FameCrawler : Fed-ex

Britney and Jayden James

Karl Erikson — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 17:35:00 GMT

Aw, there's little Jayden James with his possible jailbird mommy. Britney has broken records this week with her new single, "Womanizer," all the while waiting on the verdict to come down in her court case. They may have to do her 2009 concert tour live from The Big House!

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Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline Together in Vegas? I'll Take Those Odds

Whit Honea — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 18:15:00 GMT

Look what Perez Hilton found, a picture showing Britney Spears' ex-husband and her ex-friend (?) engaged in what I can only assume is foreplay. I've seen pictures of Paris Hilton in clubs and this is definitely a 'before' shot. In a few minutes she'll be out of that dress and swinging on anything nailed down.

I'm pretty sure that they got. it. on. because, why wouldn't they? They're a mutual step-up for each other. I know, that's mathematically impossible, just accept it.

The thing that scares me about this picture isn't that Paris and K-Fed aren't together, but that Federline has a microphone in his hand and appears to be using it. What kind of madness is this? Who would let this guy 'perform' in public? I bet those two got it on right there on the stage- it couldn't get any more obscene.

Happy New Year, Britney!

Photo: Perez Hilton

"Team Britney" Steals My Pet Name for FameCrawler

Whit Honea — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 23:34:00 GMT

Welcome to Team Britney, bitches. The only thing sadder than the mess Britney Spears has made of her life is a group of people denying that it is happening. Team Britney, aka the board of Taco Bell shareholders, is a collection of Britney fans (judging by the photo I'd say it's a collection of all the Britney fans) that feel the star is being unfairly treated.

They also feel that the Holocaust never happened and that the moon landing was filmed in Burbank.

Membership is open to anyone with a love of Britney and a firm grasp on denial. That ain't a river, y'all.

Please send all dues and donations to FameCralwer, attn: Free $$ Department.

Photo: Britney Groupie

K-Fed's Got A New Baby-Mama?

HerBadMother — Mon, 05 Nov 2007 15:03:00 GMT

A guy can't be all about suing for custody and playing with his kids, you know. A dude's gotta get some. But dude should, really, make sure that he's got himself, um, covered. A guy going through a messy custody battle's got his hands too full to risk any, you know, accidents.

If anyone needed more evidence that the former Mr. Britney Spears is, indeed, sharing some quality time with ~~that sex-tape chick who shared Colin Farrell's dick with the world~~ Nicole Narain, X17 has the video evidence.The two lovebirds, it seems, may have spent the night together and may have been installing car seats together as well. X17 takes this to mean that K-Fed may be test-driving a new baby-mama. I take it to mean that he likes his women to work - no leaving to the heavy lifting to the man, y'all. He's got a reputation to uphold.

And in any case, if anything could put the ice-chill on a man's sperm-producing machinery, it would be the experience of having children with Britney Spears. If K-Fed decides to have more kids, with anyone, then he's stupider than he looks.

K-Fed Fears Britney May Kill the Federline Boys

Whit Honea — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 17:33:00 GMT

Superdad Kevin Federline is afraid that Britney and all her crazy may be a real hazard to the lives of his sons. According to Fed-Ex's girlfriend Nicole Narain he has said the following:

“Britney’s behavior has already put our kids at risk and I can’t let things get any worse. She’s lost all grasp on reality and is dragging the children through hell. Her mood swings are now so wild that I live in fear of getting a call telling me that she has killed herself. I can’t allow her to have custody because I seriously believe she could harm our sons. I’ve shared her life and I know she’s capable of anything with pills and a few drinks inside her.”

Narain goes on to say that the last straw causing Kevin to file for divorce was when he found Britney breastfeeding Jayden while she (Spears) was wasted on vodka.

Is Kevin just now having these fears? Welcome to our world, Federline.

Photo: Celebutopia

Britney Spears' New Song About K-Fed, Heartbreak, and Pits: Why Should I Be Sad?

Whit Honea — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 20:32:00 GMT

Spears, not me. I'm happy as a clam. "Why Should I Be Sad" is the latest of Britney's songs to be leaked, at least on paper. Hey, I have a puppy that does that!

People is reporting that Britney Spears' new song is "one of the most personal songs" on the new CD Blackout. They go on to say the song was written by the much more talented (I said that part) Pharrell Williams. Doesn't that make the song not personal?

"Why Should I Be Sad," is about a guy that is into money, cars, and other women, hence the belief that it is about Kevin Federline. Spears sings, "It just seemed that Vegas/ Only brought the playa out of you."

People quotes a source as saying, "The song is definitely about Britney and Kevin's relationship when they were married. Britney entertains the idea that she stayed home taking care of the kids while Kevin was out partying. The track ... will be very revealing for her fans."

I hope it isn't as revealing as her wardrobe or her sex tape. I've seen enough.

Photo: The Superficial

Brad Pitt Says Don't Drink and Daddy

Whit Honea — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 22:02:00 GMT

Brad Pitt has stumbled into the same conclusion about drinking that a lot of parents do, that is a) it's hard to be on top of things when you're slightly impaired, and b) parenting and hangovers have to be the worst combination since Britney and K-Fed.

Pitt says it was a scare with Zahara that had him cut back on the sauce. He was two beers in and she started chocking on some ice, here, I'll let Brad tell you:

“About a year ago I’d had a couple of beers and my daughter Zahara had this piece of ice that had been dropped on the floor, and she was putting it in her mouth and began to choke on it, and that was it.

“You have to be absolutely on top of every situation. The other shit doesn’t work anymore. When they wake up in the middle of the night you have to be there. And you can’t deal with children when you have a hangover - that’s just a misery!”

Preaching to the choir, Pitt. Preaching to the choir.

Speaking of Brad and beer, here's an oldie but a goodie:

Photo: Celebs and Bubs

What do OJ, Spector and Spears Have in Common? L.A. Law.

Whit Honea — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 07:04:00 GMT

Law and disorder. What the hell are my tax dollars doing anyway? The court met with Britney even though she was late. Real late. Yeah, they do that for everyone, right?

Commissioner Gordon is starting to sound like Charlie Brown. Wishy-washy.

Even though he continues to say that Britney Spears is a danger to her children and reprimands her for failure to comply with court orders he still granted her the right to overnight visitations with her boys Sean Preston and Jayden James. Apparently there is to be a monitor.

Spears' camp asked that the monitor be her mother Lynne Spears. Really. Her camp asked this. This is the same mother that Britney wouldn't allow near her children.

Kevin Federline agreed. I'm guessing he said, "Yo."

It's a freakin' soap-opera down at the courthouse, y'all.

Photo: Yahoo!

Britney Spears Misses Court Date, is Total Idiot

Whit Honea — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 16:21:00 GMT

Britney Spears. Idiot. I just want to spank her, and not in a I'll like it sort of way, but in a what a stupid, stupid bitch sort way.

Britney stated that she would be in court this morning in an effort to regain some visitation rights, namely overnight, with the boys. She didn't show. Her lawyer did. I wonder how long this attorney will put up with her shit.

Well, at least we know what kid she actually loves.

Photos: The Superficial

Britney's Boys Take After Daddy: Dem Federline Boyz

Whit Honea — Tue, 09 Oct 2007 17:50:00 GMT

Remember back when Kevin Federline was perhaps the most annoying person on the planet? That was before he became slightly more responsible than Britney Spears.

Radio Station KROQ in Los Angeles has a parody song as done by Sean Preston and Jayden James. They think they'll be just like Daddy. Man, I hope this doesn't come true. I'm not holding my breath.

Here's the link: Dem Federline Boyz. For reasons unknown the video is only available on TMZ and since their links never work here is the actual story.

Britney Spears' Kids Know How to Party Too

Whit Honea — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 21:56:00 GMT

While Britney was battling embarrassment and wardrobe, Kevin Federline was throwing a party for Sean and Jayden. Their birthdays are only days apart (a year and days apart) and Fed-Ex threw them a bash sans the usual pimpcessories he covets, and instead took a page from Britney's old employer and themed the party with Disney/Pixar's Cars.

There were roughly 20 guests including Spears' parents who often visit the boys at Kevin's house since they aren't allowed to see them while with Britney- you know, because they're a bad influence.

Happy Birthday Boys! Save ~~the~~ a piece of cake for Mommy.

Photo: Us

Custody Rumbles: It's Bobby Brown's Prerogative

Whit Honea — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 20:20:00 GMT

Whitney Houston may always love Bobby Brown, but she's not letting her daughter anywhere near him. Bobby Brown thinks it's unfair. He claims that Houston is determined to keep their daughter Bobbi (yes) from him.

Remember when Bobby and Whitney were the craziest show in town? Nowadays their antics couldn't even hold a candle to the Britney and Kevins of the world. Funny how things evolve, or devolve as the case may be.

If Brown is really interested in getting some kid time, he should hire himself some commandos. Learn from the Fed, Bobby.

Photo: The Age

Britney Spears, Are You an Idiot?

Whit Honea — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 20:20:00 GMT

Remember when Britney Spears could do no wrong? Me neither.

Brit showed the paparazzi what she thought of them. I wonder if Fed-Ex buys these pictures straight from the cameramen or waits for them to go online.

Photo: ~~Kevin Federline~~ Gossip Girls

Kelly Preston Also Wants to Get Pregnant; Maybe Diddy Can Help Her, Too

BadKitty — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 14:04:00 GMT

Now Kelly Preston wants to get with child. Did she whisper this in a husky, lust filled voice to husband John Travolta over Bartles and Jaymes Fuzzy Navel wine coolers? No. They announced it together to People magazine. At a Narconon Rehab fundraiser. Mmm, sexy.

There's only one reason for telling the world that you're planning some unprotected sex, and that's if you're shopping for someone else to provide that unprotected sex. Someone with a proven record of making girls pregnant the "old fashioned" way that involves genital contact.

My first thought for these two was Diddy, because we've been talking a lot about his baby making ways. But maybe I'm being too narrow in my focus. What if we opened it up to other proven sperminators? What if we considered a certain much maligned but now lionized singer/dancer/actor/performer...Yes. I'm talking about Fed-ex. Look, we know he can deliver. And it's not like the Travoltas would be using People as a pimp if they could just borrow William Mapother, right?

Can't you hear him saying, "No charge for the ladies!"

Source: People

50 Cent Drops Knowledge on Britney and Kevin "Whatever His Name Is"

Whit Honea — Thu, 23 Aug 2007 20:20:00 GMT

Fiddy is bringing it strong, like KRS-1, but instead of telling us something worthwhile he's just rehashing the same old crap we've already heard. Hey, it's just like his music!

In a new MTV thingy, Mr. Cent is giving two of his on topics close to all of us, hence this clip breaking down Britney's situation. I thought MTV News was the place we were supposed to hear it first, not the place we hear it again a few months later. Oh well, better from Fiddy than Flav.

Britney Spears: Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Whit Honea — Wed, 22 Aug 2007 15:00:00 GMT

Oh, to see the world through rose-colored glasses. Britney has decided to go sans wig and face it all alfresco. Word on the street is that this is part of her plan for fighting Fed-Ex for custody of the boys. It's her soccer mom disguise. I hope it came with panties.

Britney Spears Accuses Mom of Getting a "Delivery" From K-Fed-Ex: The Story I Don't Want to Write

Whit Honea — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 22:42:00 GMT

Why does Britney say the things she does? Oh why, why, why, Britney? Seriously, you're killing me, Smalls!

Star magazine, the official magazine of stories that are rarely true, is reporting that a source, most likely Ted from the mailroom, claims that Britney Spears accused her mom, Lynne, of having dirty, dirty sex with dirty, dirty, Fed-Ex. Ted is a freaking genius, and slightly sick in the head.

Says the source, "Britney doesn't know up from down right now. She's so confused and angry, she told Lynne that she was so backstabbing, that she was probably sleeping with Kevin just to hurt her feelings. Lynne, on the other hand, is deeply hurt that her own daughter would so viciously accuse her of doing something so terrible."

Just one more awkward silence to be endured at the Thanksgiving table this year. I don't need the Hubble telescope to see the scars on Sean and Jayden that this burst of a crazy star will leave.

Freaking Ted, I can't believe he has the whole internet talking about this crap.

Photo: Splash