Sibling rivalry…. When you figure it out, let me know.

My two girls (5 & 9) push each other's buttons constantly. My primary solution is to break them up, so that they can't speak to or even see each other, and then talk to them individually. I have to do this a few times a week. If this doesn’t tune them up then they start losing privileges – both of them (we’re way past "who started it"). My main message is: "You DECIDED to behave this way with your sister. This is the consequence of YOUR decision."

An interesting side to this is, you mention that you and your friend A are both bringing kids to your relationship.... My partner and I each have two kids (hers are boys). When we are all together it works out well because they all sort of take turns playing with one another or as a group. I spend a lot less time refereeing my girls when we're all together. They're too busy having fun to get into each other's business.

Tell Chris Rock I said "Hi!" (I did that for Tracey, because I'm a jerk too.)  

8^D

Now that's a good picture.  I can just feel the angst.  I only have one son, but I've been an auntie, camp counselor, babysitter, etc.  How 'bout "CUT IT OUT." lol  Doesn't solve much, but makes me feel better.

Dude, tell Chris Rock I love him. It's not really name dropping when you're talking about your friends and they happen to be famous. I think my original issue was when you went into a lengthy and irrelevant dissertation about Eddie Murphy and some other famous guy and a movie they were in, yadda, yadda, and it was not even remotely related to the post about your kids.

If you want to share interesting nuggets about your famous friends and it relates to the story, hey, who am I to complain? I love the inside scoop as much as anybody else!

We evaded rivalry by only having one kid. (so far) Of course as doting older parents (me 43, he 38) there is a rivalry of our own when it comes down to who our toddler is hugging the most these days.  

I feel your pain.  I have a 7yo and a 4yo, and it is constant...CONSTANT rivalry and competition.  At times it gets physical with them, and separation is clearly in order.  

I have only tried this approach once, and in spite of the heckling I received from a couple of friends, it actually worked.  I sat them down on the floor, facing each other, with their knees about two inches apart.  They then had to take turns telling each other what they admire about the other.  At first the compliments came out begrudgingly, but after a couple of minutes, they started giggling and having fun with it.  The rest of the afternoon went smoothly, and miraculously there was no bloodshed, and I actually got some client calls made without having to hide in the garage to do it!

Did it last?  Ummm, no.  But it saved THAT afternoon.  I know it's a little touchy feely, but it was a decent outcome nonetheless.  

Good luck!

Re avoiding the food-division wars especially with treats - let one child select the options and the other gets first dibs.

My sisters and I fought a lot.  We called it "odd-man-out" sister, because one of us was ALWAYS the one being picked on.   I also wanted to know why my parents loved one sister more than me or whatever, because when we were competing, it was for attention and when I didnt get the attention I wanted I didnt feel like they liked me enough.  

One day, my dad said  "We love you all, but you each need different things from your mother and I."   After that, I dont remember needing to compete so much, or try to win games with no purpose.

Im not sure if that makes any sense, but I've had 2 sips of coffee and I'm trying my best for a good explanation of ourrivalry :P

if it helps, looking to the future :)

the only sibling rivalry we've had that's a pain in the butt is our first two - a boy and then a girl (30 mo apart) - our other children are all (we've got seven now) roughly a year apart from each other (and from our daughter) and there's no problem - they are little enough to not be  'threat" - but i think it's just a firstborn thing to see the next one as a threat - the next children are too little to really scare him - he knows they won't catch up on the things he cares about.  (i can say this as a firstborn, married to a firstborn :)...)

Trey there are 6 six kids in my family and believe me I felt shortchanged 5 times out of 6. We're all in our 30's now and we STILL think Mom calls some of us more than others (she does). Needless to say we know we're loved.

LOL That picture is precious! Because I have one just like it.

My daughter (9) and son (4) are five years apart --  I thought I'd have no issues with sibling rivalry. WRONG! The bickering during our latest getaway this weekend was enough to drive me bananas! But then at other times, the generosity they showed each other would would give me hope. For about 5 minutes, anyway, when the next round of squabbling began.  Wish I could give you advice, but know you're not alone!