FameCrawler : Britney Spears

Britney Spears' Va-Jay-Jay Hacked

HerBadMother — Tue, 06 Jan 2009 00:04:00 GMT

Yeah, you read that right. Britney's nether regions got hacked, right into Facebook.

Somebody - somebody with waaaaay too much time on their hands - managed to hack into Britney's Facebook account - the real one - and post an update about her vagina. Specifically:

Hi Yall! Brit Brit here, just wanted to update you all on the size of my vagina. Its about four feet wide with razor sharp teeth.

(Britney has vagina dentata? COOL.)

Which, you know, is kind of funny and all - if you've never given birth, that is, in which case you were, for a moment, kind of horrified at the possibly that maybe, just maybe - apart from that four feet part (but four inches? MAYBE), and apart from the teeth, unless you take 'teeth' as a bad euphemism for 4th degree tear stitches - that it was true.

Source

Kate Hudson Channels Britney Spears

Whit Honea — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 19:19:00 GMT

Doesn't Kate Hudson look a bit like Britney Spears in this picture? Sure, the hair is better, but the expression, the glasses, the Starbucks, the lack of children. It's all there. Of course, if she really wanted to be like Britney she'd be in her convertible. Nice try, Kate. Rookie.

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Photo: Jezebel

Why Celebrities Shouldn't Have Blogs: Roseanne Digs Deep And Declares Britney A Bad Mother

HerBadMother — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 23:03:00 GMT

It was really only a matter of time, I think, before Roseanne started ragging on Britney. It's probably a miracle that she kept her mouth shut this long.

She recently posted the following helpful note to Britney on her official blog:

“Britney: The judge is trying to teach you a lesson, shut your mouth and learn it! You are a bad mother, and so is your mother! Get your shit together and take care of your kids!! Your mom needs to lock your spoiled ass in the basement or wherever it is that you cannot get anymore drugs. Stop drinking immediately too! If you are too weak to do that, then you are no better than a crack whore on the street, and your mom should stop pimping your ass and do what mom’s do…lock up your kid, and sit there with her for as long as it takes to get her right!!! Get guards around her to sober her up! SIT WITH YOUR KID, MOM! AFTER YOU AND HER DAD PIMPED HER OUT LIKE JON BENET, SIT THERE WITH HER AND STRAIGHTEN HER OUT…THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!!! (not even hers, but yours, put pimping out your other daughter on hold til you make your grown one better).”

Wow. I've had the urge to wag my finger in Britney's general direction, and it has certainly crossed my mind that 'whore' and 'pimp' are words that are not entirely inaccurate in describing what happens when parents wave their children off into the shallow, hollow money-pit that is the entertainment industry, but this is a bit intense. Britney's got some serious problems, and her mom has certainly played no small part in the disaster that is Britney's life, but I'm guessing that 'fixing' the trainwreck that is Britney Spears is going to take a bit more than locking her in a basement with some A.A. pamphlets and a supply of wheatgrass juice.

This sounds like an effort to grab a piece of the deep-dish Britney media-pie, which, arguably, is just as whorish as anything that any stage-parent gets up to. Roseanne should know better. Or at least keep her own mouth shut.

(Source: PerezHilton.com)

Britney Hides Lip Job (Insert Exposed-Nipple Or Exposed Panty Joke Here)

HerBadMother — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 18:32:00 GMT

So, Britney Spears got a lip job. We knew that, and in any case it doesn't rank super-high on the list of crazy shit that she's done. Still - it's kinda weird and sad. All the more so since she seems embarassed by it. She spent the weekend driving around Los Angeles with one hand covering her mouth.

Here's the video:

It makes me feel sorry for her, again. Just when I thought that I'd hardened myself to the trainwreck, her sad little effort to shield her swollen lips from the paparazzi swarming her car before relenting in order to announce that her babies will be dressed as pumpkins for Halloween just made me sad.

Britney: Dazed And Confused And Showing Nipple

HerBadMother — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 19:33:00 GMT

This is just sad, really. What is that place - a WalMart? A big box drug store? And she's just wandering around, boobs a'flappin', grease stains - fries? McNuggets? - on her dress, looking for all the world like she just can't figure out how she got there.

Seriously, when Anne Heche was found wandering around dazed and confused and half-naked, they put her somewhere where she could get help. When's the Britney intervention gonna happen? Anyone?

Sharon Osbourne Says That Britney Needs Therapy

HerBadMother — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 15:33:00 GMT

Says Sharon Osbourne about our favorite trainwreck: "I think that she's lost the plot, she needs help and she's got to get herself away from L.A. Go away and get some therapy."

Britney needs help? Therapy even? Er, okay. That's not really news to anybody. Now, if Sharon had said, say, that Britney could benefit from electroshock therapy or repeated dunks in icy cold water, that might be kinda interesting, if not an all-too disturbing glimpse into Casa Osbourne. But plain old regular 'get the hell out of Hell-Ay and into therapy' advice?

BOR-ING.

Oops, She Did It Again: Britney Demonstrates An Explosive Lack Of Judgment

HerBadMother — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 19:02:00 GMT

(video image: TMZ)

On the top-ten list of things to not do in your car, I think that this one - smoking a cigarette while parked at a gas pump - would probably rank pretty highly.

Somewhere below running down pedestrians, for sure, but definitely above driving without a state license. Maybe just about on par with driving with a baby on your lap, but I'm not sure. What do you think?

(See the video HERE.)

Britney's Boys Take After Daddy: Dem Federline Boyz

Whit Honea — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 17:50:00 GMT

Remember back when Kevin Federline was perhaps the most annoying person on the planet? That was before he became slightly more responsible than Britney Spears.

Radio Station KROQ in Los Angeles has a parody song as done by Sean Preston and Jayden James. They think they'll be just like Daddy. Man, I hope this doesn't come true. I'm not holding my breath.

Here's the link: Dem Federline Boyz. For reasons unknown the video is only available on TMZ and since their links never work here is the actual story.

More Unintentional Irony From Silly Tarts: Vanessa Hudgens Says That Britney Is Stupid

HerBadMother — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 23:03:00 GMT

According to Vanessa Hudgens - she of High School Musical and nudie-internet-photo fame - young women like Britney Spears who get into trouble in full view of the media are "stupid."

“Honestly, I think it’s stupid,” she said of Britney's (and Paris Hilton's, and Lindsay Lohan’s) behavior. “It’s easy to stay out of those situations.”

Riiiiight. She didn't seem to find it so easy to avoid having naked pictures of herself posted all over the Internet, but whatever. Britney's an overwhelmed, possibly bipolar, probably post-partum depressed single mother of two who is struggling to figure out who she is in a climate of intense public judgment. If she gets snapped without panties, well, I can forgive her that. (I know, I know - I said that was over the Britney sympathy. There seems to be a smidge or two left over). Vanessa, on the other hand, seems to be a spoiled brat of a rising starlet - and, if her "relationship" with the exceedingly metro(ahem)sexual Zac Efron is any evidence, a hyper-managed spoiled brat of a rising starlet whose every move is choreographed - and so her "situation" seems a little more obviously "stupid" to me. Britney may have lost her kids and her mind and have a bad habit of appearing in public undressed, but to my knowledge she hasn't had full-frontal nudie shots appear on the Internet.

Yet.

Is Britney TRYING To Prove That She's A Bad Mother?

HerBadMother — Mon, 08 Oct 2007 20:03:00 GMT

I've had my moments of feeling sorry for Britney Spears, I really have. She's been mercilessly hounded and mocked and chastised for being a silly exhibitionist twit who, everyone says, deserved to lose her children - what's not to cringe at? But seriously, this week, I gotta say that all of my sympathy's dried up. Partying after losing custody? Continuing to parade ridiculously in front of the paparazzi as though nothing happened? That kind of stuff wears down my sympathy.

As does missing your first visitation with the babies that you haven't seen in days. As does refusing to open the door to your children because you didn't want to see the court-ordered parenting coach.

That's right. All those stories about how the gate-intercom wasn't working? About how Britney just didn't realize that her babies had arrived and were waiting to see Mommy? All, apparently, bullshit.

TMZ is reporting that Britney knew that her kids were there but just refused to answer the intercom because the court-ordered parenting coach was with them:

Sources tell TMZ the real reason Britney Spears didn't answer her buzzer when her kids came to visit last Thursday is because she wants nothing to do with anyone who tries to tell her how to be a good parent.

We're told Britney was well aware that her kids were coming at 10:00 AM. She had telephone conversations about it 10 minutes earlier. Britney's big concern was that she didn't want the parenting coach, who was in tow, to tell her how to interact with her kids.

So Brit's solution was to not answer the buzzer, as her kids cried in front of the house and waited for 40 minutes before K-Fed's bodyguard pulled the plug and returned home.

We don't know how reliable these 'sources' are, of course, but somehow the whole story seems a lot more plausible than 'the intercom broke.' This is, after all, the woman who fired her manager and her publicist and who celebrated the loss of her kids with a night out partying. So the whole 'Britney's-a-victim' line is seeming less and less believable as the days go by.

Her poor kids. They're the victims.

Pam Anderson and Rick Salomom in 'When Sex Tapes Collide': A Wedding Story

Whit Honea — Sun, 07 Oct 2007 15:23:00 GMT

Well, Pam Anderson and Rick Salomom did it. Two of the more popular sex tape stars of our time have come together in holy matrimony. I feel a greatest hits coming on.

In case you are unaware, Rick Salomom is the object of attention in Paris Hilton's entry to celebrity porn. Pam Anderson was the girl in the rest of them.

I'll be honest. I've never seen the home movie in which Pam Anderson and Brett Michaels rock the love, but I've been ~~lonely~~ lucky enough to see part of the film with Tommy Lee, and I think I speak on behalf of everyone when I say Pam is in for a ~~big~~ disappointment.

According to Us Weekly: Anderson wore a white Valentino mini-skirt; Solomon wore a black tux with a black beenie. The backyard of the villa was decorated with white roses, and white petals were spread on the ground to create a path to a fountain where the couple exchanged their vows. For desert: white cupcakes and a four tier white wedding cake. “It was a beautiful ceremony,” said one guest. The wedding song was No Ordinary Love by Sade.

No ordinary love? No shit. Was anyone else surprised that they wore clothes?

On the bright side, if stars of sex tapes are finding love, then there may be hope for Britney Spears and her little porno too. Maybe she could marry Cisco Alder. They're both nuts.

Photo: Hollywood Back Wash

Sinead O'Connor Talks To Oprah, Defends Britney

HerBadMother — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 18:33:00 GMT

First Robbie Williams, now Sinead - what's with all these has-been pop stars from the British Isles lining up to stick up for Britney Spears?

Sinead O'Connor told Oprah yesterday that she thinks it's "terrible what the media are doing to (Britney)." She went on to say that "it’s absolutely impossible to live a normal life being followed around, poor girl. We all mess up, don’t we, as moms. We never always get it right.”

Well, she's right about that - we all do mess up, as moms. I, for one, have been known to not fight hard enough to get fruit and veg into my Goldfish-addicted toddler, and to sometimes leave that diaper on a few minutes longer than is probably best. That said, I don't abuse drugs or alcohol and drive without a license, nor do I take my panties off and go partying like it's 1999 right after a custody judge has told me to lay off the partying and get some parenting coaching. So although we might not all always get it right, some of us, I think it's fair to say, seem to get it more dramatically wrong than others.

And what was Sinead O'Connor doing on Oprah, anyway?

African Couple to Adopt Britney's Kids?

Whit Honea — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 14:51:00 GMT

According to Slate magazine a couple from the country of Malawi has completed the paperwork required to adopt Sean Preston Federline and Jayden James Federline. This follows Britney Spears losing custody of the children earlier this week.

The couple sited the tragic VMA appearance and the numerous appearances of Spears' va-jay-jay as the grounds for their concern, "In our country, a good mother does not show her business to the press. It is very bad luck.

"We could not allow innocent children to live under such horrific conditions anymore," they explained. "The Third World can no longer turn a blind eye to the tragedy affecting so many U.S. celebrity children."

When contacted Kevin Federline replied by supposedly saying, "I am the father of Sean Preston and Jayden James, who have been adopted. I am very happy because, as you can see, there is spiritual poverty in this village, and I know they will be very well looked after in Malawi. Peace out!"

Apparently the adopting couple is not content with helping just two neglected children and have hopes of creating their own coalition of rainbow families. "After learning that there are thousands of biological celebrity 'orphans' in Hollywood, it is our wish to open up our hut and help them escape a life of extreme affluence, hardship, and in many cases, Scientology." They have set up a facility in L.A. to aid other couples that have come from Afghanistan, Cambodia, China, Ethiopia, Iran, Iraq, Mongolia, North Korea, Vietnam, and other countries that can offer children a better life.

It's funny because it's true. Well, it's not true, it's a joke, but you get the idea.

Photo: Two Girls and a Gay

Skeet Nation: The Ulrich Plan for the Federline Boys

Whit Honea — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 21:03:00 GMT

Skeet Ulrich, father of two, recently offered his advice on the safest place for Sean and Jayden Federline. No, it's not with Britney or Kevin. It's not with Spears' parents or the nannies. It's in my living room. Well, not me personally, but all of us (assuming we turn to the right channel).

“Probably Kid Nation!” he joked.

Hey, some structure and gold star incentive might be just what the doctor, or judge, ordered.

Photo: USA Today

Ben Affleck Loves Violet and Coffee

Whit Honea — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 20:34:00 GMT

Ben Affleck may the only person that could challenge Britney Spears on Starbucks visits. The guy loves him some 'Bucks. Violet appreciates the added energy and stamina that allows him to keep up with her.

It's a win-win.

Speaking of Violet, Affleck says that having a child has given him a “more emotional way of looking at things.” Just like his coffee intake has given him a more alert and slightly shaky way of looking at things.

I feel 'ya, Ben. I drink so much coffee sitting here ever day I look like a freakin' bobble-head doll, but man, it tastes good.

Photo: Celebrity Moms

Tabloids Launch Britney Suicide Watch

HerBadMother — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 20:04:00 GMT

OK! Magazine really takes their tabloid tawdriness seriously. I thought that it was crossing a line when a Detroit radio station set up a Britney Death Watch betting pool, but OK! Magazine has found a way to take it a step further: by slapping a big bright SUICIDE WATCH headline over the words GOODBYE MOMMY and pics of weepy babies.

God. There're special places in Hell for gossip writers, I know, but I think that the further circles - where you're forced to watch Tori Spelling perform with the Pussycat Dolls while listening to the WonderPets theme song for an eternity - are reserved for deathmongering gossip-whores like OK! Magazine. But that's just a hunch.

Robbie Williams Would "Kill" For Britney

HerBadMother — Thu, 04 Oct 2007 13:33:00 GMT

I used to think that Robbie Williams was hot, in a leering British pop-star kinda way. And although I think that it demonstrates a certain level of chivalry for a fellow to want to defend a damsel in distress - and chivalry, as we all know, is hot - it somehow takes the heat out of the chivalrous hotness when said damsel is a panty-shunning, pill-popping, car-crashing chunk of pop tart.

Sure, Britney needs saving, but it's the kind of saving that one can only do for oneself. It's check-me-into-rehab saving, follow-terms-of-custody-agreement saving, start-wearing-panties-and-acting-like-a-grownup saving. So while it might be a noble impulse, on Robbie Williams' part, to want to 'kill' the paparazzi that are stalking Britney's every move, he might better direct his energies elsewhere, like maybe towards actually getting his career going again.

Britney Death-Watch: This Is Too Much, Even For Me

HerBadMother — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 21:03:00 GMT

I've taken my fair share of snark-shots at Britney Spears. In fact, I'd say that Britney-snark has become something of a cottage industry here at Famecrawler. We don't balk at calling her a trainwreck, and we faithfully report every crash and derailment that occurs on the Britney Trainwreck Express. It's our job, and if we don't do it with pride, we do do it with some amount of perverse glee.

What we don't do: take bets on when she's going to commit suicide.

That's a gimmick being employed by a disc jockey on radio station WKQI-FM in Detroit: he started up a Britney Spears death pool on the station’s Web site. Pick the day the troubled singer commits suicide and you could win $1,000. Wouldn't that feel nice?

Seriously. It's one thing to watch in bemused horror as she stumbles around, pants-less, sabotaging her future with her children and any possibility of a career comeback. It's quite another to put her on mock-suicide watch and take bets on when she's going to end her life. Gossip-blogging may sometimes be shameless, but exploiting suicide (through solicitation to gamble, no less) is disturbing.

Am I right? Or am I just being a priss? Or is it even worse - am I being a hypocritical priss? What do you think?

This Just In: Britney Likes To Expose Herself

HerBadMother — Wed, 03 Oct 2007 15:32:00 GMT

... and she does it to make people uncomfortable. So says her erstwhile bodyguard and font of disturbing information, Tony Barretto. “It’s the strangest thing," he told News of the World recently, "she likes to expose herself. I think part of it is she likes to embarrass people and make them feel uneasy.”

“Before I even started working for her, I was warned about her stripping. I must have seen her naked dozens of times and each time I’ve been extremely embarrassed.”

“She strips off anywhere - at home, recording studios and clubs. Even at the dance rehearsals, she took all her clothes off in front of me and then bent over, not even to pick anything up. I felt my ears burning and turned my head to the wall."

Now you know. The next time you see a picture of Britney sans pants and find yourself feeling disturbed, you can be reassured by the fact that she wants you to feel that way. She did it for you. It might not help with the nausea, but it's something.

Britney Spears' California License Revealed: Can Now Drive Crazy

Whit Honea — Tue, 02 Oct 2007 18:00:00 GMT

Want a sneak peak at Britney Spears' new and legal ID? You know you do!

Thank you prettyontheoutside for making this happen.

Photo (Previous): Celebutopia

Kevin Federline Wants Britney Spears Arrested

Whit Honea — Mon, 01 Oct 2007 17:23:00 GMT

Who doesn't, right? If nothing else prison would make her dress better.

Life & Style is reporting that Fed-Ex's attorney Mark Vincent Kaplan, is in LA Superior Court today alleging that Britney Spears was driving without a license this past weekend (and every weekend ever, apparently) with Sean Preston and Jayden James in the car.

If he is able to bring charges against her Britney could face up to six months in jail.

The magazine is also stating that should Britney fail her court-ordered, random drug test "the court might try monitored visitation, or no visitation until the tests come back clean. The court would be trying to protect the children.”

This girl doesn't have a lot of good days lately, or pants.

Photo: Gabsmash

Michael Jackson Not Married (Psst, Britney - Go For It!)

HerBadMother — Sat, 29 Sep 2007 16:33:00 GMT

Representatives for Michael Jackson have said that, despite recent reports to the contrary, he is not, in fact, married. Not to his nanny, not to any of his pet monkeys, not to the remains of the elephant man, not to anybody.

Which is good news, because it leaves him free for Britney.

(photo credit - AP)

Gordon Ramsay Continues To Convince Me He's an Asshole

Whit Honea — Sat, 29 Sep 2007 15:48:00 GMT

Chef Gordon Ramsay admits that he's not a hands-on dad. That's unfortunate, but understandable. The guy works hard, what with the cooking and the TV and the loud, loud cursing. He doesn't have the luxury of his other famous friends like the Beckhams that just sit on a bench and plan tours, respectively, for a living. He's getting his hands dirty. Nothing wrong with that.

The part that annoys me is that instead of doing what any normal person would do and at least pretend that they wished they could spend more time with their children, he wears his absentee parent label like some sort of badge. Shouldn't time away from your kids be a negative side-effect and not something to be proud of?

He recently told Larry King that "The time I have with the family is little. But it's quality. I've never been one to be home, I've never been a hands-on dad. I'm not ashamed to admit it, but you can't run a restaurant and be home for tea at 4.30 and bath and change nappies."

He goes on to say that he has often neglected his children Megan, twins Jack and Holly, and Matilda, and that he's not ashamed of it. I know, I already mentioned he isn't ashamed, but I wanted to make sure everyone caught that. Who goes on TV and says they're glad they neglect their children? Even Britney pretends to care about the kids.

Photo: New York Observer

Pamela Anderson is Partying Harder Than Britney Spears

Karen — Sat, 29 Sep 2007 12:07:00 GMT

Apparently Pammie's new man, Rick Soloman, is a bad influence and her friends are concerned.

“She parties almost every night. She drinks, she does stuff . . . and she’s got hepatitis C. Her liver is shot but she keeps living this crazy lifestyle,” her friend divulged.

“They went wild over the VMA weekend. I just watched them party with my jaw open. We don’t think she understands how serious this is. She has two kids and may not be around to see them grow up at this rate.”

She does look really rough. And by rough I mean dragged behind a car with her face bouncing off the pavement.

Photo Source: Gossip Girls.

Melissa Joan Hart is No Longer a Teenage Witch or a Teenager But Is Definitely Pregnant

sweatpantsmom — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 08:05:00 GMT

I don't know a whole lot about Melissa Joan Hart, except for the fact that she starred in the TV show Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Now, I know that she's expecting her second child with musician husband Mark Wilkerson, and that they have a son Mason, 21 months.

But I couldn't believe Hart's career could have ended with STW, so I looked on her Wikipedia page and here's what I found out.

- Hart made a movie in 1998 called Drive Me Crazy and her friend, Britney Spears, recorded a song for it by the same name that became a top-ten hit. (Good move, Britney!)

- In 1999 Hart appeared in a series of photographs for Maxim magazine wearing her undies! (Who knew?!)

- Hart will appear in an episode of Law and Order: SVU in November as a teacher accused of raping one of her students (Bye, bye Sabrina!)

This ends the brief lesson on the life of Melissa Joan Hart. Tomorrow: Everything You Wanted To Know About Frankie Muniz But Were Afraid To Ask!

[photo: Celebs and Bubs]