Gwen Stefani recently told UK newspaper The Guardian that she plans to keep breastfeeding indefinitely: “I don’t know when I’m going to stop breast-feeding, I’ll just keep going while I can - like, he’s getting his teeth so it is a little bit scary. He’s bitten me a few times! Breastfeeding is just obviously really convenient with my lifestyle."
So there you go: from Katie Price's "don't want no baby on these boobies" approach to nursing to Gwen's "porta-baby convenience" stand, we've really run the celebrity gamut on nursing this week. Feel free to disparage or praise at will.
Me, I'm not so interested in the debate (which has been more than adequately hashed out here and here), so much as I am in this deeply puzzling mystery: why, if Gwen's packing all the milk and Katie's made hers disappear through sheer force of will and silicone, does Gwen have teeny little pert boobies and Katie have super-sized monsters that look like they could wet-nurse a herd of cattle? I know, I know - miracles of modern plastic surgery and all that - but still: my boobies were gargantuan when I was nursing. Why does Gwen have the chest of a thirteen year old? And why - why oh why, irony of ironies for a formerly flat-chested girl - do I feel cheated for having had those massive knockers when confronted by that perky pertness?
(My teenage self is rolling her eyes so far back in her head right now that she can see herself think. And what she's thinking is: Old Self, dude? Envying on some chick's tiny milk-producing titties? Why have you not shot yourself yet? Also: eeeewwwww.)
