FameCrawler : good luck chuck

When Baby Daddies Attack

HerBadMother — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 20:04:00 GMT

Apparently, Cash Warren - Mr. Jessica Alba - pulled a Sean Penn on some paparazzi the other night. From the sound of it, t'weren't pretty:

From TMZ:

It all started outside of Bardot, when the pap knocked into the Albas' ride -- that's when Cash Warren went right for the guy and demanded some contact information -- stat! With Jessica in the car, Cash knocked around the dude's camera, thus pissing off the papper. But when the shooter shoved back -- Cash was man enough to walk away.

So, violence averted, and Jessica's vehicle's integrity defended. PHEW.

You can watch the video here. Fitting behavior for a father, or just another day in the life of the protective celebrity baby daddy?

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Jessica Alba's Lemons

HerBadMother — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 15:19:00 GMT

I guess that I should have titled this post, Jessica Alba Is A Lemon, but that sounded a bit too sour (SNAP!)

Seriously, she looks adorable. Like a lemon drop, or a bumblebee. A bit pouty, maybe, but can you blame her? She's just entered the Where Did My Feet Go stage of pregnancy, which, you know, is hard. Also, she's being squired around by a partner who looks like he's auditioning for a boy band. Which leaves a guy open to a lot of mocking in prenatal classes. The cardigan isn't going to fool anybody: prenatal class students are BAD ASS and bitched out and they'll be merciless with a guy with that much product in his hair. Regardless of how cute and lemony his babymama.

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Jessica Alba's Lumps And Bumps

HerBadMother — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 14:32:00 GMT

My goodness, but Jessica Alba is filling out nicely, is she not? Getting curvier by the day. Before you know it, she''ll have, you know, actual boobs. She may never give Salma a run for her money, but she might soon be able to challenge Halle on the booby front.

And that dress? That's an awesome preg-friendly party dress. Why can't I have that dress? I'm pregnant, too; I deserve pretty things, no? Of course, it would barely fit over my boobs, never mind my belly, and I don't have any premieres or awards shows to attend, but still. I could hang it on my wall, and look at it. That would be nice.

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Jessica Alba's Upskirt

Sassy Smith — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 21:08:00 GMT

See that photo above? See the cheesy, tacky ~~pervert~~ photographer snapping a picture of Jessica Alba's naughty bits? He's the epitomy of class. Why on earth would anyone feel the need to get under some chick's skirt, even if said chick is Jessica Alba?

I'm sure she looks cute under there, but honestly, is that angle flattering to anyone? Besides, if you really must see people's privates, aren't there free porn sites all over the interent to let you do just that? I mean Jessica Alba is hot and apparently well groomed in a certain area, but come on, lose the sleaze dude.

Photo source: TMZ

Dane Cook: "Jessica Alba's Into Some Really Silly Ass Porn"

HerBadMother — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 21:03:00 GMT

Oh, snap! Jessica Alba seems to have pissed off Dane Cook, and he's hitting back where it hurts: in the porn.

Alba, who is pregnant by fiance Cash Warren, claimed that Cook and other male cast and crew members tricked female extras into shooting unnecessary sex scenes for their own titillation. She said, "It's porn. There were all these actresses who got conned into being completely naked."

What Cook says: "First of all, we all read the script. We did what we read. I guess she's watching some really silly-ass porn."

Which, given her exploits at Sundance, isn't too far-fetched a claim. Still, ouch. Who wants to be told that they have bad taste in porn? Wait - who knew that there even was such a thing? And isn't all porn silly-assed? Or is there some kind of serious-assed porn that all the cool kids are watching these days?

Am so confused. I've clearly missed out on some important component of the cultural zeitgeist.

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Jessica Alba: Who Has The Fairest Pubes Of Them All? (Or, The Princess And The Pubes: A Fractured Celebrity Fairy Tale)

HerBadMother — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 23:31:00 GMT

Once upon a time, a very lovely young starlet who happened to be pregnant went to a little film festival called Sundance. And while she was there, she found herself drawn into the orbit of certain not-so-lovely young ~~evil stepsisters~~ famewhores who attend film festivals for the attention, the liquor and the swag. And these particular not-so-lovelies were particularly interested in some not-so-lovely swag - swag that was almost certainly intended for not-so-lovely young famewhores who show off their pubes in Internet sex videos - and so it was that the lovely young pregnant starlet found herself lured into sampling very dangerous wares, wares that are meant to be applied to one's nether regions, the better to color them rainbow bright.

That is, the lovely young starlet would have sampled the pube-staining potion, were it not for the fact that she had not the pubic material necessary for holding dye. Which is to say, this lovely young woman - led down the dark path of extreme pube-grooming by said companions - had, in advance of her journey to Sundance, waxed her nether regions into totally bald oblivion, and did not have a hair to spare for dyeing. And so it was that this lovely young woman narrowly escaped exposing her innocent fetus to the dangers of chemical dyes applied to the nether regions because she had the foresight to let down - and wax off - all of her pubic hair.

And everyone lived happily ever after.

The End.

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Jessica Alba's Ass

Sassy Smith — Sun, 20 Jan 2008 23:05:00 GMT

Who wouldn't want to see Jessica Alba's ass? I'm sure most guys would and probably some gals too! And I suppose there will be more of it to see now that she's pregnant. Jessica is having the "best time ever" even though her butt is expanding.

Alba said: "When you're pregnant, your breasts are engorged and your stomach is getting bigger. And the ass, too, that is getting bigger by the second!

"But it's awesome. It's the best time ever. I have two movies coming out, a baby, a fiancé - everything."

She continued, "I don't know if anyone wants me in their movies when I'm six months pregnant. Soon, I'll get the fire and I'll want to work again, but right now it's a time to relax and sit back."

Jessica, 26 is concentrating on domestic things right now. "I'm more tired and more hungry than normal. But I bought a new house a couple of weeks ago so I'm in nesting phase."

Jessica and Cash Warren are due later this year.

Photo source

Jessica Alba Loves The Bumpty-Bump

HerBadMother — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 17:39:00 GMT

Jessica Alba says that she loves being pregnant. "It's awesome," she says. "It's the best time ever."

Which, great. She and Halle Berry should get together and have a big preggo lovefest. They could rub oil on each other's bellies and coo about how wonderful and miraculous it is to be so round and swollen.

That actually sounds like a pitch for one of those porn movies Jessica so hates, doesn't it? Whoops.

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Dane Cook On Jessica Alba

Sassy Smith — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 12:02:00 GMT

Not exactly on her, but his take on her pending parenting abilities. From the 'one loud mouth to another loud mouth files':

OK! interviewed Dane Cook about his Good Luck Chuck ~~apparently it's a "porn"~~ movie co-star Jessica Alba. Alba is preggo with boyfriend Cash Warren.

Cook was asked if he thought Jessica would be a good mom and he had only nice things to say. "She'll be fantastic. She's so compassionate and very attentive. Some people you kind of feel like they're meant for that, and she's one of those people that just has those nurturing qualities."

Dane says that he and Jessica really clicked from the start and it only took about an hour of talking to her before he decided, "That's the girl I want for the movie. She's really wonderful."

I get the feeling that Jessica doesn't quite feel the same way. Just a HUNCH.

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Jessica Alba Porn Movie?

Sassy Smith — Sun, 13 Jan 2008 22:03:00 GMT

Sorta. According to reports, Jessica Alba one of the stars in the movie Good Luck Chuck (with Dane Cook), says that the male stars turned the movie set into a "porn" shoot by tricking the female cast members into stripping for, what she says are "unnecessary" sex scenes.

Jessica also claims she left the studio set each evening, to get away from the rude behavior of Dane Cook and the other male co-stars. They would end each day by filming two sex scenes that would never make it into the film.

Alba says, "It's porn. There were all these actresses who got conned into being completely naked. Some were strippers, probably. But every day when I was done, I ran away. I was like, 'Bye.' As long as they didn't disrespect me, I could give a rat's butt."

It sure doesn't sound like she doesn't "give a rat's butt." Jessica seems like she's always running her mouth, which I guess she's entitled to do so. I say, shut it already though. Give it a rest Jess!

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