California Breedin'

July 2007 - Posts

  • We Hold Hands in Parking Lots, Too

    Every night at bedtime I pick out four or five books to read to Jackson before he falls asleep. He has approximately 40,000 books so it's easy to keep it fresh for the people. I normally choose an old Golden Book, something movie-based, a Calvin and Hobbes anthology, and something nonfiction/educational. So the other night we climb up into his bed and I show him what we've got to work with: The Taxi That Hurried, something short and colorful based on the movie Surf's Up (read, by me, in the voice of The Dude), Revenge of the Baby-Sat, and Children Just Like Me, a book put out by UNICEF about ten years ago to show privileged American kids that families who live in mud-brick jungle houses fortified with cow dung, tents in the desert, and urban apartment blocks all have the same dream: to be warm, dry, and loved, and to ride their pet dinosaur through a black hole.


    So we're in his bed and I say to Jackson, "What do you want to read first?" and he points to the girl on the far right of the top row on the cover of Children Just Like Me and says, with an uncanny amount of corny, hushed Drake-and-Josh-meet-Lindsay-Lohan awe, "SHE'S TOTALLY HOT."

     

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  • Do They Take Virtual Money at Vons?

    Oh, hi! Sorry I haven't been around much, but all my time has been sucked into that black hole of a Web site: Webkinz. If you have a child between the ages of six and nine your life, like mine, is potentially worth nothing more than how much KinzCash you can earn to help your child to feed and furnish the lavish rooms of his or her fluffy virtual Webkiz pets.


    It all starts innocently enough, as these things do, with a trip to the toy store. "What a cute little beagle/leopard/chihuahua/red-eyed tree frog!" says your child/mother/sister-in-law. "Oh, I just get this as a treat for [your child's name here]." And $12.95 later, the pet is sitting next to your laptop looking at you expectantly as you register her at webkinz.com, print out her birth certificate, and go have a look at her unfurnished virtual room. Next thing you know, little Pouncey Paw has a $1,200 TV, a $400 bathtub, Wizard's Den wallpaper, and a prancing elephant fountain next to her bed. (Kindergarteners are eccentric decorators, it's true.)


    My problem is that I've become a wee bit obsessed with one of the games you can play to earn KinzCash. (This Wikipedia link explains the whole phenomenon much better than I.) I don't want to earn money mining for jewels or answering first-grade-level science questions, or go to the clubhouse and play Connect Four against some kid in Florida. That kind of small-mindedness will earn you $15, tops. No, Color Storm is where the big bucks are at.



    I haven't been this obsessed with a game since my boyfriend let me borrow a floppy disk with Tetris on it. Or, wait, there were the years lost playing Shanghai II: Dragon's Eye, way back in the twentieth century. You can see the level of gaming I inhabit. Not for me, the Zelda marathons of my online friends; no, give me a line of simple, hypnotizing, storyless blobs and I will destroy my arrow keys to connect four of the same color so I can watch them disappear with a little *blop* sound effect. It is with Color Storm that I can earn, like, $150 in KinzCash and keep Jackson off my neck for at least half an hour. I know, I know, the point is for HIM to be doing it, not me, this is all wrong, I should be WORKING.


    Jackson is going camping for a few days next week with his dad. "Who's going to take care of my Webkinz while I'm gone?" he asked in a panic last night. Dude is going to have like $100,000 when he gets back. And a mom who needs glasses and a wrist brace.


  • Thanks for the free wireless, New York!

    On our first night of vacation in New York City we walked to Cafe Loup for a nice dinner. We'd last been there six years ago, when Jackson was still residing, rent-free, inside of me. We weren't too sure how out-of-the-womb and ambulatory Jackson would do in a grown-up restaurant, as we never go out when we're home in California, so we made him a deal: he could have dessert first and then we'd stop at McDonald's on the way home. Well, he could barely believe his good luck, having been born to a couple of suckers like us. So while he nibbled at his plate of cookies, looked out the window, flirted with the hostess, and then quietly played Kirby on his Nintendo DS, Jack and I had a terrific dinner.


    Then we all went home and took off all our clothes and laid down and tried not to move. Cold showers were useless as hot water was coming out of both taps.


    But yesterday, as we were walking through midtown at rush hour, after having taken Jackson to his first theatrical production (The Lion King, OMG HE LOVED IT), the heat wave broke:



    First, we bought ourselves three umbrellas. When we realized that we were all soaked to the ass, we took shelter on the library steps and badgered Jackson into sharing his daily ration of street food:



    When the weather briefly let up we blithely grabbed the wrong bus downtown. When it ejected us eighteen blocks from our destination the sky was black, the rain splashing from the curbs in drenching comedy bucketfuls, the lightening cracking straight over our heads, and Jackson was trying to decide whether to panic or say What the hell? and hightail it to the cab that Jack had used his black magic to summon. Once home, we bolted inside, stripped off our sopping wet shoes and socks, and vowed never to leave the apartment again.


    An hour later, we were back at Cafe Loup. The owner, Ardis, greeted Jackson by name at the door. Jackson shook her hand and for his polite behavior received a Shirley Temple, on the house. He ordered a cheeseburger from Julian, our waiter, and when he got tired of waiting for Jack and I to finish eating he went outside to talk to people on the sidewalk who were peering at the menu posted by the door to tell them that they should come in and eat.



    Ardis eventually went out and got him -- I'm not sure she wanted a six-year-old on the sidewalk shilling for her -- then she brought over some tape and scissors and cut out the drawing he'd made on the tabletop so he could take it home for grandma. Then I slipped him a little cash so he could pay our bill.


    Jackson loves New York, and I think it loves him back. 


  • Up and Away

    We're taking Jackson on his first trip to New York and as usual I've done no advance preparation. I know that children are allowed to live in New York City, and that during the winter months they're sequestered in large brick buildings called "schools," but what happens to them in the summer months? Do you just hand them a wrench, point to the nearest fire hydrant, and say, "Be home when the streetlights come on"?

    Or do you hastily buy a magazine in the airport and say, "Look, sweetie! The Museum of Natural History has an exhibit called, "Dragons, Unicorns, and Mermaids"!

    Child: "I don't really like dragons."

    You: "Oh."

    Child: "But I am interested in mythical creatures."

    You: "How OLD are you? You can't even read yet and you're all Look at my fancy vocabulary!"

    Child, humiliated: "I'm sorry."

    You: "Don't let it happen again. Here's a wrench."

    Kidding! I would never humiliate my child, I'll leave that to society and his first couple of girlfriends*.

    Anyway, on the other, the travel plans -- my husband grew up in New York, I'm sure we'll find lots of fun, legal activities that minors can be smuggled into.

    * At six years old my son appears to be really, really straight. I just felt like I needed to say that.



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About the Blogger

Eden Marriot Kennedy

Eden Marriott Kennedy in Santa Barbara

Eden Marriott Kennedy is an indifferent domestician who can knit a sweater in three years. A former editor and bookseller living in Southern California with a husband, a son, a bulldog, and a tortoise, Eden also blogs at Fussy and yogabeans!

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