Dear Mommy,
I’m the sweet, innocent, adorable little light of your life - your
princess - and I have needs. Just like you, I desire the finer things
in life. A nice crib to yell in. Gourmet foods to spit up. Soft diapers
to poop in. Plush friends to boss around. Miracle creams. So this
holiday season, here’s my list of demands suggestions that might make me smile. Then spit up.
We all know German engineering is best. That’s why I’d like a mountain of Baby Dior Silicone Pacifiers.
They’re only $45 each. I will lose one hourly for about
three days. Then I’ll have a whole bunch to play with and then - POOF!
- they’ll all disappear again. I’d love to tell you how I perform this
trick, but then I’d have to kill you. Sorry.
I also need quite a few Baby Dior Crown Baby Bottles
- anything with a princess crest on it, you know. It’s odd that you’re
paying $45 for a plastic bottle that isn’t labeled BPA-free. It’s not
even glass. Oh, I get it. Ha-ha. Those Germans crack me up.
Love, Your Baby
