Father of the Year : georgia

Back in the Thick of It

Trey — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 22:57:00 GMT

This was our first week with our new arrangement and all in all it's been going pretty well. The hardest part has been Chet. After a month in Georgia with his mother and grandmother it's been a little hard for him up here. He just said that the huge log home in the woods on a lake where they live is his real home. He's also been asking me, repeatedly, if I had to choose between A and him and his sister who would I pick.

I'm not sure how much of that is him just being a natural-born actor and how much of it is real. He is playful and wonderful around A and of course it's hard for him to believe me when I say that A and I are planning on being together forever. With Cristina, my previous girlfriend, who lived in Italy, the kids never had any real competition for my day-to-day affection. Now A is here half the week but she is a very steady presence in our lives so of course there will be some growing pains. It's just that my amazing little seven-yearp-old shoots off the hardest questions to answer.

Just the other day we were all having a great family dinner at a local diner when he asked, "If you and A break up will you get your keys back?" Yikes. But a little later he and I finished an intricate Mega Blocks (knockoff Lego's not nearly as good) medieval battlement diorama and he ran to show it off to her.

He's an expert at pushing my buttons but compounding things was what a new grad student of mine said in class. He was very close to his father until he turned six and his parents divorced and he remarried. I'm determined to keep my kids close to me AND my darling A. I'm greedy that way.

Any advice?

Country Mouse/City Mouse

Trey — Sat, 16 Aug 2008 16:09:00 GMT

I flew down from Manhattan to celebrate Chet's actual 7th birthday with him down in Social Circle, GA, where he and Ava spend the month of August with their grandparents, my ex's mom and step dad and their cousins. My ex has also been living down there for the past two years, ever since I moved the kids to New York. I come for two days at Christmas and this year three days in the summer. These few days are the only time that the kids have their entire family all in one place. Two of the three cousins, pictured above, Athan and Jovan, are wonderful kids and probably Chet's best friends in the world. Chet, especially, adores it down there and said many times that his dream is for us all to move down there and live all together in this huge log cabin in the middle of the woods.

Though that is hardly my dream I have to say I love it down there too. It's so quiet, I routinely sleep ten hours a night. The lake is lovely. I saw a snowy egret patrolling the shore just the other day.

His birthday, Ava's and their grandma's all come in the summer so the grandma throws a huge summer celebration. Ava was her sous chef and made the caprese salad with cherry tomatoes fresh from the garden. There was also eggplant parmigiana with fresh garden eggplant, and melon right from the garden as well, plus hamburgers, chicken wings, rice, and for dessert an ice cream cake.

This is Chet's second birthday party. The first was at Dave & Buster's right after school let out with his school friends. Whenever the kids complain about how weird it is having a mom and dad in different states, I remind them that they are also lucky to have several birthday parties throughout the summer. Ava tried to complain about the celebration that it was too heavily weighted toward Chet until I reminded her that she already had two parties. The first one was a sleepover on Long Island, the second was in France.

For none of us is this the life we had expected, but it's usually pretty wonderful nonetheless.

I'm Such a Sap

Trey — Sun, 10 Aug 2008 01:57:00 GMT

I can't believe how clean their room is when they're not in it. And I can't believe how I much I miss those loud, (sometimes) pains in the asses. I'm having a deep and wonderful time here with just A and M and I'm spending some alone time just with M so A can write and that has been a treat, but I really, really miss my other kids too. I'm flying to Georgia on Tuesday for Chet's birthday and just can't wait to wrestle him, can't wait to squeeze Ava till she giggles. This is the only time of the year that I'm away from them so long and I know it's good for them to spend time with their mom and grandma and I know it's good for us three to get a little break from each other, but geez. It hurts.

We talk every day on the phone, Ava much more than Chet, who still does little more than parrot back to me what it was that I just told him. I can't help but think that eight years from now when she goes away to college I'm gonna be a wreck.

I've been thinking a lot about love and such these days and still can't believe that I'm surrounded by so much of it. I went out for a BNO the other night (which turned out to be us three guys staying in and watching Harold & Kumar Escape from Guantanamo, one of the funniest comedies this year and one of the smartest political satires). My friend Mustapha asked me how I was doing. Without even thinking I replied, "Never better," and then had to smile. It's true. I feel surrounded by people that love me and for that I'm ridiculously lucky.

How about you? Any pithy revelations this summer?