I've decided to give up sleeping and had some time on my hands, so I took on a little scientific experiment. I studied all 9,236,450 pictures of Britney Spears taken over the last two years, and she was carrying a Starbucks cup in every single one except for THREE! Shocking, I know.
In one of them the drink was being carried by her manny and in another she had set her cup down to shave her head. The third one was onstage at the VMAs but I heard she had two Frappuccinos stuffed in the back of her shorts so maybe that one doesn't count.
What's going on? Maybe it's premature to say that the coffee drinks are crack-laced, but how else to explain her addiction? I'm going to study this further, but don't worry - I'll use my science for good, not evil. In fact, the first thing I'm going to do is smear little Sean and Jayden with espresso powder and see if Britney gets the sudden urge to start carrying them more.
