FameCrawler : Joke

Jenny McCarthy's Family Left Reeling After Proposal

trix — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 18:32:00 GMT

Jenny McCarthy and Jim Carrey are a couple of pranksters. Jenny McCarthy visited "Ellen" and told of the consequences of a joke she and Jim played on Ellen's audience last year.

She said, "Jim's entire Canadian relatives (didn't know), nor did any of my friends, and even my mom (said), 'For Pete's sake, Jenny, you didn't even tell me.' I'm like, 'Mom, the bell's went off - it was a joke. We had to do damage control the rest of the day."

She said that she was even overcome with emotion, "I really started crying because I was like, 'Oh my God, look how sweet he is right now.'"

I bet that was a lot of follow up that day. That's like saying your pregnant as a joke, everybody taking it seriously, and then having to take it back.

OOPS! Sorry!

Jenny Weighed 200 LBS?

Poor Katie Holmes

Kate Gosselin Leaves The Kids Again?

Source | Photo

Madonna and Lourdes Talk It Out (Video)

Whit Honea — Fri, 16 Jan 2009 22:34:00 GMT

If there is one thing I love it's making fun of people. Luckily, I do it for a living. Life is good.

Still, I can't say I'm a fan of making fun of kids, no matter how crazy their parents are.

That being the case here is a video making fun of Madonna and her daughter Lourdes. I'm torn on this as the joke on Lourdes isn't her fault, but rather the result of grooming policies established by her mother.

On the other hand the role of Lourdes is obviously the hero in this video, so there's that.

I'm not sure who is playing Lourdes, or whether the actor is a young girl or a man. If I wasn't late for Happy Hour I'd look it up, but since people are just going to leave nasty comments regardless of how much effort I put into this post I'm going to run. $2 pints don't drink themselves.

Source

Madonna and Britney Receive Death Threats

Madonna is Out on the Prowl: Look Out, Teenage Boys!

Sacha Baron Cohen Kills The Golden Globe Crowd With Bad Jokes About Madonna

Spying on the Neighbors: 1-14-09

Whit Honea — Wed, 14 Jan 2009 21:58:00 GMT

... so the guy says, "Read the card!"

Ben and Violet (Celebrity Baby Scoop)

Boob talk with Oprah and Kate (Hollyscoop)

Brooke at the Golden Globes (Celebrity Moms)

Chazz matters (Celebrity Baby Scoop)

Lost Fox (Perez Hilton)

Brady's kid gloves (TMZ)

You Just Got Bacon'd!

Whit Honea — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 17:55:00 GMT

Did you know I'm only six degrees from Kevin Bacon? Seriously, it's like 78° where Bacon is and it's 72° here. It's weird, isn't it?

Kevin Bacon has a new reality show coming out*. It's called "BACON'D" and it's fantastic. In it Kevin gets to release all of the tensions of acting, rocking, marriage and fatherhood and really let loose on unsuspecting people- that's right, people who suspect nothing. Suckers.

The preview of the new show is below, courtesy of Funny or Die:

BACON'D! by Kevin Bacon

*not really

Photo

Stewart and Colbert are Terrorists (Just Like the Obamas!)

Whit Honea — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 19:02:00 GMT

Remember when The New Yorker thought it was funny and ran this cover that depicted Barack and Michelle Obama as terrorists (which, for the record, they are not)? They published it as satire, but it didn't go over as such.

Entertainment Weekly (seriously?) can show them how it's done. The latest cover of EW features Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert of "The Daily Show" and "The Colbert Report," respectively, recreating the controversial New Yorker cartoon.

Nation, this is satire.

I think their kids just found their Halloween costumes. Actually, I may have, too. That's funny stuff.

Source

Sarah Palin Disney Movie: Head of Skate

Whit Honea — Thu, 25 Sep 2008 22:11:00 GMT

Matt Damon got it started. He said something along the lines of Sarah Palin running for vice-president was like a bad Disney movie which made me love him a little bit less because everyone knows there is no such thing as a bad Disney movie (possible exceptions include anything with The Rock or direct-to-video).

The good people at CollegeHumor thought that Damon was on to something. One thing led to another and now Head of Skate is just an Iger nod from a November release.

Here is the trailer. I feel an Oscar.

Holy high-sticking, America!

Source /Photo

Mark Wahlberg and Daughter at the Grove: In Which I Ignore the Obvious

Whit Honea — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 21:03:00 GMT

Normally, I'd see something like a water bottle in a pocket and proceed to go with the obvious joke because a) I'm predictable, and b) I'm 12.

However, I"m also a parent and I wouldn't want some clown making "happy to see me" jokes in front of my children- and it would be a joke as I'm rarely happy to see anyone (with the possible exception of Mark Wahlberg).

Mark and his adorable daughter Ella Rae hit up the American Girl store located in The Grove shopping "experience."

I'll be at the Grove later this week. Look for those photos in an email to my mom near you.

Photo

Peter Andre to Adopt?

Whit Honea — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 17:22:00 GMT

Peter Andre and Jordan, aka Katie Price, have a pretty good thing going. Fame, money, family, ~~talent~~, boobs, basically the whole package. However, there is something that Andre and his respective sauce haven't done and it's leaving a bit of a hole in his heart.

Actually, it's a rather serious and sweet thing that he's talking about, so forget I was making fun of him in the above paragraph. He wants to adopt Harvey. Harvey is Katie's son from a previous whatever it was, but Peter has been raising him as his own. He would love for that to be official.

Says Andre, "I'd love to adopt Harvey. If I was allowed, I would love to. It's a big process and not that easy. It's something I would definitely love to achieve in the next couple of years.

"He IS my son - he's mine."

Maybe that Dad of the Year award went to the right guy after all.

As an added bonus, please enjoy the following video of the couple performing a cover of Disney's "A Whole New World."

Source

Video

Peter Andre and Daddies Sauce: He's a Winner

Whit Honea — Fri, 13 Jun 2008 19:02:00 GMT

This just in (like three days ago, but there were so many jokes it needed to settle), Peter Andre was recently voted the U.K.'s Dad of the Year by 2,000 moms. No, that's not the joke, although I would be interested in seeing Andre and America's Dad of the Year, Mr. K. Fed, go at it for the free world title. Maybe a pseudo-celebrity death match?

No, the humor is in the company that sponsors said voting by 2,000 ~~insane women~~ moms- Daddies Sauce. Yes, Daddies Sauce, as in Daddies brand sauce, or, if you're immature like me, baby batter. This from the country that brought us Spotted Dick in the can. I think I want a job writing menus for British pubs. The possibilities are endless.

Source

BROKEN NEWS: Angelina Jolie, Do We Have Babies or What?

Whit Honea — Fri, 30 May 2008 17:45:00 GMT

Hey, is this another one of Angelina Jolie's "jokes?" She's a funny one. Hell, at this point I wouldn't be surprised if the Jack Black thing was a set up, too (his mouth, not his baby- or his yak).

There is so much confusion and conflict in France right now I'm afraid they might try to surrender. It's okay, France.

People, the magazine not the masses, is either adding fuel to the fire or putting it out- depending on your beliefs and your appreciation of Fiddy.

First, it was announced that the twins had arrived. They were even named. The latest is that "Angelina has not given birth. She is fine (hellz yeah!), enjoying her home and her family in France." This according to a rep for Jolie, which as we all know doesn't really mean a damn thing.

So do we have babies or baby or a bunch of nothing in the middle of my Friday?

Source

Photo

Angelina Jolie and Jack Black: The Video That Rocked the World!

Whit Honea — Fri, 16 May 2008 00:28:00 GMT

How's that for build-up? Sure, Jack Black rocks in lots of videos, but never quite like this. As we reported before Black accidentally released information into the world that had only been speculation and rumor- the fact that Angelina Jolie is indeed pregnant with twins. Indeed!

Here's the video that started it all- asuming that this isn't another "joke" by Jolie and her cast of thousands (give or take a thousand).

Photo

Angelina Jolie is a Big, Fat Liar!!

Whit Honea — Thu, 15 May 2008 19:59:00 GMT

Angelina Jolie announced earlier, with some help from Dustin Hoffman that her due date for the twins is August 19th. LIES! PANTS! FIRE! RUN!

It turns out, and this is according to Perez Hilton so take it how you will, that Jolie told French TV that she was just kidding about the due date and that she will actually be giving birth to the twins in a couple of weeks.

Boy, did she fool us!

BTW, is Jack Black having more fun than France allows?

Oh, and this guy was there, too:

Photos

John Travolta: Leavin' On A Gay Plane?

HerBadMother — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 22:45:00 GMT

Yep. That would be a full-on, lip-to-lip kiss. Which, you know, is not gay at all. It's old news, anyways - or would be if he hadn't been just a tad over the top in his enthusiasm for The Little Mermaid recently. Which, again, not gay at all.

I don't care, really, if John Travolta is gay or not. If he loves men, more power to him. It's the whole holier-than-thou Scientologist family-man, wife-as-beard thing that gets me. Which, if he is gay, he probably learned those bearding strategies from Tom Cruise, but whatever. Be gay, be in the closet, be whatever - just don't hide behind other people.

Or airplanes. Because, you know: telephoto lenses.

Source

John Travolta and The Little Mermaid

Whit Honea — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 19:50:00 GMT

John Travolta put on his Sunday best wig (the thing on his head, the Sunday best beard holding his hand is wife Kelly Preston) and took birthday girl Ella to 46th Street for Disney's The Little Mermaid. Sure beats a banded, bulbous snarfblatt. Those get very boring.

Apparently Mr. Travolta loved the show so much that he was singing along to every song. This is where other celebrity sites mock him, but not me. In fact, I so love The Little Mermaid that I almost feel bad for the beard joke. As a matter of fact I have a flyer right here on my bar, er, desk for a sing-a-long showing of the film at the El Capitan Theatre in Hollywood. I want to be part of that world.

After the show the Travoltas and 26 of Ella's dearest friends went backstage for photos with the cast and some flipper envy. Sources say that John was really enjoying himself and touching all of the costumes.

No sources said that he was singing "Look at this stuff, isn't it neat? Wouldn't ya think my collection's complete? Wouldn't you think I'm the girl- girl who has everything? Look at this trove, treasures untold. How many wonders can one cavern hold? Looking around you'd think, sure, she's got everything. I've got gadgets and gizmos aplenty. I have whoozits and whatzis galore. You want thingamabobs? I've got twenty, but who cares? No big deal. I want more," but I like to think that he was.

Photo: Babyrazzi

Smoke Tom Cruise, Go Crazy

Whit Honea — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 20:20:00 GMT

Tom Cruise should be flattered, or possibly pissed. I guess it depends on whether or not Scientologists believe in marijauna. I'm going to say yes.

It turns out that there is a new bag of weed in town and it's named after our very own Tommy. It is officially called "Tom Cruise Purple." Tom Cruise because it makes you go crazy and purple because, hey, is that a gay joke? I don't know. Pot smokers are pretty clever, eventually.

The thing is, this isn't a bunch of guys smuggling ganja in their shorts, this is medicinal marijuana, the kind you can buy in vending machines in L.A. (really). That means that someone in the medical community has a) a sense of humor (see stoned) and b) a need for sensitivity training. Sure, Cruise is all that and a bag of chips, mmm, chips, munchies anyone? Where was I?

Oh, Tom Cruise, right. He may be all of that, but he's still a dad that I assume doesn't want drugs glorified or attached to his name. If this was street weed that would be one thing, but to have somone sign paperwork and actually name it after Tom Cruise, that doesn't seem right. Let's hope Tommy is okay with it.

Source: Snarky Gossip

Photo: Celebrity Blend

Spying on the Neighbors: 4-01-08

Whit Honea — Tue, 01 Apr 2008 22:24:00 GMT

I can't believe they fell for the rickroll! Ha, I love April Fools!

Jay Mohr and the ex (Celebrity Baby Blog)

Naomi Watts and Liev Schrieber with "Sasha" (Celebrity Baby Scoop)

Skycaps don't like Tom Brady (ASL)

Jamie Lynn Spears' racist hoodie (Gossip Girls)

Britney Spears is getting healthy (fametastic)

Kevin Federline Hits Old People

Sassy Smith — Sat, 24 Nov 2007 12:34:00 GMT

According to nationalenquirer.com, Federline went golfing with three pals, at LA's Tony Balboa golf club, who were trying to teach K'Fed the game. That's when it went downhill from there.

The Fedster, was about half way around the course, when he smashed some old dude in the back after he blasted his golf ball. The guy wasn't too happy and came over to Kevin and ripped him a new one. “Which one of you jackasses hit me?” Kev admitted he had done it and then old guy says, "Haven't you ever heard of yelling 'fore?'" The dumb look on K'Fed's face explained it all. I guess he didn't know. Kevin's "victim" then says, "That's a courtesy to let people know a ball's heading their way." Oh. Sorry gramps!

Federline apologized and later at the clubhouse bar, had grandpa smiling after sending him his balls, er, a new box of expensive golf balls. FORE!

Photo source:alarmingnews.com

Tom Cruise Makes a Realistic Cardboard Cutout

Whit Honea — Mon, 29 Oct 2007 21:42:00 GMT

Too. Many. Jokes. Somewhere between Hitler and Freddie Mercury I'm left with this lifelike cutout of Tom Cruise. It does look pretty real, except that it is a bit on the tall side.

What is that on his palm? A musical note? Does his other palm play dixie?

Crap, that joke works on so many levels I should just retire. That's it. I'm out.

Photo: Gabby Babble

African Couple to Adopt Britney's Kids?

Whit Honea — Fri, 05 Oct 2007 14:51:00 GMT

According to Slate magazine a couple from the country of Malawi has completed the paperwork required to adopt Sean Preston Federline and Jayden James Federline. This follows Britney Spears losing custody of the children earlier this week.

The couple sited the tragic VMA appearance and the numerous appearances of Spears' va-jay-jay as the grounds for their concern, "In our country, a good mother does not show her business to the press. It is very bad luck.

"We could not allow innocent children to live under such horrific conditions anymore," they explained. "The Third World can no longer turn a blind eye to the tragedy affecting so many U.S. celebrity children."

When contacted Kevin Federline replied by supposedly saying, "I am the father of Sean Preston and Jayden James, who have been adopted. I am very happy because, as you can see, there is spiritual poverty in this village, and I know they will be very well looked after in Malawi. Peace out!"

Apparently the adopting couple is not content with helping just two neglected children and have hopes of creating their own coalition of rainbow families. "After learning that there are thousands of biological celebrity 'orphans' in Hollywood, it is our wish to open up our hut and help them escape a life of extreme affluence, hardship, and in many cases, Scientology." They have set up a facility in L.A. to aid other couples that have come from Afghanistan, Cambodia, China, Ethiopia, Iran, Iraq, Mongolia, North Korea, Vietnam, and other countries that can offer children a better life.

It's funny because it's true. Well, it's not true, it's a joke, but you get the idea.

Photo: Two Girls and a Gay

Sarah Silverman, 50, Thinks Calling Britney Spears' Kids "Adorable Mistakes" is a Term of Endearment

Whit Honea — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 18:10:00 GMT

Sarah Silverman is still getting press on her VMA jokes at Britney's expense. Namely the jokes about the boys.

"The joke that everyone was upset about — me calling the kids `adorable mistakes' — was the most innocuous joke," Silverman told Us Weekly. She can't figure out what all the hub-bub is about, but she'll talk about it to anyone with a microphone.

"It never occurred to me that would be deemed hurtful or over the line. I don't want to get into feuds with girls half my age. I'm in it to be funny and not for the drama. It's embarrassing."

I've got to say, for fifty Sarah is looking pretty good.

Is it just me or have the 15-minutes on this thing passed already?

BTW, this isn't Sarah's first run at making fun of the tragic queens of Hollywood. She took some stabs at Paris Hilton as well, back before she went to jail. This may not be safe for work if they frown on you talking openly about penises.

Photo: KnoxNews

Nicole Richie and the Emperor's New Cookbook

Whit Honea — Mon, 10 Sep 2007 16:58:00 GMT

If this makes money I'm going to move to Siberia. Publicist Robin Smith thinks that she has a great idea, the Nicole Richie Cookbook based on all of the foods that Nicole is famous for ~~looking at~~ eating.

Yes, the pages are blank. Just thinking about it makes me, um, not hungry.

“We all can see that Nicole isn’t eating very much, so a book full of recipes would be misleading and deceptive advertising,” said Smith. “With over 60 percent of Americans either overweight or obese, and so much pressure to be thin at all costs, I wanted to make people laugh.”

Sure, it's funny, in a two-second joke at the water-cooler sort of way, but would you pay money for this?

Photo: Celebritdiot

Matt Damon Confirms: The Red Sox Tear Apart Families

Whit Honea — Fri, 03 Aug 2007 16:52:00 GMT

The Boston Herald is reporting that Matt Damon would rather go down in history as a famed member of the Red Sox than an actor. He reportedly said this in an interview with People magazine, but I'm guessing that he was only half-joking. If I could go down in history as a famed Yankee rather than the world's greatest writer of celebrity parent gossip, I would really consider it. I would also consider being the world's greatest writer of celebrity parent gossip.

When asked what he would say to his daughter given the possibility, the very real and likely possibility, that Isabella might grow up to be a fan of another baseball team (we know who they meant) he was quick to sever all ties.

“You mean before I disowned her, what would I say?” Damon joked. “There aren’t words for that kind of rebellion!”

Sure there are Matt, they start something like this: Start spreading the news...

Naomi Watts Sets Up Classic Punchline

Whit Honea — Sun, 10 Jun 2007 21:03:00 GMT

Naomi Watts is pregnant. Very pregnant. That's why she wears a helmet when jaunting about town on her Vespa ($4,199-$5,499). I hope she has a little helmet on her unborn kid.

Really? Is riding around on a scooter throught the streets of NYC while extremely pregnant a good idea? I can't imagine that her doctor will be thrilled to read this piece (all Hollywood doctors have FameCrawler in their feed readers).

I've got to say, I am trying very hard to be nice here, but all I can think about when I see this picture is the old adage about large women and mopeds. Seriously, it's freaking killing me.

FameCrawler : Joke

Jenny McCarthy's Family Left Reeling After Proposal

Madonna and Lourdes Talk It Out (Video)

Explicitly Nude: Madonna's Photo Up For Grabs

Madonna and Britney Receive Death Threats

Madonna is Out on the Prowl: Look Out, Teenage Boys!

Sacha Baron Cohen Kills The Golden Globe Crowd With Bad Jokes About Madonna

Spying on the Neighbors: 1-14-09

You Just Got Bacon'd!

Stewart and Colbert are Terrorists (Just Like the Obamas!)

Sarah Palin Disney Movie: Head of Skate

Mark Wahlberg and Daughter at the Grove: In Which I Ignore the Obvious

Peter Andre to Adopt?

Peter Andre and Daddies Sauce: He's a Winner

BROKEN NEWS: Angelina Jolie, Do We Have Babies or What?

Angelina Jolie and Jack Black: The Video That Rocked the World!

Angelina Jolie is a Big, Fat Liar!!

John Travolta: Leavin' On A Gay Plane?

John Travolta and The Little Mermaid

Smoke Tom Cruise, Go Crazy

Spying on the Neighbors: 4-01-08

Kevin Federline Hits Old People

Tom Cruise Makes a Realistic Cardboard Cutout

African Couple to Adopt Britney's Kids?

Sarah Silverman, 50, Thinks Calling Britney Spears' Kids "Adorable Mistakes" is a Term of Endearment

Nicole Richie and the Emperor's New Cookbook

Matt Damon Confirms: The Red Sox Tear Apart Families

Naomi Watts Sets Up Classic Punchline