So today was the day of prenatal reckoning for me - the day of the dreaded "viability scan" at my perinatologist's office. When I say dreaded, I mean that literally. I have had a hard time focusing on other things during this period of waiting. I've been extra tired because I'm in the first trimester of pregnancy, but that's not the only reason I've been going to bed at 8pm; sleep quieted the churning anxiety I've been dealing with otherwise, so I welcomed it.
I was mentally prepared for whatever the ultrasound revealed today. I certainly feel pregnant, and all my other tests have been normal, but I just knew the news today would be bad. I even told my husband I didn't want him to come to the appointment because I wanted to give him the bad news myself - more gently than he would get it if he had been standing at my side on the examning table in the OB's office. He reluctantly agreed to stay away.
So imagine my surprise when I actually did find myself splayed out on that table today, being poked and prodded, when the kindly ultrasound tech said to me, "Look, see that flashing light, like a little star? That's your baby's heartbeat." I opened up my tightly scrunched eyes, and unballed my clenched fists and took a look for myself. Sure enough - there it was - a real proto-person, with all the bells and whistles, including a good, strong heartbeat. Baby's ultrasound dating says I am about 10 days less pregnant than we thought I was, but that's okay. All is well.
Yes, I wept.
My doctor says all my labwork looks great, and little Barack Gravitas Hickman looks most excellent. Dear Dr. predicts smooth sailing now that we are past the stage that's given me such trouble in the past.. And he also decided, based on the most recent lab results regarding my genetic thrombophilia stuff, that I do NOT - I repeat, DO NOT have to inject myself with blood thinnners every day throughout pregnancy. My docs are just going to watch the issue carefully, and I will continue to take my prescribed crazy-high doses of folic acid, as well as baby aspirin.. That's great news because frankly, I didn't know if I could do it - jab myself with a needle every morning, I mean. I am a total wimp.
After the tearjerker of an ultrasound, I had my genetic counseling session. Let me tell those of you who are not of "advanced maternal age," as I am, that it is fo' sho' scary to hear that - based on my age - the risk of a chromosomal problem with the baby is 1 in 33. Yowza. After scaring me into submission with that number, Peggy the Genetic Counselor proceeded to explain all the various first and second trimester screening options. She sent me home with paperwork, and much to consider. Obviously, Jon will have to be in on this decision. I almost had CVS in my last pregnancy, when I was 39, but at the last minute, I couldn't go through with it. I just had the Early Screening Panel instead. Now I have to make the decision again. Given my history, the slightly elevated risk of miscarriage from CVS testing is no small thing to me. This will be a tough decision, and I have to make it soon.
So there you have it. Great news to celebrate today, tomorrow on Thanksgiving, and every day going forward.I am happy. And relieved.I was so relieved, in fact, that when I left the doctor's office, I celebrated by eating four cheese Krystals (those are like those mini White Castle burgers, to those of you not from the South). Mmmmmm. Tasty.
Happy Thanksgiving!
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