1. The first time you put your baby on the bed and .... THUMP. They fall out. Onto the floor. Happens to everyone. Be sure to write it down in your baby book the first time it happens to you!
2. The first time your kid eats dirt or something else they picked up off of the playground yard. Don't let the other moms' disapproving glances throw you. They are just commiserating.
3. The first time your darling toddler has a meltdown in public. Bring the video camera! They grow up so fast...
4. The first time you catch yourself calling your self Mommie. Stop it. Stop it NOW. You have a name. And it's not Mommie.
5. The first time you go out and forget to bring a diaper with you. (We have like, 10 diapers in the stroller with us at all times.)
6. The first time you watch a Laurie Berkner video and think "Hey this isn't bad."
6.a. The first time you are up all night with "Victor Vito" song stuck in your head.
7. The first time you think of possibly moving to the suburbs. To a house. Where you can go to the garage and scream without neighbors hearing you.
8. The first time you hear yourself say "Baby X slept through the entire night! Yay, we can all get some sleep now!"
8.a. The first time you realize that the whole sleeping through the night thing comes and goes.
8.b. The first time you try Cry It Out.
8.c. The first time you actually tell someone you did Cry It Out.
8.d. The first time you realize that it's maybe best not to discuss your baby's sleep habits with just anybody because everybody has an opinion and it will only give you a headache.
9. The first time you find yourself sniffing your baby's diaper in public to see if your kid was the one who dropped the deuce.
10. The first time you realize that no one has this down. That no one knows anything. Especially you. And you're ok with that.
