After my Nancy Drew found the hair in the bed I knew that I would soon have to level with the kids and tell them that A was more than just a friend.  As I write about in Bedtime Stories, as part of our divorce decree my ex and I had decided not to introduce a romantic other to the kids before we'd known the person for six months.  I was determined not to subject them to  a parade of women (if I ever managed to entice a parade.  That was my childhood James Bondian fantasy but has never been a reality).   I met A in November but we have mainly been friends since then, or at least that was our goal, so when I first introduced her to the kids  at a SuperBowl party I felt as if I was living within the spirit of the law.  Well, since then things have changed and we've been seeing a lot more of A and her toddler.  

We were about to meet A for a snack this weekend when I told the kids that she  had become more than just a friend.  Ava, 9, seemed singularly uninterested but Chet, 6,  immediately started to grill me.   

"Were you seeing her when you were seeing Cris?"  Cris is my ex, living in Italy, and still one of my best friends.  

"No.  Of course not,"   I said.   He's extremely moral, my son. Cris and I had broken up months ago but  I had told  the kids only a few weeks ago.   I think he's still trying to process the reason his mother and I are no longer together.  She left me and this day Chet said, "Women usually break up with men."  

"How do you know that?" I asked.  He just shrugged.  I explained that people change their minds sometimes.  I reminded him that last year in kindergarten he had a burning crush on E but this year he says he's changed his mind.  He contemplated that for a moment and then asked, "Are you going to kiss her?" 

"Yes."

"On the lips?"

"Yes."

"Chet!" bellowed his big sister.  "We don't  need to know these things!"

"Are you going to have socks?"  he asked.

With this both kids literarlly fell off their chairs they were  giggling so hard.   Their mother had given them a New Age crash course in sex ed last summer. They both now know that a lingam enters a yoni to make a baby.  His knowledge was imperfect, however.  Until I corrected him he believed that a miniature little baby  was living inside his balls.   I told him that grown up boyfriends and girlfriends have "socks."  Of course I didn't correct him.  You hold onto your kids' malapropisms because you know that any day now they will grown out of them and yet another chapter in their magical evolution will have ended.  Ava, when she was a toddler, used to reach her arms skyward and say, "Hold you!  Hold you!" and we never ever corrected her.  

"Will this be your last girlfriend?" he asked.

"I don't know."

"Hmmm.  You can have three more girlfriends, that's it."   I asked him how he arrived at that number.  He explained that I had had two already (since being forcibly bachelored), and L, a girl in the first grade with him has had five boyfriends already and that is a good number.  I explained that I was a lot older than she was so maybe he could up my quota a bit. 

"Fine.  Five more girlfriends and that's it." 

"Can we please talk about something else now!"  huffed Ava.

Anything like this happen to any of you?