FameCrawler : cults

Tom Cruise Not Jumping On Oprah

Karen — Sat, 03 May 2008 16:34:00 GMT

When you watch this video of Tom Cruise giving Oprah the house tour, are you like me in that the same word keeps repeating over and over in your head?

"Forced."

Did "Kate's" robochip malfunction there at the beginning? "I love you....I love you....I love you Oprah!"

Suri's "Office under the stairs" might sound a little creepy but it's actually quite cute. Where was she for this? Why do I imagine her in a stark white room being programmed for world domination?

I dunno...the whole thing kinda reminds me of the shining... put your index finger in a crook and say it with me, "TOMMY'S NOT HERE MS. WINFREY."

Tom Cruise Could Only Hold In The Crazy For So Long...

Karen — Sat, 03 May 2008 13:05:00 GMT

With Tom Cruise's recent interview on the Oprah show where he was *twitch twitch* reletively normal, I'm thinking he could only hold it in for so long.

While shopping with Kate and Suri, Tom took it upon himself to chat it up with a complete stranger. A woman. Smiling and laughing with this lady, Tom must have really hit it off with her because he bought her 3 outfits.

The source that tipped us off to the strange purchases, also said

“Tom and Katie are very hands on parents,” the source said. “Suri is a good baby, but didn’t talk at all.”

Uh huh. That's because Xenu doesn't allow Suri to speak when Daddy is busy chatting up and buying things for strange women. And apparently what's good for daughter goes for Mama too.

Tom Cruise and Oprah and Not a Couch in Sight

sweatpantsmom — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 17:05:00 GMT

In case you haven't been reading FameCrawler, or are too busy spending your tax rebate check to read the tabloids, Tom Cruise will be making a return visit to the Oprah Winfrey show to celebrate the 25th anniversary of his breakout role in "Risky Business." Yeah, way back when, before the Scientolobots got a hold of him.

This is the first photo released from the two-part interview (airing this Friday, May 2), which took place at Tom's home in Telluride, Colorado. That is one spectacular view from Tom's home - unless it's just an elaborately painted backdrop made to simulate life in a lavish and moneyed environment. Celebrities are clever that way.

But, hey look - no couch!

In the second segment, which will air on Monday, May 5, Tom will join Oprah at her studio in Chicago. Let's hope Oprah removes the furniture.

[photo: USmagazine.com]

Kirstie Alley Says She's Like a Big Ol' Tire

sweatpantsmom — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 14:05:00 GMT

Depending on who you talk to, Kirstie Alley either quit or was unceremoniously dumped by Jenny Craig as their spokesperson. I'm thinking it's because Jenny Craig refused to develop any of Kirstie's product ideas - I guess there just wasn't a market for Thetan Happy Meals.

So Kirstie is striking back, announcing that she is developing her own weight loss brand that she plans to launch in 2009. Answering critics who question the glut of weight loss programs, Kirstie oddly replied:

"I am from the school of "you may not be able to reinvent the wheel but you can sure try to better it," which has proven to be a very successful attitude for Michelin tires."

Yes, because the Michelin Tire Man is exactly the visual you want representing your weight loss brand.

Related Posts:

Kirstie Alley is FAT and FIRED

Kirstie Alley is Just LIke Tom Cruise, Only Not as Rich and Taller

Kirstie Alley Threatens: Without Scientology, I'd Be Dead

Is Katie Holmes Pregnant?

sweatpantsmom — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 20:10:00 GMT

Katie Holmes is sparking new pregnancy rumors after she had her assistant place an order for six organic baby blankets from Robbie Adrian. Reportedly the blankets were requested in 'petal pink' and 'ocean blue' which leads one to conclude that not only is she pregnant, but she's expecting twins! See how the celebrity rumor mill runs?

Although there has been lots of speculation lately that Holmes is pregnant, I'm not sure that buying baby supplies is proof of a bun in the oven. Maybe they were gifts, or maybe they're for Tom to keep tucked away in his jacket. I heard he needs something soft to mop his brow with after all those emotional Scientology speeches.

Related Posts:

Katie Holmes Works The Fabric

Katie Holmes Pregnant With Ex-Boyfriend's Baby?

Katie Holmes' Lonely Valentine's Days

[photo: MSNBC.com]

Kirstie Alley is Just LIke Tom Cruise, Only Not as Rich and Taller

sweatpantsmom — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 21:35:00 GMT

Kirstie Alley is following in the footsteps of Tom Cruise. Unfortunately, not his rich, successful footsteps but the crazy ones. Take this excerpt from an interview Alley did with the church's official magazine, where she is listed as a founding member of Scientology's "Super Power Expansion Project." Of the church summit she says:

"I'm walking out an entirely different being, and I mean entirely different ...My viewpoint on the fourth dynamic and mankind and other people changed. You know, I liked animals more than people! OK, I liked certain people, but the idea of 'mankind' - it really irritated me!"

Unfortunately, she continued, "Then I realized why mankind upset me so much - it's because I wasn't taking responsibility!...Now, I have genuine affinity for mankind...I've made decisions here, big, crazy, great, brilliant decisions here about the magnitude I'm going to help this group and help this planet, and it's real...I want everybody in the universe to experience this."

*crickets* *crickets*

Tom Cruise Scares The Crap Out Of Me

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher Cut Their Kabballah Strings

sweatpantsmom — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 12:05:00 GMT

Seems like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, formerly devout followers of Kabballah, are cutting ties to the popular celebrity hangout. Did I say popular celebrity hangout? I meant sacred church. Sources are saying that Kutcher was seen shopping on Robertson Boulevard last week without his red string, just the latest proof that the couple are moving away from the controversial religion. I'm thinking someone might have also seen him sipping a glass of tap water instead of overpriced Kabballah brew.

One source who has close ties to the Kabballah Centre in L.A. says “Ashton and Demi used to have an impeccable attendance record,” while another says it's been "months" since Moore and Kutcher have attended services or participated in the Shabbat dinner after Friday services.

Some theorize that Kutcher is to blame and is “tired of being dragged there on Friday nights.” Looks like someone's going to be getting a call from Madonna soon.

[photo: MSNBC.com]

Katie Holmes Pregnant With Ex-Boyfriend's Baby?

sweatpantsmom — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 18:35:00 GMT

Is Katie Holmes incubating the spawn of an ex-lover? The National Enquirer seems to think so. I'm almost certain they would have to be talkiing about Chris Klein, who Katie was involved with before Tom Cruise kidnapped married her.

But what are the chances of Katie actually getting away from the watchful eye of the Scientology thugs to get pregnant? When did this happen - while she was running that marathon, or when she was out shopping with Posh, or maybe that time she told Tom she was going down to the 7-Eleven for a Big Gulp?

Stay tuned – I'm going to get to the bottom of this. Meaning, I'm going to go buy this issue of The Enquirer and read it cover to cover.

Katie Holmes, Is That You? "Anonymous" Declares War on Scientology

sweatpantsmom — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 02:35:00 GMT

Tom Cruise, you've been served. An internet vigilante group calling itself "Anonymous" has declared war on the Church of Scientology. Reacting to the recent pulling of the Tom Cruise/Scientolofreak videos from YouTube, the group is retaliating against what they are calling internet censorship. The Church of Scientology is currently pursuing a lawsuit against website Gawker for copyright infringement for their posting of the videos.

"Anonymous" includes computer experts that are already known for causing internet mischief. In recent days the group has defaced websites for local chapters of the Church of Scientology and has also fax-spammed those same offices. To explain their campaign against Scientology, the group has posted a YouTube video putting the Church on notice:

"Over the years, we have been watching you, your campaigns of misinformation, your suppression of dissent, your litigious nature. All of these things have caught our eye.

"We shall proceed to expel you from the Internet and systematically dismantle the Church of Scientology in its present form."

I was hoping there would be some threats to kidnap Katie from the mothership and release her back on earth.

Click HERE to see the video.

[photo: People.com]

Tom Cruise and Son Connor: A Cut Above

sweatpantsmom — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 15:05:00 GMT

Tom Cruise took his son Connor out last week for a little male bonding at Wolfgang Puck's steak restaurant, Cut. There are steaks on Cut's menu that cost $160 - not your usual male bonding experience, where a couple of guys hit Hooters and scarf down a platter of chicken wings.

Connor is a really nice looking kid, and from what I've read seems pretty normal and well-adjusted. I wonder if he knows his dad's brain is in a jar in L. Ron Hubbard's library.

[photo: People.com]

Tom and Jerry: The Movie

sweatpantsmom — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 15:05:00 GMT

With Alvin and the Chipmunks being such a huge hit (why), it's about time to take the feline and the rodent live-action. And I know just the people to play the parts...

... BFFs Tom Cruise and Jerry Seinfeld, who have been spending lots of quality time together in New York lately. They started off by double-dating with their wives for dinner last week, and then Cruise and daughter Suri paid a visit to Seinfeld's garage. (That's what freakin' rich people do, visit each other's garages.)

The new duo have raised suspicions that Cruse is luring Seinfeld into his Scientolofreak web. Let's hope the cat doesn't get the mouse.

Bad Money: Critics Pan Katie Holmes Latest Performance

sweatpantsmom — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 20:35:00 GMT

The critics have spoken, and they're not fans of Katie Holmes' 'comeback' performance in the new comedy Mad Money. The film, which also stars Queen Latifah and Diane Keaton, was being touted as Holmes' first return to the big screen since marrying Tom Cruise and giving birth to daughter Suri. Looks like Tom's latest on-screen performance is the one to watch these days.

In one of the more caustic reviews, a New York Post critic calls the movie “the most cringe-making return since Love Boat: The Next Wave" and saves his harshest criticism for Mrs. Cruise. “Holmes, with Alice Cooper hair and crazy Jim Carrey eyes, looks terrible and acts worse, unless this movie is unintentionally a lobotomy documentary,” the reviewer writes. “Whatever could have happened to her in the last couple of years to zap the talent out of her like this?”

I haven't seen the movie, but judging by the trailers I have to agree. Did anyone see Holmes in her well-reviewed film Pieces of April? Rent this movie, and tell me that the girl hasn't been brainwashed and talent-washed since then.

[photo: USmagazine.com]

Tom Cruise Scares The Crap Out Of Me

sweatpantsmom — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 22:15:00 GMT

Forget Cloverfield, Saw IV, The Eye - those 'scary' movies are nothing compared to the creepfest that is Tom Cruise accepting his Freedom Medal of Valor award. Watch as he tells all us lost souls how he saved America after 9/11 - without even asking for permission! See the freakishly possessed look in his eyes! See the hands gesturing menacingly! Run for your lives!

If you want to give yourself a good scare I suggest you pull up your chair, pour yourself a nice cup of Thetan tea and watch the entire video. I wonder how many tasers it takes to stop an out-of-control Scientologist?

UPDATE: The video I wanted to post has been pulled from YouTube by evil underlords, but you can view it on Gawker and Defamer. Go. Now.

Thirsty? Madonna Spends $10,000 a Month on Kabbalah Water

sweatpantsmom — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 17:15:00 GMT

And I thought my $20-a-week Starbucks habit was out of control. Madonna reportedly has picked up the expensive habit of drinking only specially-blessed Kabbalah water which costs around $5 per bottle. Contributing to the expense of the water is the fact that the Material Girl has to have cartons of it shipped to wherever she's staying.

According to a friend of the singer, “Madonna drinks a lot of water — that’s one of her fitness secrets...And this is the only stuff she will touch.”

As the article points out, Madonna turns 50 in August and still looks great, so maybe there's something to the 'miracle water' claims. Kabbalah cappuccino, anyone?

[photo: MSNBC.com]