Okay, I know: all pregnant women are beautiful. They glow with the light of a thousand moons, and emanate all of the beauty and gloriousness that is within Mother Nature’s power to confer. That said: all pregnant women might be beautiful, but they are not all hot. There’s a difference.
Jamie Lynn Spears is an adorable little pregnant creature, but to call her hot would just be wrong. She’s a sweatshirts and polka-dots kind of pregnant-pretty, not a holy fox hot mama! kind of pregnant-pretty. Ditto Melissa Joan Hart, back when she was pregnant – and this notwithstanding those nude photos she did. She was – is – just too wide-eyed girl-next-door-who-happened-to-get-knocked-up pretty to be a truly hot preggo. Tori Spelling desperately wants to be a hot preggo, but – in large part because of her insistence that she’s hot – she’s really more in the category of attractive-woman-misguidedly-aspiring-to-MILFdom. Which is to say, not all that hot.
Salma Hayek in her pregnancy? HOTT. Ditto Halle Berry. You know it when you see it.
Herewith, then, the five hottest celebrity preggos of Spring 2008:
Angelina Jolie. A no-brainer, really, because she could out-hot anybody, any day, under any circumstances. (Evidence? She was hot as a LIZARD in Beowulf. That’s some serious mojo.) So get that pregnancy glow on her and the few extra curves that maternity provides and you have smoking partum hotness. Smoking.
That eye candy on her arm doesn’t hurt, either.
Gwen Stefani. Some might think her a little too hard-edged for the title of ‘HOT’, but that’s just the thing. Gwen, when not pregnant, is a little bit hard-looking. Like, she could and would kick your ass hard-looking. With those biceps and all that black eyeliner and all. But pregnancy softens her up, just enough, to turn that hardness into bona fide sexy. She could still kick your ass, but she’d keep one on her belly while doing it. Which is kind of sweet, yanno? And definitely sexy.
Granted, that muu-muu is a bit more ‘Mrs. Roper’ than it is ‘pregnant hotty,’ but I would never say that to Gwen’s face. Because, that whole ass-kicking thing? Hot, but also a little intimidating.
Laila Ali. She’s just flat-out, full caps, GORGEOUS. And she could, very possibly, out-fierce Gwen Stefani. But, like Gwen, that fierceness tamed by a little partum softness just becomes extra-strength (in all senses of the term) sex-ay.
I mean: a pregnant American Gladiator? What’s hotter than that? Seriously.
Alessandra Ambrosio. Okay, so maybe it’s bit too easy to name a pregnant Victoria’s Secret model to a list of hot preggos, but really – it’s easy for a reason. Brazilian lingerie models are the sine qua non of conventional hotness, so is it any surprise that a pregnant Brazilian lingerie model would be a must-lister here? Also, look at her. She makes pregnancy look like it’s just a big fiesta at some super-club on Mallorca. She could almost convince you that it is the most fun that you’ll ever have, and, also, that sex during those nine months will be incomparably fantastic.
That it’s all a total lie is beside the point. Such is the power of the hot.
Jessica Alba. DUH.
What can I say? As with Angelina Jolie, if you can’t grasp that this lady makes pregnancy hot, then I have nothing to teach you. Go back to your frilly high-necked maternity blouses and be secure in the knowledge that although frilly high-necked blouses might not land you any Allure covers, they at least protect your expanding mammaries from the elements. And there’s something to be said for that, yanno?
So… who’d I miss? Who would YOU add to this list?