FameCrawler : penis

Armani Shows David Beckham's Huge, Bulging Personality

sweatpantsmom — Thu, 19 Jun 2008 12:35:00 GMT

Here's a sneak peek at David Beckham's new Armani campaign, where he shows off his massive personality. David's enormous personality is apparent in this ad, which is a gigantic, hanging mural facing Macy's in San Francisco.

Can you imagine how humongous and overpowering his personality must be in a poster two-stories high? I'll bet if you look closely you could even make out the veins in his personality. Why, if I were driving by such a mural I might crash my car while being distracted by that inviting, sizable personality.

Beckham was shot on the beaches of Malibu by renowned fashion photographers Mert Alas and Marcus Piggott. They must be talented, as they expertly highlighted and emphasized the soccer star's dominating asset - his throbbing personality.

Obviously David's got a big personality and I'm sure he knows how to use it.

Best of FameCrawler: Week of April 18

Whit Honea — Fri, 18 Apr 2008 20:00:00 GMT

CONFIRMED: Ashlee Simpson is Pregnant

Nicolette Sheridan Pregnant At 70!

Rob Lowe's Former Nanny Speaks Out

David Beckham Really Likes Miller Lite and/or Ass

Minnie Driver's Baby Daddy: Revealed!

George Clooney Hates Kids. Yes, Yours Too.

Ashlee Simpson, Pregnant and Happy(?)

Jennifer Aniston Names Her Son?

Tom & Katie Split, Fighting For Suri

Ashlee Simpson's Baby Bump! Sort Of.

Buy Johnny Depp's Rubbers

Whit Honea — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 19:55:00 GMT

Something tells me that Johnny Depp is a messy lover. Seems like there would be lots of smoke and sweat and in my case, one penis too many. However, the one thing that is certain is that depite whatever odors he may emit, he is clean as a whistle when it comes to safety. Johnny Depp supports safe sex. That's nice to know.

Trojan brand condoms has reportedly offered Johnny Depp 10 million dollars to put his face where his, um, stuff, is. That's like a million dollars for every condom I've ever worn (I wore some twice).

As a fellow dad I applaud Depp's position (ha!) on this issue. I realize the importance of reducing the spread of disease and pregnancy. I don't want my boys going out without a raincoat (still talking about condoms). Of course they'll be married by the time they are allowed to date, so I'll leave it up to their better judgment.

Would you buy rubbers from Johnny Depp?

Source

Photo: Celebutopia

Jennifer Lopez on Telling Twins Apart

Whit Honea — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 18:19:00 GMT

This is an early picture of Max and Emme, back when J.Lo couldn't tell them apart. Things have changed. Jennifer Lopez has dropped a bit of knowledge on us as to how Max and Emme each differ from the other. If you're thinking about having fraternal twins you may want to take notes.

Lopez told the U.K. version of Ok! Magazine that she can spot Emme because "her hands are very feminine. And she has more hair than him.”

Max on the other hand? “He is like a tank, with these little arms.”

That there is called motherly intuition. I don't know what Marc does, but I'm guessing the same thing I would do: Max has a penis and Emme doesn't. Men are simple like that.

If you really want to test your skills at telling the Lopez twins apart here is a picture for you:

Photos: Javno / Paul Sakuma (AP)

Marc Anthony and the Gift of Bling

Lopez Makes Hospital Waves

Gene Simmons Sex Tape Is REAL

HerBadMother — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 23:13:00 GMT

Just in case anyone had any doubt, even Gene Simmons' lawyers are admitting it: that is, indeed, big Gene working his little genie in that sex-vid that's causing such a sensation on the Internet.

According to the cease-and-desist letters that are being sent to anyone who has dared post the video on the internet, the guy with the penis in the video is, in fact, Gene, and he has not given permission for this particular sex-performance to be broadcast (webcast, whatevs):

“The video in question was surreptitiously filmed without Mr. Simmons’ knowledge by a woman named Traci Anna Koval. To the the extent that Ms. Koval ever claimed to have any interest in the video, which is both disputed and inconceivable, given its surreptitious filming, such rights were acquired by our client Allied Industry in 2003, pursuant to a written assignment and release agreement in which Ms. Koval assigned all of her interest in the video to Allied Industry, including the copyright, represented and warranted that no additional copies would be exploited or distributed and expressly consented to injunctive relief.”

So there you have it. The video was filmed surreptitiously, without Mr. Simmons' knowledge. Which means, yes, that he was there, but just didn't know, at the time, that he was being filmed. Once he did know, he acquired rights over copy and distribution. Translation: HIS TAPE, in all manners of speaking.

Source

Gene Simmons Responds To Sex Tape, Le Petit Gene Sues For Damages

Genesseret.com: Is Gene Simmons' Sex Tape a Tool of the Devil?

Gene Simmons Sex Tape

Gene Simmons Responds To Sex Tape, Le Petit Gene Sues For Damages

Karen — Thu, 21 Feb 2008 03:21:00 GMT

If you haven't seen the Gene Simmons sex tape, please ensure your stomach is empty and your eyes are closed. I mean really.

Even the model he was collapsing upon turned her head when his giant freak head was coming at her to smooch. Gaggerific. How do I know this? Oh I watched it. Through my fingers and squinty eyes, I swallowed my gag reflex several times in order to serve you, the people. You're welcome.

Anyway, ol' Gene has issued a statement on his website:

"Hi everyone. You may have heard or seen garbage that has sprung up from my past. Rest assured the proper legal team is looking at all ramifications and options.

"And us? Shannon, Nick and Soph are happy and healthy. All is well.

"And thank you all for the kind words of support."

Your past Gene? As in a few months ago? If this chick was much further back in the timeline, I'm pretty sure you'd be the one looking straight into the barrel of a legal team.

Kind words? Uh, Gene? You haven't been reading blogs, obviously. We're all sufficiently grossed out. Even my best friends who had a Foreigner song play at their wedding are going to get divorced and re-married just so they can lose the now tainted memory of their first dance. The only "support" I can offer is for you to buy your sad ass a Bowflex and maybe try this funny food called salad, because you are not going to burn more than 3 calories having sex like that. Dead people burn more calories. The sad thing is, you can't lose weight from that fat head of yours.

Dude. Be like Better Midler. She's best seen "From a Distance." Oh and there's that whole thing about her never having a camera on her while she's being a slave to a wang. I'm pretty sure your poor grissle missle is embarrassed for you.

David Beckham And Snoop Dogg Goin' Into Business - In Slippers?

HerBadMother — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 23:02:00 GMT

This, I must say, I never saw coming: David Beckham, he of soccer fame and gonch billboards, and Snoop Dogg, he of the, um, crack'n'hos'n'shit, are going into business together as - get this - slipper manufacturers.

I know. All together now: WHAAAAA?

Snoop recently told British newspaper, the Daily Mirror, the backstory:

"I got David a pair of slippers as a present and he took a picture of him wearing them and sent it to me. I was like, 'They look cool...' (so) we are talking about making a slipper together. So when I stop rapping and he stops playing soccer, we can kick back and slip on a house shoe."

Okay, so what about that story is more bizarre: that Snoop Dogg bought David Beckham slippers as a present, or that he calls them 'house shoes,' or that Snoop Dogg sounds like the bigger metrosexual weenie - a bigger metrosexual weenie than David "I Love Being A Gay Icon" Beckham - in a mindbogglingly unedgy enterprise that sounds like something Carson Kressley might have dreamed up?

Source

Johnny Depp is Well Hung?

Sassy Smith — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 17:04:00 GMT

What's Johnny Depp hiding under those sexy jeans? That I don't know, but Depp was afraid he'd be left lacking when he took the role of John Dillinger in the movie Public Enemies. Dillinger was reportedly "very well-hung."

However, Depp did some extensive research and was quite relieved that the U.S. Depression-era hood's impressive "manhood" is most likely a myth.

The actor tells Rolling Stone magazine: "There's some very famous photographs of Dillinger on the morgue slab, and there's one particular angle, with the sheet over him, and it's (his penis), like, 25 inches, man.

"The speculation was that he was in the wrong racket. But you read further, and it was a crank on the other side that the sheet had been draped over, making it look like he was packing, you know, Mr. Ed (U.S TV talking horse) shotgun (penis)."

Hmm, so does this mean Depp is possibly doing a nude scene in the movie? Fingers crossed, fingers crossed. I mean, that'd be gross.

Photo source

Posh Likes The Dirty Gonch

HerBadMother — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 16:32:00 GMT

Victoria Beckham tends to hover on the razor's edge of skeevishness at the best of times, what with the constant prattling on about her husband's tractor-pipe peen and shiz like that, so it doesn't help things when she talks about making hubbie David wear somebody else's used underwear. *Shudder.*

Apparently, a fan at a recent Spice Girls gig tossed his tighty whities at the stage, and the underwear landed next to Victoria. She, ever the lady, picked them up, saying: “I hope these are clean! I’ll give them to David and we’ll re-use them… even if it’s as a shower cap! It’s good to recycle.”

Okay, fine, she was joking - I hope - but whatever. It's still gross. And probably a violation of David's Armani underwear contract (which, I'm guessing, gives him unlimited access to brand new Armani gonch.) I'm all for recycling, and I am certainly all for David Beckham's nether regions, but I don't think that the two should be combined.

Source

Victoria Beckham Is Proud of David's 25 Foot Penis

Sassy Smith — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 12:02:00 GMT

Victoria Beckham just says whatever pops into her head apparently. Her take on her husband's Armani underwear billboard ads?

"I'm proud to see his penis 25 foot tall. It's great. It's huge. It's enormous. Massive. If I looked like that I'd walk down the street in my panties too."

What? Posh's penis isn't 25 foot? Oh I jest!

This of course isn't the first time Victoria has discussed David's manhood. We all remember the "exhaust pipe" comment right?

Photo source: Perez Hilton

Gene Simmons: I've Had Sex With 4600 Women

Sassy Smith — Wed, 28 Nov 2007 21:04:00 GMT

Gene Simmons, of Kiss rockstar fame and star of his own reality show, Gene Simmons Family Jewels, has said in an interview with a Canadian web magazine that he thinks women should be given the power to rule. This from a man who also claims he's slept with 4600 women. And by "slept" I mean had sex with.

"I believe that every single country by dictum should be ruled by women but just at the high end,” Simmons told Dose.ca. He said that men should be in charge of “pragmatic, everyday things [because] you women refuse to roll up your sleeves and build skyscrapers and pour concrete and pour the roads that we all drive on because your nails will break. That's why the ant colonies have it right: there's a queen and the rest are all male workers." Um, hate to burst your bubble there Genie, the ant workers are female. Only the drones are male. Duh. So as usual, we're doing it all anyway.

"[My life] is not normal," Simmons said. "What I do and have done for decades is stick my prodigious oral member out ... hump my guitar and spit blood. And Shannon was, if you judge the book by the cover, the playmate of the year, on the cover of Playboy many, many times, and we've never been married. How is that normal?" Fascinating stuff isn't it? For more on this, the interview with Simmons airs on MTV tonight. Don't ask me what show or what time, I lost interest after the first sentence. Ha!

Photo source: TomGreen.com

Christina Aguilera's Baby Shower Was Such a Drag

Whit Honea — Mon, 12 Nov 2007 22:25:00 GMT

One of these kids is doing her own thing. Come on, can you tell which one?

If you guessed Christina Aguilera then you were right. She's the only one in the picture with a bun in her oven and the means to get it out. The other ladies are just long legs and wrapped candy. That means they're men.

If I've learned anything living in L.A., it's that there ain't no party like a drag show baby shower party, 'cuz a drag show baby shower party don't stop.

It actually looks pretty fun.

Photos: Babyrazzi