FameCrawler : threat

Jonathan Papelbon to be a Father

Whit Honea — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 20:44:00 GMT

New York's favorite Red Sox player Jonathan Papelbon and his wife Ashley are going to be parents.

The baby is due at the end of the year- literally December 31st.

Britney Loses Visitation Rights

Karen — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 17:03:00 GMT

What an idiot. Yesterday K-Fart's lawyer Mark Kaplan called an emergency hearing and it was decided that Brit-Twit will not see her children until further notice, for failing to comply with judge's orders. We're not sure at this time which of the orders she messed up, but we'll bring you details once we know.

The next hearing is October 26th.

Britney Hopes a Healer Will Cleanse Her Soul, Famecrawler Recommends Gloves for Shaman

Karen — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 16:04:00 GMT

The troubled pop star, after losing custody of her kids, has decided to arrange a meeting with a head shaman near a reservation at the base of the Grand Canyon.

A source said: "The head shaman has agreed to perform the ritual on Britney, which is a great honour.

"The shaman will wave sage over her head and daub her temples with a magical potion. And the learned Indians will chant mantra and perform a special dance around her."

Britney decided on this method of cleansing after hearing Owen Wilson doing the same after his attempted suicide.

I can just see this going down. Either Britney will be surprised that you can't text a shaman to cancel or postpone, and once she finally does arrive, the paparazzi will be all over this like a pack of wolves. I can't imagine that will be okay with a shaman. The healing will be a big joke to Britney, and then she'll ask the shaman to be a back-up dancer, because clearly, no one else wants the job.

Britney's Biggest Fan Doesn't Know Who J-Lo Is

Karen — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 19:31:00 GMT

It must have been a slow night in Paparazzi Land last night since the paps ended up asking Chris "Leave Britney Alone!" Crocker what he thought of J-Lo being pregnant.

If that weren't enough, they asked the television star wannabe his/her advice for Britney Spears. Surprisingly, he/she didn't break down ~ it was pretty sage advice.

Britney Spears Threatens to Commit Suicide

Karen — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 02:57:00 GMT

Britney's recent win of weekly overnight visits with her beautiful babies isn't enough to keep the pop-star happy. It's been reported that Britney threatened suicide in a phone call to Kevin Federline:

"I'm going to drive off the cliff! It's going to be your fault that I killed myself," she then sped down Mulholland Drive that runs along a steep road.

She is getting a ton of attention from the paparazzi, on a daily basis, but I guess she needs her ex-husband to pay attention too. Of course she's only digging her hole deeper and deeper if this is true. I really wish she would get some professional help.