Jamie Lynn Spears Hit in Mouth: An Open Letter

Whit Honea — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 18:20:00 GMT

Dear Jamie,

Perhaps you know that the National Enquirer ran a story about your shenanigans last week in which a bunch of drunks were fighting at a party and you threw your pregnant ass in the ruckus and took an elbow in the kisser. If not, this is what they said:

“Jamie Lynn decided she could break it up, but got elbowed hard in the mouth by one of the boys. She went crazy, screaming at everyone… crying, screaming and covering her mouth. Casey (Aldridge) was so drunk, he just kept trying to hush her up. Lynne Spears called Jamie Lynn and bitched her out for going. Jamie Lynn’s dad Jamie called Casey and told him if anything happens to his daughter, he will have to deal with him.”

Why, Jamie, is it starting to feel like I've seen your life before? Between your sister Britney and the collective catalog of COPS you are oddly comforting in your familiarity.

I was shocked when you announced you were pregnant. I was amused when you were featured in Hustler, though to be honest it wasn't very funny, and I was indifferent to your recent act of going postal.

Then why is it that I feel obligated to write you about this latest incident? What line did you cross that teen pregnancy, porn magazines and the United States Postal Service fail to meet?

The thing is that your latest action only amplified the obvious, you don't make very good decisions, and while the prior mistakes, be they footwear (seriously, what's up?), Casey Aldridge, or picking Nickelodeon over Disney, have had their respective consequences, none of them put your baby at risk.

That's what you did by jumping in between a group of drunk boys fighting. Actually, that's what you did when you agreed to go into a room full of drunk boys to begin with.

You are young and plenty has been made about your age, your family and so on. The bottom line is that regardless of the path that brought you here, here you are, and you need to start taking the necessary precautions to make sure this is the beginning of something wonderful and not just another sad saga in the Spears storyline.

Sincerely,

Whit

No, Candy Spelling did not help me write this. It was just me, 8 cups of coffee and spell check.

Photo: Celebutopia

Jamie Lynn Spears Goes Postal

Whit Honea — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 20:59:00 GMT

Fresh off of her glorified debut in Hustler(NSFWish) Jamie Lynn Spears appears to be going postal, which in the Spears family is considered par for the course.

Of course, Jamie Lynn is just trying to send a letter, probably to me telling me not to be such an ass.

She's trying to be normal. Unfortunately normal in her world, being a pregnant teenage television star and little sister of Britney Spears, means you can't even go to the mailbox without people taking pictures of you. Normal is relative, even when your relatives aren't.

Happy Birthday Jamie Lynn Spears!

Jamie Lynn Spears Lets It All Hang Out

Photo: Celebrity Moms

FameCrawler : going postal

Jamie Lynn Spears Hit in Mouth: An Open Letter

Jamie Lynn Spears Goes Postal

Jamie Lynn's Baby Daddy Threatens Paps With Gun?

Happy Birthday Jamie Lynn Spears!

Jamie Lynn Spears Lets It All Hang Out