Michael Jackson Feels "Wise and Sage" But Not Little Boys

Karl Erikson — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 22:03:00 GMT

Yesterday was Michael Jackson's 50th birthday. In an exclusive interview with "Good Morning America," Mikey said that he's having a "wonderful time and relaxing." Probably in a hyberbaric chamber filled with chicken blood or something.

The King of All Things ~~Weird~~ Pop told GMA for his birthday he would "just have a little cake with my children and we'll probably watch some cartoons" before getting right back to work. Yeah, that last album was slamming, wasn't it? When was that again? 1985? Can't wait for the new work.

"I am also raising my children and enjoying it and teaching them to ride bicycles and how to read," he said. Teaching them to read? Um, let's see, Prince Michael is 11, Paris is 10, and Prince Michael II is 6. Dude, if you're kids aren't reading by now, you're an immense failure in the parenting department.

Oh, shut it. Like he was up for any parenting awards? The man dangles children over balconies. He shouldn't have custody of himself, let alone children. If you don't think those kids are going to make an entire squad of therapists very rich some day, you're deluded.

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Michael Jackson Feels "Wise and Sage" But Not Little Boys