J-Lo Sacrificing Twins On Altar Of Scientology: Names Tom Cruise 'Godfather'

HerBadMother — Mon, 07 Apr 2008 21:31:00 GMT

Okay, so, you know what I learned in church? That godparents have to be the same religion as the babies that they're god-parenting. Also, they have to believe in, um, God. As opposed to aliens. Because, you know, that's the whole point. Godparents are so called because they share partial responsibility for teaching their charges that God runs the universe. NOT ALIENS.

Somebody forgot to tell that to Jennifer Lopez.

Actually, word has it that Marc Anthony tried to explain that to J-Lo - you know, because them being Catholic and all - but then she bitch-slapped him hard and he caved. So it is that Tom Cruise - in all his batshit crazy glory - is going to be godfather to the Lopez-Anthony twins.

Which, seriously? How much of a freaking fame-whore do you have to be to commit your childrens' spiritual well-being to the care of a man who believes that a tyrannical alien overlord stalks the universe hunting human beings and pursuing intergalactic domination and who, also, has really, really bad hair and the laugh of an insane man?

Word has it that Tom's first act as godfather was to present the twins with a fish tank. Which, if that doesn't raise alarm bells, I don't know what will. That tank is probably for their brains, intended as a Thetan-bypassing portal to the mothership where said baby brains will be implanted into Katie-clones so that Tom can continue to populate the earth with his army of cyborgs.

High price to pay for a few more cashmere baby blankets, no, J-Lo?

Source

FameCrawler : jlo diva

J-Lo Sacrificing Twins On Altar Of Scientology: Names Tom Cruise 'Godfather'