Starbucks Closing Today: WWBD? (What Would Britney Do?)

sweatpantsmom — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 21:05:00 GMT

Starbucks will be closing all of it's locations for three hours tonight to retrain some 135,000 employees in an effort to re-vitalize it's sagging image.

This had me in a sweat-infused panic until I stopped and thought about another Starbucks fanatic, and what she might do in such a crisis. And how I might emulate her.

What Would Britney Do?

I'm thinking Britney might take the time to play a game of Chutes and Ladders with Sean and Preston, who she was recently reunited with. Me, I'll play Guitar Hero with my daughters and try not to brag when I kick their asses at "Barracuda."

Then Britney might take those hours from 5:30 to 8:30 to have all of her "I Heart Sam Lutfi" tattoos removed. I'll get my "Peter Frampton 4Ever" lasered out.

Britney might use all three long hours to sit and contemplate life. I'll lay in bed and try and upload YouTube videos to my iPhone.

Three hours will be over before I know it, and I'll be clutching a hot double-tall-dry-cappuccino once again. Praise Britney!

Mario Lopez Says He Didn't Impregnate Britney Spears But He's Not Sure About the Other Fifty Girls He Sat On While Wearing This Outfit

sweatpantsmom — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 14:05:00 GMT

Mario Lopez is stepping forward to say he was not the father of the baby that Britney Spears supposedly miscarried earlier this year. Lopez, an Extra correspondent and ex-Dancing With The Stars contestant, says the rumors are unfounded. "This particular headline with Britney and the baby… it is laughable.” Sorry Mario, but I didn't hear a word you said - I was too busy trying to will that red cloth to fall down.

Who am I kidding? Britney could have gotten pregnant by a million other guys, including K-Fed or the local Starbucks barista who got on her good side by topping all her Frappuccinos with a dusting of cocaine. But I couldn't find any pictures of them baring a nicely-tanned ass-cheek, so I decided to write about Mario today. It's sort of like the casting couch, except with naughty pictures and bloggers.

FameCrawler : Frappuccino

Starbucks Closing Today: WWBD? (What Would Britney Do?)

Mario Lopez Says He Didn't Impregnate Britney Spears But He's Not Sure About the Other Fifty Girls He Sat On While Wearing This Outfit