Dr Laura did not say that.  You're the idiot for writing such a misleading post.

Sure sounds like she said that  from the video. What's with the name calling anyway?

Holly...so I guess that means MSNBC got it wrong too. www.msnbc.msn.com/.../23575221

Holly, you are dip.

I think it was intreresting that Dr laura said she did not know the specifics of the Spitzer family but that did no stop her from throwing her speculation into the ring.

What grabbed my attention is how people were so "offeneded " by her theory. It does happen women don't feel loving and the men go elsewhere for nooky but the same thing happens with women their husbands grow cold and the women seek love elsewhere.

It is a mutual responsibility of both partners and if it gets to a point where they need to go outside for sex and can't tell each other  their carnal needs the marriage is doomed until they can

Holly, why do Dr. Laura defenders always hurl personal attacks at people who criticize her?  Isn't there such a thing as freedom of opinion?

wake up people, men are still men.  they still have the same needs as they did thousands of years ago.  it is not going to change. deal with it and quit pretending that men actually WANT women who pay more attention to their careers than their husbands.  not gonna happen, no matter how pissed off we get.

Everyone WANTS their spouse to love, support, make love to, be supportive of, be proud of, be attracted to, be friends to, and have compasssion for them!  Some people stray because they lack those things and it is obvious that the other person isn't going to "wake up" and realize they are destroying the relationship via "neglect".  Cheating is not the answer and it is wrong...but it happens and people get hurt!  Cheating, obviously, destroys the relationship too!  It is sad that people take each other for granted and don't have the courage to either confront it, fix it, or leave it!

Is it so wrong to make an effort to give your husband the respect and fulfillment he needs (not just sexually, but in all areas)? If one spouse makes the effort, the other one will most likely begin to reciprocate, whether consciously or not. You have to admit that, if someone cheats, it's probably because they aren't getting what they need from their spouse, whether it's the husband or the wife. When he realized he had this kind of urge to be with a prostitue, he should have examined his marriage and communicated with his wife rather than running to whore it up with someone and spend that kind of money on it.

Amen, Carolyn and Kelli!

So this marriage thing is oneway street. Whatever happened to the man standing by his woman making her feel loved, and important, and fullfilled, and needed, and on-and-on. This just isn't a oneway thing folks.

I think the Eliot Spitzer needs to be introduced to Lorena Bobbitt. Dr.(?) Laura Schlessinger is a pompous, arrogant, narcissistic ass, and should be tarred and feathered and cast adrift at sea, and hopefully will never be heard from again. I think that after listening to her empty blather, it should give one good cause not to go to a counselor.

I agree that "doctor" Laura was wrong to say Spitzer's wife is to blame, but to argue that his wife is 100% the victim is the same as arguing she's 100% to blame. None of us KNOW what kind of relationship they had. It's possible that Spitzer's wife IS the victim (I would lean that way myself), but it's also possible she stopped caring about him a long time ago. Who knows.

Cheating on a spouse is rarely a simple thing. It shouldn't be discussed in such black and white terms.

It's possible Spitzer was lonely, unloved and trapped in a cold marriage. It's equally possible his wife was very giving and couldn't meet his excessive demands for attention and domination. I don't know either of these people, so I can't judge.

Here's what we do know: Spitzer--a public official trusted to shepherd the public well being--had absolutely no self control. He got to play the big shot, getting the adoring press and (presumably) the big money and that wasn't enough. He knew contracting with the Emperor's Club could possibly connect him with organized crime, bring down his career and destroy his family and he did it anyway. And he spent thousands of dollars that should have stayed with his family.

So I have no tears for poor, poor Eliot. He should "man up."

I believe that "James" and "Jason" are actually women posting under male names, for I have yet to come across a man that does not agree that women have progressed toward a trend of domination that is pressuring men to swim upstream against their natural state of being. Women are pinning men as evil, and creatures that need female influence to teach them how to behave. From studying Anthropology in my school career, I have concluded that we are all deviating from our natural states and in turn have become miserable and confused. It is ashame we have denounced nature and decided we can control what we please. We still have the same primal urges that must be attended to for us to be truly happy and peaceful with ourselves as humans.  In my opinion, however, the bottom line is marriage MUST be about honesty and if either party feels abandoned, the most effective solution is to come clean and deal with the issues head on. But, that is the hard road and unfortunately our microwave society would rather do easy than honest.

You know what?  Nothing can "drive" a man to a hooker.  Period.  I thought "Dr" Laura was all about personal responsibility.  Apparently, that doesn't apply to husbands.

I just read that Spitzer requested kinky things (one is called a "steamroller") from the hooker.  If this is true, I can't blame the wife for "not meeting his need".  

We can choose to cheat or not cheat, but the choice is always, and I mean always, up to us, unless perchance we're mentally deficient.  I don't believe men are mentally deficient.  Dr. Laura is fond of saying they're "simple creatures".  How insulting, when you think about it.

Everyone knows men can't keep their dick in their pants.  If nothing else, at least show the wife some respect and leave the relationship before dipping your wick elsewhere.

Monogamy is highly over rated.  Staying together because of kids or whatever other excuse you use, just isn't worth it.

I don't believe that men simply wouldn't cheat if their wives were doing everything they could to meet their needs (*gag*).  I think some men cheat for a reason that no amount of wifely attention could address:  they crave illicit encounters.  They like the danger and it's a little hard to feel "dangerous" and "illicit" in a long term marriage, I don't care HOW adventurous your role playing is in your sex life.  I think some men crave variety as well.  Most of these men either don't get married or are monogamous and use fantasies.  I expect our randy public officials (especially the ones crusading against prostitution like Mr. Spitzer) to find responsible ways to deal with their sex drives while living a public life.  

OK, let's all blame Mrs Spitzer for not wanting anal ar a three-way--after all, it's a wife's responsibility to give her husband whatever he desires regardless of how uninterested, freaked out, or disgusted she is in his sexual fantasies.

Why is the Today Show giving Dr Laura the time of day?

They should have figured that out before they were married.  I was very clear about my husband's sexual expectations from the beginning, freaky and all.  If I had not wanted to participate I would have looked for a different man.  It does not make his cheating right.  He seems like he has issues in other parts of his life as well. He has lied about his morality and was crusading for something he did not believe in. The man must have been messed up for a while.  Lies, lies, lies. You cannot live any part of life that way...

To lotsolove... Sorry, but you would be wrong. I am man, and have been happily married for 42 years, and meant every word I said about Spitzer and Schlessinger. I saw this as a child. My father did to my mother what Spitzer just did to his wife, and I know the pain it caused her. I can't even begin to wrap my mind around what Ms. Spitzer is going through right now. So don't think for a minute that I "support the bad guy", because I don't. When this is all said and done, I hope she cleans his clock!!

Some men do have principals and morals, and do understand what "until death do us part" means. You simply don't stay happily married wihtout one hell'va lot of hard work, mutual respect and support for one another.

So...sorry to dissappoint you, but not a woman in sheeps clothing.

I agree with you, James. My grandfather was a monster of a man who cheated repeatedly on my grandmother.  My grandmother stuck by his side, but the real damage was done to my dad. He was so hurt and still deals with it, silently. Dr laura mentioned sociopaths as cheaters that will do it no matter what, I wonder if that applies to my grandfather? Congratulations on your 42 years.

Malaina - Thank you for your kind words. My father was preditor. It wasn't just a one-time thing with him. It was a way of life for him. Sadly...my mother stayed with him to avoid the shame I guess. I don't know. My father died when he was 65, my mother when she was 78, and the pain never went away. She died an emotionally painful death.

I am sorry for you and your mother's pain, James. There are many wonderful lessons about marriage we can learn from our elders, they really stuck by each other no matter what.  I am thankful, though, that we now have the freedom to leave a partner who obviously has many serious problems that we cannot help no matter what the degree of dedication. My mother has stuck by my dad's side through lots of hardships, but I have never doubted that he has been true to her and loved her and his daughters more than anything in the world. I believe this is when you stand by your man, not when he is abusive- in any sense of the word.  I can only hope that my marriage will endure as theirs and yours have.

I think people are missing the boat here... The only "facts" are that he did have extramarital relations - with a prostitute and has been associated with a shell company used by influential people for such activities... IMHO Elliot felt that he was above the law and would never get caught... The fact that he was paying, big money at that, for something he could get for free helps confirm that he felt that he was privileged...

It hasn't been proven that Silda Spitzer was frigid and uncaring of her husbands wants and needs... If I was Silda I'd be just as mad about him squandering family money as for the act itself... I see no need to place any blame on Silda whatsoever... I'd pay good money to see Silda beat Dr. Laura within an inch of her pathetic life... Now THAT would be money well spent on entertainment...

normally ihave to agree sayin Dr. laura is an idiot, but this time she may have just nailed. after awhile women change (kids career etc.) and they can stop being advanturous in the bedroom and well if you dont pet the dog now and then he wont stay on the porch. then there is that whole DNA thing where men want to bang every single women we cant help that. but the most likey reason is that he is a billionaire and it really costs him nothing to go and bang supermodel quality women. it would be like me spending $50 to have a victoria secrets model quality. would i do at so cheap a cost to me .... probably but i am a pig.

It seems that all high profile lives are chaotic and stressful. Who knows what these folks go through?  We put public figures on pedestals, hoping they are model citizens, but the reality is that we may never know them better than we know someone passing us on the streets.

Triz, nothing wrong with wanting "adventure in the bedroom".  Whatever floats a couple's boat.  But as Maliana said, the details should be worked out before marriage, so both know what they're getting into.

Ho'ing around and blaming it on the fact that women want careers is lame.  Next thing you know, Laura will be saying women having careers causes STD's.

Dr. Laura knows NOTHING about sex/pornography addiction which is CLEAR to me that Spitzer has.  It has absolutely NOTHING to do with the wife and EVERYTHING to do with him.  I can not wait for Dr. Laura to get her head handed to her on a platter when she realizes someone in her own life (husband or son) suffers from this and is not even man enough to admit and uses her scapegoat of the wife/girlfriend that it is all her fault completely absolving the man of any personal responsibility.  In fact, the more I think about this - I'm reminded of my mother-in-law.......

hes human..less famous people out there do the same thing or worse...hes just stupid to get caught

I love DR. Laura and respect her opinion. I won't go as far as to say it was the fault of Silda Spitzer, who by the way is not so bad looking, but I don't know all of the details of their marriage. Eliot Spitzer's a pig and I wished that his wife would have stayed home and told her cheating husband to attend the media by himself. My wife & I have been married for 16 years and she's still a frisky thing in bed. Perhaps Mrs Spitzer should read cosmo mags.

you've got to wonder why he would risk everything, his family, marriage, career, reputation for sex with a prostitute.  and wonder how many times he has pulled the same stunt before getting caught...  what a selfish prick!!

Did you read about the escort involved in this matter? Who on God's green earth knows why she was 'driven' to sell her body [the external attachment to her soul] for money? She sells her body for money. Maybe she is one of those types of girls/women that just enjoys the carnalality of freaky  and nasty sex. But wait, did you see how she came from a very dysfunctional home and ran away at the age of 17, bascially following the footsteps of another sibiling that had already run away? Did you read about the abuse she witnessed and experienced? Her 'drive' as well could come from a combination of both. In fact, the very reason she seems to enjoy nasty freaky sex could be a direct result of the abuse she experienced.

People do all kinds of things for different reasons. We just don't know. And if everybody's house has windows, no one should throw rocks.

Also, Malaina and SuzyQ-- Are you both in long term relationships? I ask this because of your stance on the fact that the sexual aspect of things should have been talked about before marriage. Question: Once you became committed to your significant other, did you cease to grow and change? Are you and your partners free to change your minds and tastes and interests and really enjoy the many things that life has to offer? You sound very stoic/static. Partners in relationships are often 'driven' away to other interests because life gets boring because people are set in their ways and won't grow or change. How boring life would be if we refused to change and evolve? Think about it.

To All: Let's not be so judgemental. Try to be a little more open minded. We should really take the time to stop and think and step outside of ourselves sometimes and look at circumstances from the other person's point of view.  I guarantee you that a car in the middle of the road always looks different from the other side of the street.

Much Luv to ya all. :-D

I totally agree with the person that made the stmt that discussions such as these are never in terms of simply black and white.  There are so many different reasons any of this could have happened.

Please read and think about it...

Suzy Q, Stress drives some people to work harder, stress drives some people to want to sleep their troubles away, it pushes others to drug usage, it pushes countless others to commit suicide, and some are driven to perform a combination of them all...... so just as stress can 'drive' a person to do any of the above listed things, some other unknown reason could have 'driven' ex-gov. Spitzer to his 'hooker' as you so eloquently referred to her (smile) - it has been clinically proven that stress most often pushes men into depression.

cont'd...Most men repsond to depression VERY differently than women. One of these responses is that men generally tend to exhibit and become addicted to impulsive behaviors such as gambling or sexual indiscretions. Or maybe the doctor was right, maybe he's a psychopath that gets his kicks out of this kind of behavior or he may be lacking something in the sexual relationship he has with his wife but also has something lacking in the relationship [it's called friendship] that won't allow him and his wife to communicate openly about MOST things. Or maybe it's a combination of all of those things. See how complicated this can get?

Dr Laura's thoughts are BS!  His wife needs to feed his ego MORE!  How's about he get more concerned about his families needs.  He's supposed to be the leader, not the needer!

what is a steamroller???

Oh boy!  I am so glad you wrote this.  I was forced to listen to this dribble in the waiting room at the doctor's office and when she said that first statement about being a "good, supportive wife," I laughed OUT LOUD.  Then I looked around me at all the other people who sat there with their mouths agape.

I don't know how on earth that woman (if you can call her that) sells books.

We don't really know how their marriage is and neither does the "Dr.". Maybe they have problems or maybe he does have  a great wife, but, like some men, just crave variety no matter what they have at home. However, I think he should have thought about how his actions might effect his children if (as it turned out)he was "found out". They must be so embarassed.

Kev,  I'm actually in a great, stable marriage that has lasted 22 years. Sorry if that disappoints you.  We have three kids.  My husband has never cheated.  We both take care of each other.  That's the key - marriage is a two - way street.  My husband actually understands if I'm too tired for sex, and I understand if it's the same with him.  I do most of the cooking and housework, and work part time.  He cooks sometimes, too.  Makes great spaghetti.  He does housework, too.

If I have a day off from my job, I don't wear makeup and pearls to vacuum and do laundry.  I wear comfy clothes.  If I wore makeup and nice clothes to do housework, my husband would worry about me.  I don't do as Laura recommends and take care of him because of some ever-present threat that he might cheat or leave me.  That's a terrible way to live.

One more thing - what she says is akin to saying that if a wife doesn't keep enough money in the bank account, her husband will "have to" rob a bank.  Bank robbery is immoral and illegal, but gosh, the poor guy wouldn't be able to help himself.  B.S.

P.S., re: stress and depression - both my hubby and I have had our share of that.  We've been through some very stressful times over 22 years.  I won't get into details, but we were always able to communicate and make the right choice in the end.  Nothing can negate free will, except perhaps some kind of mental deficiency.  I don't believe most men (or women) are mentally deficient, even though Dr. Laura calls men "simple creatures".

Kev, I understand your point. That was not exactly what I meant by saying you should know what to expect before marriage. And unlike SuzyQ, I am actually a newlywed.  I certainly did not ask for or receive a detailed list of expectations, not subject to change.  BUT, I have been incredibly aware of my husband's strong sexual drive, his stance on porn, the depth of his fantasies, etc.  So if down the road, a steamroller type inquiry arose, I would not be so shocked;)  I do believe people change and that we are supposed to change.  But, I also believe that nine times out of ten, a person's integrity and character remains fairly stable throughout their life, unless they become stricken with mental problems or something else of the sort. As has been mentioned, we do not know the Spitzers and cannot make any assumptions.  Mrs. Spitzer may have been aware of other wrongdoings or lack of character within her husband for years, even things she herself supported.  We just don't know.  But I believe there are always clues, IF you are paying attention.

Celea,

I'm actually on the opposite coast from New York, and I misinterpreted the "Steamroller" nickname.  It apparently was given to him because of the way he tried to destroy his opponents.  I googled it and found it was also a nickname for a very kinky sex act, but I don't know if Spitzer was into that.

It is also likely that Spitzer felt above the law, remember he was trying to stop prostitution rings.  Just call it corruption of the powers that be in our government.

As far as Dr Laura goes, she is the most misinformed person I have ever had the misfortune to listen to.  Go back to the dark ages Dr Laura!  

are you from mars?

We cannot undo what's done.  We have to forgive and forget.

We have to move on from this mistake.

My admiration goes to Mrs. Silda Spitzer for her COMPOSURE and DIGNITY. She's BEAUTIFUL, INTELLIGENT, and CLASSY.

What in God's name kind of excuse is that for a man to do his wife wrong.  What ever happend to the marriage vows they said to one another?  I mean come on...  And there's always 2 sides to the story so how is Dr. Laura really going to make a judgment call on this? She's got a degree in IGNORANT.  

Dr Laura needs to be GETTING ADVICE, NOT GIVING it!

I remember one woman called in and complained that she was tired of her husband leaving his dirty socks on the floor. Dr. Laura told her to just be glad that she had a husband!!!

I guess that means if a wife does not flush a tampon down the toliet, then HE should flush, shut up and just be glad he has a wife! I would never take this woman's advice or buy her books. She sucks up to men and blames the women for the man's bad behavior.

She is worse than IGNORANT.

Patrick Swayzy has cancer and is taking Chemo. I am sure that he does not feel like having sex, so I guess Dr. Laura would suggest that his wife hire a male escort to fulfill HER NEEDS. Or maybe by Dr. Laura's rules this only applies to men........LOL!

Joyce

When someone cheats, they, and we, should spend less time wondering what their partner was failing to give them in the realationship and spend more time WONDERING WHO THEY ARE AS A PERSON, WHAT is their VALUE system and whether or NOT we want to continue to associate with them, with someone, anyone, like that. IF it was a mistake AND they are contrite AND THEY have examined who they are as a person and what their value system is and how THEY want to live their life, and they can consistently demonstrate that to us, consistently over time then we,their partner, can choose our behavior e.g. whether or not we are going to stay.