FameCrawler : tony baretto

Britney Loses Visitation Rights

Karen — Thu, 18 Oct 2007 17:03:00 GMT

What an idiot. Yesterday K-Fart's lawyer Mark Kaplan called an emergency hearing and it was decided that Brit-Twit will not see her children until further notice, for failing to comply with judge's orders. We're not sure at this time which of the orders she messed up, but we'll bring you details once we know.

The next hearing is October 26th.

Britney Hopes a Healer Will Cleanse Her Soul, Famecrawler Recommends Gloves for Shaman

Karen — Wed, 17 Oct 2007 16:04:00 GMT

The troubled pop star, after losing custody of her kids, has decided to arrange a meeting with a head shaman near a reservation at the base of the Grand Canyon.

A source said: "The head shaman has agreed to perform the ritual on Britney, which is a great honour.

"The shaman will wave sage over her head and daub her temples with a magical potion. And the learned Indians will chant mantra and perform a special dance around her."

Britney decided on this method of cleansing after hearing Owen Wilson doing the same after his attempted suicide.

I can just see this going down. Either Britney will be surprised that you can't text a shaman to cancel or postpone, and once she finally does arrive, the paparazzi will be all over this like a pack of wolves. I can't imagine that will be okay with a shaman. The healing will be a big joke to Britney, and then she'll ask the shaman to be a back-up dancer, because clearly, no one else wants the job.

Britney's Biggest Fan Doesn't Know Who J-Lo Is

Karen — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 19:31:00 GMT

It must have been a slow night in Paparazzi Land last night since the paps ended up asking Chris "Leave Britney Alone!" Crocker what he thought of J-Lo being pregnant.

If that weren't enough, they asked the television star wannabe his/her advice for Britney Spears. Surprisingly, he/she didn't break down ~ it was pretty sage advice.

Britney Spears Threatens to Commit Suicide

Karen — Mon, 15 Oct 2007 02:57:00 GMT

Britney's recent win of weekly overnight visits with her beautiful babies isn't enough to keep the pop-star happy. It's been reported that Britney threatened suicide in a phone call to Kevin Federline:

"I'm going to drive off the cliff! It's going to be your fault that I killed myself," she then sped down Mulholland Drive that runs along a steep road.

She is getting a ton of attention from the paparazzi, on a daily basis, but I guess she needs her ex-husband to pay attention too. Of course she's only digging her hole deeper and deeper if this is true. I really wish she would get some professional help.

Britney Spears Neglects More Little People

Karen — Sat, 13 Oct 2007 20:03:00 GMT

Suck-up-to-the-stars OK! Magazine is reporting that Britney Spears cancelled auditions yet again, for back-up dancers for her upcoming TOUR. Tour? What the hell?

Spears had scheduled dancers auditions from 9 to 5 yesterday, but text messaged at 11:00 to say she wasn't coming. Some of the dancers appeared dejected after receiving the news. When Usmagazine.com asked one of the 37 auditioners whether she was disappointed, she replied, "Whatever."

OK! Magazine says the 25 year-old trainwreck is claiming the flu, but she was later blinded by the paparazzi while coming out of a tanning salon. Yes that's what I do when I'm spewing chunks and recovering: head to the tanning salon. Lying much?

Apparently, the flashbulbs were so overwhelming, she has to be escorted back to her car, at which time her Starbucks radar went off and she pulled an entire franchise out of her hideous mega-purse and whipped up a 5000 calorie Frappacino.

So this TOUR. Hmmm. Think she's serious? I mean, doesn't she have to be in court every other week to prove she's a superstar parent? If she's canceling auditions like that, who's to say she won't cancel shows, say, an hour after they are supposed to start?

An aside: She is STILL wearing those fugly brown boots. Any bets on what they smell like?

Photo Credit: WENN.

12 Reasons Not To Buy Britney's Album, The Blackout

Karen — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 17:31:00 GMT

The Blackout indeed. I couldn't think of a more fitting title for this album, except maybe, The Trainwreck. I wonder if Britney's "people" helped her name it and are all snickering behind her back.

People.com has the exclusive on the cover art for Britney's new album and it isn't what Fox News was reporting, which I thought looked like an old picture anyway. Here's the cover:

The song list is out too, (not this, but some are there) but only 12 songs? Seems like Underachiever Spears is at it again.

Some of the song titles really interested us here at FC:

1. Gimme More - More what Babygirl, Cheetos?

2. Piece of Me - Honey, we've seen MORE than enough of you!

3. Radar - That's what your car gives off every time you go anywhere - directly to the paparazzi.

4. Break The Ice - Nice meth reference honey. Think we don't speculate on how you dropped all that weight?

5. Heaven On Earth - Hyde? Paris Hilton's Vagina? J.R. Rotem's Armpit? Oh wait, Taco Bell!

6. Get Naked (I Got A Plan) - You got a plan? I bet it doesn't include panties, sugarpants.

7. Freakshow - This one is about K-Fart, right? Projecting much, Darlin'?

8. Toy Soldier - You realize Eminem wrote this song already, right sweetie?

9. Hot As Ice - Yet another meth reference? We GET it honey, you're not fat anymore.

10.Ooh Ooh Baby - The visual from this title makes me want to scrub vigorously

11.Perfect Lover - See #10

12. Why Should I Be Sad - Because your life is in the toilet and clearly, no one has told you yet.

The album is set to release early on October 30th, because of several leaks to the internet. There's also talk of the young mother going on tour. I'd type more but I've rolled my eyes so many times over Britney that they are permanently fixated to my frontal lobe.

Britney Really IS a Moron, or TMZ Makes Up Stories

Karen — Fri, 12 Oct 2007 01:19:00 GMT

According to x17online, Britney left the courthouse extremely happy (video) with the judgment that she could have her kids for one overnight a week. The thing is, according to TMZ, (who reported she left the courthouse visibly upset contrary to photos) she was extremely disrespectful to the judge.

TMZ is reporting that she went back and forth with the judge, interrupting him and being really sarcastic. They start 3 paragraphs with "We're told..." but it doesn't add up. After reading x17online and TMZ for some time, I gotta say the latter is great at being an online rag mag.

While Britney certainly has a lot to learn, I have a real problem with TMZ making up a bunch of bullshit just to get people to read. Not cool.

Judge to Britney and Kevin's Lawyers: Hug It Out, Britney Has Issues?

Karen — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 19:02:00 GMT

We've been reporting all morning about Britney's requested emergency court hearing so she could have her kid overnight, and the fact that she slept in and missed it. The orders have come down from the judge and he wants the two lawyers to work it out, after rejecting the petition from Britney's camp.

There has been some talk of Brit's Mom Lynne being appointed as the supervisor during these supervised visits, especially since Britney has "privacy issues."

I call bullshit, Nipple Chick. Don't make me pull out panty pictures and call up Tony "I saw Britney naked" Baretto.

We Are Changing the Name of This Blog to Britney-Crawler

Karen — Sat, 06 Oct 2007 21:34:00 GMT

Well why not? She makes it SO easy. In the last little whilte, she's missed her kids visitation, had coffee thrown at her car, re-joined Kabbalah, been defended by Sinead O'Connor, had PETA on her tail, had a sex-tape nearly released (BARF! GAG! BLECH!) accused of child abuse, and been criticized for pole dancing in her latest video. But we know you can't get enough of her, so here's more:

That missed visit? It was pre-faced by Britney's request to have the supervised visit at the Beverly Wiltshire hotel, at which point, K-Fed's lawyer Mark Vincent Kaplin went ballistic and felt it was appropriate for the parenting coach to counsel Britney on how to take care of her kids at home -- not at a hotel.

Another media stunt? Likely.

At 2 a.m. Thursday morning, Britney gave up her dream of a hotel visit and went home. The visit was scheduled for 10 a.m. Thursday, and the boys waited at the gate to Britney's home for 45 minutes before giving up. How sad.

Later Thursday, Britney was spotted shopping with newest BFF J.R.Rotem and causing yet another media frenzy, and later moved on to the recording studio.

While we all wait to see what this young mother of two will do next, those little boys suffer at the hands of their selfish mother, and I for one, would really love to throttle her. What a douchebag.

Britney Spears Pole Dancing, Facing Child Abuse Accusations

Karen — Sat, 06 Oct 2007 21:02:00 GMT

More from Planet of the Obvious: Britney Spears is now being investigated for child abuse, and the request to the L.A. County Department of Children and Family Services comes straight from former bodyguard Tony Barretto. But our girl is too busy pole dancing...

“The referral asks for an investigation into Britney Spears and her behavior with her two young children,” [Barretto’s attorney] Allred said in a statement. “It was our understanding at the end of the meeting … (that) the department will investigate to the best of their ability…It was important that we filed because the department has no legal power to investigate unless there is a filing. Now that we have filed, they have the power to open an investigation.”

Say what you will about this guy, but I've watched a few interviews with him and I really believe he has the best interests of Sean Preston and Jayden James. A father of two himself, he had nothing to gain by coming forward. Sure, he's been paid for some of these interviews but with the media circus surrounding him, I doubt he's able to work at this time anyway. Dude's got a family to feed too.

When he came forward, he was coming out against a major pop-star who really, with all her money, could have done a few things to have made this go away, had she been coherent enough.

Meanwhile, no word from Britney's camp ~ she's awaiting the release of her Gimmie More video (out Monday) where she further degrades herself with pole dancing. What's next Britney?