FameCrawler : celebutards

Lindsay Lohan Mad: Dad Cheated On Mom & Had A Love Child

Sassy Smith — Thu, 25 Dec 2008 17:36:00 GMT

Actress Lindsay Lohan is not happy with her father after finding out he cheated on her mother and had another child (allegedly) with his lover. Lohan took to her blog to vent her feelings....

Lindsay wrote:

"My father just let my family and I know, amongst others that he had another child after my little sister Aliana, or maybe he had it before Aliana?? either way, he cheated on my mother and that really sucks..."

She added (leaving out her father):

"I love my Mom, Aliana, Cody, Michael, and my Nana Sullivan!! I will be missing them this Christmas as it is the first one I am spending away from home. I am spending it with Samantha in Los Angeles."

In June of this year it was reported that Michael Lohan had an illegitimate child with a woman named Kristi Horn, 13 years ago. Lohan admitted that during his separation from (now ex) wife Dina Lohan, he and Horn were having an affair but wouldn't confirm if the child conceived was indeed his until an official paternity test was conducted.

Even though the Lohan kids are older now, it must be hard for them nonetheless, knowing that their father cheated on their mom. They also have a half sister (maybe....well I think for sure, considering she looks exactly like Michael Lohan!) that they haven't had an opportunity to get to know (if they should want to).

[Source]

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Love Child For Lohan

Ali Lohan Is 14 But Looks 38 - Photos

Sassy Smith — Mon, 01 Sep 2008 18:08:00 GMT

Ali Lohan, younger sister of actress (or trainwreck) Lindsay Lohan, is only 14-years-old. However, for whatever reason, she most always looks like someone much older. Why? Does mom Dina Lohan not notice this?

Photos after the jump!

Ali did photos for Supermodels Unlimited mag (July/August issue), and while there are a couple of shots, that the teen does look like a teen (the bubblegum pic is cute), others certainly make her appear older than her 14 years. Weird and kinda creepy.

[Source]

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Here She Is - Lohan "Love Child"

Sassy Smith — Sat, 05 Jul 2008 12:05:00 GMT

The Lohan family seems to have lots of controversy following them. And now with the rumored "love child" of Lindsay's dad, Michael Loghan, it just keeps coming. Michael is now reportedly going to sell his paternity results and the first photos of himself with his (possible) daughter, Ashley Kaufmann, 13. Is this family messed or what? And what about Ashley's mom, Kristi Kaufmann? Is she wanting to exploit her young daughter for cash? Apparently the young teen wants to record an album and she and her mom have approached several studios about hashing out a deal. Perfect timing? Perhaps. Because - why would you put this out in the public until you knew for certain that Michael Lohan is the biological father? What if he's not? Then what? You've disrupted your own child's life and the Lohan children as well.

A source told MSNBC, "Ashley has more talent than Lindsay or Ali." A pal said, "Ashley's singing ability just proves that the family talent comes from Michael, not Dina Lohan."

What about Michael's other children (with ex Dina) - Lindsay, Michael, Ali and Cody - how does this all affect them? Michael said, "Years later the woman contacted me, convincing me that I was the only person she was with and that she had my child."

Lohan has said of his new-found daughter, she "is beginning to look a lot like Linds, with a mix of Cody, believe it or not."

Hopefully, for the sake of the children involved, these "adults" can work this out and make it as painless for them as possible.

[Source;Photos:OK!]

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Love Child For Lohan

Lohan Called a Liar by Lovechild's Mother

Karen — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 18:33:00 GMT

While the jury is still out as to whether Michael Lohan actually fathered a "love child" with Kristi Kaufmann in 1995, Kaufmann has been quick to call Lohan a 'liar' in the press.

She had a paternity test in 2005 as she suspected her ex-husband was not the father of the teenager - and has allegedly been proven right.

She says, "The only other person I had slept with was Michael. My daughter has a right to know who her father is - and it's Michael." Kaufmann adds, "He met me in Houston and we met again in New York.

"I just want to make sure the truth comes out. Michael is already out there spreading lies."

Lohan told Extra, "My lawyers are dealing with this. When we find out the truth we will deal with it in the appropriate manner."

JLo's Dog Has Issues

Sassy Smith — Mon, 30 Jun 2008 15:08:00 GMT

Jennifer Lopez is a busy mom of twins - and I'm guessing since she and husband Marc don't have a nanny, it makes it hard for Jen to spend much time with her pooch. So doggie is lonely and thus seeks out attention, and by attention, I mean he bites the arse of a flight attendant (allegedly and I don't know if was really her butt that he chewed a chunk out of) and now, Lopez is being sued for a cool five million bucks. Hey - they got six mil for the twins' photos, so it's all good right? Unless they blew it all on cashmere onesies and ruby studded booties?

Airline stewardess, Lisa Wilson, has filed a $5 million lawsuit after she alleges JLo's dog Floyd "lunged" at her when she walked past him during a 2006 flight.

Lisa says after the dog bit her, she fell over and then required surgery for excruciating back pain.

Camp Lopez has had no comment thus far.

I always wonder why people wait years to sue? It's 2008 and this took place in 2006 - why the wait? Maybe it was actually Jennifer that bit her. Ha, I'm totally ~~not~~ kidding.

[Source]

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Love Child For Lohan

Sassy Smith — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 14:03:00 GMT

Oh the drama for the Lohan family! There's Lindsay and rumored trouble on movie sets, her stints in rehab, mom Dina and her reality show, the exploitation by both Dina and ex-husband Michael, of their children, Michael's jail time - it never ends. Now comes the whole pregnancy thing....

According to OK! magazine, Michael Lohan - who has four children with ex Dina - has a fifth child with a woman named Christie. In response to the allegations, Lohan has said this:

“I met Christie [the mother of the reported love-child] in 1982 in Houston. In 1995, when I was separated from Dina, she contacted me that she was moving to Long Island…I was with her for a week. Years later, while I was in prison, she contacted to me to say she had a paternity test done that revealed the child’s father was not her husband. She said I was the only other man she had been with. My lawyers are dealing with this. When we find out the truth we will deal with it in the appropriate manner.”

Christie has spoke with OK!, saying this:

“It’s time for Michael to take responsibility." She also said that she and Michael have had many conversations and even called his (alleged) daughter for her 13th birthday on June 12, but has never supported his child financially.

The scandal never stops!

[Celebrity Baby Scoop]

From The 'Dina Lohan's A Pimp' Files: A Sneak Peek At 'Living Lohan'

Dina Lohan: Mother of the Year?

JLo Sizzles In Red! Wowza!

Sassy Smith — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 12:02:00 GMT

JLo is new mom to twins Max and Emme and she and Marc are traveling for Marc's mini tour, and of course mama has to get some shopping in! Can't say as I blame her! I must admit, Jennifer is sizzling in her red shiny dress......hot stuff! And you'll notice her necklace, it says M&E.....aww sweet!

More pics after the jump

I wonder if she bought me anything? My birthday is coming up soon, and I could use some new heels.

[Source]

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Jennifer Lopez - Bad Mommy?

Sassy Smith — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 13:38:00 GMT

Jennifer Lopez welcomed her twins Max and Emme just 4 months ago, and she might be feeling what any new mom can experience - the thought that you're not doing a good enough job taking care of your baby. JLo is constantly needing reassuance from husband Marc Anthony, as she's unsure of herself sometimes and wants to know she's doing things right. Marc has begged her to stop worrying so much!

Closer mag reports a source said, "Jennifer wants to be the perfect mother, but she crumbles if any normal little thing goes wrong.

"If the twins cry, she thinks it's because she's a bad mom, and bursts into tears herself."

I'm sure her mommy hormones are still out of whack - she should give herself a break. Having a baby is hard - having two at the same time - way harder! And perfection? No such thing in the world of parents and kids - not gonna find that JLo!

The source continued, "Marc had to sit her down and make her understand that she's a good mom and it's normal for babies to cry." Yup, that's what infants do - eat, poop, sleep, cry, poop, and cry and eat.

Friends are also concerned about Jennifer's strict diet and exercise routine and that her anxieties have caused health issues.

The insider said, "Jen is a total perfectionist, and she's treating motherhood the same way she goes about her career -- it's all or nothing.
"Marc is concerned that she's not eating properly or sleeping because she's obsessed with looking after the twins. If she leaves them with her own mother for a couple of hours to have some time off, she beats herself up about it and feels guilty."

Oh I've learned over the years, you have to let go of the guilt - moms, should not feel guilty about having some time to themselves. It's so important to make that time!

"Marc has forced Jen to take some time off and have a massage to unwind, but she even struggled to relax during that," the source added, "He wants her to stop worrying about the kind of mother she's being and just enjoy it."

Enjoy Jen - kids grow up way fast. Oh, I will give you one piece of advice - get some flat shoes!!!

[Source;Photo]

Jennifer Lopez To Launch "Eccentric" Exercise Clothing Line

Stop The Presses! JLo To Become Fulltime Mom!

JLo Carries Her Baby Girl While Wearing Six Inch Heels! Crazy!!

Sassy Smith — Fri, 20 Jun 2008 12:06:00 GMT

Listen, I'm a shoe girl, I really am. I love heels as much as the next shoe freak - but, there is no way on this green earth, that I would ever walk down a flight of airplane steps, with jeans so long I'd surely trip on the hem, wearing spiked 6 inch high heels, WHILE CARRYING MY INFANT. Call me crazy or paranoid - and trust me, I can work it in heels - but you couldn't pay me to pull that kind of stunt! JLo is apparently way braver than I, because she did exactly that!

One more pic after the jump!

Jennifer and hubby Marc Anthony and twins, Max and Emme, arrived in Belgium on Wednesday - Marc was there for a performance on his mini tour. The arrived by private jet of course and no one spotted any nannies. I guess they really are going to be full-time parents to their babies!

Marc has said about taking his twins on tour, "When I perform... they will inspire me. I just need toys for the kids." About Jennifer, he said, "She's such an amazing mom and I'm so proud of her. She's such a gem to watch."

Okay, I'm happy for them, but seriously, Jen, you have to invest in some flat shoes when carrying your babies!

[Source]

Another Lopez Baby On The Way!

Jennifer Lopez To Launch "Eccentric" Exercise Clothing Line

Stop The Presses! JLo To Become Fulltime Mom!

Sassy Smith — Sat, 24 May 2008 18:03:00 GMT

Jennifer Lopez gave birth to twins, Max and Emme, a few months ago, so one would assume she'd be a full-time mom. She apparently wasn't, because she's decided to care for her own babies now that the nanny has quit, thus now, becoming a full-time mom!

Hey, I'm not knocking anyone with a nanny (hell I may have hired one too if that was feasable) but it seems that some celebrities think that it's something amazing if they decide to care for their own children without nannies - like they deserve some sort of award. Uh, most of us moms do it 24/7 right from the get go. True story.

JLo and Marc's nanny left the job last month and Lopez has no plans to replace her, thus caring for the twins around the clock. Yup, babies need constant care.

A family friend said to Us Weekly, "She's beyond hands-on." Both Jennifer and Marc are putting their family first, careers second for the next year or so. "They both told their managers that the next year would be all about family."

They're headed to Spain next month - Marc has a prescheduled tour.

I'll wish JLo good luck, I'm sure it's not easy caring for twins - one baby is hard enough!

[Source;Photo:celebutopia]

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Dina Lohan - Kids Home Alone & House Fire Breaks Out

Sassy Smith — Thu, 22 May 2008 15:03:00 GMT

Dina Lohan, mom of the year - seriously, she was voted that - is getting set to entertain the world with a look into her life! E! Networks has a new promo for Dina's upcoming reality show, Living Lohan. Nothing like airing your questionable parenting skills on TV!

Video clip after the jump

The Post is claiming that at one point in time, Dina left the house, to party, and Ali, 14, and Cody, 11, were home alone and a fire broke out in the home. It's not clear how serious the fire was or when exactly it happened or if it will be part of the series.

Other statements made by Dina, which seem laughable coming from her, are "A lion protects her cubs," and "it's a big game of chess and it's our move."

Lohan calls someone about an allegedly naked photo of Lindsay, threatening, "you need to get it down immediately because I've already been in touch with my attorneys and the story is absolutely false." And she then says, "there's got to be boundaries with these people, the paparazzi and everything. There's just got to be more boundaries set." Uh, you're pimping out your young teens, so, pot, meet the kettle!

The fact that Ali wants to "be just like Lindsay" should be a wake up call for Dina, considering Lindsay has been in rehab 23 times or something to that effect. Be careful what you wish for!

Good luck messing up your other children Dina, I'm sure you'll do a bang up job.

[Source]

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Dina Lohan: Mother of the Year?

Mormons Say: Billy Ray Cyrus Is A Bad Dad

HerBadMother — Sat, 10 May 2008 20:32:00 GMT

Well, one Mormon says so.

Marie Osmond says that Billy Ray Cyrus is responsible for Miley's recent troubles.

"My parents never, never left us alone," said Osmond. "We always had some form of a guardian or something with us, a guardian that would represent what they would have done. But in [Miley's] case, her dad stepped out [of the photo session], and that's when it happened.

"How do you say no to somebody like Annie [Leibovitz] when you're a little girl? It's an interesting thing that happened with her."

Isn't Marie Osmond the one who passed out on Dancing With The Stars while her teenage some was checking himself into rehab?

In which case, her slamming Billy Ray for his parenting skills is maybe not quite so ironic as Dina Lohan slamming Tish Cyrus for hers, but it's close. Verrrrry close.

Source

From The WTF Files: Dina Lohan Coaches Miley's Mom On How To Be A Good Parent

HerBadMother — Sat, 10 May 2008 15:30:00 GMT

Dina and ~~Meal Ticket Number Two~~ Ali Lohan

I thought it was a joke when I heard that Dina Lohan had been nominated for some sort of Mom Of The Year award, or that maybe that 'Mom' in that case was a misspelling of or code for 'Pimp,' but apparently not. Dina did, in fact, win an award for being one of the Top 20 Moms in Long Island by the "Mingling Moms of Long Island."

But the joke doesn't end there.

Dina, high on the approval of some subset of the population on Long Island, has begun dishing parenting advice. The first mom that she's helping? Tish Cyrus.

Her advice to Tish on parenting a young celeb: "Stay strong and keep your head up. And she's talented [Miley] and stay focused." And, also: "You know, and be her mom."

Because, you know, that's exactly what Dina does - be the mom. Be the party-facilitating, camera-inviting, famewhoring, pimptastic momager mom, and everything will be fine, FINE. Your daughter will pose semi-nude for magazines (check) and go to rehab and maybe steal the odd fur coat or two - but she'll be FAMOUS. And she'll thank you for that, for reals.

Source

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JLo Voted "Celebrity Mom of the Year!"

Sassy Smith — Fri, 09 May 2008 13:37:00 GMT

Jennifer Lopez, 38, was recently named Celebrity Mom of the Year by New York's Mingling Moms org. The same organization that gave Dina Lohan a simialar title to. Not sure if I'd call that a compliment. Anyway, why was JLo chosen?

Lopez gave birth to twins - Max and Emme - back in February and because she gave birth at a Long Island hospital and has decided to raise her babies in the local neighborhood, Mingling Moms felt she was a perfect canidate.

The president of Mingling Moms Erica Logiudice said, "We thought assembling such a list would be a great tribute to the women who were behind the scenes of these superstars' tremendous careers."

Others honored on the Long Island's Top 20 Celebrity Moms category included: Alec Baldwin's mom Carol, Mariah Carey's mother Patricia Vian and Eddie Murphy's mother Lillian Robinson.

Oh one other thing - Dina Lohan gave some advice when accepting her award - pay attention, it's rich coming from her: "Just to be honest and to stay morally correct. And listen to your mother." Right. Good one Dina.

Congrats to Jennifer!

Source

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Dina Lohan: Mother of the Year?

sweatpantsmom — Mon, 05 May 2008 22:35:00 GMT

My first thought when I saw this: Was she up against a woman who drowned puppies? How could Lohan, who parties with her alcoholic daughter and is pimping out her other kid in a reality show, actually be chosen mother of the year? Were the votes tallied in Florida?

Then I read that she was selected by Mingling Moms, a Long Island organization, whose spokesperson says, “It’s something for Mother’s Day. It’s a list of mothers from Long Island who have raised superstar children.” Okay then.

So step it up, all you slacker moms in Long Island who didn't raise superstar children! Your silly 'quality time' and heart-to-hearts aren't going to get you any votes from Mingling Moms. Time to knock back a few with your kid at Hyde and get little Susie an agent.

Source

From The 'Dina Lohan's A Pimp' Files: A Sneak Peek At 'Living Lohan'

HerBadMother — Mon, 05 May 2008 11:28:00 GMT

Because why pin all of your ambitions on just one kid? There's a whole 'nother kid - fresh-faced! untarnished by drug scandal! - right there in the family home to exploit! And - hey! - why not do the exploiting right there in the family home? There's gotta be a gajillion dollars in that, no?

Dina Lohan sure wanted to find out. So it is that we have this hot mess of a reality show: 'Living Lohan,' in which the younger Lohan daughter gets to star as Dina's cash-calf, version 2.0.

Here's the sneak preview - screen shots and link:

More HERE.

Source

Madonna Compares Tom Cruise To Malawi Orphans

HerBadMother — Tue, 22 Apr 2008 18:09:00 GMT

And, no, it wasn't because of his height, which would probably be the only obvious point of comparison, but whatever. Madonna thinks that Tom is like the orphans because he, like the Malawi orphans, gets a quote-unquote raw deal.

She told New York magazine: "I think he gets a raw deal, just as I think the orphans in Malawi get a raw deal."

Riiiight. You know, because he has to deal with all that criticism about being a multi-gazillionaire Scientologist and all. Which is exactly like being an orphan in a famine-ravaged country.

It would be funny if it weren't so stupid and offensive.

Source

And The Worst Parents In The History Of The World, Ever Award Goes To...

HerBadMother — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 20:15:00 GMT

Dina and Michael Lohan! For being ruthless money-grubbing famewhores who bitch at each other over which of them has greater right to exploit their children! Congrats, Dina and Michael!

Seriously, are these people on crack, or what? Michael's re-opening his divorce case, saying that Dina has been turning the kids against his family - oh, and, also, that she stole his idea to exploit youngest daughter Ali in a reality TV show. You go, Daddy! Mommy's been too successful at exploiting the kids? You damn well better get a share of that!

Meanwhile, Dina's been hanging out with Carrot Top in Vegas and showing the world how a true cougar-MILF struts her stuff. You know, to make the children proud. The fact that she's being all priss-mom about rumors that Lindsay's going to be flashing va-jay-jay in her upcoming film, Florence, doesn't really mitigate Dina's more generally disturbing qualities. Besides, does anyone believe that Dina would oppose Lindsay flashing her parts? Dina's the type of mother who might install a stripper-pole in the family room. Show the girls how it's done. So, yeah: PUHLEEZE.

Source

Britney's Ex Hooking Up With, Um... Kathy Griffin?!?!?

HerBadMother — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 19:13:00 GMT

I don't even know where to begin with this one.

Okay, actually, I do: if Kathy Griffin is indeed doing some canoodling with Adnan Ghalib, as these pictures (which, let's be honest, smell of an Ashton Kutcher PUNK) seem to indicate, then she has worse judgment skills than I thought she did. And I didn't think that she had very good judgment skills. Lingerie shopping with a soul-patched, skankerrific paparazzo who made his name trying to exploit a train-wrecked single mom pop star? Why would you do that?

Oh, right: PUBLICITY. And, hey, Kathy doesn't have kids, so there's no-one to get scarred for life by the constant visual of that soul patch. It's ALL UPSIDE.

(Seriously. This is totally a punk. Pop fiction, for sure.)

(More pics here.)

Source

Puppy-Killer Revealed?

HerBadMother — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 14:02:00 GMT

Good news for the two or three people out there who are still Britney fans: the beleagured pop princess is not Ted Casablanca's 'blind' puppy killer. It's pretty clear now that that honor goes to Paris Hilton - who is now under investigation by the LA Department of Animal Services.

Between the report from the other week about Paris abandoning cats, and her admission last week on Ellen Degeneres' show that she has seventeen dogs and hasn't spayed or neutered them, it's become pretty obvious that Paris is a negligent pet-owner. And if she can't remember to spay or neuter them - or even pick them up from the vet - then it's not a big stretch to figure out that she's probably Slurpa Pop-off, the celebutard who Ted Casablanca says is leaving her little dogs in closets to die.

I'll say it again: this girl should never, ever have children left in her care.

Source

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John Mayer Wants Him A Wife And Babies (Jessica Simpson Need Not Apply)

HerBadMother — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 01:37:00 GMT

Well, he wants him a wife, specifically one who wants to photograph his ass, and that presumably adds up to a little baby-making and baby-daddying, and so I feel entitled to use the word 'babies' in the title of this post.

On gettin' him a baby-mama: “I think about my wife all the time. I kind of obsess on it, and what I want to find is a person who can speak those kinds of magic words. I mean ‘No complaints’ is a great way to live. Also, I want a woman who doesn’t hear ‘How are you?’ as ‘I would like you to come up with something dramatic now that will allow me to sit in front of you and give you more attention than I would have if you had just said No complaints.’ When I find the person I can relate to on that level and who is also a pinup and who also says ‘Can I please take pictures of your ass?’ then I am going to get married to her. That I can promise you... But when I think about my wife, I worry. I worry about what she thinks when she reads about me in US Weekly. It’s all vapor, nothing, ether. But I worry about it.”

On Jessica Simpson: "At a certain point, I got so many tension headaches just from magazine covers. Real tension headaches, from the mention of my name with (her) name and how people felt about that. Literal physiological responses where I was like, Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God. I thought to myself, Are you sure you want to do this? ... I want to say about Jessica that I don’t want to talk about her or my experience with her as a dark cloud or something tumorous or cancerous. That’s all perception."

Wow, that's great. Dating Jessica wasn't tumorous or cancerous, just, you know, migraine-inducing. If I were her, though, I'd count myself lucky. Who wants to get sperminated by a guy who wants women to take pictures of his ass, presumably while he dances around in a green thong and rants about vapors?

Okay, maybe Jessica Simpson does want that. There's no accounting for tastes.

Source

The Mysterious Case Of Paris's Pussy And The Rogue Puppy-Killer

HerBadMother — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 22:39:00 GMT

Speculation had been that Slurpa Pop-Off - the irresponsible young celeb who Ted Casablanca claimed was killing her dogs - was none other than perennially put-upon mom Britney Spears, which was alarming, to say the least, given her access to young children.

But it's starting to look like Britney - concerns over her ability to care for small creatures notwithstanding - is not the Tinseltown Pet Killer.

That honor seems to be reserved for Paris Hilton, who, apparently, cannot remember when or if she takes her pets to the vet. Which is not the same as forgetting that one has locked one's puppies in a closet and leaving them there to die, but it's close.

According to TMZ, Paris adopted a kitty -- which she named Prada -- last May, about a week before she headed to Lynwood Jail. After Paris was released, we're told she knew she had to have Prada neutered, but didn't get around to it until a few weeks ago, on January 30:

But here's the problem -- nobody came back for Prada! About a week later, Kris Kelly (the woman from whom Paris adopted the kitty) called Paris to find out what happened, but she still hasn't heard back as to what to do with Paris' pussy.

It's been a few weeks now, so Ms. Kelly is keeping Prada, claiming that Paris abandoned her.

I don't know whether this is evidence that Paris is our rogue puppy-killer as well, but I do know this: that girl should never be allowed care of small children.

Source

Fathers, Be Good To Your Daughters: Don't Let Them Anywhere Near John Mayer's Thong

HerBadMother — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 12:02:00 GMT

I don't know. I find it a little bit shocking that the guy who wrote the ~~insipid~~ soulful tune about fathers being good to their daughters is prone to getting stupid drunk and channeling his inner Borat.

Not that dude doesn't have the right to party, but is he really doing the world a service by slinging his schlong around in tiny scraps of green spandex, for no reason that I can see other than a) liquor, and b) undue excitement at seeing Miley Cyrus on the cover of US Weekly?

No. No, he is not. Put that thing away, John Mayer. Your body is NOT that kind of wonderland.

Source

Could 'The Secret' Save Britney?

HerBadMother — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 02:07:00 GMT

Um, fast answer? No.

In what is possibly the stupidest article that I have read all week - and that is saying a lot, because as a ~~gossipwhore~~ pop culture writer I read a LOT of nonsensical crap - a writer claimed that Britney might be saved if we all just followed the principles set down in the current ~~bogus-pop-mysticism-rip-off~~ bestseller The Secret.

Toronto Star writer Daphne Gordon wrote: "I believe in The Secret, the popular self-help book and movie that says we create the world we live in through our thoughts, and it's become increasingly obvious that we, as a culture, are at least in part responsible for what's happening to Spears...

So, starting today, I vow to stop thinking about Spears. I'm putting her right out of my mind, where she belongs, so she can do whatever she needs to get better... Are you willing to help Britney by resolving to stop buying into celebrity culture?"

Um, fast answer again? NO. I'm willing to help Britney by shouting at her through my computer to smarten the eff up, but give up celebrity culture? No way.

First of all, although I agree in part with the argument that Britney's troubles are in some important way related to her celebrity, it's absurdly reductive to suggest that by eliminating the culture of celebrity, we eliminate celebrity trainwreckage. For every Britney, there's a Natalie Portman and a Scarlett Johansson and a Christina Aguilera and a Pink and a host of other young female celebrities who, even if they do not live normal lives according to the standards of non-celebrities, are by no means trainwrecks. There's something the matter with Britney that runs much deeper than simple corruption-due-to-celebrity-whorage.

Second of all, does anyone think for a minute that if the attention stopped, Britney would get better? Part of Britney's problem seems to be that she can't survive without the attention. This is, after all, the woman who has taken up with a paparazzo and helped him set-up photo-ops to fuel pregnancy rumors. She asks the paparazzi to fetch her lattes, for fack's sake. Make her go cold turkey on the attention front and my guess is that she'll spontaneously combust.

Finally - and here is where I get really frustrated - WTF with the facking 'Secret'? Is there any bigger load of pop-spiritual rip-off crap (Buddhism For Dummies much?) out there than the suggestion that we fully think our own destinies into being? (Which, um - excuse me if I'm wrong - seems to preclude the possibility that others can think our destinies into being for us? Do we think our own worlds, or do others think them for us, as is being suggested here about Britney? Which is it, Daphne Gordon? Did we think Britney's crisis into being, or did she do it to herself? And what does this mean for our understanding of what happened to Heath Ledger? Did we think him to death, or did he do it to himself, and are not both those theories batshit crazy and the latter of them, you know, TOTALLY OFFENSIVE? Head. Hurting.)

Sure, the cult of celebrity can be toxic, and the media-complex has some responsibility to keep their contributions to the cultishness in check. But the cult of celebrity is nothing new - the ancient Greeks worshipped and pilloried their heroes with what was possibly an even greater fervor than our own. It's simply bogus to suggest that *we* turn celebrities into trainwrecks through our attention to them. Celebrities with deep-seeded issues turn themselves into trainwrecks (or, if they're very young, their parents and managers do it); the rest of them just make their money and drink their champagne.

And I write about it and make a little bit of the moneys and feed my kid. Circle of life and all. It's sometimes ugly, but that's just the way it is.

'Kay. Rant over. You may all go back to your gossipnets.

Which Irresponsible Young Celebrity Is A Dog-Killer?

HerBadMother — Wed, 30 Jan 2008 18:23:00 GMT

For a gossip writer - or even just a super-keen gossip follower - blind items (so-called because the story keeps the reader 'blind' about the identity of the main characters) are like catnip. They are irresistible, they suck us in, and they get us all worked up, but usually with no pay-off. We almost never get confirmation of the real story behind a blind item: case in point is Ted Casablanca's infamous 'Toothy Tile,' the young male celebrity who won't come out of the closet, usually rumored to be Jake Gyllenhaal (sometimes Matthew McConaughey, tho' since he knocked a chick up that now seems doubtful), but forever unconfirmed. It's frustrating, because speculation about these stories is soooo much fun - but ultimately so unsatisfying because, well, we'll just never know if they're true.

HOWEVER. Casablanca's most recent blind item - a pretty gruesome story about a celebutard with a penchant for small dogs and a rumored inability to not, um, kill them - has the smell of a story that will (and should) soon go unblind, and so I must - I really must - cover it.

From Ted Casablanca:

Ellen DeGeneres’ canine catastrophe is chopped liver compared to today’s Blind job. First off, our source is one of the myriad personal employees reporting to one Slurpa Pop-Off, the bitch who serviced that dude in the bathroom of that Sunset Strip eatery, if you remember, and we’re sure you do.

Now, many times our lady of the Slurpa has brought a brand-new pooch home as a new pet, which she fawns all over until it dawns on the dummy she’s now in charge of a living, breathing animal—and not a stuffed Pound Puppy. And, gosh, responsibility is not our go-to girl’s strong suit. Therefore, upon leaving her house, she often locks these pups in one of her many closets, supposedly to prevent them from making messies all over her expensive pad.

But, uh, sometimes SPO would be gone for hours...days...weeks...and not tell anybody about the dog in its wardrobe dungeon. The animal’s existence would simply slip from her mind! Oh, doesn’t that happen to everybody? While cleaning the house, Pop-Off’s staff have—reportedly more than once—opened a closet to discover a tiny, dead dog.

Beyond hideous. I swear, I may have to out this bitch. But Pop-Off’s employees just may have beaten moi to the punch, as animal services have been alerted.

Commenters on the post are divided between Slurpa Pop-Off being Britney Spears (citing Casablanca's claim that "responsibility is not (her) strong suit") and Paris Hilton (because, you know, she's Paris Hilton. And, also, Casablanca's trademark 'And It Ain'ts' clues seem to point more closely to Paris than Britney.)

If it's Britney, then, holy hell, it's way for the best that she doesn't have charge of her kids anymore. But I doubt that it is Britney. Sounds more like Paris. And if it is, wow: someone needs to make sure that she's on some seriously strong birth-control, because she should not have children left in her care. Or dogs. Or gerbils. Or ANYTHING with more life in it than a Bratz doll.

I'm just WAITING for this story to go unblind. (Please, Ted? Out her?)

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