Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

Amy — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 22:03:05 GMT

Oh sheesh. I'm sickened by reading this thread. Sickened, once again, at the militant, judgmental, harsh words from people who seem to think those of us who are unable or who choose not to breastfeed for ____ (insert random number here) ____ are ill-informed, lazy mothers who've been suckered by the formula companies.

Back off of us. Just. Back. Off.

Look, I had every breastfeeding book at my side, I took the class, I was ready and excited to breastfeed, and it was devastating that it didn't work for my child. Do you honestly think we formula mothers haven't tried everything? That we don't care enough about our children? If that's what you need to fictionalize for yourself so that you can march through your world feeling righteous, clucking your way past the inferior mothers, there is no hope for you as a human being.

It is this kind of judgment that keeps formula-feeding mothers of premature babies or babies with cleft palates or WHATEVER isolated in their houses, afraid to step outside for fear of someone seeing the bottle and giving them a glare, or lecture. And no, solely pumping and putting breastmilk in the bottle (which will still get glares, because breastfeeders rarely stop to consider that it might be PUMPED MILK before judging someone on the street) doesn't always work. A machine sucking at your body is not the same as a baby, and that can affect production, as does the enormous pressure from yourself and your lactation consultant and your worried family and your crying baby, NOT TO MENTION THE CRAZIES who are ready to beat you silly with their judgments.

Breastfeeders are not the only ones who get treated like pariahs - formula feeders do, too. It's horrible, especially when all you're trying to do is provide the best possible option, given your own personal circumstances, for nourishing your child. And you know what? I don't hear formula feeders raising a storm against breastfeeders, saying they're bad mothers making ignorant choices and swayed by a fringe movement - instead, we say, "That's so awesome that you can do that ... I wish I could have/I'm glad it's right for you" or whatever.

Guess what? My formula fed daughter is bright, sweet, ahead of all those milestones, and has never had a cold in her life at 16 months. She didn't freaking DIE from formula. In fact, it quite saved her. MamaT is using her "scientific FACTS!!!" as scare tactics, to hammer on other mothers, and that is just unacceptable.

Gah, </rant>

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

Kate's mom — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 17:59:09 GMT

Whenever the fanatics ask "why wouldn't you do what's best for your child, no matter the cost?" I wonder if they are doing whatever it takes (mortgaging the house, etc.) to send their kids to the very best private school? And why the hell are any of them working, isn't it best for them to be home with baby, no matter the cost? I also wonder - how the hell will her kid withstand such a judgmental mother?

Signed, a working mom who feeds formula AND breast milk and thinks the mean fanatics just need some sleep.

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

John "billy goat" anderson — Sat, 05 Jan 2008 00:02:13 GMT

I'm impressed with the anti-judgment backlash; at the same time, I'm a little disappointed that the tormentors haven't replied. No fire in 2008, sisters?

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

MsC — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 19:24:49 GMT

I was amazed at the amount of judginess that comes with this issue when it happened to me. I had always just assumed I'd breastfeed, for health and money reasons. Unfortunately, my boobs didn't get the message. Herbs, drugs, extra hydration, diet changes, breast-feeding 'vacations', pumping, pumping, pumping.... No matter what I did, not matter what the kind breastfeeding consultants recommended, my breasts would not produce more than a trickle. On my best day, I could produce 4 ounces in 24 hours.

This was devestating for me, but at least I was able to feed my daughter at the breast using a supplementer.

Most people were very supportive, but I did indeed meet people who insisted that I just wasn't trying hard enough. I could buy milk online, I could import illegal-here drugs from contancts of theirs overseas, etc.

So yeah, I agree with what 'c' said above. Every mother who isn't living under a rock knows that breast is best. Unfortunately it's not possible for everyone, for any number of reasons. And some people just choose not to.

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

Melissa — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 02:03:04 GMT

Good lord, you've woken the breast Nazis!!

I breastfed my son with no problem. Stopped at 9 months because he was losing interest and it was very difficult to be a full time working mom pumping twice a day. Besides, at 9 months, he was eating plenty of food. Breastfeeding is a wonderful thing, so is formula feeding.

Extremists are annoying, neurotic and oh so fve years ago.

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

Maujer — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 17:39:05 GMT

First off, I breastfeed my 16 month-old, so I think that gives me the right to say this with some impunity -- I hate the way breastfeeding is promoted. Hate. I think the breast is best campaign leaves way too many women out in the cold. If the LLL crowd took a more moderate stance, fewer people would call them fanatics and nazis. However, as things are, any women who doesn't breastfeed is demonized for it, or at best, given a condescending lecture about how she's not really trying hard enough.

In some ways exclusively breastfeeding actually sets back the women's movement by at least a century, tying one, as it does, to the baby and the home. While I applaud everyone who pumps, I think it's also dangerous to make parenting into such an extreme sport. Pumping is stressful, difficult, exhausting and time-consuming. Since the pump is about three times less efficient than the baby at extracting milk, I'd imagine your body has to work that much harder to produce it. I'm sure that takes its toll. And while I think it's fine to sacrifice for one's children, I think it's probably better not to make the limited time a working mother has with their offspring fraught with exhaustion and stress about how much nutrition they're getting. When do you exclusively pumping mothers get to relax and enjoy things?

I pity you more than I pity the formula fed.

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

Pete — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 17:58:21 GMT

Hey Idiot,

Is it true that Elsie's gone back to Earth's Best formula? That's the rumor. Just trying to get your endorsements straight, here.

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

S.A. — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 08:38:43 GMT

Wow.

What's with the judginess people?

I will chime in and note that I have taken care of many children, some who were breastfed exclusively, some consumed a mixture of formula and breastmilk, some who were fed formula exclusively. They are all healthy and smart and wonderful.

I will note that twins that I took care of who were fed formula exclusively (there mother could not breastfeed, though she would have loved to) are the healthiest kids I know, very rarely sick. I can count on one hand the number of times they have been felled by colds and whatnot-oh, and they are vegetarians. Stew on that for a bit.

Elsie is clearly a child surrounded by love. Isn't that what counts?

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

Nana — Thu, 27 Dec 2007 02:13:20 GMT

Every mother of every daughter and son, now parents, trying to find a balance applauds you both. Elsie is obviously thriving. You have consistently put her first through pregnancy, career changes and cross-country moves. With the perspective of many decades and multiple generations I can only say congratulations!

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

Maggie — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 19:27:27 GMT

Thanks for all the support! My heart goes out to all the working mothers out there who are trying to make everything work in a country that doesn't support us in the way that it should.

Happy New Year!

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

Joanie — Wed, 26 Dec 2007 15:34:13 GMT

Arthur and Maggie,

Your family looks happy and beautiful and healthy. Don't let any of these crabby people tell you who your wife's boobs are for, what your baby should eat, or how you should live your life! Good grief, I hate this debate -- nobody gets this worked up about children's solid foods; why so much angst over milk?

I'm from the Northwest, and I'm pretty hippie-ish. I breastfed for three months. Now I go to work, we use formula, I have sex with my husband, and life is grand. Sheesh, people, relax a little!

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

Mon, 24 Dec 2007 18:42:16 GMT

kudos to maggie for going for 10 months. everyone else who feels the need to spout off statistics and charts and chanting, BREAST IS BEST--what is it?? Do you think women who use formula DON'T KNOW THAT!? I mean, it's in all the books, all the websites, it's even on the can of formula for crying out loud. I wonder how you would feel if a thin woman talked about her size 5 frame non-stop. You'd probably go, "we get it--you're THIN!"

All this drama and lecturing other moms is such a waste. Do you honestly think there is a mama on this board who DOESN'T WANT THE BEST FOR THEIR CHILD? Good grief. Maggie and Arthur--you rock and yay for doing what you think is best. I couldn't breastfeed after 2 months b/c of various surgeries and medical conditions and i was DEVASTATED. I had a doula. My husband was home with me for 3 wks. And yes, three LLL women came over to help but instead all I got was guilt guilt and more guilt from LLL for not being able to stop all the pain medication i was on so i could breastfeed. meanwhile, i felt like i was losing my mind and so was my husband, who was losing his wife. i bawled my eyes out onto my child's onesie when i first fed him formula b/c of the "well-meaning" people who thought it was necessary to repeat "breast is best" info to my face when i was struggling to hold onto my body/mind that had recently undergone major surgery. but you know what--switching to formula absolutely let me be able to enjoy my infant and laugh again with my husband so it was the best choice for us. i totally believe breastmilk is the way to go, but please please please remember that it is not the case for all no matter HOW much support you have.

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

Carrie — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 13:44:13 GMT

I would love to get links to some of the studies mentioned by previous posters. I don't doubt that there are studies out there that link breastfeeding to such things as lower obesity rates, higher IQ, better health and so on. What I would like to know is how they controlled for confounding variables in order to prove the causal relationship between breastfeeding and the above mentioned attributes. Women who choose to breastfeed their children (be it for 4 months, 10 months or 2 years) likely share some other characteristics that could also lead to things like lower obesity rates or higher IQ. For instance, I believe that women who choose to breastfeed are more likely to read to their children from birth, limit television, limit fast food consumption and are of a higher socio-economic class. I would imagine that they talk more to their babies and use a wider vocabulary when they do so. I want to be clear, I have no actual data supporting these assumptions. It's just a generalization on my part in order to point out that there are many variables involved. I also want to be clear that I do not believe that those who choose to formula feed are all fast-food eating, illiterate, low-income, people who watch television all day. Do the studies mentioned somehow control or account for other variables such as the ones above?

Someone noted that formula fed infants are significantly less likely to survive the first year than their breastfed counterparts. I would also love to learn a little bit more about the infant mortality rates associated with formula consumption. I would hazard a guess that formula related infant deaths are fairly low in this country. I'm assuming the figure mentioned is related to the possibility that breastfed babies are less likely to die as a result of SIDS. If this is the case, I think it's important to note that this is not necessarily a scientifically proven fact. A causal relationship has not been scientifically proven on this matter because again confounding variables abound. As we all learned in high school science: "Correlation does not imply causation." Pacifier use at night has also been linked to decreased SIDS rates and there is many a breastfeeding proponent that would causation against pacifier use.

In the interest of self-disclosure: I am exclusively breastfeeding my son who is 5 months old. I work three eight-hour days a week. I was initially supposed to work 10 hour days but I just couldn't do it. Maggie, more power to you for being able to pull off those long days! I have had supply issues since going back to work and so I now have to pump every 2 hours for 30 minutes each time. This means that I spend 2 hours out of my eight hour day locked in a small conference room pumping. My workplace is extremely supportive of my need to pump. I know that I have it much easier than many other women and yet I still find it incredibly stressful to pump. There is stress related to my supply issues although that is becoming less of an issue with the assistance of a new pump and a wonderful lactation consultant. There is the stress of making sure I have a place to pump each day. There is stress related to knowing that I am not "pulling my weight" at work anymore because I spend a quarter of my time pumping (not to mention the time washing the various pump parts between each session).

Breastfeeding has been challenging for us from day one. With each new stage of my son's life has come a new breastfeeding challenge. Pumping has been even more challenging (and given me a whole new respect for cows!). I'm glad I have persevered but I know that all the stress had an adverse affect on my relationship with my son and husband during my babe's first 8 weeks of life. I have set short goals for myself. When he was born I promised myself I would make it to 4 months. Then I extended it to 6 months. I can only assume that when I hit that point I will extend it to 9 months and then 12 months and so on. I love looking at my babe and knowing that my body has made those fat little thighs and pudgy cheeks. That being said, we have a can of formula that sits on our kitchen table in case the day comes where I have not left enough milk for father and babe to get through the day.

I see no reason to harass Maggie on her choice to stop breastfeeding her beautiful daughter at 10 months old. That is a job well done in my opinion.

I also wanted to comment on the discussion of "hate" that occurred earlier. I imagine that might be related to Miranda's post that ended with "You are an idiot." Ending your post with name calling only brings down the level of discourse and frankly makes most of us discount the entire post. This can be a great, impassioned discussion but lets keep it civil and guilt free.

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

Kate — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 12:50:06 GMT

Ha! I needed a good laugh.Everyone does the very best for their family and situation and it is really funny to see you "open minded" people trying to stuff everyone in to the same little tiny box that you live in.Good luck Maggie and Arthur-your sweet baby is obviously very well cared for and loved.

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

Dwtintx — Sat, 22 Dec 2007 00:14:37 GMT

MamaT, I enthusiastically agree with the sentiments in your last post. The picking we moms do at each other for our individual choices makes me so sad sometimes (even as I fall prey to it myself- I try not to judge, but I'm not always successful, and I also get defensive as I did above), and I agree that it would be so much better if we could get more breastfeeding support from society generally, rather than ganging up on each other.

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

Molly — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 20:36:23 GMT

Maggie, I consider my 40 hours to be full time. It's squeezed into 4 days, which, with commuting out here in the middle of nowhere, means being away from my son for 11 or 12 hours a day, and sometimes more if I have a project to finish. Today is the day before Christmas break, so I have time to surf. True, it's a white collar job with an understanding boss. And true, most employers do not make it so easy, particularly for hourly wage workers. I understand all of that. I also understand and respect that people have infinite reasons for using formula/choosing breast/working/not working/eating organic/not eating organic. You asked and I responded because, generally, 40 hours is considered to be full time. Anyway, happy holidays.

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

renee — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 19:26:37 GMT

You and ZZ Packer both went to Yale? It must have gotten a lot more fun after I left (I assume I'm older.) I don't care what you feed your kid, but I'll just say this: I have 2 daughters, one adopted who had only formula and one biological who had only breastmilk, and guess which one is healthier? The one who isn't biologically related to me, of course.

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

LLLI — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 18:06:55 GMT

We are actually more interested in badgering mothers than anything. It delights us. We also have enough numbers/statistics about anything that we could make you crawl backward if we wanted to. And don't joke on us because we don't go that way.

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

Maggie — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 17:20:40 GMT

40 hours a week is not a full-time job. I can't even imagine what it's like to work only 8 hours a day. (And I suspect some of these "jobs" are 8 hours a day of surfing the net for, and responding to, "formula vs breast milk" blog entries.) My sister, who is on a 60% work schedule (and whose 7 month old daughter has been exclusively breastfed except for when she had jaundice), works more than that. Which leads me back to my original point, that exclusively breastfeeding is not possible for women working full-time, particularly non-white collar women. I agree with MamaT - LLLI should work on making breastfeeding possible for everyone. Instead, it appears to focus on alienating the female population with its proselytizing.

Anyway, Merry Christmas!

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

Occhio — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 16:11:04 GMT

I had eleven babies once. By the time they were two years old, the females were breast feeding their own infants. I wouldn't have had it any other way.

Love,

Occhio

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

Molly — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 15:26:47 GMT

I work over 40 hours a week, with a 45-minute commute each way and it was a total pain in the ass to pump...and embarassing to lug my pump down to the basement of the library where I work, but my son, who is now 16 months, never had formula. Though honestly? It's partly because it's been easier NOT to wean him...he's a tenacious little sucker (no pun intended). He's walking and talking, but until he figures out how to yell "I WANT BOOBIES," I'm not worried about it. Everyone on here is doing the best they can...

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

Chris — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 14:18:16 GMT

Listen, Maggie is clearly a smart, loving mama. Cut her some slack. She doesn't need a bunch of stats and figures, and if she feels that the best choice for her family is formula, awesome. It's not like she's letting Art fill the bottles with Coke (ha ha). Art's point is well-taken: there are many considerations to make when deciding when to stop nursing. And kudos for him (them) for sharing their reasons.

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

MamaT — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 07:34:10 GMT

Dwitintix: yes, you are correct. For some reason your first response did not appear until long after your second response.

While formula feeding in the US is less deadly than in the developing world, it still has dire consequences here - as exclusively formula fed infants in the US are twice as likely to die during their first year of life than their breastfed counterparts. This is even after adjustment for the infants that are fed formula due to infant/maternal illness.

My point is that breastmilk is the standard for infant nutrition and development. This is not about criticizing the individual mother, but a call to arms to change the overall culture. The first step is bringing to light the normalcy of breastfeeding, and the true risks of formula feeding by choice. Even as a healthcare professional, I knew only a small amount until I took it upon myself to learn when I became a mom.

Instead of the mom vs. mom bickering, I would like to see concerted efforts to support breastfeeding in public, workplace breastfeeding acceptance, increased breastfeeding education.

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

pumping mom — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 03:38:02 GMT

OK, but what about the data that say that women while pregnant and lactating have reduced short-term memory? Enough of being stupid! I need my brain back after a year of lactating!

re: Formula Vs. the Almighty Breast

Dwtintx — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 02:22:01 GMT

MamaT, I think you are referring to Tina and john "billy goat" anderson regarding the hate, but I want to be clear- I am not saying any of what anyone has written above is hate. I agree 100% that breast is best. I wish I could have continued, but I just couldn't, for my sanity. I don't think that formula is instant poison, but I wouldn't think that, would I since I gave it to my daughter exclusively for 7 months of her life.

Let me get a little pre-emptively defensive (though I want to stress that I am NOT trying to be provacative here, only want to share my perspective, and hopefully everyone reading will take it in that vein) and say that some breastfeeding advocates might note that my reasons for stopping pumping had more to do with MY happiness, MY career, MY sleep, and that if I were more committed, I would have kept going. I don't really know how to answer that, because anyone who feels that way probably won't be persuaded. But I will say that yes, my mental health took a turn for the better when I decided to stop pumping. And I was a better mom, a more nurturing mom to my girl, once I shed that stress and worry. It was an agonizing decision, but once it was made, I'm pretty sure it was better for my baby to have a happy mommy who made the most of the limited time we had together.

I could keep having a running argument with me on one side, and, well, me on the other, but I'll stop now! Always interesting having this discussion if it can stay civil. Certainly my choices were not what I thought they would be pre-baby.