So apparently there's this guy, Bruce Lansky, who calls himself the 'Baby Name Guru' and devotes his time to passing judgment on the names that people pick for their children. Which I suppose is useful in some abstract, hyperfunctioning kind of way, but really - who the hell cares what some guy named Bruce thinks about baby names?
Well, if you do care, here's what he thinks about the names that certain celebrities have given their children recently:
On Jessica Alba's daughter, Honor Marie -
I'm trying to imagine what I'd say if Jessica and Cash
told me the newest member of their family was a beautiful baby girl
named Honor. I hope I would make a safe response like "Oh, that's a
nice name" rather than blurt out "Really?" Needless to say, you can
tell a lot about a name by how friends and family respond to the birth
announcement.
Like all the virtue names for girls (such as Faith, Hope, and Charity),
Honor is a quality we need in the White House. But is it a good name?
Neither Honor nor the more popular Honora have ever been ranked in the
Top 1000 girls' names. And for good reason. The only Honor I can
recall is Honor Blackman, a British actress who played Pussy Galore in
"Goldfinger." Like all Bond girls, she wore a skimpy bathing suit, had
a stupid name, and lost her "honor" to Bond fairly quickly.
Virtue names for girls represent parents' fond wishes that their
daughters exemplify that particular virtue. As noble as this sentiment
may be, most people would probably agree that some virtues don't work
well as names. Faith, Hope, and Charity are common names, but would
you name your child Truth, Justice, Honesty, or Humility? (If you're
considering any of these names, I hope you'll come back to your
senses-immediately.)
Like Honesty and Humility, Honor is a stiff and awkward name. Can you
imagine calling an adorable little baby girl Honor? I'm guessing
Jessica, Cash, and Honor's playmates will be calling Honor by her
middle name, Marie, before too long.
My verdict: Thumbs down!
On Tori Spelling's daughter Stella Doreen -
Actress Tori Spelling and husband Dean McDermott have named their
brand-new baby daughter Stella Doreen McDermott. You may recall Stella
was the name in Tennessee Williams's A Streetcar Named Desire that was
called out by Stanley Kowalski, a character most memorably portrayed in
the 1951 film by Marlon Brando, whose performance turned him into one
of America's finest (and most famous) actors.
Knowing that Stanley and Stella lived in a low-rent district of New
Orleans and that Stanley often lounged around the house in a T-shirt,
theater and movie buffs may question why Stella is a popular name for
girls roughly sixty years after the play and film premiered. Good
question.
With Latin and French origins, Stella means "star." It's a variation
of Estelle, a name that was last ranked among the top 1,000 girls'
names in the '60s. Stella was ranked #244 in 2007-up from #656 in the
year 2000. That's a big move up for a name that most people hadn't
heard before Brando yelled it in what movie reviewers called "a primal
scream."
Though it may surprise some people, Stella makes a very positive first
impression: "People say Stella is more than just a pretty face; she has
a pretty personality, too." (I quote from my latest book, 5-Star Baby
Name Advisor). It's conceivable that designer Stella McCartney may
have played a role in sprucing up this name's image.
In addition to making a positive first impression, the name is easy to
spell and hard to mispronounce. And here's another prediction: Tori
and Dean can count on the fact that most people will call their
daughter Stella --- there aren't any common nicknames or variations of
the name. Add up all these positive factors and you'll understand why
Stella is a 4-star name.
My verdict: Thumbs up!
Okay, seriously? Is this guy on crack? Honor is a beautiful, beautiful name for a little girl. Stiff and awkward? Really? I just disagree, totally. It's lovely, and she's a lucky little girl to have parents thoughtful enough to bestow such a lovely name upon her.
And Stella? It's a pretty enough name, but I don't know that pointing out that Brando went all primal scream with it helps its appeal. And since when does 'easy to spell' make a name more compelling? By that measure we should all just name our kids Jack and Jill and be done with it.
Whatever. If a celebrity calls their kid Pilot Inspektor or Fifi Trixibelle, I can understand parsing the merits of such unusual names. But dissecting and judging (thumbs up or down? really? isn't that just a bit too last millenium?) names like Honor and Stella? That's reaching.
But I guess careers as Hollywood gurus are hard to come by these days. You make do with what you can.
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