FameCrawler : katona

Spying on the Neighbors: 3-3-08

Whit Honea — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 00:02:00 GMT

I don't think that's legal in this state.

Jessica Alba does fashion (Celebrity Baby Scoop)

Kate and Owen do Miami (Gossip Girls)

Katona and family? Crazy. (Fametastic)

Kelly Ripa and kids shopping (Celebrity Baby Blog)

Kate Hudson belly shots (Superficial)

Kate Moss and Sienna Miller are BFF (ASL)

Apparently this post was brought to you by the letter 'K.'

Kerry Katona, Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Lap-Dancers

HerBadMother — Sat, 03 Nov 2007 19:03:00 GMT

Actually, Kerry draws the line at lap-dancing. Because, you know, that shit's crass. But topless glamour modelling? What's wrong with that?

Nothing, if you ask Kerry. After all, she did it: 'Mummy got her tits out for a living. But they were good tits in those days - they might be a bit saggy now.' But if one of her daughters wanted to be a lap dancer, that would be too much: "if (she) said she wanted to be a lap dancer, I wouldn't agree to it." Oh, good.

So there you go. As long as your tits aren't saggy, why not put them display? And if you do, or did, put them on display, it would just be hypocritical to tell your daughters not to do so, too. Right? Of course, it would then be similarly hypocritical to tell your daughters to not, say, do drugs, or talk about their sex lives publicly, but why split hairs? The point is, Kerry's got boundaries. And if that boundary lies somewhere between posing naked and simulated sex on some perv's lap, who are we to quibble?

Kerry Katona Loses Baby, Finds Baby

Whit Honea — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 22:46:00 GMT

Kerry Katona is pregnant. She recently started experiencing some scary stuff that made her fear for the safety of the baby. Last night she miscarried at home and spent the night in the hospital. Obviously she and her family were very upset.

Today the doctors discovered something. A heartbeat. It turns out that despite the amount of bleeding she experienced that Katona did not lose the baby after all. They are hailing her as a "super mum."

Congratulations to Kerry and her family.

Kerry Katona and Family Held Captive by Gang Wielding Weapons

Whit Honea — Mon, 16 Jul 2007 14:53:00 GMT

Kerry Katona, singer, her husband, Mark Croft, and their baby, Heidi, were held prisoner in their own home by three masked burglars. The men were armed with a sledgehammer, a crowbar and a knife.

Apparently, they locked Kerry and Heidi in a room around midnight while they made Mark take them through the house, which is in Wilmslow, Cheshire in England. After the thieves took what they wanted, including the car, they left the three of them in the room. The family was able to escape, unharmed, shortly after.

Authorities stated that the family was "extremely alarmed." Really? Extremely? It scared me and I'm in California. I don't care if the guys were wielding pieces from the trailer park version of Clue or had bombs strapped to their bellies. Intrusion and the safety of ones family, especially a child, that stuff tends to be alarming. Extremely. Glad they're okay.

Kerry Katona Makes Britney Look Tame (Who The F*** is Kerry Katona?)

BadKitty — Wed, 20 Jun 2007 16:22:00 GMT

Those Brits. They really have the edge on us with reality tv, and consequently on supplies of F-List celebs making a hash of their lives in public. News of the World brings us the latest sensational story, that of Kerry Katona who was seen by her friend/housekeeper Louise Oortywn sniffing "lines of coke when she was four months gone."

While not the superstar that Britney is, Kerry had some singing success with girl group Atomic Kitten (warning, the site loads playing a bloody awful song.) She had some husbands, a couple of kids, was named Celebrity Mum of the Year, 2002 and 2005, oh and she also enjoyed psycho drug binges with the kids around and even when pregnant. This totally blows away a little head shaving and snatch flashing. It clear that Brit needs to amp up her game. She needs to do it for her fame, but more importantly for the good old US of A. We can't get beat by these British bitches!

Naturally Kerry has a tragic past. She lost her own mum when she was young, was brought up by foster parents and went to several schools. Demonstrating surprising savvy, or at the behest of a canny business manager, she capitalized on this with a "deeply personal" book Kerry, Too Much, Too Young. On the cover she's a winsome brunette, proving that a little hair dye and soft focus photography can mask a multitude of sins.

For those of you wondering but too lazy to go to the NoTW story or Kerry's wiki page, the baby she was carrying during the drug binge was born early and small - five pounds. No word yet on what's wrong with it, but if the drug stories are true, you know there's a charity ball/foundation for some fetal alcohol/awful childhood disease in Kerry's future.

Kerry is the latest in Famecrawler's "Who The F*** is" series. Like earlier "honorees" Myleene Klaas and Katie Price, Kerry was on I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here, which is clearly a bigger deal in the UK than here. Kerry even won Season 3! And the similarities keep on coming. Guess who was also named Celebrity Mum of the Year 2007, beating out notables like Kate Moss, Jade Goody (probably our next Who The F*** ?) and That Dirty Whore Heather Mills. Drum roll...Jordan, aka Katie Price!

With all of this meta-connectivity, you know Kevin Bacon is just around the corner.

Photo credit: News of the World