Home/Work : Blogging

A few o' my favorite parenting blogs

kgranju — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 22:28:00 GMT

People pretty frequently ask me what parenting blogs I myself read regularly, so I've decided to start a semi-regular feature here at Home/Work in which I share my own bookmarked parenting blogs.

Thus, I present to you this premiere edition of "A Few of KAG's Favorite Parenting Bloggers." Share your own favorites in the comments below, because I'd love to discover some new blog reads now that the election is over and I no longer have to check Real Clear Politics obsessively.

I hope you enjoy these writers as much as I do.

500 Jerk: a wryly hilarious, partner-track lawyer-mama on everyday work and home life with two kids.
StrollerDerby: Yep, it's from Babble, and it's a must-read round-up of all-things-parenthood in the blogosphere each day.
Domestic Psychology: Funny, funny, funny. True, true, true.
This Bumpy Journey: a family waits to adopt, and remembers the little boy they lost
Sweet Salty: the most literary of mama blogs. This is some seriously good writing from an immensely gifted essayist. Somebody give this woman a book deal.
Yestertime: this is an old college pal of my husband's whose mothering blog I just discovered. Sweet and self deprecating.
Martinimade: a little bit of everything from my ubercrafty writermama friend, Adrienne.
The Vol Abroad: a smart expat mama living in London
ReadingWhileKnitting: my friend S. manages to homeschool her large brood of children and makes it all look super fun.
Unfit Mother: Outspoken feminist mama, and an old friend from college days
MamaTried: Another old college pal, now adjusting to life in the 'burbs with two baby grrls
This Woman's Work: Adoption, parenting, infertility, freelance writing - not necessarily in that order
Bee Lavender: Hip Mama, cancer survivor, writer, blogger
Jonathan Hickman: Crazy-hot father and stepfather. I read his blog just so I can look at the occasional photo of himself that he posts. His wife is awfully lucky.

These are but a few of my faves. I will revisit this subject periodically, and add more to my list. And in the meantime, please really do post your own favorites in the comments below.

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When work and kids meet

kgranju — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 15:09:00 GMT

I've been writing to pay the bills since my children were very young. As long as they have been aware, they have had the experience of having people comment to them - and to me in their presence - about books or articles or essays or blog posts that I've written.

(Me, at work, blogging from Bonnaroo, 2006)

Mostly, that's a pleasant experience for them because 99.9% of the time, the people who take the time to talk to them or around them about their mother's published writing are doing so because they have something positive to say - stuff like "I enjoyed that article your mom wrote for the newspaper last week," or "I like your mother's blog," or "It must be fun having a mother who is a writer."

But occasionally, very occasionally, someone will say something disagreeable to one of them about something I've written. It happened recently when a teacher told one of my kids that he hated a recent blog post of mine on a controversial subject. The child in question mentioned the teacher's comment to me, and wanted me to explain what I had written (the kids don't keep up with every single thing I publish, although they do read my personal blog pretty regularly). So, I did. And that was that.

Then, yesterday, I had a lengthy interview published in the newspaper with a very controversial and not-well-liked figure in a rather infamous local murder case. Because this character is so unpopular in our city, and because some folks seemed to believe that the fact that I interviewed her meant that I was somehow absolving her of any culpability, the online comments following the story have been unusually vitriolic toward me, with one person suggesting that I "rot in hell."

I had in passing mentioned to my children that I was working on this story, but I hadn't really wanted to get into it too deeply with them due to the adult nature of the topic (adultery, murder, etc). But fearing that they might see the story on the front page of the newspaper, or somehow stumble across the comments following the online version of the story, or even hear from adults who had read the story, I felt like I should discuss the matter with them.

So, I explained to them that the interview had been published, and that because a lot of people believe that this woman, the one I interviewed, was a very bad person, some folks around town felt that I shouldn't have interviewed her. I told them that there were some unpleasant things being said about me in the comments attached to the story. And once again, as I do periodically, I asked them what it's like for them to have a mother who writes under a byline that also happens to be their last name. We had a good discussion, and they shared the pros and cons of how my work affects them.

As I explained to them, I totally get what that experience is like for them because when I was a child, my mother was a newspaper reporter and editor, and my father was a TV reporter. Sometimes that was a fun thing for my brother and sister and me, but sometimes it was a real pain in the ass to listen to angry local citizens who decided they would explain their objections to my mother's journalistic judgment directly to 13-year-old Katie instead of just writing a letter to the editor.

My sister reminded me yesterday of one time when we were in middle school, and a teacher used our mother as an example of "yellow journalism" when he was lecturing our social studies class on the importance of a free press. And I well remember the time a friend's father angrily informed me that he would no longer be watching the television channel on which my Dad appeared each night because of my father's "obvious bias" toward one candidate over another in an upcoming election. This happened at a sleepover, and I was mortified beyond belief.

On that particular occasion, I remember wishing that my parents did something more low profile for a living, but most of the time, I found it wonderful to have two parents who were constantly communicating with and about the world in which I lived. Having two parents who actively and publicly engaged in civic discourse and social debates helped my siblings and me develop our own views and learn how to express them with confidence.

I like to think that this will be the case for my own children - that they will be more confident and opinionated and willing to speak up for things that matter to them because they see their mother doing it on the job. They are already pretty opinionated kids, and I encourage that. I want them to be engaged and active members of the community, whether that's as journalists or public servants or bloggers, or even just as citizens with a point of view.

In the meantime, though, I'll bet sometimes they wish they had a mom who did something "normal" like sell real estate or teach school.

I'm just their mom. Period.

kgranju — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 16:21:00 GMT

As I've mentioned, ours is a post-divorce family. And since my divorce, both my ex-husband and I have remarried, meaning our children now have two stepparents. And since the whole stepparenting thing became part of our family life, and because I am a voracious consumer of family life blogs, I've recently become aware of a particular sub-genre of parenting blogs.

I call them "The Really Angry Stepmother Bloggers."

Now don't get me wrong, there are certainly many talented and engaging women blogging about their lives as stepmothers who don't give off this angry, bitter vibe. But there are a lot of them out there who seem to be inordinately focused on how much they resent and in fact, cannot stand the mother of their husband's children. This topic is pretty much all The Really Angry Stepmother Bloggers seem to have to blog about.

And they have their own shorthand for frequent Angry Stepmother topics, one of which rather baffles me. Many of them refer to the mother of their husband's children as "the birth mom," or "the biological or bio mother," or even just, the "BM."

As the mother of three children who also happen to have a stepmother, I find this terminology incredibly bizarre and insulting. Yep, I gave birth to them (see photographic evidence above), but the fact is that in our culture, the terms "birth mother" and "biological mother" carry a certain nuance of meaning - generally negative in the sense that a "birth mother" is assumed to be less involved - or not involved at all - in her kids' lives. To most people, the term "birth mother" basically just means an egg donor (and in fact, I have seen one Really Angry Stepmother Blogger actually refer to her husband's children's mother as exactly that: "the egg donor.").

My children have a stepmother, yes. They also have a stepfather. And each of them play important roles in the kids' lives. But their roles don't diminish or change mine or the children's father's roles or titles, which are primary. Just because I am no longer married to my kids' father doesn't mean that I am their "birth mother" or "bio mom." I am their mother. Period. The end. And of course, their father also isn't his children's "birth father" or "biological dad" (which I notice, the Very Angry Stepmother Bloggers never call their own husbands. )

My title doesn't require any prefix, thank you very much. I've been their mother since the days they were each born, and I will be 'til the day I leave the planet.

And for the record, I also think we need a better, more positive term for steppparents - a whole new word that reflects their importance in kids' lives while removing the "step" stigma.

Suggestions, anyone?

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