Home/Work

I'm happy that you're open to a more non-traditional route.  The "same old, same old" routine doesn't work for some kids.  

As an academic advisor at a university I have to say this - please don't send your son to college if he doesn't want to go (or is still "extremely under performing" or is "miserable and disengaged").  In my experience they do not "snap out of it" in a college setting.  Especially since most colleges follow a general education curriculum - which for many students, mimics their high school courses.  Many students assume because it's college you can take whatever you want, but that's rarely the case.  They still have to move through the required courses - English, history, etc - before they get to the good stuff.      

I have so many students who are intellectually capable of doing the work but who just don't want to be here.  The result is a semester (or more) of terrible grades that follows them the rest of their academic career.

Just my two cents.  You appear to be informed on these fronts, so I'm sure you'll make the right decision!  

Excellent new path to try.

You have to try different things to reach him now.

That is how my kid wound up in boarding school at the end of High School. I would have never guessed I'd send a child to boarding school, she loved it, and it changed her life for the better.

He will find his way.

Your love and family foundation is solid enough for him to fumble. Keep loving him! And remember there are many alternative experiences for him to have after HS besides working in McDonald's.

Google "Gap year programs", an excellent jumping off point to help him figure out what sounds interesting to do next year, and create change in his life. He could volunteer to count star fish in Bali for a year. Or build water mains and huts in an African village.

Hang in there.

I wish I'd known it was OK not to go straight to college.

But back to this. I'm very interested to hear about his experiences at this school.  I've read about it in various mediums over the years and find the concept fascinating.  I think my brother would have totally excelled in that kind of setting; he and your son seem to have some similarities with their approach to education.  

I'm staying tuned!!  Go ElderSon!

Hey Katie,

You know, i had a fairly miserable 3 years of high school, and my parents agreed to let me go to a similar school for my final year.  It was a great decision--i was able to study subjects i'm passionate about and seriously improve my art while getting me out of an environment where i wasn't learning.

I know it seems risky, but maybe it's just what he needs! i hope so.

I'll be interested to see how this goes for him.  I had entertained thoughts of that school for Emily at one time.  It's one of the most frustrating experiences for me as a parent that one size definitely does NOT fit all when it comes to education and I have to rethink it--sometimes several times--with each child.

I wanted to add something in case you’re thinking you should have done this for him years ago. My daughter always attended progressive "NO Homework" open classroom type of schools, then the Rudolf Steiner private High School; she was a disinterested student throughout.

The good thing about theses types of schools is she came out of them with her self esteem intact even though she did not love the academic part of school. She was convinced school existed as a social event each day, and then HS became her cocktail party!

In the end she found boarding school worked for her strengths.  However she was never vilified at those “hippie” schools because she was a shitty student. It is heartbreaking when a child has been emotionally battered by schools, teachers, and parents for never being a good enough student.  She was always a good reader and writer, and got away with years of doing not very much.

From reading your blogs for a few years you’re very sympathetic parent to the enormous burden homework creates for children and families. For most kids after spending a whole day at school they have too many hours more of work to done at home. Adults detest bringing home work every night from their job, and it’s horrible for a childhood to be burdened with so much homework.

Anyway, my daughter started college, and then took 18 months off to work, became a life guard, waitresses, walked dogs, traveled and transferred to a different college. Now that it’s her choice to be educated, she adores college and is serious (she like reading and writing so college is working to her strengths as a student).

I have come to realize that she is truly a well educated young woman with a broad knowledge of all types of things.

She absorbed a lot over all those years of formal education, educated parents, and her own curiosity was never squashed.

Spending time in China and Tibet has broadened her world that a hundreds of hours of classroom history, economics and language could never do for her.

Thoughts are with you and Henry on this path, and many congrats to your family to be open to the possibilities.

Could you also consider having Henry get his GED, and then enter the workforce with a possible stint in community college as he tries many paths?

And please let us know how the Summerhill school experience goes; I'd love to hear more about it.

Kudos to you, Katie, for doing what is best for your son instead of browbeating him to be a "normal" student.  Learning takes place in many different ways.  It's too bad our schools are frequently myopic in their approach.  I know of this school, had friends who went there, and they turned out beautifully: self-esteem intact, learning under their belts, a better attitude about education...they are now successful individuals, and we're all almost 40, so there you go!  H will be just fine:)

Just to let you know, if he interested in continuing on to college (even if it's not right away) New College of Florida is a great alternative to traditional college, and has been ranked in the top 10 of Newsweek's best colleges 6 years in a row. Plus, Sarasota is gorgeous and a great little city.

is it that he's being too challenged, or not challenged enough...

that can make a big difference in the path he should take