I have made it a practice, ever since my children were old enough to understand, to talk to them frequently about how to avoid dangerous people and situations. I ask them things like what they would do if a man approached them and asked for directions, or what to do if some woman they had never met came up to them at the park and offered to show them something interesting. We talk about different techniques that child snatchers and molesters use to lure kids, and we even talk through scenarios of escape in the unimaginable event that one of them were to be abducted.
Last year, E. - who was in 4th grade at the time - participated in a really great program they do at his school each year where an expert comes and talks to the kids about stranger danger, and personal autonomy and safety. As part of that program, the kids had a discussion with an adult facilitator about how they would react if faced with a dangerous situation. E. apparently responded with his trademark honesty by calmly relating that if someone tried to grab him, he would stab the attacker in the heart with his pocketknife.
The result? I got a phone call from the school, and E. got a trip to the principal's office. The school assumed that E's response was evidence of an unhealthy aggressive streak, perhaps stemming from his parents' messy divorce. In fact, there was no emotional trauma at play here: my son was just repeating the same thing we've talked about at home. If some guy ever grabs my child, and my child happens to have his pocketknife on him, of course he should stab the attacker. Or kick him. Or bite him. Or poke his eyes out. Or do whatever he could to hurt the bad guy and get away.
And I do let my children have pocketknives. In fact, both of my sons have enjoyed having a pocketknife since the age I felt they were old enough to handle one safely - about 8 years old. (My 13-year-old daughter also owns a pocketknife, but has shown zero interest in carrying it or using it). The boys like whittling, poking at things in the woods, and cutting fishing line when they are fishing. Mostly, though, they have both just liked having their knives with them, on their person. E., who is now 10, actually has quite an assortment of pocketknives, including one favorite, largish one he refers to rather comically (To me, not to him. He's dead serious) as "Old Reliable."
E. takes Old Reliable everywhere he can take it. He knows that school, church, and most friends' houses are totally off limits for pocketknives, and he's followed this rule very well. We do have a few close friends, as well as my siblings' homes, where pocketknives are explicitly allowed, as long as the kids follow the safety rules. I have had to revoke pocketknife privileges for a time with E on two occasions. Once he cut a big hold in one of his sheets while playing around with his knife, and once he left Old Reliable out where a younger child could have gotten his or her hands on it. He seems to have learned his lesson. He's very careful with his pocketknife these days.
Yesterday, while visiting his 8 year old cousin, the boys announced they were heading out to the woods near my brother's house to play. I felt like the time was right for a refresher discussion on stranger danger, and how to be safe should someone they didn't know approach them. The boys listened intently, and then E. reminded me that both boys had their pocketknives, and wouldn't hesitate to use them if anyone tried to hurt them. He had a confident gleam in his eye as he told me this, and he promised to look out for his two-years-younger cousin.
The odds are low - thank God - that anyone will ever try to snatch E. or his cousin, but I am glad the boys feel empowered to fight back with every weapon at their disposal should someone ever TRY to hurt them. And I think they are learning some important lessons in personal responsibility and safety by having their own pocketknives.
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