm not a mom, I've not been through this, but I have had my own struggles with depression. I fear that when I do eventually have a baby that I'll have many of same problems.

Anything that helps get it out there and helps shake off the stigma is a fantastic thing.

re: Killing the Blues

GirlsGoneChild — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 04:29:22 GMT

Brilliant. You rock for sharing. And welcome back, lady. xo.

re: Killing the Blues

Roper — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 03:43:47 GMT

Jaja's momma -- I'm so sorry you're struggling, and hope everyone's responses to your comment have been helpful. I'm sorry your partner isn't more supportive, but I hope you'll continue to reach out for help -- talk to your psychiatrist, your primary care doctor, or maybe even try talking to someone at your local La Leche League. They counsel women on breastfeeding, but can provide (free) support for a lot of issues new moms are going through. You can find your local chapter via lllusa.org.

I'd also be glad to address some of your other questions (as best I can) if you want to contact me privately through my Babble inbox. You need to set up a (free) Babble account, and then you should be able to send me a message. My username is Roper.

In the meantime, take good care of yourself. You will get through this!

Thanks again, everyone, for your comments. I can't tell you how much it means to know that this rings true for so many women (and is maybe even helping a few feel better.)

re: Killing the Blues

nutterbutter — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 01:03:15 GMT

I am also the mother of twins who will be 2 in just a few more weeks. With my first child who is now 8 1/2 I suffered from severe post-natal depression.

When we decided to try for baby number 2 , avoiding a repeat of the depression was foremost on my mind. I sought approval to continue with my meds which was indeed fortunate when we discovered I was pregnant with multiples. I used a low dose medication and counselling and aside from occasional fatigue and frustration, my depression is under control.

My personal mission is to be honest with as many other women about my experience of post natal depression, as is possible. Many are perhaps uncomfortable and some still don't "get it", but at least one has thanked me for my frankness and told me that it helped her recognise her symptoms and get the treament she needed.

Sorry this is getting long.... but with my medication (a very low daily dose) I am able to take such pleasure in my toddler twins. I could not manage the breastfeeding side of things so I applaud you for having breastfed yours.

My girls are exceedingly happy little bright people with no delays, the meds did far more good than harm for our family.

re: Killing the Blues

Shannon — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 01:02:00 GMT

sorry the website is www.wcpcan.wa.gov/ppd

re: Killing the Blues

Shannon — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 00:55:08 GMT

Jaja's momma- here is an online webpage from Washington state that provides many links and lots of help

www.wcpcan.wa.gov/.../home.htm-

As the daughter of a woman who committed suicide from post partum depression when I was only 9 months old, please please please get some help. Your child needs you to be the best that you can be even if that means that you end up taking meds that keep you from breastfeeding. Having you around and thriving at her high shool graduation means more than anything. I have my own children now and can only imagine the agony that my mother must have endured. My children are adopted because I couldn't bear the thought of my kids having to endure what I did without a mom. I too have suffered from depression without pregnancy and was too afraid to chance it myself.

And thank you to Roper for this brutually honest and insightful post. I will share it with others in my family to help with the misunderstandings.

re: Killing the Blues

Jordan — Sat, 15 Mar 2008 00:34:47 GMT

No one has ever mentioned 'the weaning blues' before and now everything I've felt over the past week makes sense!

re: Killing the Blues

Jen — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 23:53:54 GMT

Thank you so much for posting this! As a breastfeeding mom, with a history of depression, it means so much to hear a honest experience!!

re: Killing the Blues

Maujer — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 22:22:22 GMT

Thanks for sharing that, I needed to hear that now, as I am trying to wean and totally having depression and anxiety.

One thing I want to add: postpartum depression symptoms are very close to thyroid symptoms, and let me tell you, as someone who has suffered both, it's definitely worth getting your thyroid checked just to be sure that's not a contributing factor.

re: Killing the Blues

Valerie — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 21:40:58 GMT

Thank you. I just restarted meds after thinking I was such a loser for being on (needing to be on) meds to begin with. So thank you, this helped.

re: Killing the Blues

Kristin — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 21:31:51 GMT

I want to thank you so much for this posting. Openly talking about this is critical. I suffer from OCD, and was not correctly diagnosed until a severe postpartum OCD episode after the birth of my first child in 2002. In my life I had two episodes of severe anxiety prior to the birth, but thought I just had “anxiety issues” unaware that OCD was more than obsessive, crazed hand washing. One of the things that your post does so well is to describe the physiological aspect of depression, which I found accurate and is very much the same with OCD / anxiety (you are “IN” it so to speak). This is important because I think it is very difficult for loved ones to help you if they don’t understand this aspect of the illness. Trying to reason with the person just doesn’t work! During the worst of my episode, I was in the hospital having hallucinatory nightmares and general fear so horrible I could hardly move, hardly speak. I was obsessed with the fear that I was going to somehow ? throw my baby out the window. This was something I could not describe to my husband, family, doctor, anyone. I was “IN” this other world and what was worse, the hospital was completely unprepared to deal with it. I didn’t breathe a word of my worst fears to my husband but did request a psychiatrist or therapist. They sent me a religious councilor who patted my leg and stared down at me with (what seemed at the time) a zombie, “yes I am in a cult, you should join too” expression. Our medical system does a TERRIBLE job of dealing with mental health issues. Why are we not all screened for postpartum depression and related illnesses during pregnancy? If I had, the potential would have been obvious and I would have been prepared with a psychiatrist and medication ready. My second pregnancy was like preparing for battle! I was lucky, it didn’t happen the second time around, In part because I was ready. Ok enough rant.. Thank you for your candor.

re: Killing the Blues

KP — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 20:54:52 GMT

And I, too, am so glad for this post. What a fabulous blog and what a courageous blogger! Thanks for helping things move in the right direction.

re: Killing the Blues

Bloo — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 20:52:20 GMT

Jaja's Momma - is there any way you could go to talk therapy without your partner? I know that couples therapy can be really useful, but in this case it sounds like you are having a bit more trouble than he is. It might be more useful if you could talk openly and know that the person listening was completely objective. Then your therapist could turn you on to a psychiatrist if you need medication. I know it's a scary prospect, but it is so worth it.

I'm really sorry you are in such a tough place and without a lot of close family nearby. Hang in there. You'll get through it. And you're not alone.

re: Killing the Blues

KP — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 20:49:38 GMT

Jaja's Momma,

I was in exactly the same state -- breastfeeding and wary of taking meds but feeling so awful without them. (I had been on them before the pregnancy but stopped when I learned I was pregnant. I felt absolutely wonderful the whole time I was pregnant -- but that ended about 24 hours after the birth!) I was unable to sleep and paralyzed with anxiety and exhaustion. I'm a single mom. I realized that I was just not there for my baby like I needed to be, and my dr. put me on zoloft, which he was certain would be fine. It worked -- I am back, I am enjoying my baby, and she is doing spectacularly well -- no problems at all. I just got to a point where meds were no longer an option but a necessity. I met several other moms (in a postpartum depression group) who had struggled with the decision but were glad they had gone on meds. The thing is that dragging along in a depressed state has really bad consequences for everyone. My dad was depressed on and off during my entire childhood (he was undiagnosed and untreated), and it wrought havoc in our family. I can't tell you what to do, but I wanted you to know that meds worked out well for me. Good luck!

re: Killing the Blues

newmama — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 20:49:30 GMT

good for you! i know it must've been a big leap to hit "post" on this one... you are brave and your girls are lucky to have such a strong mamma.

re: Killing the Blues

ewokmama — Fri, 14 Mar 2008 20:13:29 GMT

Jaja's Momma - this link describes the antidepressants that are the safest while breastfeeding. There are quite a few options, especially since your baby is older than 3 months.

www.kellymom.com/.../antidepressants-hale10-02.html

Usually the risks of medication are much less than the risks of untreated depression.