FameCrawler : celebrity custody

Warning: Close Contact With Diddy May Cause Pregnancy or Ass Whuppin's

sweatpantsmom — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 11:35:00 GMT

Did Diddy do it? Diddy did it! DNA tests proved that Diddy did father a child with Atlanta resident Sarah Chapman, and the hip-hopper has finally agreed to financially support their daughter, 15-month-old Chance. Chance was born just a few months before the birth of his twins, who he fathered with longtime girlfriend Kim Porter. Are you following this? That Diddy is a busy guy. When does he sleep? We're starting to get a picture of where, but when?

To add to his plate, Diddy is being sued by NYC nightclub promoter James Waldon, who claims that he was punched, kicked and chased around a club by Diddy's bodyguards, resulting in "bruises, contusions, lacerations ... and injuries to his mouth and his teeth." What did Waldon do to deserve this ass kicking? According to him, he attempted to say, "Hi" to Diddy, which resulted in PuffDaddyDiddyCombs ordering his goons to forcibly remove Waldon from the club. I heard the poor guy didn't even get to finish his wine cooler.

The moral of this story is, don't hang out with Diddy. You just might wake up the next morning and find that you're carrying his baby or have had the crap beaten out of you. I'm not sure which one is worse.

[photo: US Magazine]

What's That Smell? Apparently It's Diddy

sweatpantsmom — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 13:05:00 GMT

Wanna smell like a hip-hop mogul? I don't, but the multi-tasking Diddy has a new fragrance, Unforgivable Woman that launched this week and he seems to know better. "I am a man and know how a woman should smell.” Like the inside of a minivan after a week of carpool? Like a blogger who hasn't left her chair for a week? Tell me, Diddy!

Appearing on Rachael Ray's show today, Diddy seems confident that his fragrance is da (stank) bomb. "This week I am going to challenge my female counterparts, from J. Lo, Mariah [Carey], Sarah Jessica Parker to Gwen Stefani, that my fragrance is better than theirs,"

Kim Porter, Diddy's jilted ex-girlfriend and mother of his three children, would probably say that something stinks but it sure as hell ain't the perfume.

[photo: Rick Mackler/Rangefinder/Globe]

Britney Decides To Become A Lesbian. No Word Yet On A Decision To Become Sane.

HerBadMother — Tue, 18 Sep 2007 19:03:00 GMT

It's been a rough couple of weeks for Britney. Public humiliation. Private humilliation. Getting fired by her lawyer. And her manager. Losing the kids.

But just when you thought that it couldn't possibly get any worse, Britney has, according to 'reliable sources,' announced that she's going to make a change in her life that will turn things around: she's only going to date women from now on.

She knows that Madonna's married, I hope. That could get embarassing, if Britney starts sending flowers and shit in the hopes of rekindling those sparks from few years back. Then again, you never know. Guy doesn't exactly seem to be man enough for Madge these days. Britney could maybe give him a run for his money, especially if she loses the weave and keeps going commando.

Not sure how well this will serve her efforts to get her kids back, though.

Britney Assaults A Pork Tenderloin; Is Heard Shrieking Something About 'Fat Pigs'

HerBadMother — Mon, 17 Sep 2007 16:32:00 GMT

The latest on the tragic, tragic trainwreck that is Britney Spears:

The troubled singer has been BANNED from LA’s exclusive Chateau Marmont hotel after a string of complaints over her oddball behaviour.

The Toxic star came under the management spotlight after reports she was “acting weird”.

And it seems “acting weird” doesn’t begin to describe her latest act of lunacy, which saw Britney stunning fellow diners in the posh hotel restaurant by smearing a plate of top-notch food over her FACE.

Horrified guests were understandably outraged and demanded the management kick her out for good.

A source said: “The diners were disgusted. You wouldn’t expect that from a teenager in a fast-food joint.

“Royalty have dined in this restaurant. Her behaviour was totally unacceptable.”

No word on whether she was wearing underpants at the time, but I think that we can safely bet no. And I think that we can also safely bet that K-Fed's custody lawyers are already planning victory celebrations.

At the Chateau Marmont, no doubt.

Victorious! Anne Heche Gets Her Ottoman

sweatpantsmom — Sat, 21 Jul 2007 14:35:00 GMT

The woman loves her chairs, people. In the ongoing divorce/child-custody/furniture-repossession battle between nutjob Anne Heche and her porn-loving ex Coley Laffoon, Heche has been awarded custody of her beloved footstool, yellow armchair and pink bedding.

No word on whether Laffoon will have visitation rights or will have to make a trip to Ikea. if I were him I'd fight to have that ottoman at least every other weekend.

The 'P' in 'P Diddy' May Soon Stand for 'Poor'

sweatpantsmom — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 20:05:00 GMT

Sharing his diddy with too many ladies may cost Sean Combs some serious cash. Jilted ex-girlfriend Kim Porter could get as much as $1.2 million a year in child-support from the philandering hip-hop mogul. Combs and Porter have three children together, Christian 10, and 7-month-old twins D'Lila Star and Jesse James.

Damn. That's $400,000 a year each, which should keep those kids well-stocked in puppies and pacifiers.

[photo: NewYorkPost.com]

Anne Heche Wants Other Man, Coley Laffoon Wants Ottoman

sweatpantsmom — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 19:35:00 GMT

He's back. He's mad. And he wants his footstool. In the latest battle between crazies Anne Heche and Coley Laffoon, Laffoon is claiming that his philandering ex stole a number of things from their L.A. home, including his beloved ottoman and some yoga-room rugs. Laffoon, who recently won a victory in the bitter custody battle over their son Homer, is also accusing Men in Trees star Heche of raiding his closet and ripping the buttons off his shirts.

Heche is batshit crazy, I know that much, but any guy whining over a footstool and who even has a yoga-room to speak of probably deserves to have his shirts violated.

Come to Grandma; Lynne Spears Attempts to Go Over Britney's Bald Head

sweatpantsmom — Sat, 07 Jul 2007 19:15:00 GMT

Britney Spears may want to throw momma from the train, but she'll have a legal hurdle. The bumpkin pop singer, while trying to keep mom Lynne out of her life and away from her kids, will have to deal with Section 3104 of California's Family Code which gives judges the power to award visitation rights to grandparents. I guess Lynne wants them at her place where she can feed them something other than Pop Tarts and Yoohoo.

The judge will consider the wishes of both parents, so Lynne's butt-kissing of K-Fed may be helping her. Word is that she's so desperate she's even listening to his CD.

I'm tired of Brit and Lynne and their bickering. I say we lube 'em up, toss both these crazies in the bed of Britney's pickup and let them wrestle it out.

[photo: TMZ.com]

Maybe I'm Amazed: Paul McCartney and Heather Mills Make Nice For Beatrice

sweatpantsmom — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 23:10:00 GMT

Paul McCartney and ~~gold-digge~~r former porn star ex-wife Heather Mills are going to be neighbors. Done with her Dancing With The Stars stint, Mills is said to be looking for a home a few miles from McCartney's estate in Peasmarsh, East Sussex. They are passing the olive branch for the sake of their three-year-old daughter, Beatrice. Nice.

The McCartney and Mills split has been an acrimonious one, with Mills accusing the ex-Beatle of physical and emotional abuse. Personally, I don't think she has a leg to stand on.

(Hey, admit it - you were dying to make the same crack.)

[photo: Richard Jennings / PN News / LFI; Retina]

Britney to Photog: I'm Sorry I Beat You With My Umbrella-ella-ella

sweatpantsmom — Fri, 06 Jul 2007 12:35:00 GMT

Before it was a hit song for Rihanna, it was a lethal weapon for Britney Spears. Back in February, Spears rushed to Kevin Federline's home to confront him on a custody issue and ended up attacking a photographer with an umbrella in a crazy Mary-Poppins-on-crack moment.

Now Spears is claiming that it was all method acting. ""I was preparing my character for a roll (sic) in a movie... I take all my rolls very seriously and got a little carried away. Unfortunately I didn't get the part."

Reports are that the role was that of a bald pop singer who can't spell who decides to take vengeance on photographers using a rain-repelling device.

Get Out the Tissues: K-Fed Cares About His Kids

sweatpantsmom — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 12:33:00 GMT

Who knew? Underneath those gold chains and Aqua Velva beats a real live heart. Reports are that Kevin Federline is holding off on signing divorce papers because he's concerned about Britney Spears' post-rehab partying and is worried about their kids while under her care.

I never thought I'd hear myself say this, but K-Fed may have a point. It's risky parenting two children after you've just spent the night french-kissing strange men, dancing on tables and guzzling a half-gallon of Jack Daniels.

But enough about me.

While Britney's attorneys are anxious to get the divorce finalized, Federline is resisting. He wants the divorce agreement to allow him to decrease her access to their kids the next time she does something troubling,. This would include shaving her head, flashing her crotch or attempting a comeback.

[photo: jim knowles / Snap-Pix; Alberto Tamargo]

Britney Spears is/has a Crazy Mother...

Whit Honea — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 21:03:00 GMT

According to AHN, Britney Spears is filing a restraining order against her mother. She is taking this step to keep her mom, Lynne, away from her two sons. She claims that her mother is abusing prescription pain medication and Britney doesn't want her spending time with her boys, Sean Preston and Jayden James.

This concerns me, because who would be with the boys then? I see hundreds of pictures of Britney every day, and do you know why we don't use them here at FameCrawler? Because she never has her kids with her. She has Uggs, nipples and big, stupid glasses, but no babies.

Not only is she mad at her mother for having an alleged problem, but she is deciding to shun her rather than take the steps to help her like Lynne and (gulp!) K-Fed did, sort of, when the tables were turned.

She blames her mom and K-Fed for putting her in rehab, yet she still lets her boys (and her girls too, nudge, nudge) go over to their daddy's place without concern. Which is, of course, concerning. As you can see, I have nothing but concern for this family. Actually, I really am concerned for the boys. I hope someone steps up and provides these kids some shelter and a bit of sanity.

The scary thing is I'm looking at you K-Fed.

Lindsay Lohan's Dad Attempts To Parent

sweatpantsmom — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 16:35:00 GMT

Michael Lohan continued his battle in court yesterday with crazy party chick Dina Lohan over parental visitation rights. Hard to believe, but the fight wasn't about either of them trying to shuck parental duties so that they could go out drinking with Lindsay's friends who aren't in rehab.

Surprisingly, Michael's got a soft spot for his offspring and is trying to visit them more. The court suggested a solution that might allow Michael to to visit with his children through a process called "therapeutic reunification."

I don't know what the hell that is, but it sounds like some sort of religious thing that probably involves a hot tub, alien intervention and a full-body (drug-free) rubdown from John Travolta. Good luck, Michael.