FameCrawler : Klum

Spying on the Neighbors: 2-02-09

Whit Honea — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 00:02:00 GMT

Congratulations to Steelers and groundhogs everywhere.

Milla and Ever (Celebs and Bubs)

Bad Bale (TMZ)

Harvey's new school (Gossip Girls)

HeliCruise (TomKatCrazy)

Reading with Reese (Jezebel)

Kissing Klum (Celebrity Baby Scoop)

Heidi Klum: SHOE FAIL

HerBadMother — Mon, 12 Jan 2009 12:32:00 GMT

Seriously, Heidi? Whaddup?

You're one of the most gorgeous women out there, and a source of inspiration to women who insist that motherhood need not lead to asexual frumpery. And you were SO CLOSE to being a total win in the Damn Hot Mama department last night.

But then you put on those shoes - too small, plastic-looking and entirely inappropriate (stripper sandals? really?) for your outfit - and we're all, you know, disappointed. It's almost like you decided to wear Crocs or something. (Stripper Crocs, but still.)

(The dress is cute. The flower? Kinda weird, but nothing compared to those shoes.)

Do better next time, Heidi. We're counting on you.

Source

Spying on the Neighbors: 9-15-08

Whit Honea — Mon, 15 Sep 2008 21:14:00 GMT

One week to "Heroes" and counting...

Sarah Palin wigs!! (StyleList)

Killer faith (Celebrity Baby Blog)

Brit's twofer (Celebrity Baby Scoop)

Buzz Beckham (Jezebel)

Big kid, small Kidman (binkywood)

Eva Longoria hates Heather Mills (Hollyscoop)

JLo lied to Klum? (Gossip Girls)

Heidi And Seal Need To Get A Room

HerBadMother — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 14:01:00 GMT

Heidi and Seal, in a rare moment of not publicly displaying their highly-sexualized affection.

Oh, no, wait...

There they go again.

(Okay, admittedly - NO TONGUE. But the kids were probably right there, and in any case, could they smush their faces together any more closely? You know they're just dying to throw each other to sidewalk right then and there.)

Source

Heidi Klum Talks About Her Sex Life, AGAIN

HerBadMother — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 22:04:00 GMT

Oh, PUH-leeze, Heidi. We know that you and Seal are so hot for each other that you're practically knocking over the strollers to get at each other. Do you have to keep reminding us? And, do you have to insist that you keep those flames a-burnin' with date nights? (Because, um, you totally already told us it was his dong. Memba that?)

Heidi said recently that the secret to their red-hot passion is holidays and movie dates: "Seal is my best friend, my lover, my husband and the father of our children. We have a settled life. We have fun together. We travel the world and go on holidays - and we have date nights!"

"We go to a restaurant or to the cinema. We also spend some holidays alone - there are moments that are reserved just for the two of us."

(What the tape recoders didn't catch: "I'm a major MILF and he's a major DILF - we're PILFs - so we gotta do what we gotta do.")

Okay, fine. Date nights are good, I'm not going to argue that. BUT alone time isn't all that, um, fruitful unless parents get rest time, too. I mean, if I went to a movie with the hubs, I'd be fast asleep before the coming attractions were over. So, you know, maybe if Heidi were to lend me one of her six or seven nannies, I could get more on board with this whole story.

Source, Source

Gisele and Kate In The Nude - And All Yours For Three! Million! Dollars!

Why, Heidi? WHY?

HerBadMother — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 14:01:00 GMT

This would be a perfectly adorable of Heidi Klum and her two lovely children. WOULD be, were it not for the fact that her banana-quaffing technique is - how to put this? - borderline pornographic.

I mean, what is one supposed to say about this? Oh, hey, Heidi, cute kids! But, say, how far down can you get that banana?

You know, it's okay to just nibble that thing, Heidi. Just nibble it. Trust me. It's better that way, for everybody.

Source

Heidi Klum's Little Princess

HerBadMother — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 18:28:00 GMT

Say it with me now: aaawwwww. Heidi Klum's little Leni is adorable dressed up as a little ballerina, ain't she?

Because, come on, is there anything cuter than a little girl in a tutu? Really? (I mean, other than a tiny girl in a hockey helmet, but that's another post entirely. Though if anybody out there has a lead on pics of celebrity kids in real gender-bending get-ups - say, Suri Cruise dressed up as Xenu - please pass them along. That'd be a cool story.)

(What gender is Xenu, anyway?)

(And while we're on that question - what gender do you suppose Tom Cruise is?)

Victoria's Secret Dialling Down The Sexy: MILFs Everywhere Mourn

HerBadMother — Sat, 01 Mar 2008 13:34:00 GMT

What will Heidi Klum do? How will she retain the crown of MILFiest Mom In The History Of The World, Ever, if she does not have her peek-a-boo diamond studded bras or pearl-encrusted thongs from Victoria's Secret? However will she rock that sexy then?

Victoria's Secret is reported to be toning back their sexy image, in order to return to their stand-by reputation as purveyors of pretty - rather than sexy - underthings. This sounds good to me - what with the triple-D partum boobage, I can't pull off those flimsy boobkerchiefs that Heidi seems to always wear - but I'm guessing that there's a whole army of cougars - MILF or otherwise - out there ready to storm the Vicki's Secret barricades and stock up on the stripper-wear before the lacy daisy-print brassieres flood the stores.

Source

Heidi Klum Top Sexiest Naked Model In The History Of The World, Ever

HerBadMother — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 22:35:00 GMT

According to Models.com, Heidi Klum is the number one most sexiest model, ever, because not only is she awesome with her clothes (mostly) off, she has her own line of candy.

The website ranked Heidi as number one on their Top 25 Sexiest Models list, stating their reasons as follows:

“Project Runway with an audience in the millions. Check. A Victoria Secret’s contract that Miss Klum has an iron grip on. Check. Her own line of shoes, jewelry and candy. Check. The icon they call Heidi Inc. is no mere sexy mortal this one, but a force of nature. All hail."

If you can overlook the bad grammar, you'll see that they make some good points. Although I'm not sure that Heidi's lines of shoes and candy have as much to do with her 'sexy' ranking as does her propensity for yapping about her husband's peen, fondling herself, and prancing about on Vicki's Secret runways with only a diamond-encrusted bra on. But that's just me.

Other top-ranked sexy models, from numbers 2 to 5: Gisele Bunchen, Adriana Lima, Tyra Banks and Karolina Kurkova. (Tyra? Really?)

Source

Posh Pimps Polyester

HerBadMother — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 15:03:00 GMT

I know that everybody thinks that Victoria Beckham is some kind of super-fantabulous style icon, but really? I don't get it. I think that she's just a poor girl's version of Madonna, especially Madonna circa the sex book/Gaultier era, but also - and most disturbingly - Madonna during her creepy seventies lapses. I mean, you look at this pic, above, of her with Heidi Klum and Nina Garcia and an over-Botoxed Michael Kors, and it's like looking at candid shots from some has-been celeb's Super Seventies! costume party, what with Posh all wrapped up in what looks to be day-glo orange polyester* and Heidi looking like a taller, skinnier, hornier Debbie Harry. (Michael and Nina, to their credit, look normal. Ish. Michael's looking a bit gay-cyborg, but whatever. You see that every day.)

So, yeah, I just don't get why anyone would really care that she was a guest-judge on Project Runway. A guest judge on So You Think Can Be A Talentless Pop-Singer-Cum-Fashion-Designer, maybe, but the Runway? Don't get it.

(Yes, Posh-fans, I *know* that it is highly unlikely to be polyster, and that that clingy day-glo orange fabric is much more likely to have been spun by rare psychedelic silkworms and then woven by tiny Tibetan children into a shimmery, magically snag-free silk that sells for $60,000 per yard, but whatever. It looks like polyester, and what's more? It looks like polyester worn over a nude-toned half girdle. So.)

Source

Someone Send PETA - And The Style Police - After Heidi Klum

Stop the Music! Victoria Beckham Wants Off

Victoria Beckham Broke Up The Spice Girls

Someone Send PETA - And The Style Police - After Heidi Klum

HerBadMother — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 02:41:00 GMT

How many Muppets were killed in the making of that coat? For seriously?

Also, who told Heidi Klum that hair-crimping is back in style? Or is it back in style, along with those skin-tight black pleather leggings that were all the rage in glam-goth circles in the late eighties? Has The Factory re-opened? Is Andy Warhol alive again? Or is this some new MILF look that noone has told me about?

Am so confused.

Source

Spying on the Neighbors: 2-6-08

Whit Honea — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 00:14:00 GMT

There sure is a bunch of stuff going on out there. Too bad it's cold outside.

Kate and Lily cruise the firehouse. (Celebrity Baby Scoop)

Reese is a model. (Gossip Girls)

Lunch with Halle Berry. (Babyrazzi)

Heidi Klum TOPLESS! (Jezebel)

Casey Affleck likes being a daddy. (Expo Say)

No more Flavor? (Perez Hilton)

No reality for K-Fed. (The Superficial)

Does Jordan have any real parts? (Gabby Babble)

50 Cent throws in 2 of it. (Hollyscoop)

A Jenna Elfman Story. (Celebrity Moms)

Seal and Daughter Leni In the Snow

Karen — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 20:00:00 GMT

I'm assuming this picture was taken on the same trip as Heidi's pictures were taken. Scooped up in Daddy's arms is the only way to travel!

How fun to get away and go skiing with the whole family!

Heidi Klum and Leni Hit the 'Bucks

Whit Honea — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 21:15:00 GMT

Looks like Milla Jovovich wasn't the only celebrity mom needing some Starbucks. Heidi Klum and her daughter Leni grabbed something warm, well Heidi did- Leni got some Horizon's organic milk, looks like vanilla. Yes, I take my kids to Starbucks. A lot. It's not just for moms you know, or celebrities for that matter.

What do you think of Leni's outfit?

Photo: Celebrity Moms

Heidi Klum Shows Her (Not So) Good Side

HerBadMother — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 18:23:00 GMT

Heidi Klum's good side: hot.

Heidi Klum's backside: NOT HOT.

Droopy butt cleavage and back wrinkles? I hope that those are just the result of the way that she's standing, and not the consequence of trying to lose too much baby weight too fast. Either way: Heidi, put a shirt on.

Heidi And Seal Need To Get A Room. And Also, Stop Saying 'Banana Hammock'

HerBadMother — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 20:33:00 GMT

You know what? As much as I love oogling and mocking men in tight thongs, there is a limit to how much thong-news that I can take in one week. Also, I don't really need to hear any more about how Heidi Klum just luuuurves her husband's twig and berries - or should I say, log and giant mushrooms?

Fresh from revealing to Oprah that it was, erm, love at first bulge for Heidi and Seal, the horny pair went on Access Hollywood to talk about how good Seal looks in a thong and how fun it would be to get up right then and there and head to Heidi's trailer for some good ol' fashioned baby-makin' (Let's go! - Right now? - In my trailer!)

Sample dialogue:

Heidi: I love you soooo much!

Seal: What drives you crazy about me?

Heidi: What drives me crazy about you? Everything . . . I want to be driven crazy 24/7. Day and night.

Seal: Are you sure it’s not my white thongs that I bought the other day, my banana hammock?

Heidi: Banana hammock! (Seal laughs) You look good in a white banana hammock.

Seal: There you go.

(See the rest of the interview on video here.)

Could we impose a moratorium on the phrase banana-hammock, please? It's ruining fruit for me.

Patriot Tom Brady Visits Baby During Bye Week

Whit Honea — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 01:11:00 GMT

Bridget Moynahan and son John graced the cover of Ok! and daddy Tom Brady graced them with his presence. Tom is having a banner freakin' year. The Patriots has a bye last week and seizing the opportunity Brady went to visit his boy. Word is he even changed a diaper or two. I bet he knew what the sticky tabs were for.

Dumb and Dumber: When Heidi Met Britney

Whit Honea — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 23:03:00 GMT

UsWeekly quotes Project Runway host Heidi Klum telling Ellen DeGeneres about Britney Spears and a conversation they had about diapers. Apparently Britney taught Heidi a thing or two, which does not bode well for the supermodel's parenting skills (see three nannies).

Says Klum, "We were talking about babies and diapers and she explained to me a lot of things about diapers I that didn’t know. You know these sticky things on the side? I never knew that they were there. To close them in the front, I was always putting string around. I had no idea.

"It’s very clever. I learned a lot of things."

WTF? She put a string around them, like turkey legs? She was trussing her children because she didn't know that the stick tabs on the sides were functional pieces and not some sort of eye-candy accessory? Fashion has ruined that woman.

Photo: UsWeekly

Heidi Klum Has Other Projects Besides the Runway

Whit Honea — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 00:09:00 GMT

Heidi Klum will back judging Project Runway on Wednesday (on TV anyway), but in the meantime she has her hands full at the local park. Leni, Henry and Johan, and some other random kids, seemed to be enjoying themselves.

According to the Showbuzz, This "Project Runway" season was shot in Manhattan last May during a marathon of design challenges, runway judgings and systematic banishment of 12 contestants. Ever since, all 15 contestants have been living with the secret of who's already out.

I never knew it was a secret who was out. That always seems pretty obvious in the first episode.

Photos: Celebrity Moms

Heidi Klum Likes 'Em Big

HerBadMother — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 18:03:00 GMT

Pumpkins, that is. She likes big pumpkins.

What'd you think I was talking about?

(Source: ASL; Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews.com)

File This Under TMI: Heidi Reveals That It Was Love At First Bulge With Seal

HerBadMother — Thu, 25 Oct 2007 14:03:00 GMT

Ooooookay. This, I didn't need to know: what first drew Heidi Klum to husband Seal was not his eyes or his voice or his sparkling personality - it was the spectacular bulge in his crotch, set on perfect display in a skintight pair of lycra bicycle shorts.

"I met him in a hotel lobby in New York City and he came in just from the gym and I was sitting there and I was, like, wow," Klum tells Oprah Winfrey on her show's Superstar Couples episode, which airs today. Wow, because Seal came in from the gym wearing the aforementioned lycra bicycle shorts. "And I pretty much saw everything," says Klum. "The whole package."

So Heidi likes 'em big, and Seal meets her preferences. Good to know, although now I'll never be able to look at picture of Seal without my eyes straying to his crotch. It's the kids that I'm worried about, though. It's now a matter of public record that Mommy likes 'em big and that Daddy has 'em big. That's gonna make for some unpleasant schoolyard moments someday.

(Photo by: George Burns / Harpo Productions INC)

Seal and Heidi: Cause and Effect

Whit Honea — Mon, 22 Oct 2007 22:39:00 GMT

You know how it is, one minute you're a hot super model or a superstar singer, you're alone on a beach with your love and your lust and then:

Bada-boom, bada-bing, presto!

Hello, reality. Check please!

It's nice seeing pictures like this. Not because Leni is upset, but it just makes everyone so human.

Photo (top): Celebrity Moms

Photo (bottom): Celebrity Baby Scoop

Heidi Klum and Seal Get in the Grove

Whit Honea — Mon, 06 Aug 2007 17:59:00 GMT

Heidi Klum and Seal took the kids out for some weekend shopping and family time at The Grove.

Every time I go to The Grove shopping area in Beverly Hills/Hollywood (it's a blur) I see someone famous. Last time I was there I'm about 99.9% sure that Britney Spears ran right by me. Literally running, kidless and with dog, all the way to her waiting car at the valet.

Seal and Heidi seem much more relaxed.

Photo: Celebs and Bubs

Heidi Klum Pictured Sans Nannies... and Clothes

Whit Honea — Fri, 27 Jul 2007 15:22:00 GMT

I forgot Heidi Klum was hot.

The mother of 3 recently posed for Arena magazine (which I've never heard of), and for the sake of thorough journalism (is that what this is?) I thought it best to bring the pictures to you, the public.

I'll admit, the photos are freaking smokin', and the fact that she's made babies in that body is pretty impressive, but between the airbrushing and the pilates, is this setting the expectations at a unrealistic level for woman, specifically mothers? Probably. Welcome to Hollywood.

My wife says that she would look like this, but she's only had two babies, and therefore, there's no challenge.

In Which I Give Kudos to Heidi Klum

Whit Honea — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 13:05:00 GMT

Heidi and Henry (sporting Birkenstock Jawa Camo Sandals, $65) were spotted in Beverly Hills doing a bit of shopping.

I've been a bit harsh on Heidi Klum. Since the first day that the internet was blessed with the snarky goodness that is FameCrawler, Klum has been there to provide fodder. In photo after photo she and her children have been outnumbered by nannies and insanely expensive strollers. Many times Heidi seemed oblivious to the fact that her children where even around her. So I made fun. It's what I do.

The third time, however, is the charm. This post today marks 3 in a row concerning Klum and her children, and in each of them she appears nanny-free and not only seems aware of her children, but focused on them. It is a good thing.

Kudos to you Ms. Klum, kudos.