FameCrawler : Jordan Price

Smells Like Skank Spirit

HerBadMother — Sat, 24 Nov 2007 18:02:00 GMT

Jordan - aka Katie Price - was out hawking her new perfume, "Stunning," the other day. Which raises the question: if you could smell like any celebrity, would you really choose a silicone-enhanced former 'glamor model' who has trouble keeping her clothes on? I mean, what's that smell like? Self-tanner, plastic and lube, with a whiff of pasties?

I'm sure that Jordan is a good mom and a nice person and a sweet girl, really. I just really, really doubt that I want to smell like her.

Gwen Stefani: These Boobs ARE Made For Nursin', And That's Just What They'll Do

HerBadMother — Wed, 08 Aug 2007 19:34:00 GMT

Gwen Stefani recently told UK newspaper The Guardian that she plans to keep breastfeeding indefinitely: “I don’t know when I’m going to stop breast-feeding, I’ll just keep going while I can - like, he’s getting his teeth so it is a little bit scary. He’s bitten me a few times! Breastfeeding is just obviously really convenient with my lifestyle."

So there you go: from Katie Price's "don't want no baby on these boobies" approach to nursing to Gwen's "porta-baby convenience" stand, we've really run the celebrity gamut on nursing this week. Feel free to disparage or praise at will.

Me, I'm not so interested in the debate (which has been more than adequately hashed out here and here), so much as I am in this deeply puzzling mystery: why, if Gwen's packing all the milk and Katie's made hers disappear through sheer force of will and silicone, does Gwen have teeny little pert boobies and Katie have super-sized monsters that look like they could wet-nurse a herd of cattle? I know, I know - miracles of modern plastic surgery and all that - but still: my boobies were gargantuan when I was nursing. Why does Gwen have the chest of a thirteen year old? And why - why oh why, irony of ironies for a formerly flat-chested girl - do I feel cheated for having had those massive knockers when confronted by that perky pertness?

(My teenage self is rolling her eyes so far back in her head right now that she can see herself think. And what she's thinking is: Old Self, dude? Envying on some chick's tiny milk-producing titties? Why have you not shot yourself yet? Also: eeeewwwww.)

Princess Tiaamii is Easy to Shop For

Whit Honea — Wed, 01 Aug 2007 17:16:00 GMT

The best thing about naming your kid Princess is that you don't have to spend hours sorting through keychains and coffee mugs trying to find something with her name on it.

Does this make her mommy, Katie "Jordan" Price, some kind of genius? There is a first time for everything.

Photo: OK! Magazine

Jordan Named Her Kid "Future Crazy"

BadKitty — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 14:36:00 GMT

No, not really. The real name is worse: Princess Tiaamii. And there's more! Jordan and her hubby Peter André put an accent over the first a...to make it "more" exotic. The second "i" -- you know, because the traditional spelling only has one -- was added to make it different. Mission accomplished!

Those are their first two kids in the picture. Hope they know how to fight, because something tells me they're going to be defending their little sister a lot in school.

Photo credit: Fametastic

Jordan Sends Nanny Packing

Whit Honea — Mon, 23 Jul 2007 17:56:00 GMT

Katie "Why is she called Jordan" Price recently fired her nanny for behavior unbecoming. Hard to imagine what that could be in their house.

It would seem that the nanny LIED. Yes, it's true.

She told Jordan that she needed time off to go visit her dad in Wales, but actually went to Portugal. Not only that, she was late in returning, which made Jordan late for a radio show.

The nanny, whose name was not given, found her bags packed for her, courtesy of Price, and a sudden wealth of free time. Maybe she should go visit her dad.

Jordan Price and Her Ugly Daughter

Whit Honea — Wed, 04 Jul 2007 17:02:00 GMT

Jordan Price thinks that her daughter is ugly, "I think all newborn babies are ugly. They look like little old men. I think they need a few weeks to grow into themselves."

Not that there is any pressure filling her mom's ~~cups~~ shoes. The woman is a living Bratz doll, a 30-something living Bratz doll.

She also said that she is happy to have another girl in the family. "There will definitely be more pink in the house and it will be nice to have a girl on my side," she smiled.

Note to self, invest in pink.

Jordan Has Girl

Whit Honea — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 15:20:00 GMT

British model and reality TV star, not to mention professional naked girl, (Do you know how hard it is to find pictures of her with clothes on? It took me hours.) Katie "Jordan" Price, finally gave birth today.

Her new daughter was born by cesarean section at London's private Portland Hospital.

This is her third child, second with pop star Peter Andre.

According to RTE, "Both Peter and Katie are absolutely over the moon with the new addition to their family and delighted to have a sister for Harvey and Junior - it is a dream come true."

"I'm very excited. I've got my three boys and a little princess," they quoted Jordan as saying.

They also report that she has denied reports suggesting she plans to name the baby Crystal, the title of her latest novel. I don't know what is more disturbing, her constant breeding, or the fact that she writes books. Oh well, at least she likes to be naked.

Is Jordan Ever Going to Pop That Baby Out?

Whit Honea — Thu, 28 Jun 2007 18:05:00 GMT

Someone call SeaWorld, there's an Orca on the loose! Oh, wait, it's just Jordan, aka, Katie Price. I didn't recognize her with clothes on. It's an honest mistake.

Here is why I love the British. This is part of the press for this photo as reported by The Sun:

HEAVILY-pregnant JORDAN looks fit to burst as she walks hand-in-hand with hubby PETER ANDRE at Ladies’ Day.
The glamour model, whose baby is due this week, even had a hospital bag full of pyjamas just in case.

Jordan, looking elegant in a tight cocktail dress, joked she hoped the thrill of a win would bring on labour — and bookies offered 16-1 she would give birth in the Royal Enclosure.

Top-hatted Peter, 34, kept a helicopter on stand-by for mother-of-two Jordan, real name Katie Price — but she held out.

The pop star patted her bump “for luck” before each race.

... Some Ascot diehards were not impressed.

Charles Bovery, 52, raged: “Jordan in the Royal Enclosure, how truly awful. It’s downright tacky.”

Ha! They called her elegant! Here in the states, we tend to go with things like, "Tramp Knocked-Up... Again, Hangs Out at Tracks."

I'm not sure which is better.

The Fair Jordan and Mirror, Mirror, Off the Wall

Whit Honea — Mon, 18 Jun 2007 11:30:00 GMT

Katie "Jordan" Price is suing the makers of a mirror that had been installed in her home for four days before falling and injuring her partially blind five-year-old son. He suffered cuts to the face and a broken nose.

Said Jordan, "We are taking legal action against that company.

"But I just feel sorry for Harvey because he can't see that well and just imagine it falling on him. It's awful."

I really wanted to poke a little fun here, what with the huge mirror hanging in the home of the vain Jordan, but I can't make light of a kid getting hurt. Come on, he's nearly blind. I'm not an animal.

Britons Rejoice, "Katie Price Is Having a Girl!" Rest of World Asks, "Who The Hell Is Katie Price?"

sweatpantsmom — Mon, 11 Jun 2007 15:35:00 GMT

I have no idea who this woman is, but I feel that anyone who dresses up like a reject from the cast of 'Wicked' deserves at least a Google search.

My investigation turned up both a 'Katie (Jordan) Price, 29-year-old British glamour model, television personality, magazine columnist'' and 'Katie (KittyKat) Price, 16-year-old Ohio Wal-Mart clerk and BFF to Lisa (Teenie) Lewbowski.' While the latter sounded infinitely more interesting, I found out this about the Brit:

The current news on Jordan Price is that she is expecting her third child with British pop singer-songwriter and television personality Peter André. I didn't know who he was, either, but I did find out that André was signed to his first recording contract after an executive saw him do an impression of Bobby Brown. Funny, it doesn't say whether he was doing Brown singing or smoking crack.

As for Katie Price, she had this to say about recently finding out that her and André are expecting a baby girl:

“For me the best bit is still to come - seeing her vagina. When she’s born, I’ll be like, ‘Show me her bits.’ Because that will prove it to me. At the moment I’m only used to willies.”

And to think that only thirty minutes ago I had no idea who Katie Price was. Damn you, Google.

[photo: hollyscoop.com]