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<?xml-stylesheet type="text/xsl" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/utility/FeedStylesheets/rss.xsl" media="screen"?><rss version="2.0" xmlns:dc="http://purl.org/dc/elements/1.1/" xmlns:slash="http://purl.org/rss/1.0/modules/slash/" xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/"><channel><title>Home/Work : Katie Allison Granju</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx</link><description>Tags: Katie Allison Granju</description><dc:language>en</dc:language><generator>CommunityServer 2007.1 (Build: 20910.1126)</generator><item><title>Adult Garanimals: What's Your Working Mom Uniform?</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/11/19/adult-garanimals-what-s-your-working-mom-uniform.aspx</link><pubDate>Fri, 20 Nov 2009 04:51:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:217671</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>11</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=217671</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/11/19/adult-garanimals-what-s-your-working-mom-uniform.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;This is a photo of me, earlier tonight,&amp;nbsp; talking to the very clever students who run the University of Tennessee&amp;#39;s digital journalism showcase, &lt;a href="http://www.TNJN.com"&gt;TNJN.com&lt;/a&gt;.&amp;nbsp; I had a great time, and appreciate having been asked to talk about what I do for a living.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;br /&gt;As you can see in the photo below, I am wearing my defacto version of adult Garanimals - black, black and then some more black. These black on black ensembles are easy to throw together without being all matchy, matchy. Or at least that&amp;#39;s what I like to tell myself.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;The adult Garanimals are a great solution for me to pull together quickly and painlessly as I rummage around each morning, attempting to get myself dressed, C dressed for the day, all the kids fed, and everyone out the door in time for school and work. The only down side I&amp;#39;ve found is that black &lt;i&gt;does&lt;/i&gt; tend to show all the dog hair and stray curry that one might encounter in a given day....&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/TNJN.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/TNJN.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;i&gt;&lt;b&gt;&amp;nbsp;So what&amp;#39;s your own working mom uniform, or do you have one?&amp;nbsp; &lt;/b&gt;&lt;b&gt;Tell me in the comments below.&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;i&gt;FOLLOW KATIE&amp;#39;S BLOGGING &lt;/i&gt;&lt;a href="http://twitter.com/kgranju" class=""&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;i&gt;ON TWITTER&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;i&gt;&amp;nbsp;OR &lt;/i&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=762800164&amp;amp;ref=profile" class=""&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;i&gt;FACEBOOK&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;i&gt;READ MORE OF &lt;/i&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/default.aspx" class=""&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;i&gt;KATIE&amp;#39;S BABBLE BLOGGING&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;i&gt;VISIT KATIE&amp;#39;S&amp;nbsp;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.mamapundit.com/" class=""&gt;&lt;i&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;PERSONAL BLOG&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=217671" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Working+Mothers/default.aspx">Working Mothers</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/University+of+Tennessee/default.aspx">University of Tennessee</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/TNJN/default.aspx">TNJN</category></item><item><title>When working moms go berserk</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/11/16/when-working-moms-go-berserk.aspx</link><pubDate>Tue, 17 Nov 2009 03:20:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:217558</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>53</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=217558</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/11/16/when-working-moms-go-berserk.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;As I have mentioned, I have been working A LOT lately. The reason I am working a lot is a good one; the area of business that I oversee for our agency is booming. That&amp;#39;s fantastic and it&amp;#39;s especially fantastic given the fact that the economy is &lt;i&gt;not &lt;/i&gt;booming. I am trying to take full advantage of the opportunities that are happening for the agency and for me right now, and that has meant a lot of hours for the past six months. &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;I have been looking for a new mother&amp;#39;s helper to handle afternoon duties (school pick up, tumbling lessons, lacrosse practice, etc) for a while - and I finally found a wonderful person (YAY!) last week. But week before last, I still had no help. So that means E had to stay in aftercare at his school several afternoons a week. And he HATES aftercare. He hates it. There is nothing specific he hates about it; it&amp;#39;s just the idea of it.Most of his friends at school have mothers who do not work, or who work part time. Almost none of them seem to work the kind of demanding hours that my job entails. So he sees them go home right at 3:30 pm when their moms arrive in a line of gleaming minivans and SUVs to pick them up. But he has to stay in aftercare when he would really rather go home, like &amp;quot;all the other kids.&amp;quot; But such is life. I explain to him often that my job means we have a house and food, but right now, he only sees that my job means....aftercare.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;So anyway, week before last, before the fabulous Anna Laura began work as my new mother&amp;#39;s helper, I had one particularly busy day where I didn&amp;#39;t manage to get to aftercare to pick E up until 5:45 pm. It was already dark outside and the school felt thoroughly deserted. I walked into the cafeteria, where the last three kids and one or two aftercare workers were hanging out, waiting for the neglectful working moms. As I walked in, I could see the look of disapproval on one of the aftercare worker&amp;#39;s faces. I tried to ignore it.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;I approached E, who was sitting at a table, and in a cheery voice that belied my tiredness, asked him to gather up his things. As he did, the aftercare worker with the disapproving mien approached me, and told me that E had been loud during the study hall period of aftercare. I turned to E, who had his things ready by now and was waiting to leave, and I asked him to apologize for his behavior. But before he said a word, the aftercare lady turned to him and said in a tone of voice CLEARLY intended to convey that what she was about to say was actually for me, and not for E, &amp;quot;That&amp;#39;s okay E.&amp;nbsp; All of us at the school understand that it&amp;#39;s REALLY, REALLY HARD to behave when you are so tired of your mother leaving you in aftercare so late.&amp;quot;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Normally, I am a patient person. I make it a habit to pick my battles. I don&amp;#39;t waste energy on ultimately meaningless tangles with people over things about which I will never change their minds. But I was tired. Very tired. I had worked my ass off all day, and my feet hurt from the heels I was wearing. I love my job, but that day hadn&amp;#39;t been one of my best. And I already felt incredibly guilty about leaving E in aftercare until 5:45 pm, when I am well aware that he hates staying there at all. And this combination of tired&amp;nbsp; + guilt meant that I snapped. I just...snapped.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;i&gt;&amp;quot;May I speak to you for a moment?&amp;quot;&lt;/i&gt; I hissed at the woman, as I motioned her out into the hall, away from E&amp;#39;s ears.&amp;nbsp; &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;I explained to her that I did not appreciate her snarky, patronizing attitude, and told her that she wasn&amp;#39;t doing E any favors by essentially excusing his misbehaviior as the result of having a working mother. I suggested that she try to be positive with the kids in her care who have working mothers in order to help them feel positive about their own family realities as well. But she just stared back at me in a way that indicated her utter disdain. She shrugged and told me she was &amp;quot;sorry&amp;quot; if I &amp;quot;misunderstood&amp;quot; what she had said. But here facial expression said she was mostly sorry that she couldn&amp;#39;t tell me what she REALLY thought of me, because she knew she could only go so far with her backhanded insult before I would take it to her higher ups.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;And that&amp;#39;s really pretty much how it ended. I turned on my heel and walked away, quickly retrieving E and hurrying him out to our car to go home. She never changed her look of derision. I felt really irritated all the way home, despite my attempts to shake it off and focus on asking E about his day. And I have to admit,&amp;nbsp; it&amp;#39;s bothered me ever since. &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp; &lt;br /&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;i&gt;FOLLOW KATIE&amp;#39;S BLOGGING &lt;/i&gt;&lt;a href="http://twitter.com/kgranju" class=""&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;i&gt;ON TWITTER&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;i&gt;&amp;nbsp;OR &lt;/i&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=762800164&amp;amp;ref=profile" class=""&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;i&gt;FACEBOOK&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;i&gt;READ MORE OF &lt;/i&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/default.aspx" class=""&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;i&gt;KATIE&amp;#39;S BABBLE BLOGGING&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;i&gt;VISIT KATIE&amp;#39;S&amp;nbsp;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.mamapundit.com/" class=""&gt;&lt;i&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;PERSONAL BLOG&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=217558" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Working+Motherhood/default.aspx">Working Motherhood</category></item><item><title>I love the "Terrible Twos"</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/10/22/what-s-the-best-age-when-raising-kids-toddler-preschooler-teenager.aspx</link><pubDate>Thu, 22 Oct 2009 13:50:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:215821</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>19</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=215821</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/10/22/what-s-the-best-age-when-raising-kids-toddler-preschooler-teenager.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;So lately, C has been an absolute joy to me. She&amp;#39;s 27 months old, talking in complete sentences - which are generally hilarious - and she&amp;#39;s increasingly engaging in real play with her toys. I love watching her &amp;quot;cook cook&amp;quot; at her play kitchen, or pretend that it&amp;#39;s time for the Breyer horses (passed down from her previously horse-crazy older sister&amp;#39;s collection) are ready to go to sleep in their big wooden barn. She has this fantastically entertaining and ongoing conversation happening with her hands lately where she says absurd things like, &amp;quot;&lt;i&gt;It&amp;#39;s okay hands! Pretty soon we&amp;#39;ll be out of this carseat and we can play!&amp;quot;&lt;/i&gt;&amp;nbsp; &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;Here is a video of C playing with her toy kitchen. Please ignore frightening animatronic monkey heads sitting on the dining room table. Suffice it to say that E went through a phase about four years ago where he was obsessed with monkeys, and we now have all these wildly expensive yet creepily lifelike electronic monkeys that we are trying to figure out what to do with.&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;

 

&lt;a href="http://hickju.com/Videos/October-09-videos/10066418_6WuY3/1/#690399176_gNuRR-A-LB"&gt;&lt;img src="http://hickju.com/Videos/October-09-videos/M4H01231/690399176_gNuRR-M.jpg" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt; 


&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;And I also love dressing her at this age, in adorable little get-ups with smocked dresses, corduroy jumpers, tights and mary janes. It&amp;#39;s truly like playing dress up with a doll, only she&amp;#39;s cuter. And yet even with all this exciting verbal, intellectual and emotional development, she&amp;#39;s still very much a baby. She has baby fat on her face and legs. She sleeps in little footed jammies, and she has sweet baby snores when she sleeps (she still sleeps with us). In some ways, this age seems pretty much perfect.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;C in the bath at 27 months.&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bathtime%20charlotte.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bathtime%20charlotte.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;But one of the great things about&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/the-parenting-do-over-the-upside-of-having-children-sixteen-years-apart/"&gt; raising four kids of four very different ages&lt;/a&gt; (mine are currently 2, 11, 14 and 18)&amp;nbsp; is knowing that &lt;i&gt;each age&lt;/i&gt; has its special charms.I know that age two will be followed by the the amazing pretend play of age 4, and the wonder of watching your child read for the first time at age 6 or 7. In late elementary school, they are sweet, yet incredibly independent and smart, informing you of amazing facts and bits of information you really didn&amp;#39;t know. Middle school allows you to begin to see them blossom into adolescents, with the first, charmingly awkward romantic advances, and that changing body that is as amazing as the changes of baby to toddler. Then there are the teenage years, where you get to have honest-to-goodness, REAL conversations with this almost adult person. Occasionally they even give you advice that&amp;#39;s so wise and smart that it knocks your socks off.&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Yep, each age has its charms...and its horrors. And those horrors are different for every child and every parent: the sleeplessness of the newborn, the constant nursing of the seven month old, the nasty diapers of toddlerhood, the complete meltdowns of preschoolers, the hassles and logistical challenges (softball practice, the costume for the school play, etc) of the elementary years, the mouthy sullenness of early adolescence, and finally the terrors - absolute terrors - that come with having a teenage child.&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;I&amp;#39;ve now lived through each and every stage, and like every parent, I have my favorite and less favorite ages. I have some friends who could barely tolerate the newborn phase, feeling that their heads (not to mention their boobs) would explode from the constant neediness. Other friends love, love, love the Class Mom, PTA President, Costume-Sewing, Lesson Shuttling phase that elementary and &amp;#39;tween years bring. Some parents I know are all about teenagers, and have houses filled with their adolescent offspring&amp;#39;s friends each weekend. I think that each parent&amp;#39;s favorite age and stage is a combination of the parent&amp;#39;s temperament, and the child&amp;#39;s. For parents who have several kids, favorite stages can be different with each child, too.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Given all this, I will now reveal my favorite stages thus far:&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;ul&gt;&lt;li&gt;&lt;b&gt;Newborn phase: &lt;/b&gt;Love it. I feel literally euphoric, and drunk on babylove. I love a newborn&amp;#39;s tint hands and feet, and how they make that little mewing sound when they nurse. I love those tiny little newborn nightties, I love bassinets and baby swings and all the accoutrements of newbornness. I love those first weeks of getting to sit around in my nightgown, enjoying the occasional prescription narcotic pain reliever (recovering from childbirth, of course), and soaking in every second of newborn deliciousness. Yep, this is a favorite time for me. (Maybe I&amp;#39;m actually a &lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/Bumpaholic-Today-Show-kids-wrong-reasons/"&gt;bumpaholic! &lt;/a&gt;Heh;-)&amp;nbsp; )&lt;br /&gt;&lt;/li&gt;&lt;/ul&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;C, one week old (so only 37 weeks gestation)&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/baby1.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/baby1.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp; &lt;br /&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;ul&gt;&lt;li&gt;&lt;b&gt;Infancy: &lt;/b&gt;I find the stage from about 6-18 months to be THE hardest stage of early childhood. During this period, each of my children have seemed kind of, well, &lt;i&gt;pissed off&lt;/i&gt;. It&amp;#39;s like, once they can sit up at about 5-6 months, they really want to be able to DO something, but they still can&amp;#39;t. And that leaves them whiny and me peevish. And they want to be carried all the time, everywhere, which is hard to do, even with a babysling or backpack (my two fave babywearing items). All of mine started walking between about 11-13 months, so not long after that, when they stopped careening into everything with the drunken stagger that comes with being a brand new walker, they seemed a lot happier. And I was too. But one year olds are still pretty tricky creatures, even after they learn to walk. They have a tendency to want to do ridiculous things like eat catfood from the bowl in the kitchen, and that gets really old. Lots of meltdown tantrums at this age, too. At least with all of mine. They were grumpy right before they learned to walk, and grumpy again right before they learned to talk. After each developmental breakthrough, however, they each cheered right up. &lt;/li&gt;&lt;/ul&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;ul&gt;&lt;li&gt;&lt;b&gt;Toddler:&amp;nbsp; &lt;/b&gt;I&amp;#39;ve already admitted to loving toddlerhood, and why (see above).&lt;/li&gt;&lt;/ul&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;ul&gt;&lt;li&gt;&lt;b&gt;Preschool:&amp;nbsp; &lt;/b&gt;Everything I love about toddlerhood, only better!&amp;nbsp; They sleep in later on weekends (yay!), no longer require diapers on outings (yay!) and they say even funnier things. But there is, for me, a bittersweet quality to the preschool age, as I know that - as my grandmother used to say about children this age, &lt;i&gt;&amp;quot;that baby will soon be all used up.&amp;quot;&lt;/i&gt; I&amp;#39;m already finding myself having some of that bittersweet sadness oflost babyhood about two year old C, because I know she&amp;#39;s almost certainly my last baby.&amp;nbsp;&lt;/li&gt;&lt;/ul&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;E - sheer joy at age 4 or 5.&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/elliotpreschopol.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/elliotpreschopol.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;ul&gt;&lt;li&gt;&lt;b&gt;Elementary years:&amp;nbsp; &lt;/b&gt;I have enjoyed the heck out of each of my three eldest kids&amp;#39; elementary school ages, except for one thing: the school part. I am just terrible at keeping up with all those school papers I am supposed to sign and diorama assignments and soccer practice start times. And school seems to get more and more complicated with each child, too. (I swear it wasn&amp;#39;t this complicated when H was a third grader.) And I&amp;#39;ve already written extensively of my &lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/04/02/Homework_2C00_-Katie-Allison-Granju.aspx"&gt;hatred, sheer HATRED for our homework system&lt;/a&gt;. However, leaving the school logistics aside, I adore kids this age. They are so open and physical; I like the sounds of bouncy children rushing around the house. I love watching them play with their toys, and the fact that they still &lt;i&gt;like&lt;/i&gt; toys (wait til you see how hard it gets to buy holiday gifts for your kids after toys no longer hold any appeal). I enjoy seeing their peer relationships start to develop in a more&amp;nbsp; independent way, and I love reading chapter books, rather than little kid books, with them each night before bed. Ten year old girls haven&amp;#39;t yet figured out that they are &amp;quot;supposed&amp;quot; to live their lives for anyone else, and their confidence blows me away. Ten year old boys haven&amp;#39;t yet figured out that they aren&amp;#39;t &amp;quot;supposed&amp;quot; to give lots of hugs and kisses to their mamas, and I love that.&amp;nbsp; Yep, the elementary age years are pretty darn great overall. &lt;/li&gt;&lt;/ul&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;H (12), J (8), E (5) - Fiat the dog - still certifiably insane six years later...&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/card%2003.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/card%2003.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;J and me, Edisto. She&amp;#39;s about 8 years old here.&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/jane1.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/jane1.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;E and me at my wedding to Jon. E was eight years old here. Still little enough to snuggle.&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/elliotbaby.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/elliotbaby.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;ul&gt;&lt;li&gt;&lt;b&gt;Middle School: &lt;/b&gt;For those of you who haven&amp;#39;t been through it yet, I don&amp;#39;t want to &lt;i&gt;freak you out or anything&lt;/i&gt;, but here&amp;#39;s the deal: middle school is just as scary as everyone says it is. (Example: that whole &lt;a href="http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2009/01/15/national/main4723161.shtml"&gt;&amp;quot;sexting&amp;quot; thing&lt;/a&gt;? It isn&amp;#39;t just some made-up ratings grab story for &lt;i&gt;Dateline&lt;/i&gt;. SEVENTH AND EIGHTH GRADERS ARE REALLY DOING THAT!!!!&amp;nbsp; AGGGGHHH! Quelle horreur!)&amp;nbsp; The best advice I can give you about parenting a middle schooler is to do whatever you can to keep your child from growing up too fast for as long as you can. Don&amp;#39;t give in to the &amp;quot;everyone else&amp;#39;s mom lets them&amp;quot; whining, because as it happens, not every 11-12 year old has a cell phone and yes, you do have a right to read your middle schooler&amp;#39;s email. . I made a lot of mistakes during middle school with H, and the biggest one was that in too many ways, I let go of too much of my absolute parental authority (and I mean authority in the truest, non-PC sense of the word) far too early, believing that I had some obligation to accommodate his need for autonomy and self expression. I was, &lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/08/29/parenting_2C00_-teenagers_2C00_-katie-allison-granju.aspx"&gt;as I&amp;#39;ve written previously&lt;/a&gt;, flat out wrong. So hang onto the reins as long as you can and as tightly as you can during middle school. Err on the side of too much authority rather than not enough. Keep a super tight control on technology use. And remember that each child is going to be different. In my own case, H made middle school quite....&lt;i&gt;challenging &lt;/i&gt;for his mama (I don&amp;#39;t think he would mind me saying that), while J, who just started ninth grade, made it easy as pie. Same family, different middle schoolers...&lt;/li&gt;&lt;/ul&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;ul&gt;&lt;li&gt;&lt;b&gt;High School:&amp;nbsp; &lt;/b&gt;H, who just turned 18 this month, also made high school....uhhhh....&lt;i&gt;challenging.(&lt;/i&gt;if by &amp;quot;challenging,&amp;quot; you mean that his mother thought she might keel over and die if the whole thing got any harder)&lt;i&gt;.&lt;/i&gt; So I am probably the wrong person to ask on this one. But H is doing some serious growing up recently; he starts a new job this week, and starts college in January. I am really proud of him. (But he owes me BIG TIME for what he&amp;#39;s put me through. I&amp;#39;m just sayin&amp;#39;....)&lt;/li&gt;&lt;/ul&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;b&gt;H and me; he&amp;#39;s a freshman in high school here.&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/gourd2.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/gourd2.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;H and me, Christmas &amp;#39;07.&lt;/b&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/henry2.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/henry2.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;H, just turned 18. &lt;/b&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/henry1.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/henry1.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;To me, as a parent, high school is scary. It just is. It&amp;#39;s far scarier than I realized when I sent H off for that first day of ninth grade. No matter how hard you try, you cannot completely protect your high schooler from bad people, choices, influences...But having gotten one child to the age of 18, I can now say that I am MUCH more confident being directive and yes, strict, with my teenagers-coming-along. Parents have to get comfortable and confident saying no, or even &lt;i&gt;HELL NO&lt;/i&gt; to things like texting after 11 pm, unfiltered internet access at home or mushroom-glorifying Grateful Dead posters on your teenager&amp;#39;s bedroom wall - anything that voilates your values as a person and a parent. It may be a cliche, but it&amp;#39;s true: your job is not to make them happy or to be their pal. It&amp;#39;s to get them safely to age 21 with a well developed character, and with your sanity intact. And I gotta tell you, that&amp;#39;s waaaaay harder than it looks. &lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;i&gt;FOLLOW KATIE&amp;#39;S BLOGGING &lt;/i&gt;&lt;a href="http://twitter.com/kgranju" class=""&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;i&gt;ON TWITTER&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;i&gt;&amp;nbsp;OR &lt;/i&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=762800164&amp;amp;ref=profile" class=""&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;i&gt;FACEBOOK&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;i&gt;READ MORE OF &lt;/i&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/default.aspx" class=""&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;i&gt;KATIE&amp;#39;S BABBLE BLOGGING&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;i&gt;VISIT KATIE&amp;#39;S&amp;nbsp;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.mamapundit.com/" class=""&gt;&lt;i&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;PERSONAL BLOG&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=215821" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category></item><item><title>"The Opt-Out Revolution" Has Become "The Please, Please Let Me Opt-Back-In Recession"</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/09/19/the-opt-back-in-recession-vs-the-opt-out-revolution.aspx</link><pubDate>Sat, 19 Sep 2009 23:22:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:213091</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>56</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=213091</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/09/19/the-opt-back-in-recession-vs-the-opt-out-revolution.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;In yesterday&amp;#39;s &lt;i&gt;New York Times&lt;/i&gt; was &lt;a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/19/business/19women.html?_r=1&amp;amp;em"&gt;a story&lt;/a&gt; about highly educated women who have been stay-at-home mothers, but who are now being forced by the recession - and specifically by their previously well-compensated husbands&amp;#39; downsizings and layoffs - to seek full time employment for the first time in many years. The story features several women who were able to find jobs in their fields (law, banking) relatively easily, even after as much as a decade away from their careers. It also features an interview with one longtime homemaker - a woman who previously had a successful legal career - who has been forced to start her climb back into the workforce with an unpaid internship at a law firm.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt; &lt;i&gt;Ouch.&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;The story&amp;#39;s tone is generally positive, tacitly assuming that most women who want to get a paying job can do so without &lt;i&gt;too&lt;/i&gt; much trouble. The piece focuses more on the hardship of having to get a job &lt;i&gt;at all&lt;/i&gt;, rather than on the more realistic hardship of being unable to get a job when one is needed, much less a well-compensated job in a super competitive field like law or finance. The story also references a much-discussed 2003 &lt;i&gt;New York Times Magazine&lt;/i&gt;, &lt;a href="http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/author/lisa-belkin/"&gt;Lisa Belkin&lt;/a&gt;-penned piece titled &lt;a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2003/10/26/magazine/26WOMEN.html?pagewanted=all"&gt;&amp;quot;The Opt-Out Revolution,&amp;quot;&lt;/a&gt; which profiled a group of women in this exact same, rarified demographic who were &amp;quot;opting out&amp;quot; of the careers for which they had trained in order to be at-home wives and mothers. (I&amp;#39;m a Lisa Belkin fan; so don&amp;#39;t take my essay questioning the wisdom of her interview subjects&amp;#39; decision to &amp;quot;opt out&amp;quot; as criticism of her or her writing.) &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;When the &amp;quot;Opt-Out Revolution&amp;quot; piece came out, I was newly divorced after almost a decade of being a mostly at-home wife and mother myself. I was 34 years old, unemployed, a mother of three, and for all intents and purposes, I was completely penniless. The divorce ate up my share of whatever modest property and savings my ex and I had managed to&amp;nbsp; accumulate by that point in our lives, and I found myself starting over with literally nothing. I didn&amp;#39;t even have a real bed - I slept on a futon on the floor for the next three three years. Family help sustained me until I was able to find a real job with benefits, which took several months, even in that very good economy.&amp;nbsp; Thank God, I had done quite a bit of home-office-based, high-profile freelance and contract work over the years, which made it possible for me to land that first job, because if my resume had been blank for the past almost-decade, I would have been in a world of hurt.&amp;nbsp; &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;After the experience of finding myself starting completely over at age 34, I had a sort of Scarlett O&amp;#39;Hara moment,in which I promised myself that I would never, ever again depend so much on anyone else to provide financial security for me. I had always been hardworking and ambitious, but I found myself with a new, very intense drive to succeed in having a career that would protect me and my kids. I was completely traumatized by that first Christmas season after my break-up, when I found myself unsure how I would both eat AND buy even the most modest of gifts for the kids during my half of the shared-with-their-dad holiday break, when they would be home full time with me. &lt;i&gt;Never again.&lt;/i&gt; I thought to myself. Never, ever again.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/scarlett2.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/scarlett2.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;And then I read that &lt;i&gt;New York Times Magazine&lt;/i&gt; piece, about all of these smart, successful, well-educated women making what I now realized to be an extremely risky choice to simply walk away from their own incomes and careers, and place their total financial futures&amp;nbsp; - including their health care access and their ability to retire with dignity one day -&amp;nbsp; into the hands of other people: their husbands. So I penned &lt;a href="http://www.mothersmovement.org/essays/KAGranju0401.htm"&gt;a response to the &amp;quot;Opt Out Revolution&amp;quot; piece&lt;/a&gt;, which appeared in a couple of online publications, offering the perspective of someone (me) who had done a version of the &amp;quot;opt-out&amp;quot; thing. In this rebuttal essay, I shared my thoughts on why women should be very, very careful about making such a weighty decision. &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;I ended my essay, titled &amp;quot;The Case Against Opting Out,&amp;quot;&amp;nbsp; with this:&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;blockquote&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;i&gt;&lt;font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"&gt;&amp;quot;As I read Belkin’s 
              article, I shook my head sadly as I applied current divorce statistics 
              --including the rise in no-fault divorce and the virtual disappearance 
              of alimony from most divorce settlements -- to her interview sample. 
              Odds are that around half of the happily fulfilled, college-educated, 
              para-homemakers she interviewed will find themselves single at some 
              point in the next decade, at which point their choice to “opt 
              out” of their formerly promising career trajectories may also 
              mean that they have “opted out” of not only the lifestyle 
              extras they seem to take for granted, but also fundamentals like 
              a house, health insurance, and retirement funds.&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;i&gt;&lt;font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"&gt;Let me be clear: despite 
              my current circumstances, I don’t regret the many personal 
              benefits my kids and I gained during the years I worked less and 
              mothered more, but the plain fact is that my choices have left me 
              at a distinct economic disadvantage at a time in my life when I 
              always assumed I’d be “all set.”. What I wish 
              I had known then and what I do know now is that the years I spent 
              primarily concentrating on being a mother and wife didn’t 
              represent anything more than one phase among many in a working life 
              that will, by today’s economic necessity, span my entire adult 
              life. &lt;/font&gt;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;i&gt;&lt;font face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"&gt;While Lisa Belkin and 
              her interview subjects may believe that they have “opted out,” 
              the reality is likely to be much less clear cut for them as their 
              children grow and many of their marriages end. Ten years from now, &lt;b&gt;
              I suspect that we may be hearing from a new group of suddenly single, 
              50 year old, college-educated women who haven’t held a paying 
              job in a decade about a new and fascinating trend: the “I-was-only-kidding-and-I-really-need-to-opt-back-in 
              Revolution.”&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;/blockquote&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;So it turns out that I was kind of right in predicting the boomerang, &amp;quot;I really need to opt back in&amp;quot; trend, only it&amp;#39;s been only six years since I made that prediction, not a decade. And as it happens, it&amp;#39;s the bad economy, rather than divorce that prompted the cultural-bellwether-that-is-the-&lt;i&gt;New-York-Times&lt;/i&gt; to revisit this topic. But divorce (or death of a spouse, too) still matters a lot to this discussion. In fact, since I wrote my essay in 2003, I&amp;#39;ve had the unhappy experience of watching several women-friends find themselves getting the seriously short-end of the financial stick following marital dissolutions. Prior to their marriages ending, they each had some pie-in-the-sky misunderstanding of how division of property and income would work in the modern divorce system. They believed that they would receive fair credit for giving up their own careers in order to put in years of hard work to be the primary caregivers to their children. They believed that in a divorce settlement, they would be provided with sufficient financial support to cover the time it would realistically take to find a good job after being at home for a long time. &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;In each case, however, these women&amp;#39;s soon-to-be-ex-husbands took the position during divorce proceedings that they&amp;nbsp; - the husbands -&amp;nbsp; had literally begged and pleaded with their wives to &amp;quot;get a job&amp;quot; during the years these women were&amp;nbsp; stay-at-home mothers to these men&amp;#39;s children. The men gave this version of the story - instead of telling the truth - which was that their wives did the messy, unpaid, unappreciated home-based work that raising a family requires so that these guys would never miss a day of work for a sick child, and so that they could have the time to build a successful business, or make partner, while still getting to enjoy being fathers (when time permitted between late nights at the office and weekend golf games.)&amp;nbsp; As a result of&amp;nbsp; their soon-to-be-exes sudden disdain for stay-at-home mothering - disdain that only arose when the divorcing men were faced with sharing the profit from the business or law firm partnership they built while their wives took care of home and hearth - several women I know not only did not receive fair compensation for their time on the job as stay at home parents, they were instead explicitly punished in the settlements for the fact that they had &amp;quot;opted out.&amp;quot;&amp;nbsp; One stay-at-home mother I know was even lectured directly by the judge in open court&amp;nbsp; for having been &amp;quot;too lazy&amp;quot; to work at a &amp;quot;real&amp;quot; job during her now-dissolving marriage.&amp;nbsp; &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;These personal, anecdotal observations of friends&amp;#39; experiences since I wrote that essay six years ago have only served to strengthen my belief that mothers need to be very careful about leaving a good career completely behind. And this new twist - women being suddenly forced back into the workplace due to the bad economy&amp;#39;s impact on their husband&amp;#39;s jobs - offers further support for my view that there is nothing revolutionary about completely &amp;quot;opting out.&amp;quot;&amp;nbsp; Instead, for many women, it&amp;#39;s simply the best of bad options, and one that won&amp;#39;t look very pretty when these women are ready to retire...on nothing.&lt;br /&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;What would be truly revolutionary would be a real Mother&amp;#39;s Movement in this country, in which meaningful grassroots organizing would actually be taken to the voting floor by the women who represent us in Congress and to the boardroom by the female executives in the companies that employ us. Together, as mothers, we should be building support for the family leave, affordable health care, and child care options that would make this entire &amp;quot;opt out&amp;quot; conversation moot. We need universal, paid family leave that allows one parent sufficient time at home to care for an infant, and we need more career-track, part-time jobs with real benefits, so that women with babies and young children don&amp;#39;t have to make a potentially life-altering choice between immediate family needs and longterm financial security. Further, we need a well-coordinated system of public and private childcare that allows the many women who &amp;quot;opt out&amp;quot; of paying work altogether following the birth of their children - simply because they can&amp;#39;t find or pay for acceptable care - to make their choices based on the bigger picture.&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Longterm, total (meaning no paid work of any kind over a period of years) stay-at-home parenting is a wonderful choice for many mothers, but women need to make that choice with a clear view of the longterm ramifications and risks. If I were going to stay home full time with a child at this point, and step completely out of my paying job for any period of time beyond a year or two, I would ask my partner to sign a legally binding agreement that would specifically lay out how my work at home would be valued in a divorce settlement, should the worst happen. Maybe that sounds crazy to some of you, but I suggest that you take a look at the statistics. Is it crazy to have car insurance, even though you are far more likely to end up divorced that you are to end up involved in a serious auto accident? I don&amp;#39;t think so.&amp;nbsp; &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Have you opted out? Or subsequently opted back in? Have you been forced to start completely over folllowing death or divorce? &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;Talk about the whole &amp;quot;Opt Out&amp;quot; controversy in the comments below. &lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;i&gt;FOLLOW KATIE&amp;#39;S BLOGGING &lt;/i&gt;&lt;a href="http://twitter.com/kgranju" class=""&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;i&gt;ON TWITTER&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;i&gt;&amp;nbsp;OR &lt;/i&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=762800164&amp;amp;ref=profile" class=""&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;i&gt;FACEBOOK&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;i&gt;READ MORE OF &lt;/i&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/default.aspx" class=""&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;i&gt;KATIE&amp;#39;S BABBLE BLOGGING&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;i&gt;VISIT KATIE&amp;#39;S&amp;nbsp;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.mamapundit.com/" class=""&gt;&lt;i&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;PERSONAL BLOG&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=213091" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Opting+Out/default.aspx">Opting Out</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/LIsa+Belkin/default.aspx">LIsa Belkin</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Opt-Out/default.aspx">Opt-Out</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/New+York+Times/default.aspx">New York Times</category></item><item><title>My run-in with the naked baby police</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/04/29/my-run-in-with-the-naked-baby-police.aspx</link><pubDate>Wed, 29 Apr 2009 12:04:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:200201</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>65</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=200201</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/04/29/my-run-in-with-the-naked-baby-police.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;The other day, my sister left my one-year-old niece NC with me for a few hours to play with C, who is only a few weeks older. The&amp;nbsp;baby cousins&amp;nbsp;&lt;a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/70781210@N00/sets/72157602169219119/" class=""&gt;are best pals&lt;/a&gt;, and were very excited to have some playtime together, which had been hard to come by the previous week, since NC had the flu (not the Swine Flu, but a bad diagnosed case of Influenza B.)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;As it was a warm afternoon, I set up the baby pool in the front yard, stripped the girls down, slathered them with sunscreen, and proceeded to sit on the porch, watching the naked babies play in our small, fenced front yard. They had a blast, jumping in and out of the little pool, splashing each other, and running around the yard together. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/ncc.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/ncc.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;Our street gets lots of car traffic, and quite a bit of foot traffic. Most people who walked by while the nekkid babies were frolicking smiled and waved at us, or commented as they passed by on how cute the girls were. But then, the Naked Baby Police arrived, this time in the form of a very sour-looking older lady who must live nearby, because I see her out walking in the neighborhood quite often.&amp;nbsp;She took one look at the girls playing in the pool &lt;i&gt;sans culottes&lt;/i&gt; and stopped dead in her tracks just outside our front gate. Then she held forth in my direction, loudly and angrily.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;i&gt;You need to put some clothes on those children!&lt;/i&gt; &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I took a deep breath, and responded as politely as I could, explaining that they are not &amp;quot;children,&amp;quot; but BABIES who aren&amp;#39;t even two years old yet, and that I think it&amp;#39;s fine for babies to be naked sometimes. She was not deterred, responding with righteous indignation.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;i&gt;But what about the &lt;b&gt;perverts&lt;/b&gt;?!&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;i&gt;&lt;/i&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Ummmm...I didn&amp;#39;t really&amp;nbsp;have any interest in responding to that, given the fact that I don&amp;#39;t actually know this woman. I really felt&amp;nbsp;no need to engage in a debate on my parenting, or about &amp;quot;perverts&amp;quot; with her as she stood out on the sidewalk. So I again tried to be polite, reaffirming that I was comfortable with letting the girls play naked. Obviously completely dissatisfied by my answer, she harumphed loudly before quickly walking away, shaking her head in obvious disgust at me.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;This is not the first run-in I&amp;#39;ve had with the Naked Baby Police. With all four of my children, I&amp;#39;ve allowed them to get naked out in the yard when they were babies and toddlers. That&amp;#39;s actually how E finally ditched diapers; he spent most of the summer after he turned two running around without pants in our yard - with me nearby, of course - taking great delight in &amp;quot;watering&amp;quot; the bushes and flowers. But I&amp;#39;ve definitely encountered disapproval of my naked babies from time to time&amp;nbsp;from various neighbors and friends and passersby. Mostly, I just ignore it, knowing it&amp;#39;s much ado about nothing. However, I have one friend who actually had the police called on her by a nosy &lt;a href="http://www.harpiesbizarre.com/gladysreactions.htm" class=""&gt;Gladys Kravitz&lt;/a&gt; as&amp;nbsp;my friend&amp;nbsp;oversaw her twin toddler boys playing naked&amp;nbsp;in their baby pool. And the police&amp;nbsp;came! &amp;nbsp;I&amp;#39;ve also heard stories of parents being harassed by child welfare authorities after taking naked baby photos to a lab for printing.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I truly don&amp;#39;t get this cultural hang-up about letting little children be naked sometimes. When I worked as an au pair for a prosperous French family one summer, they happily let their four-year-old daughter play naked on the beach, as did all their friends. She did own a swimsuit, but it consisted of only a bikini bottom. No top. The idea that there was anything potentially sexual about this never occurred to these parents.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But what about the &amp;quot;perverts?&amp;quot; Should I worry about this when deciding whether to let C play with the garden hose with no clothes on? I don&amp;#39;t think so. Just because a few very sick people see children as sexual objects doesn&amp;#39;t mean I am going to treat my own child like she actually i&lt;i&gt;s&lt;/i&gt; a sexual object - which she most certainly is not - &amp;nbsp;by refusing to let her be naked, ever.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So yeah, I am pro-naked-baby. Early childhood is a brief and innocent time of life, and I love seeing my children enjoy it. But I do have a few friends who seem really uncomfortable with this, even declining to have any photos of their young children in the nude for their own family photo albums. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;How about you?&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;div&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;i&gt;SUBSCRIBE &lt;/i&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rss.aspx" class=""&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;i&gt;TO THIS BLOG&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;i&gt; &lt;/i&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;&lt;b&gt;&lt;i&gt;VISIT KATIE&amp;#39;S&amp;nbsp;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.mamapundit.com/" class=""&gt;&lt;i&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;PERSONAL BLOG&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/i&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;div id="refHTML"&gt;&lt;/div&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=200201" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category></item><item><title>Middle-schooler meets frog on trampoline; hilarity ensues</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/04/14/middle-schooler-meets-frog-on-trampoline-hilarity-ensues.aspx</link><pubDate>Tue, 14 Apr 2009 14:32:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:195660</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>5</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=195660</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/04/14/middle-schooler-meets-frog-on-trampoline-hilarity-ensues.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;I just have to share this one.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;J found a frog over at her Dad&amp;#39;s house. She invited the frog - whom she named &amp;quot;Gilbert&amp;quot; - to join her on the trampoline. Then things went awry.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;
&lt;object height="344" width="425"&gt;&lt;param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/3CGuSOqtqZ0&amp;amp;hl=en&amp;amp;fs=1"&gt;&lt;param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"&gt;&lt;param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"&gt;
&lt;embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/3CGuSOqtqZ0&amp;amp;hl=en&amp;amp;fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="344"&gt;&lt;/embed&gt;&lt;/object&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;SUBSCRIBE &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rss.aspx"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;TO THIS BLOG&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;VISIT KATIE&amp;#39;S&amp;nbsp;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.mamapundit.com/"&gt;&lt;em&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;PERSONAL BLOG&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=195660" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Video/default.aspx">Video</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Funny/default.aspx">Funny</category></item><item><title>My big, fat life</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/03/31/my-big-fat-life.aspx</link><pubDate>Tue, 31 Mar 2009 17:24:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:191435</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>8</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=191435</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/03/31/my-big-fat-life.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;Lately, most of my posts have been focused on one topic, but today&amp;#39;s will more closely mirror how our lives have looked during the past month: crazy busy with&amp;nbsp;multiple things spinning in different directions. Lots going on as the school year winds down, and I prepare for &lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/03/23/katie-allison-granju_2C00_-social-media.aspx"&gt;my big job switch...&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And about that job switch, I am so excited! Since last year, I have been working as a project manager with one of America&amp;#39;s great newspaper companies. When I took the job, the focus was supposed to be on nurturing and growing&amp;nbsp;innovative new media ideas from within the company. That would have been a great fit for me. But as it turns out - and perhaps you&amp;#39;ve heard? - the economy is tanking, and newspaper companies are under financial siege. So the groovy innovation project that I was hired to help run was closed down less than two months after I started the job. At that point, I was actually really afraid I was going to be laid off, as so many of my friends in media have been in the past year, but instead my fantastic boss found another PM&amp;nbsp;position for me within the company - however, it was one that was much more technical in nature. I&amp;#39;ve enjoyed the job, and especially the people, but to be totally honest, it wasn&amp;#39;t the very best fit for my skills or energies. However, I assumed I would continue in the position until the economy improved and other positions opened up within the company. I felt seriously grateful to have a job at all.&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But&amp;nbsp;here I am,&amp;nbsp; getting ready to start (Monday) a job that I really believe was tailor made for me. It&amp;#39;s wonderful. And the folks at my&amp;nbsp;soon-to-be old company&amp;nbsp;have just been unbelievably nice and supportive about my new opportunity. I&amp;#39;m going to miss all of them, and I&amp;#39;ve learned a lot. But yeah, very excited about the job change. (And my kids think it&amp;#39;s very cool that mama&amp;#39;s new job will actually involve being on Facebook.) It&amp;#39;s been a long, hard winter for me, starting with &lt;a class="" href="http://www.findagrave.com/cgi-bin/fg.cgi?page=gr&amp;amp;GRid=29680435"&gt;my father&amp;#39;s unexpected&amp;nbsp;death&lt;/a&gt; in September, followed by two miscarriages -&amp;nbsp;and &lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/02/11/you-can-t-always-get-what-you-want.aspx"&gt;the growing realization&lt;/a&gt; that there probably won&amp;#39;t be another baby for us -&amp;nbsp;so to have something to be excited about just as the spring sunshine returns feels like a rebirth. I&amp;#39;m full of ideas and brimming with energy. I can&amp;#39;t wait to get to work! And this is the great&amp;nbsp;part about being a working mother. Yes, there are things about having a job-plus-children that are hard and difficult to juggle, but when I am able to communicate the joy of doing good, productive,&amp;nbsp;challenging work that I enjoy to my children, well, that&amp;#39;s really satisfying, you know? I feel like that&amp;#39;s valuable to them, in forming their own work ethic(s) and worldview.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;In addition to winding down my old job and getting ready to start the new one, we&amp;#39;ve been dealing with a slew of illnesses at our house. Jon has had &lt;a class="" href="http://mamapundit.com/2009/03/i-wasnt-trying-to-kill-him-i-swear/"&gt;some sort of horrible allergic reaction&lt;/a&gt; to a medication he was prescribed, and he&amp;#39;s been sick and in agony for the past two weeks, seeing doctor after doctor. His allergist thinks she finally has the problem nailed down, and we&amp;#39;re all grateful, because he&amp;#39;s had a terrible time of it, and I&amp;#39;ve been mostly single parenting while he&amp;#39;s been totally out of commission. E currently has a nasty virus, and C had her second ear infection this week. Even the dog was throwing up for a day or two (that&amp;#39;s what happens when you eat a tube of Desitin and half a shoe...). I am hopeful that everyone will be 100% well by the end of the week.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;In other news, &lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/03/09/my-daughter-the-cheerleader.aspx"&gt;J didn&amp;#39;t make the varsity cheerleading squad&lt;/a&gt;. But I was incredibly proud of her efforts, and she plans to shoot for the JV team later in the summer. Considering that she had only been doing this a short time, while some other girls had been doing it for years, I guess it&amp;#39;s not too surprising that she didn&amp;#39;t get a spot this time. But Little Miss Glass-Half-Full never skipped a beat. She was on to getting ready for the school musical, in which she has the lead (on Thursday!). &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I have been doing my level best to start whittling off the 20lbs of post baby fat (can I still blame it on the baby now that she is 20 months old?)&amp;nbsp; I am still carrying. I have been running or walking whenever I can find time, and I am trying out some yoga classes at&amp;nbsp;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.glowingbody.net/"&gt;this studio&lt;/a&gt; that recently opened right near our house (just being in there makes me feel hipper AND thinner. Sadly, it is attached to &lt;a class="" href="http://www.magpiescakes.com/"&gt;the world&amp;#39;s best cupcake shop&lt;/a&gt;, so I have to battle the urge to top off some power yoga with some carrot cake.)&amp;nbsp;I hate spending money on exercise, but I have got to figure out some way to drop this weight. I have to go buy some new clothes for my new job this weekend (more money I hate spending, but absolutely must) and it bothers me that I will be buying things a size larger than I hope I will be in six months. Oh well. Such is life.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;And what else...hmmm...well, lacrosse is starting up for E, and Jon is still studying for the CPA exam, and our kitchen sink keeps backing up, and our neighbor called the dog police because Leo won&amp;#39;t quit barking, and &lt;a class="" href="http://mamapundit.com/2009/02/my-new-neighbors-the-crackheads/"&gt;the sketchy neighbors&lt;/a&gt; are still being sketchy,&amp;nbsp;and &lt;a class="" href="http://www.thisbumpyjourney.wordpress.com/"&gt;my new baby cousin&lt;/a&gt; arrived, and &lt;a class="" href="http://www.newsweek.com/"&gt;Newsweek&lt;/a&gt; needs a second draft of an essay I wrote for them, &amp;nbsp;and, and, and...&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So that&amp;#39;s some of what has been going on around Casa Hickju lately. It&amp;#39;s a lot, but most of the time, I wouldn&amp;#39;t have it any other way. Given the choice, I always go for Big Life as opposed to small life. And I&amp;#39;ve surely&amp;nbsp;got one, warts and all.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;SUBSCRIBE &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rss.aspx"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;TO THIS BLOG&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;READ MORE OF &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/default.aspx"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;em&gt;KATIE&amp;#39;S BABBLE BLOGGING&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=191435" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category></item><item><title>There but by the grace of God, go I</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/03/27/there-but-by-the-grace-of-god-go-i.aspx</link><pubDate>Fri, 27 Mar 2009 16:20:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:190223</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>8</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=190223</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/03/27/there-but-by-the-grace-of-god-go-i.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;A month or two ago, my one-year-old was asleep on our bed, when I&amp;nbsp; - listening in the other room via baby monitor - heard a loud and definitive thump: baby head hits hardwood. I shrieked, and ran back to our bedroom, where C was sprawled on&amp;nbsp;the floor. I scooped her up and put her back on the bed. She never even woke up, and she was fine. But I know the outcome could have been very different (I am thinking of Natasha Richardson here). And if she had been hurt, or God forbid, killed, I never would have forgiven myself for my negligence.&amp;nbsp;Because if I had been following all the parenting rules as carefully as I should have been, C shouldn&amp;#39;t ever take a nap unattended on our bed. She should always be in a newer-model crib, with little bedding - asleep on her back.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/sleepyhead.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/sleepyhead.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Before I had children - and even in my first few years of parenting - I was a lot more judgmental than I am today. If I had heard a story about a mother whose toddler was badly injured because the mother left her sleeping in an adult bed, I might have even suggested criminal prosecution of that parent. In fact, about fifteen years ago, when a local family lost their toddler after the father forgot him all day&amp;nbsp;in the backseat of the family SUV&amp;nbsp;in summer weather, I was in agreement with the DA that the grieving, heartbroken father should be prosecuted. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt;&amp;quot;I would never, ever do that&lt;/em&gt;,&amp;quot; I remember thinking. &amp;quot;&lt;em&gt;How could any good parent do that?&amp;quot;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But four children and a whole lotta&amp;nbsp;parenting&amp;nbsp;later, I understand quite clearly how a good parent &amp;quot;could do that.&amp;quot;&amp;nbsp; After making my own mistakes over and over and over, and seeing many other friends&amp;nbsp;and family members stumble their way through&amp;nbsp;attempting to raise&amp;nbsp;vulnerable young human beings safely into adulthood, I&amp;nbsp;generally&amp;nbsp;think something very different when I hear about a parent losing a beloved child to something that in a perfect world, should have been prevented.&amp;nbsp;Now, instead of, &lt;em&gt;&amp;quot;how could he/she do that?&amp;quot;&lt;/em&gt; I think, &lt;em&gt;&amp;quot;There but by the grace of God, go I.&amp;quot;&lt;/em&gt;&amp;nbsp; &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Sure, I take precautions. We childproof and safety-latch and double-check. We warn and educate and oversee and guide and lecture. But over the years, that didn&amp;#39;t prevent the time E filled his mouth with Dow Scrubbing Bubbles, which he found in our kitchen cabinet. It didn&amp;#39;t prevent J from falling off the top bunk. It didn&amp;#39;t keep me from actually &lt;em&gt;forgetting&lt;/em&gt; to pick my baby up from childcare after work&amp;nbsp;one day last year (luckily, she is cared for by her grandmother, so it was all good. But yes, I forgot her until my husband called to ask why I hadn&amp;#39;t arrived to pick C up from his mother.) &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Bad things can&amp;nbsp;happen to good parents. Mothers and fathers back over their&amp;nbsp;preschoolers in the driveway. They fail to stop that headfirst dive that results in a paralyzed middle schooler. They raise teenagers who become addicted to drugs. Their college student contracts AIDS despite the parental safe-sex discussions. And yes, sometimes loving, caring, attentive parents leave their young children in the hot car all day, &lt;a class="" href="http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/02/27/AR2009022701549.html"&gt;forgetting them, and condemning them to a terrible death.&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt;There but by the grace of God, go I.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And you.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;SUBSCRIBE &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rss.aspx"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;TO THIS BLOG&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;FOLLOW KATIE&amp;#39;S BLOGGING &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://twitter.com/kgranju"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;em&gt;ON TWITTER&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt;&amp;nbsp;OR &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=762800164&amp;amp;ref=profile"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;em&gt;FACEBOOK&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;READ MORE OF &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/default.aspx"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;em&gt;KATIE&amp;#39;S BABBLE BLOGGING&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=190223" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Parenting/default.aspx">Parenting</category></item><item><title>Blogging through divorce</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/03/25/blogging-through-divorce.aspx</link><pubDate>Wed, 25 Mar 2009 13:30:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:189309</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>18</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=189309</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/03/25/blogging-through-divorce.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;Apparently, the next edition of BlogHer&amp;#39;s Backtalk series will be addressing the idea of &lt;a class="" href="http://www.blogher.com/coming-backtalk-and-call-submissions-1"&gt;blogging about divorce.&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I, myself blogged all the way through my own divorce, my dating life after divorce (Which&amp;nbsp;resulted in some of my very best friends. One of my post-divorce exes is even&amp;nbsp;C&amp;#39;s godfather!)&amp;nbsp;, and I have obviously&amp;nbsp;blogged a lot&amp;nbsp;about the &lt;a class="" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/70781210@N00/sets/72157594269121161/"&gt;joy of my remarriage&lt;/a&gt; and our blended family. I started my personal blog before my divorce, so it was&amp;nbsp;natural that I would&amp;nbsp;keep writing as life handed me these new twists and turns.&amp;nbsp;But more and more as time has passed, I&amp;#39;ve moved away from being&amp;nbsp;specific at all about the issues that have come with the end of my marriage, or the relationship I have with my eldest children&amp;#39;s dad. Why? Because my children are now older, and I like having them read my blog, and they don&amp;#39;t need to&amp;nbsp;see the specifics of this stuff out there for public consumption. I&amp;#39;ve pulled back considerably with each passing year in what I share on my blog about this particular topic.&amp;nbsp; I&amp;nbsp;have learned -sometimes the hard way - that&amp;nbsp;specific blog&amp;nbsp;venting never helps with the challenges &lt;em&gt;(understatement&lt;/em&gt;) that come with co-parenting after divorce. I assure you that I could spill a bloggity soap opera on a nearly daily basis about this stuff, but that would feel really wrong to me. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So nowadays (and for several years now, actually), I keep 99.99% of the details of the co-parenting&amp;nbsp;part of my life completely private, except for discussions with the people closest to me. And in hindsight, I regret some of what I &lt;em&gt;did&lt;/em&gt; write during that first, painful period. I sometimes screwed up, I&amp;nbsp;freely&amp;nbsp;admit. But&amp;nbsp;I have learned from my mistakes in this regard. &lt;a class="" href="http://astore.amazon.com/mampun-20"&gt;As a writer&lt;/a&gt;, I wanted to get words on the page about the transformative experience I was going through. That&amp;#39;s what writers do. It&amp;#39;s almost a compulsion. And I also believe that each person has a&amp;nbsp;right to tell her own story in her own way.&amp;nbsp;But I&amp;#39;ve realized that for me,&amp;nbsp;I should have waited until the emotion was less raw. I should have waited to process. And that would be my advice to anyone else considering what to write or not write on her blog&amp;nbsp;about the end of a relationship with someone with whom you share children. Today, my life isn&amp;#39;t about the fact that I once had a divorce. It&amp;#39;s about the family I have now -which includes Jon and four children - so that&amp;#39;s what I like to blog about. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2008/10/06/i-m-just-their-mom-period.aspx%22%3E"&gt;&amp;#39;&amp;gt;As I&amp;#39;ve mentioned before&lt;/a&gt;, I continue to be shocked by the proliferation of what I refer to as &amp;quot;the very angry stepmother blogs&amp;quot; that are springing up all over the parenting blogosphere. These women - the second wives of men who have children - are really, really pissed off at their husbands&amp;#39; first wives - and often, at the children. And they like talking about it. A lot. In fact, it seems like all they want to talk about on their blogs. Surely these women have more going on in their lives than feeling mad and resentful toward their stepkids&amp;#39; mothers? A lot of these blogs are allegedly &amp;quot;anonymous,&amp;quot; meaning the women use pseudonyms for themselves and other people, but I still think that directing that kind of specific public vitriol toward the mother of your stepchildren - or even your stepchildren (by the way, have I ever mentioned how much I hate the &amp;quot;step&amp;quot; label? There has to be a better way to name these family relationships...) - is just bad karma.&amp;nbsp; Bad energy. And I think the odds that family members will eventually find these Very Angry Blogs, and be hurt by them, are just too great. Save that kind of specific and negative venting for one-on-one discussions with friends and therapists. Or join a support group.&amp;nbsp; Don&amp;#39;t become a blogging harpie.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But&amp;nbsp;anyway, I do look forward to hearing and watching the discussion unfold over at BackTalk.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;&amp;nbsp;Note from Katie: Please be gentle with me in your comments. This is a very, very sensitive topic for me, and I feel nervous about having said even this much about it. And I did say right up front that I MADE MISTAKES. So, anyway, please just&amp;nbsp;be nice :-)&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;SUBSCRIBE &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rss.aspx"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;TO THIS BLOG&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;FOLLOW KATIE&amp;#39;S BLOGGING &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://twitter.com/kgranju"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;em&gt;ON TWITTER&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt;&amp;nbsp;OR &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=762800164&amp;amp;ref=profile"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;em&gt;FACEBOOK&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;READ MORE OF &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/default.aspx"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;em&gt;KATIE&amp;#39;S BABBLE BLOGGING&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=189309" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Divorce/default.aspx">Divorce</category></item><item><title>What makes a good sibling relationship?</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/03/12/what-makes-a-good-sibling-relationship.aspx</link><pubDate>Thu, 12 Mar 2009 16:42:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:185189</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>25</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=185189</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/03/12/what-makes-a-good-sibling-relationship.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;In the past few years, I&amp;#39;ve been thinking a lot about what factors matter in determining whether siblings are close, or not close. My sister and brother and I (as well as a couple of cousins who are pretty much like brothers to us) are all super close. That doesn&amp;#39;t mean that we never fought while we were growing up - we certainly did (I am remembering one time when I literally tore a sweater off my sister&amp;#39;s back &lt;em&gt;while she was wearing it&lt;/em&gt; - at school!) - but we always had an underlying bond that was tangibly special. And today, we just like and enjoy each other. We&amp;#39;re best friends. Sure, we bicker sometimes, but we have each others&amp;#39; backs, always. Nobody messes with one of us without the others stepping up. We&amp;#39;re a team. A clan.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;How did that happen? After all,&amp;nbsp;I have many adult friends who barely tolerate their siblings, much less actually &lt;em&gt;like&lt;/em&gt; them. Well, just as with much of the rest of&amp;nbsp;how children turn out as adults, there are certainly mysterious and inexplicable factors at play in how sibling relationships eventually shape up. However, I&amp;#39;ve observed some general trends among the families I see where the kids seem to have a close bond, even when they are arguing or fighting with each other, and in which the siblings grow up to have close relationships. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The&amp;nbsp;primary thing that I think helps build good sibling relationships is a sort of unspoken, baseline expectation within the family that siblings will indeed be friends. I see some families where the parents are constantly making remarks about sibling rivalry and jealousy, etc, and&amp;nbsp;in which&amp;nbsp;mom and dad almost seem to fan the flames of potential sibling &amp;quot;issues,&amp;quot; starting in early childhood. But in other families, there&amp;#39;s a &amp;quot;we stick together&amp;quot; mentality that encourages children to view their sibs as their closest allies in a very fundamental way. It&amp;#39;s this latter expectation with which I grew up. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/sibs4.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/sibs4.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I also think that creating a lifestyle where the kids are forced to actually spend unscheduled, even &lt;em&gt;boring&lt;/em&gt;&amp;nbsp;time together breeds closeness. If each child is treated as a completely&amp;nbsp;discrete unit of the family, and has activities and lessons and classes, etc mapped out specifically for him or her, I think the child is probably less likely to feel like a member of a group. Obviously, each child needs to be treated as an individual, and just because one of your kids likes lacrosse doesn&amp;#39;t mean that the other should be forced to play. But I also think it&amp;#39;s good to send your kids out to the backyard to play in the mud -&amp;nbsp;together -&amp;nbsp;on a regular basis, even if one of them is whining about the idea.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/sibs2.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/sibs2.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;My next thought on building close sibling ties is likely to be the most controversial. I hear a lot of people say that older siblings should not be asked to care for younger ones. Well, I totally disagree. I started asking H to keep an eye on baby sister J when he was only 6 or 7 years old, and she was a toddler. If I had to walk out to get the mail for a minute, or mop in another room, I&amp;#39;d tell him to &amp;quot;watch sis.&amp;quot; And I&amp;#39;ve done that with each of them. I think it gives kids a sense of protectiveness and &amp;quot;ownership&amp;quot; of their younger siblings that will linger into adulthood.&amp;nbsp;I have also found that, with the really big age difference between my children (they are currently 17, 13, 11 and 1), asking them to help with their youngest sibling has really encouraged them to bond with her. While 17 year old H was slower to warm to a new baby in the house, lately he&amp;#39;s been reading to her and tossing her in the air. And she adores him. J and E are all kinds of help with their one-year-old sister. They feed her, bathe her, dress her, help get her to sleep...I&amp;#39;ve never asked them to change her, though ;-)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/sib5.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/sib5.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/sibs3.jpg"&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I have no idea how my children&amp;#39;s relationships with each other (and their cousins, to whom they are also very close)&amp;nbsp;will eventually turn out. A lot of it is beyond my control, obviously. But my own siblings and I have really tried hard to impart to them how important it is to us that they value and honor those bonds.&amp;nbsp;That attitude is&amp;nbsp;definitely a deeply rooted part of our family culture. It will be interesting to me to see how it plays out in this generation. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But&amp;nbsp;this is how it played out this morning around our house, as E allowed C to share some of his sugary, disgusting cereal, which he got as a special treat... (And yes, I know Mom. He really, REALLy needs a haircut!)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So how about you? Close to your siblings? Why or why not? And what factors do you think help determine whether kids grow up to be close? How important is it to you as a parent that your children have a close bond? Comment below.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;SUBSCRIBE &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rss.aspx"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;TO THIS BLOG&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;FOLLOW KATIE&amp;#39;S BLOGGING &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://twitter.com/kgranju"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;em&gt;ON TWITTER&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt;&amp;nbsp;OR &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=762800164&amp;amp;ref=profile"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;em&gt;FACEBOOK&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;READ MORE OF &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/default.aspx"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;em&gt;KATIE&amp;#39;S BABBLE BLOGGING&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=185189" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Parenting/default.aspx">Parenting</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Siblings/default.aspx">Siblings</category></item><item><title>A better kind of coming out party</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/03/02/a-better-kind-of-coming-out-party.aspx</link><pubDate>Mon, 02 Mar 2009 12:02:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:181088</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>4</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=181088</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/03/02/a-better-kind-of-coming-out-party.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;People of every generation have a tendency to think that the &amp;quot;kids today&amp;quot; are worse in various ways&amp;nbsp;than the kids of&amp;nbsp; their own childhoods. But the kids growing up today are a lot more tolerant and open minded than kids even 25 years ago, and that&amp;#39;s&amp;nbsp;a good thing. Tonight I had an amusing example of that.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;We&amp;nbsp;were driving past the local country club (still 99% white), and I suddenly recalled a debutante party I attended there when I was about 20 years old. Yes, when I was around that age, I had&amp;nbsp;several friends who had &amp;quot;coming out&amp;quot; parties and dances, and I was a guest at&amp;nbsp;some of them. As I was remembering that, it suddenly occurred to me that I never hear about debutante events or parties anymore, even though I have two teenage children growing up in the same southern,&amp;nbsp;private school milieu in which I grew up.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So I turned to my 8th grade daughter who was in the car with me and asked, &amp;quot;J, do teenage girls still have debutante parties anymore?&amp;quot;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;J to me: &amp;quot;What&amp;#39;s that?&amp;quot;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;Me: &amp;quot;You know, like, a coming out party.&amp;quot;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;J to me: &amp;quot;You mean like a party to celebrate a girl telling her family she&amp;#39;s gay?&amp;quot;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Ha! What an awesome change that, only 20 years after I last attended a debutante party, &lt;em&gt;that&amp;#39;s&lt;/em&gt; the first thing&amp;nbsp;my own&amp;nbsp;teenage girl&amp;nbsp;thinks about when she hears &amp;quot;coming out party,&amp;quot; instead of imagining an ancient ritual in which nominally virginal teenage girls are offered up as marriage material to groups of &amp;quot;suitable&amp;quot; young men.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And what a great&amp;nbsp;idea for a party!&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;SUBSCRIBE &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rss.aspx"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;TO THIS BLOG&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;VISIT KATIE&amp;#39;S &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.mamapundit.com/"&gt;&lt;em&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;OTHER BLOG&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=181088" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Parenting/default.aspx">Parenting</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/GLBT/default.aspx">GLBT</category></item><item><title>Getting old, sans kids</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/02/09/childfree-living-the-pros-and-cons.aspx</link><pubDate>Mon, 09 Feb 2009 14:45:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:172870</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>38</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=172870</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/02/09/childfree-living-the-pros-and-cons.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;NOTE FROM KATIE: Many of the comments&amp;nbsp;below this post have let me know that I unintentionally gave offense with my words. Please accept my apology. &lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;div class="CommentText"&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;I am so very sorry if I offended. It wasn&amp;#39;t my intent. I simply had an interesting conversation the other day with someone who was childless by choice who now regrets not having kids. I am certain there are plenty of childless by choice people who never, ever regret their decision, but this particular conversation simply got me to thinking about the issue of elderly folks who do not have kids to help them. &lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;Of course&lt;/em&gt; you shouldn&amp;#39;t have kids just so you won&amp;#39;t be alone in old age. But yes, I do hope and expect that my children will care for me should I ever become unable to care for myself. To me, that&amp;#39;s part of being a family. I will always be there to care for them, should one of them ever become unable in adulthood to care for him or herself. And anything could happen. We can never be 100% certain of what the future will hold. Heck, I married someone 12 years younger than I am; and I would be odd, I think, if I didn&amp;#39;t consider the fact that we very likely won&amp;#39;t spend our old age together, because I&amp;#39;ll be gone first. &lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;As I said in my post, family comes in many shapes and sizes. So does community.&amp;nbsp;The main point I wanted to make was that we&amp;nbsp;need to focus on building communities of caring around the elderly, whether they are kin to us or not.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Again, I am so sorry if I offended anyone. I hope you will accept my mea culpa.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&amp;nbsp;-Katie&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;______________________________________________________________________________________________&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;/div&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Recently, I had a conversation with an elderly man - a shut-in - who lost his wife not long ago. He told me about how much he missed her, and about the wonderful, childfree life they had enjoyed when they were younger. They had traveled, and collected art, and had never regretted their decision to forego having kids. Never, that is, until they began experiencing the illnesses and injuries that generally come with growing old. As it turned out, his beloved wife ended up spending her final years bedridden, and he suffers from several serious ailments as well. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Today he is very much alone. His parents and siblings are gone, and most of his friends are dead or being cared for by family members themselves. He does receive occasional visits from members of the church to which he and his wife belonged, but mostly he spends his days watching television and - as he explained to me - second-guessing his decision not to become a parent. He said that he and his wife hadn&amp;#39;t wanted to take on the responsibility of children; they were having too much fun. But when they became older, and needed help themselves, there was no one around to take on the responsibility for them. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I have always very much admired people who know themselves well enough, and who are honest enough to&amp;nbsp;decide that &lt;a class="" href="http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/02/04/biological.clock.broken/index.html"&gt;becoming a parent isn&amp;#39;t for them. &lt;/a&gt;&amp;nbsp;In a world that seems to &lt;a class="" href="http://www.celebritybabyscoop.com/"&gt;excessively glorify&lt;/a&gt; baby-having, it takes a lot of gumption to decide to buck the trend and remain childless. Some of my childfree friends know they simply don&amp;#39;t have what it takes to do &amp;quot;the hardest job in the world,&amp;quot; &amp;nbsp;while others would likely be excellent parents, but simply enjoy their adult-centered lives too much to bring children into it. Heck, as much as&amp;nbsp;I adore my children, I will admit to occasional moments of wondering what it would be like to live a life free of the kind of ultimate responsibility that comes with parenthood. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But I wonder, who will care for my childless friends when they grow old? In recent years, my own grandparents have reached the stage where they can no longer care for themselves, and it is their adult children and grandchildren who have stepped up to the very daunting and demanding&amp;nbsp; task of providing that care. My 92 year old grandmother is completely bedridden, but she is able to stay in her own home because her children pay for, organize, and oversee the care she needs. She is not lonely because her children, grandchildren and great grandchildren consider it their &lt;em&gt;responsibility&lt;/em&gt; to spend time with her every day. She cared for us; now we are caring for her. I shudder to think what would happen to her if she didn&amp;#39;t have family. It would be a nightmare situation because she is 100% helpless at this point, as helpless as the babies she diapered and fed and watched over at another stage in her life.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Certainly, other friends and family members can care for the elderly. &amp;quot;Family&amp;quot; doesn&amp;#39;t have to mean biological children, and community-building is important for all of us, whether we are parents or not. Really, we&amp;nbsp;should &lt;em&gt;all&lt;/em&gt;&amp;nbsp;consider it our responsibility to care for the helpless among us, whether or not we are actually&amp;nbsp;kin to them. But he reality is this: when the hardest, messiest and most exhausting&amp;nbsp;parts of caring for an old person arise, who is most likely to be willing to step up to those tasks? Throughout human history, the answer has always been one&amp;#39;s own offspring. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Certainly, no one should have children just so she will have someone to care for her when she gets old. But for the young, healthy, and voluntarily childless among us, my elderly friend reminded me last week that it&amp;#39;s an issue&amp;nbsp;worth considering.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;SUBSCRIBE &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rss.aspx"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;TO THIS BLOG&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;VISIT KATIE&amp;#39;S &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.mamapundit.com/"&gt;&lt;em&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;OTHER BLOG&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=172870" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Parenting/default.aspx">Parenting</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/childfree/default.aspx">childfree</category></item><item><title>I'm becoming the nap nazi</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/01/20/i-m-going-to-become-one-of-those-inflexible-parents.aspx</link><pubDate>Wed, 21 Jan 2009 01:18:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:166592</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>14</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=166592</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/01/20/i-m-going-to-become-one-of-those-inflexible-parents.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;With my three older children, I was pretty loosey-goosey about naps and bedtimes. If they got naps, that was great. If they didn&amp;#39;t, no biggie. Until they became school age, at which point I tightened up bedtimes,&amp;nbsp;I tended to let them stay up in the evening&amp;nbsp;until they actually acted sleepy. But when they were babies and toddlers, we had very flexible sleep routines - certainly nothing resembling a &amp;quot;schedule.&amp;quot; I was inordinately proud of the fact that all of them could generally fall aslseep anywhere, at any time, with any amount of distraction, That worked fine for them, and fine for me.&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;With their one year old&amp;nbsp;sister, however, we actually have a schedule and frankly, I am rather rigid about it.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;This is C operating on plenty of sleep.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp; &lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/nap.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/nap.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Jon and I first discovered C&amp;#39;s love of a predictable routine before she was even three months old. Through trial and error, we realized that if we bathed her, nursed her, swaddled her, and put her down to sleep for the night at approximately the same time and in the exact same way each evening, she slept far better than if we mixed things up, or kept her up later. Given that I returned to full time employment when she was only 8 weeks old, and Jon has a full time job, too - plus I have three other children to care for - maximum quality sleepage for the baby meant happier household. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;She still isn&amp;#39;t what many more highly scheduled parents would consider a &amp;quot;good&amp;quot; sleeper, if your definition of that is sleeping 8 hour stretches in a separate bed. Instead she sleeps with us, and she does usually wake a time or two for a moment or two during the nightttime hours. However, she goes&amp;nbsp;down to bed&amp;nbsp;at a very regular time each night - between 7 and&amp;nbsp;8 pm - &amp;nbsp;and the little bit of wakefulness she has at night is easily soothed; she goes right back to sleep with little effort on our parts. If, however, we keep her up much past her bedtime, or if she misses her bath, or if we sleep somewhere away from our house, her sleep is greatly disturbed, and so is her mood the next day. This is a child who craves a regular schedule, and who lets you know when her beloved routine has been disturbed. And have I mentioned the white noise machine? She will really only sleep deeply with the white noise machine turned on; we even take it with us when we travel.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;This is C, awake after her bedtime&amp;nbsp;after a day with no real nap&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/sleep.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/sleep.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;This is even more true of her naptimes. C generally takes a 1-3 hour nap every day right after lunch.&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;If she misses that nap, or if it is disturbed in some way (like, we are out and about at that time and she only gets 30 minutes while riding in the car), she transforms from a sunshiney toddler into Princess Whines-A-Lot. Missing the nap, or significantly altering the nap time or location makes everyone else in the family&amp;#39;s day a living hell. She simply cannot function on sub-optimal sleepage. There is no &amp;quot;second wind&amp;quot; later in the day after a missed nap. Instead, there is meltdown after meltdown after meltdown. Plus, somewhat counterintuitively, she sleeps much worse at night if&amp;nbsp;we alter&amp;nbsp;her regular daytime nap schedule. So then we have a double-whammy of sleep deprivation going on.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Having realized all of this about my child, I have become something of a nap nazi. On weekends, I regularly turn down opportunities to do anything that would interfere with C&amp;#39;s naptime, and I often find myself rushing home with her to avoid missing the optimal nap window. Night time activities are planned carefully to minimize the chance that C will miss bath-and-bed by 8 pm. I am sure my&amp;nbsp;zealousness&amp;nbsp;about this routine seems a bit odd to those who know how differently I approached sleep with my other children. But this kid is different; she&amp;#39;s more like her Daddy, who is a noted lover of&amp;nbsp; predictability. I am parenting what I got, and what I got this time is a child who needs a lot of sleep, provided at specific times in specific places. Plus, it&amp;#39;s a bit selfish on my part. I don&amp;#39;t really relish dealing with a widly fussy toddler all weekend or all evening after being gone at work all day. And getting her down to bed at a reasonably early hour each night means I have more time for the older kids, who, of course, stay up later and also need mama-attention.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=166592" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Sleep/default.aspx">Sleep</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Toddler/default.aspx">Toddler</category></item><item><title>Church nursery dropout</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/01/18/church-nursery-dropout.aspx</link><pubDate>Mon, 19 Jan 2009 00:00:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:166035</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>5</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=166035</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/01/18/church-nursery-dropout.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;Although as a working mama, I spend 40 or more hours each week away from 17 month-old C, she has had zero exposure yet to non-family childcare. Her grandmother cares for her&amp;nbsp;while I am working - either at my husband&amp;#39;s office (a family business) or at her house, near ours.&amp;nbsp;When we need babysitting so we can go on a date, or take the older kids to a non-baby-friendly activity, we are able to ask my sister to cover for us. C is very happy to stay with her grandmother or her Aunt Betsy. She happily waves goodbye to me when I leave her with either one of them.&amp;nbsp;However, even though she is absolutely fine with these caregivers, my spidey-sense tells me she would be wildly unhappy if left with anyone else for longer than 15 minutes. But today at church, I decided to give it a test run; I decided to leave her in the nursery.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/nuresry.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/nuresry.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Her older brother and sister tried to talk me out of it. &lt;em&gt;&amp;quot;This is a really bad idea, Mom,&amp;quot;&lt;/em&gt; said 11 year old E&lt;em&gt;. &amp;quot;Yeah,&lt;/em&gt; added 13-year old J,&lt;em&gt; &amp;quot; I give her five minutes before she freaks out.&amp;quot;&lt;/em&gt;&amp;nbsp; I knew they were probably right, but I really wanted to give it a try. After all, C&amp;#39;s same-age cousin, NC recently started going to a sweet little nursery school two half days each week, and she absolutely loves it. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So I ushered J and E off to their Sunday School classes, and I took C to the nursery. Before I could even introduce her to the nursery staff, she took off to begin playing with some toys. She didn&amp;#39;t even glance back at me. &lt;em&gt;So far, so good&lt;/em&gt;, I thought. I signed her in, left my cell # in case she became upset, and I left to sit in the church sanctuary for the service. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Well, her siblings were right. Fifteen minutes later, my phone buzzed, and I scurried back to the nursery to retrieve her. When I walked in and she saw me, she looked absolutely heartbroken. She was sobbing in giant heaves, and she was all splotchy from screaming. I believe the nurseryy staff that they called me just as soon as she began crying, but she had worked herself into a conniption fit very, very quickly. I gathered her up in my arms, and she began babbling about the horror of her experience. I apologized to her and held her close, and then I felt terribly guilty for trying to push her to do something that I knew she really wasn&amp;#39;t ready to do...and for no good reason other than curiosity. Bad mama. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;We spent the rest of the&amp;nbsp;hour together&amp;nbsp;in the wonderful glass room with sound from the sanctuary that the church built for parents and their little children to use during the service. That&amp;#39;s where we usually go each week, and she really likes playing in there with the other babies and young toddlers. I suspect we will be spending many more Sundays there before she&amp;#39;s ready to try the nursery again. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=166035" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Toddlers/default.aspx">Toddlers</category></item><item><title>Family party time</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/01/16/family-party-time.aspx</link><pubDate>Fri, 16 Jan 2009 19:11:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:165553</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>9</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=165553</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/01/16/family-party-time.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;We&amp;#39;re having a bunch of people over for a very casual dinner party tonight, and as&amp;nbsp;I was&amp;nbsp;driving the kids to school today , I asked L - a friend&amp;#39;s kid who rides with us each morning - whether his family would be coming. He said he thought&amp;nbsp;they would,&amp;nbsp;and then he added, &amp;quot;&lt;em&gt;Why are you guys always having a party&lt;/em&gt;?&amp;quot; This made me laugh, as I would hardly describe us as &amp;quot;always having a party,&amp;quot; but we do invite people over a lot, and we also throw at least two really big parties each year. And I guess that compared to some families, that&amp;#39;s a lot.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I come by my love of party-throwing from my mother and grandmother, both of whom were always up for hosting a shindig when I was growing up. Some of my grandmother&amp;#39;s parties were very fancy affairs, including the formal dinner dance for 25 that she threw at her house for my 16th birthday.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;My 16th birthday party&lt;/strong&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/16.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/16.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;My mother&amp;#39;s&amp;nbsp;gatherings, on the other hand, &amp;nbsp;tended to involve big pots of chili, friends playing guitar on the front porch, and many small children running around the yard. But both of them gave me some important lessons in party-ology. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;My grandmother&amp;#39;s events always offered an unexpected mix of guests, making for livelier conversation. She would seat the fundamentalist missionary next to the recovering heroin addict, and they would end up exchanging hugs at the end of the evening. So I always try to mix up my guest lists, and invite different and overlapping groups of friends and acquaintances. From my mother, I learned that parties should not merely be opportunities to show off how perfect your home is. She never felt that the house had to be spotless, or the table setting all matchy-matchy in order to invite people into her home. So even though my big, old house needs a lot of work, and is often&amp;nbsp;messier than a lot of other people&amp;#39;s houses, I still open the door and welcome friends. My brother and sister are the same way; they both throw lots of parties, and we all attend each other&amp;#39;s get-togethers.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I think that parties at home are important for children.&amp;nbsp;Parties give them a chance to practice playing host, and&amp;nbsp; they get to see their parents interacting with other adults in a social setting, which I think gives them a clearer idea of who we are as real human beings (as opposed to simply as generic&amp;nbsp;parental units).&amp;nbsp;I hope that&amp;nbsp;my kids will remember the evenings when our house is full of guests, conversation, good smells and laughter as really good times, just like I remember those evenings from my own childhood. &lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;E enjoys some family partay fun&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/party.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/party.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=165553" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Parenting/default.aspx">Parenting</category></item><item><title>I am the mother of a teenage girl</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/01/13/i-am-the-mother-of-a-teenage-girl.aspx</link><pubDate>Tue, 13 Jan 2009 13:36:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:164220</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>13</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=164220</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/01/13/i-am-the-mother-of-a-teenage-girl.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;Everyone told me that raising a teenage girl was going to be the hardest thing I&amp;#39;ve ever done. Well, all I can go on is my own experience, and here&amp;#39;s what I can tell you: raising the teenage &lt;em&gt;BOY&lt;/em&gt; has been the hardest thing I&amp;#39;ve ever done, while my teenage girl has made my job pretty easy so far. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Me with my girls&lt;/strong&gt;.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/raisinggirls1.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/raisinggirls1.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;When I was my daughter&amp;#39;s age (8th grade), I was a geeky, bookish, horse-crazy child, who was completely freaked out by the changes happening with my body, but too scared to talk to anyone about any of it. Frankly, I found puberty really embarrassing. I remember agonizing over how to ask my mother if I could start shaving my legs....&lt;em&gt;in the 9th grade!&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;My daughter, on the other hand, is incredibly self confident about her body, and herself. She&amp;#39;s got a very good sense of who she is, and she and I can (and do) talk about anything and everything. That makes me really happy. Unlike some parents, it hasn&amp;#39;t bothered me a bit to see her becoming a young woman; I&amp;#39;ve just been thrilled to see how comfortable she is with the whole thing. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;However, we do live in a culture that hyper-sexualizes adolescent girls at younger and younger ages, and while I don&amp;#39;t want to hold her back, I&amp;nbsp;do sometimes have to hold the line. I am trying really hard to strike a balance between empowering her and protecting her. I think that excess in either direction can be really bad for an adolescent girl.&amp;nbsp;For example, I do&amp;nbsp;let her have Facebook and My Space accounts, but she has to let me &amp;quot;friend&amp;quot; her - meaning I check her accounts regularly - and sometimes I tell her when a photo she has posted is inappropriate for one reason or another (you should SEE what some girls my daughter&amp;#39;s age post on their social networking sites!). I let her make most of her own clothing choices, but I do have a few rules: no high heels yet, and no pants of any kind with words written on the rear end (a la J Lo) to be worn outside the house. She&amp;#39;s wearing make-up now, and I think I let her wear more than a lot of moms of 8th graders, because she really loves experimenting,&amp;nbsp;but when she&amp;#39;s gone overboard, I tell her she has to tone it down before going out.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/raisinggirls3.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/raisinggirls3.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So far, dating hasn&amp;#39;t been an issue because she goes to a parochial school with so few boys that the pickins are slim; these are the same 15 boys she&amp;#39;s known since 1st grade, so they don&amp;#39;t hold tremendous appeal. She did get asked to one high school dance, but she told me she didn&amp;#39;t really want to go, so she told the boy that her parents had said no. I am sure that next year, in high school,&amp;nbsp;the dating issue will become more front and center, and I need to do some thinking about what my guidelines will be. Mainly, I want to spend a lot of time talking with her about what HER guidelines will be. I want her to feel like &lt;em&gt;she&amp;#39;s&lt;/em&gt; driving the bus when it comes to her love life, not me or her father. We will be here to back her up, step in when necessary, and catch her when she falls, but she needs to learn to make good decisions, feel comfortable saying no, and&amp;nbsp;figure out&amp;nbsp;what really matters to her in choosing people to date. I didn&amp;#39;t learn that stuff until well into adulthood, but I&amp;#39;d really&amp;nbsp;like my daughters to get the hang of it much earlier! &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I&amp;nbsp;feel really lucky that teenagehood is going so well for her (and for me!) so far. And I&amp;#39;m actually excited about what the next four years will bring. She&amp;#39;s a cool chick. I&amp;#39;m lucky to get to be her mama.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;SUBSCRIBE &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rss.aspx"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;TO THIS BLOG&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;VISIT KATIE&amp;#39;S &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.mamapundit.com/"&gt;&lt;em&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;OTHER BLOG&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=164220" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Teenagers/default.aspx">Teenagers</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category></item><item><title>A portrait of the toddler as a 17 month old</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/01/11/drafty.aspx</link><pubDate>Sun, 11 Jan 2009 14:06:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:163647</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>5</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=163647</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/01/11/drafty.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;C is 17 months old now, and her development in just about every area is accelerating at an unbelievable pace. For starters, she talks...and talks...and talks! She says dozens and dozens of words quite clearly, and is putting words together in 2-4 word sentences. She also picks words up very easily. People comment regularly on what a prolific and advanced talker she is.&lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/talks1.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/talks1.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;One of the cutest thing she does is talk and sing to herself all the time. Right now I can hear her across the room, playing with some toys and just chattering away. She will talk to anyone, anytime, but she does have a shy side. She&amp;#39;s never completely standoffish with anyone, but she sometimes takes a few minutes to warm up before starting to converse. And she really, really hates it if people she doesn&amp;#39;t know well grab her and pick her up. HATES it. She would prefer that they just hang out with her and talk to her rather than scooping her up in their arms. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Her favorite people are her older siblings and her cousins. She is much happier when the older children are here rather than when the house is quiet because they are at their Dad&amp;#39;s. She can now say her two older brother&amp;#39;s names well, and she calls J, &amp;quot;Sissy,&amp;quot; which was one of her first words. She adores her Sissy, and also loves&amp;nbsp;her Sissy&amp;#39;s 8th grade friends who dote on her and give her lots of attention when they are here.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;One thing C is not so good at yet is getting down out of chairs and off of riding toys. She tends to topple over head-first (she does still have a rather large noggin, which probably makes her center of balance a bit iffy). We are trying to teach her to always go feet-first, but she hasn&amp;#39;t quite grasped this concept. So we have to watch her pretty carefully, because if she climbs up onto anything, you can be sure she will shortly be screaming because she&amp;#39;s fallen off.&lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;She is definitely a toddler who does better with her routine kept pretty much intact. She naps and goes to bed at fairly regular times, and if we mess with her&amp;nbsp;nap time or bed time routine too radically, we see it in her mood and behavior. She is also clearly having some anxiety about me being away from her, which I am a lot because I have a full-time job. She never seems unhappy when we part in the mornings. In fact, she gets excited when we get her coat and hat on her, and she sees it&amp;#39;s time to head off with her Dad for a day together (with her grandmother there as full-tme caregiver) at the family business. But in the evenings and weekends, when I am with her, she gets upset if I walk around the house without carrying her with me. I think she is worried I may be about to leave. So for now, I try to carry her with me as much as possible to try to help her through this extra-clingy phase. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And here is the part where I am about to completely cross the mommyblogger rubicon; I am going to tell you about my child&amp;#39;s toilet habits. But I gotta say, I find it pretty remarkable that a 17 month old is using the potty. And she is! At least once a day, she asks to be taken to her little potty. She sits on it, and she &lt;em&gt;goes&lt;/em&gt;, meaning one fewer wet or dirty diaper for me that day. I think this may mean that she&amp;#39;s a complete genius. In any event, I hope it means she&amp;#39;ll be out of diapers sooner.&lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/talks2.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/talks2.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;This &amp;nbsp;truly is a delightful period of childhood. I am enjoying it even more with C because I know how quickly they become five year olds and then 15 year olds. Those are great ages too, but with baby #4, I am more conscious of trying to slow down and enjoy each moment of each day.&lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=163647" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Toddler/default.aspx">Toddler</category></item><item><title>Crazy clomidians</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/01/08/crazy-clomidians.aspx</link><pubDate>Thu, 08 Jan 2009 19:04:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:162771</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>26</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=162771</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/01/08/crazy-clomidians.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;I try not to judge other people&amp;#39;s family-building choices, as long as they love their kids and&amp;nbsp;can take care of them. Gay, straight, married, divorced, &lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2008/12/19/Big-Families_2C00_-TV_2C00_-Duggars_2C00_-Jon-and-Kate-Plus-8.aspx"&gt;big families&lt;/a&gt;, small families, IVF or surrogacy, bio-children or adopted....&amp;nbsp; These choices belong to the competent adults making them. I also believe that the decision&amp;nbsp;as to&amp;nbsp;whether, when and how many children a woman has should belong to her, not to me, or to you. Reproductive freedom is among the most fundamental of human rights.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So why am I struggling so hard to wrap my head around the apparently large number&amp;nbsp;- &lt;a class="" href="http://www.pregnancy-info.net/QA/answers-UPDATES_ON_CLOMID_PREGNANCIES/"&gt;judging from discussion on the interwebs&lt;/a&gt; - of perfectly fertile women who are taking fertility drugs - often &lt;em&gt;unprescribed&lt;/em&gt; - &amp;nbsp;for the &lt;em&gt;sole purpose&lt;/em&gt; of increasing&amp;nbsp;their chances of achieving twins, triplets or even quads?&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/tripletwomb_350x249.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/tripletwomb_350x249.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I discovered this phenomenon after I myself was prescribed clomid by my doctor. I&amp;nbsp;am &lt;em&gt;extremely&lt;/em&gt; nervous about taking it, and as is my way, I began researching the topic somewhat obsessively, mostly online. I knew that the medication ups a woman&amp;#39;s chances of conceiving multiples -&amp;nbsp;something I really want to avoid -&amp;nbsp;so I Googled &amp;quot;clomid multiples.&amp;quot; As I began perusing &lt;a class="" href="http://www.pregnancy-info.net/QA/answers-MY_EXPERIENCE_WITH_UNPRESCRIBED_CLOMID_SHARE_YOURS_/"&gt;the sites&lt;/a&gt; that &lt;a class="" href="http://www.pregnancy-info.net/QA/answers-Purposely_pregnant_with_twins_multiples_with_Clomid_/"&gt;popped up&lt;/a&gt;, I noticed that at least one-fourth of the conversation about taking the drug centered around the correct dosages and timing to take the drug in order to become pregnant with more than one bambino. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;This just seems....crazy to me. I mean, &lt;a class="" href="http://www.marchofdimes.com/professionals/14332_4545.asp"&gt;the serious health and disability risks&lt;/a&gt; to babies born in groups of two, three and four are exponentially higher.&amp;nbsp;If a woman is already capable of conceiving and carrying a healthy&amp;nbsp;pregnancy to term, why would she take a fertility&amp;nbsp;medicine&amp;nbsp;with the&amp;nbsp;sole purpose in her&amp;nbsp;case being&amp;nbsp;to &lt;em&gt;create&lt;/em&gt; that risky situation for her own baby(ies)?&amp;nbsp;And as for taking it unprescribed - GAH! I am scared to death to be taking it with a precription under the careful supervision of my doctor. I cannot imagine getting it from some place in Mexico and then taking it without any monitoring. And if I became pregnant with twins, I would be very, very anxious. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But maybe I am being too hard on these women. I mean, plenty of people think I am crazy myself for trying this hard to have a fifth child at age 41.&amp;nbsp;&amp;nbsp;Maybe I&amp;#39;m really no different.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But I&amp;#39;m curious to know what other people think of this apparent trend of trying to have multiples using unprescribed meds. Would you ever consider doing this? HAVE you done this? &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Tell me what you think .&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;SUBSCRIBE &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rss.aspx"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;TO THIS BLOG&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;FOLLOW KATIE&amp;#39;S BLOGGING &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://twitter.com/kgranju"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;em&gt;ON TWITTER&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt;&amp;nbsp;OR &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=762800164&amp;amp;ref=profile"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;em&gt;FACEBOOK&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;READ MORE OF &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/default.aspx"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;em&gt;KATIE&amp;#39;S BABBLE BLOGGING&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;VISIT KATIE&amp;#39;S &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.mamapundit.com/"&gt;&lt;em&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;OTHER BLOG&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=162771" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Pregnancy/default.aspx">Pregnancy</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/inertility/default.aspx">inertility</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/clomid/default.aspx">clomid</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/multiples/default.aspx">multiples</category></item><item><title>The birthday boy</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/01/05/the-birthday-boy.aspx</link><pubDate>Mon, 05 Jan 2009 17:05:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:161369</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>3</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=161369</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2009/01/05/the-birthday-boy.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday2.jpg"&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday2.jpg"&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/a&gt;January 3 marked E&amp;#39;s 11th birthday, and as is our custom, we celebrated with a ridiculously chaotic birthday sleepover for many, many little boys. We had a great time (although I was exhausted the next day), but despite the fun, E&amp;#39;s birthday gets me a little weepy every year. That&amp;#39;s because the day he was born was the scariest of my entire life.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday1.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday1.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;E was born at 37 weeks after a relatively uneventful pregnancy, but only a few hours after he arrived, a sharp-eyed nurse&amp;#39;s aide likely saved his life when she noticed that he was a little blue around the mouth and nose. A quick check confirmed that he wasn&amp;#39;t getting a fraction of the oxygen he needed to survive, and within moments, he was whisked off to the critical care nursery. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It turned out that he had a very, very serious illness called &lt;a class="" href="http://depts.washington.edu/nicuweb/NICU-WEB/pphn.stm"&gt;pulmonary hypertension of the newborn&lt;/a&gt;. Over the next two weeks, there were several points where the neonatologist told E&amp;#39;s father and me that our sweet baby might not make it through the night. To make things even more complicated, our 28-month-old daughter came down with a raging case of chicken pox (which she called &amp;quot;chicken pops&amp;quot;) at exactly the same time. Thankfully, &lt;a class="" href="http://www.wearsthebaby.com/virtual.htm"&gt;we had tremendous help from family and friends&lt;/a&gt; during that terrible first month after E was born, because otherwise we couldn&amp;#39;t have made it. I will never forget the care and love so many people showed us.&amp;nbsp;So every year, on E&amp;#39;s birthday, I say a little prayer of thanks for my younger son, and I remember what it was like to live through that hellish experience. It&amp;#39;s those sorts of intense parenting crucibles that turn you into&amp;nbsp;your children&amp;#39;s&amp;nbsp;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2008/10/06/i-m-just-their-mom-period.aspx"&gt;real mother&lt;/a&gt;, I think.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Speaking of hellish experiences, here is a photo essay from the weekend&amp;#39;s birthday sleepover. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I kid! I kid! It was actually a lot of fun, and I couldn&amp;#39;t ask for a nicer group of kids. The only snafu came when I somehow got the idea that the Mel Brooks movie &amp;quot;Spaceballs&amp;quot; would be an appropriate movie pick for the young birthday revelers (I had never seen it myself). &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt;Note to other parents: it wasn&amp;#39;t.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Anyway, here are the party pics. (And by the way, C &lt;em&gt;did&lt;/em&gt; start the party wearing a very cute dress, but she somehow managed to ditch it, and&amp;nbsp;ended up clad only in her&amp;nbsp;diaper and rubber pants by later in the evening. That&amp;#39;s why you see a near-nekkid toddler wandering in and out of various photos....)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday2.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday2.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday3.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday3.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday4.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday4.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday6.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday6.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday8.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday8.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday9.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday9.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday10.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday10.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday11.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday11.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday12.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday12.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday13.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday13.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday14.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/bday14.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;SUBSCRIBE &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rss.aspx"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;TO THIS BLOG&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;FOLLOW KATIE&amp;#39;S BLOGGING &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://twitter.com/kgranju"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;em&gt;ON TWITTER&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt;&amp;nbsp;OR &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=762800164&amp;amp;ref=profile"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;em&gt;FACEBOOK&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;READ MORE OF &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/default.aspx"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;em&gt;KATIE&amp;#39;S BABBLE BLOGGING&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;VISIT KATIE&amp;#39;S &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.mamapundit.com/"&gt;&lt;em&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;OTHER BLOG&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=161369" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/NICU/default.aspx">NICU</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Birthday/default.aspx">Birthday</category></item><item><title>Genes, chance, and the Halle Berry Phenomenon</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2008/12/15/genes-chance-and-the-halle-berry-effect.aspx</link><pubDate>Mon, 15 Dec 2008 13:32:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:156153</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>11</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=156153</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2008/12/15/genes-chance-and-the-halle-berry-effect.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/hallemom.jpg"&gt;&lt;/a&gt;Have you ever seen a photo of Halle Berry with her mother? Her mom is a perfectly attractive 60-something woman, who was likely even more attractive in her youth. She&amp;#39;s just fine looking. She looks like someone you or I might know in real life - maybe as&amp;nbsp;your favorite&amp;nbsp;nurse at your doctor&amp;#39;s office, or your child&amp;#39;s sweet second grade teacher.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Then there is Halle Berry, arguably the most physically&amp;nbsp;beautiful female human on the planet.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/hallemom.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/hallemom.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I don&amp;#39;t know about you, but when I look at Halle and her mama, I have to wonder; what cosmic confluence of genes came together to allow this perfectly ordinary looking&amp;nbsp;person to produce this perfectly extraordinary looking&amp;nbsp;child? And while Halle Berry and her mother offer a very public example of this phenomenon, I see it in people I actually know, as well. Including myself.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I know, I know...everyone thinks their children are gorgeous. And I am no exception; my children are to me, of course, the loveliest creatures I&amp;#39;ve ever laid eyes on. But objectively speaking, they are also just a lot better looking than their very ordinary parents. We definitely have some of the Halle Berry&amp;nbsp;Phenomenon going on in our family&amp;#39;s gene pool.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Let&amp;#39;s take my 13 year old daughter, for example. The child was born looking like far more exotically attractive than either of her parents. In fact, she looks exactly nothing like me. I might as well have been her surrogate mother, and simply carried her around for nine months for some other woman - perhaps a Brazilian supermodel -&amp;nbsp;so little does she resemble me.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I am a thoroughly unremarkable looking white American - straight&amp;nbsp;blond hair that went brown by adolescence; skin that tends to fry in the sun;&amp;nbsp;blue eyes that require glasses; and features that you run across about 100 times a day. I clean up well, but no one is ever going to suggest that I try out for America&amp;#39;s Next Top Model.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Then there is my daughter&amp;nbsp;J., who was born with a head full of thick, nearly black hair, giant brown eyes with eyelashes to there, lips that suggest paternity by Mick Jagger, and the loveliest olive - almost cocoa- brown skin you can imagine. Her father - who is half-French - is also dark, and she certainly does look like him, but the simple fact is, this kid is about 100 times better looking than either of the people who created her. In fact, she&amp;nbsp;looks so little like me that on several occasions when she was riding around on my hip as a baby or toddler, people straight-up came out and asked me if she was adopted. Once someone asked me if I was &amp;quot;the nanny.&amp;quot; No, just the proud mama, a bit baffled by my ability to produce such an exotic looking little creature.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;On Saturday night, I was at a very fun, child-free Christmas party at the house of some friends, and after one or two oversized glasses of wine, I was trying to&amp;nbsp;explain&amp;nbsp;this somewhat rare Halle Berry Phenomenon to the host, an old pal of mine dating back to college days, because I see it in his family, too.&amp;nbsp;He and his wife are among the most accomplished, kind, interesting people I know, and they are a very physically attractive couple. But their two kids? My God, they are just amazing looking. Their elementary-age son and daughter are just remarkably &lt;em&gt;pretty&lt;/em&gt; children. So I was trying to explain this, but I&amp;#39;m afraid my thoughts on the matter came out as a semi-insult, with the implication that he and his wife aren&amp;#39;t very good looking. But that wasn&amp;#39;t what I was getting at at all. They certainly are fine looking folks. But their children got the best of both of them, and look like they should be starring in a&lt;em&gt; Vanity Fair&lt;/em&gt;&amp;nbsp;ad for Ralph Lauren children&amp;#39;s wear. They&amp;#39;re knockouts.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Most people reproduce fairly&amp;nbsp;true to type. But every once in a while, you do run across rather ordinary-looking parents who somehow managed to out-do themselves with their babymaking, giving birth to a child who just kicks their family gene pool up a notch in the looks department.&amp;nbsp;Of course, as I always tell my daughter, pretty is as pretty does, and I am far prouder of her when she shows kindness or empathy or love toward others than I am of her looks. But I do have to admit that I still have moments when I look at her and silently wonder, &lt;em&gt;how in the world did I ever end up with a child who looks like that?&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;em&gt;&lt;/em&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=156153" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Halle+Berry/default.aspx">Halle Berry</category></item><item><title>My kid has one foot out the door already</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2008/12/11/my-kid-has-one-foot-out-the-door-already.aspx</link><pubDate>Thu, 11 Dec 2008 12:47:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:155081</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>14</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=155081</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2008/12/11/my-kid-has-one-foot-out-the-door-already.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;An update on eldest child: I am happy to report that &lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2008/11/03/paying-tuition-for-quot-free-school-quot.aspx"&gt;H&amp;#39;s recent change&lt;/a&gt; to the private hippie &lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/bad-parent-unschooling-joanne-rendell-homeschooling-humor-essay-free-spirited-joanne-rendell/"&gt;&amp;quot;unchooling&amp;quot;&lt;/a&gt;&amp;nbsp;high school seems to have been 100% positive for him. For the first time since I can remember, he seems excited about being at school, and self-motivated (as opposed to me standing over his bed each morning, hollering at him to get out the door to school) to get where he needs to be each day, and to participate in what is going on at the school. Two of his friends transferred from his old school to the new school at the same time he did, so he immediately had friends there, and he&amp;#39;s made new ones as well.&amp;nbsp;He just seems generally much happier than he has been for a long time.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/today2.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/today2.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;The&amp;nbsp;school is definitely very unconventional. Although he has actual classes, he also has tremendous freedom there&amp;nbsp;to take his interests wherever he wants to go.He doesn&amp;#39;t have real homework, and right now, his primary school interest is sound mixing - -&amp;nbsp;you know, like music engineering, using actual instruments, as well as messing around with looping and mixing software on the computer. He has asked for DJ equipment for Christmas, and he says he&amp;#39;d like to eventually&amp;nbsp;start spinning at parties. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;It&amp;#39;s very hard for me to let go of my worry that as a junior in high school, he should be paying more attention to Hemingway and chemistry - just like I did - and less attention to things like illustrating a children&amp;#39;s book (another school project) or mucking around with&amp;nbsp;music software for entire afternoons. But after living through the past four or five years when he became increasingly negative toward and disengaged from anything related to school, it&amp;#39;s nice to see him truly&amp;nbsp;&lt;em&gt;interested&lt;/em&gt; in &lt;em&gt;something&lt;/em&gt;, and making some effort at it. Before, he hated school so much that he had mentally checked out, even though I was forcing him to show up each day. He wasn&amp;#39;t learning anything, and he was miserable. Something had to give, or I was really afraid he wouldn&amp;#39;t graduate at all. Now he seems excited about school, and life, and learning.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Another big change is that I am seeing a whole lot less of him lately. H would move out of our house and get his own place in a heartbeat if I would let him, and if he could afford it. But I&amp;#39;ve told him he&amp;#39;s stuck living at home until he turns 18, plus he hasn&amp;#39;t made any effort thus far to earn the cash necessary to pay for his own place. Since he says he wants to live independently for his senior year of high school, I&amp;#39;ve been encouraging him to get organized around that idea, and begin earning and saving some money. We&amp;#39;ll see if that actually happens.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;In the meantime, however, he is following my requirements regarding being at home, which are pretty minimal at this point. He has to be by 11 on weeknights, for example. Unfortunately, since I am almost always in bed before 11, there are a lot of days when I don&amp;#39;t see him, since I leave for work before he leaves for school. We do talk on the phone and text each other a few times each day, every day, and I try to make time for regular mother-son one-on-one time. I pop into his bedroom&amp;nbsp;to give him a kiss on the forehead each morning before I leave for my job. And&amp;nbsp; tonight, he and I are going out to dinner together - just the two of us.&amp;nbsp;But in general, I just see very little of him these days. He has a friend from his school who is legally emancipated from his parents, and who has his own apartment - within walking distance of the school both the boys attend. Needless to say, this guy&amp;#39;s apartment has become a very attractive hangout for H. I think that it&amp;#39;s sort of like his second home these days.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I worry about him all the time because he&amp;#39;s away from me so much now. I&amp;nbsp;sometimes literally wake up in the middle of the night with a sudden terror that I&amp;#39;m not there to oversee what he&amp;#39;s doing, and something bad is going to happen to him.&amp;nbsp;Is he making good decisions? Is he showing good judgment? Am I going to get a call&amp;nbsp;at 3am on&amp;nbsp;a Saturday night&amp;nbsp;from the ER, or from the police, saying that my teenage boy has done something incredibly stupid? But really, that&amp;#39;s something I no longer have much control over. He&amp;#39;s got one foot out the door, and is pretty much &amp;quot;cooked&amp;quot; as my parents use to say. Whatever decisions he&amp;#39;s going to make, or choices he pursues are largely beyond my influence, and I am certainly not naive enough to believe that he isn&amp;#39;t engaged in some stuff I wish he weren&amp;#39;t doing.&amp;nbsp;At least he isn&amp;#39;tt driving, so that&amp;#39;s one less thing I have to worry about. &amp;nbsp;I just have to hope that the intensive parenting I&amp;#39;ve put in with him in the past 17 years will continue to resonate with him even when I am not around enough to keep him safe until he matures a bit more in his decision-making faculties. As not all of his choices in adolescence thus far have been particularly wise or healthy, I have to hope he&amp;#39;s at least learned from some of the dumber things he&amp;#39;s already done. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;When I was 17, I was a year ahead of H in high school, and I, too had an emotional and social life that was increasingly removed from my parents&amp;#39; oversight. Before I turned 18 - the day after high school graduation - I moved out of their house with their blessing, and took off for Europe, and then college. Except for brief stints of a couple of weeks here and there, I never lived at home again. I made some excellent decisions, and some very bad ones during late adolescence. I had some great experiences, and some terrible ones. But I always felt like my parents had my back during that turbulent period, even when I was many miles away - literally or figuratively. I felt empowered by their apparent trust in me to lead my own life, without a lot of active interference from them. And I counted on them to help me pick up the pieces when I made a complete mess of things, which I did on several occasions before reaching true adulthood. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I hope I can do that for H. It surely is hard to let go, though. And I really miss him already.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=155081" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Teenagers/default.aspx">Teenagers</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category></item><item><title>The Christmas card photo sessions</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2008/12/09/the-christmas-card.aspx</link><pubDate>Tue, 09 Dec 2008 12:59:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:154213</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>9</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=154213</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2008/12/09/the-christmas-card.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;Each December, I force my children to assemble for the annual agony known as the taking of the Christmas card photo.&amp;nbsp;The picture&amp;nbsp;rarely turns out well, with one child or another looking sullen and pissy, or someone&amp;#39;s hair all mussy, or the camera out of focus.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;Here are a few favorites from years past:&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Below you&amp;nbsp;have&amp;nbsp;our 2007 Christmas card photo, in which E looks like a deranged monkey, and my postpartum, Pamela Anderson-sized breasts look like they are about to explode (which they likely were, as C was only a few months old at that point). But this was the best shot we got, after a torturous hour of my sister attempting to get a good pose out of all of us, so this is what Christmas card recipients received last year.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/card07.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/card07.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Next - below - we have Christmas Card 2006, in which the children look impossibly unhappy, as Jon and I attempt to compensate by looking frighteningly joyful. This is an outtake, but it&amp;#39;s pretty close to the photo that actually got mailed out.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/card06.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/card06.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Back in 2005, we didn&amp;#39;t have Jon or C. in the family yet, so I thought I&amp;#39;d get some of the cousins in on the Christmas card photo action. Chaos ensued.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/card05.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/card05.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;This next one is from &amp;#39;03, which is the last year I was able to convince the children to dress in matchy-matchy holiday attire for the photo. As you can see, Fiat the dog was trying to escape H&amp;#39;s arms as the shutter clicked, which is why the children are yelling (they were telling him to calm down). A mere millisecond later, however,&amp;nbsp;Fiat wriggled loose and ran to the tree, where he lifted his leg. (Fiat, in case I haven&amp;#39;t ever told you, is literally the world&amp;#39;s worst behaved dog. He&amp;#39;s worse during the holidays.)&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/card%2003.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/card%2003.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;This year - last week, actually - I tried to take this year&amp;#39;s Christmas&amp;nbsp;photo using the superfancy camera I recently inherited from my father. As you can see from the thoroughly miserable result below, I have yet to master the art of the flash....or the camera in general.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/card08.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/card08.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Clearly, that photo wasn&amp;#39;t an option to send out in Christmas cards this year, even by my own historically low standards.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So I decided that this year, I would give up on the idea of trying to get a good shot of all four children together in front of the tree, and instead create a card with four separate shots of the kids. So that&amp;#39;s what I&amp;#39;ve done - and here are the photos I chose for our 2008 Christmas card.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/cardh.jpg"&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/cardh.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/cardh.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/cardj.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/cardj.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/carde.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/carde.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/card%20c.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/card%20c.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/Granju%20&amp;amp;%20Hickman%20Holiday%20Card%202008.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/Granju%20&amp;amp;%20Hickman%20Holiday%20Card%202008.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Pretty cute munchkins, eh? &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/cardh.jpg"&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/cardh.jpg"&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/cardh.jpg"&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=154213" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Christmas/default.aspx">Christmas</category></item><item><title>Who are the people in your neighborhood?</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2008/11/24/who-are-the-people-in-your-neighborhood.aspx</link><pubDate>Mon, 24 Nov 2008 16:11:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:149604</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>18</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=149604</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2008/11/24/who-are-the-people-in-your-neighborhood.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;I am 41 years old, and I have lived on my own -&amp;nbsp;away from my parents&amp;#39; home -&amp;nbsp;since I was 17.&amp;nbsp;During all those&amp;nbsp;all those years,as I lived in&amp;nbsp;lots of different&amp;nbsp;dorms, apartments, and finally,&amp;nbsp;houses,&amp;nbsp;it was my my parents&amp;#39; house and neighborhood that continued&amp;nbsp;to feel&amp;nbsp;more like home to me than any other place I inhabited.&amp;nbsp;Everywhere else I alighted, including the suburban rancher I owned&amp;nbsp;and lived in with my first husband for more than seven years felt strangely...temporary.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Don&amp;#39;t get me wrong, I had many wonderful times in that sweet 1950s rancher, and I grew to love several of my neighbors there very much. I cried the day I had to move out. And even&amp;nbsp;some of the houses and &amp;nbsp;apartments I inhabited for much briefer periods over the years were special to me in different ways. But none of them really felt like &lt;em&gt;home&lt;/em&gt; in the same way my parents&amp;#39; house and &amp;#39;hood&amp;nbsp;did. I sometimes wondered whether there was something wrong with me - a lingering immaturity, perhaps, that made me unable to completely cut ties with my family of origin, even as I raised my own children.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But 2.5 years ago, my husband Jon and I bought our first house together, and from the first moment I walked in the door as a potential buyer, the place felt like it really could be my real, permanent home. Today, it simply &lt;em&gt;is&lt;/em&gt; home. I feel as firmly rooted&amp;nbsp;in this house&amp;nbsp;as I once did in my parents&amp;#39; abode. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/home6.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/home6.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;This is the view out&amp;nbsp;the front door of what became our house, taken the day we toured the house with our realtor for the first time.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/grainger.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/grainger.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;This is a picture of our house taken&amp;nbsp;several years before we moved in. Since we bought it, we&amp;#39;ve added a white picket fence, a new roof, landscaping, and lots of interior work. But this is pretty much what it looked like the first day I saw it. And it was love at first sight.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And despite the fact that my three older children had to do far too much moving around earlier in their childhoods, before we landed in&amp;nbsp;the house where we live now,&amp;nbsp;I hope very much that&amp;nbsp;the house is&amp;nbsp;beginning to feel like home to them, too. I want them to remember Christmases and summer nights on the porch and&amp;nbsp;potluck suppers with friends and treeclimbing and playing in the hose&amp;nbsp;-- all in THIS house.&amp;nbsp;Of course for their baby sister&amp;nbsp;C., it is the only home she has ever known. And unless some unforeseen circumstance makes a move unavoidable,&amp;nbsp;Jon and I&amp;nbsp;plan to stay here until the children help pack our things for the old folks&amp;#39; home.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I&amp;#39;ve wondered just what it is about this house that makes it different from the other places I&amp;#39;ve lived. I think part of the reason it feels more&amp;nbsp;&amp;quot;forever&amp;quot; is because my relationship with my husband feels truly permanent. This is our home - together - and we are a family that feels&amp;nbsp;as solid to me&amp;nbsp;as the one in which I grew up felt when I was a child. But it&amp;#39;s also because I love the neighborhood. It&amp;#39;s not for everyone, but we&amp;#39;ve chosen to settle down in a historic, inner city neighborhood, full of gorgeous Victorian and Craftsman houses. Some are fully restored, like these.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/nabe1.jpg"&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/nabey1.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/nabey1.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/nabey2.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/nabey2.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/nabey3.jpg"&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Our own house is only about&amp;nbsp;halfway restored. We couldn&amp;#39;t have afforded it if it had been completely renovated; it will be years before we can do everything we want to do to it. So for now, we are living with barely functional kitchen and bathrooms. But in exchange for these less-than stellar features that we can&amp;#39;t yet afford to improve, we got 3700 square feet and five bedrooms for our big family, high ceilings, gorgeous woodwork and windows, and a wonderful fireplace in the living room. Having grown up in old houses myself, these are the things that make me viscerally comfortable. And did I mention that we have a creek? A real creek in our backyard? How many city houses can say that? &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/creek.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/creek.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;This is the official description of our house from the historic preservation experts who described it the year it was featured on the annual neighborhood home tour: &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;blockquote&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;font face="Verdana" size="2"&gt;&lt;em&gt;This 1910 Queen Anne Cottage is one and one-half stories with an irregular plan over a brick foundation. Its hip roof has lower cross gables, front and side hipped dormers, and an asphalt shingle covering. The house has one over one double hung windows and an interior end brick chimney.&amp;nbsp; The front and side porches wrap around the house, and feature round fluted columns with Ionic capitals, a sawn wood balustrade and Queen Anne patterned transom and sidelights of stained glass at the front entry.&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;/blockquote&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I like living very near &lt;a class="" href="http://www.knoxvillemarketsquare.com/index.html"&gt;downtown&lt;/a&gt;, and I like it that my teenager can actually take the bus when he needs to get somewhere. I like it that every house in our neighborhood - even the ones that could use some work - has a distinct look and personality. No cookie-cutter houses here.&amp;nbsp;I &lt;a class="" href="http://www.threeriversmarket.coop/"&gt;like the small businesses&lt;/a&gt; that surround our house, and the fact that I can walk to them without fear of being mowed down by traffic. I love the big. mature trees that line our streets, and I love the&lt;a class="" href="http://www.oldnorthknoxville.org/archives/10reasons2.htm"&gt; annual Christmas tour&lt;/a&gt;, when the most beautiful houses in the neighborhood&amp;nbsp;twinkle with lights for the thousands of visitors&amp;nbsp;who come to take a look at them.&amp;nbsp;I like the fact that most of my neighbors have also purposely chosen this funky, unique community, and the rest have been here for decades, providing an eclectic, friendly, and never-dull mix of great friends all around. I love it that my sister and her family live only a few miles away, and Jon&amp;#39;s parents live even closer - in the house in which Jon grew up.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/home1.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/home1.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Charlotte enjoys our front porch.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/home2.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/home2.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Jane and cousin Eleanor dance in the front hall.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/home3.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/home3.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Jane, Henry and Elliot enjoy a summer evening on the front porch.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/home4.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/home4.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Elliot helps Jon strip one-hundred years of wallpaper in one of the bedrooms&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/home5.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/home5.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Jay teaches Henry chords in the living room.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/jroomview.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/jroomview.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&amp;nbsp;The view from one of the upstairs windows right after we had the backyard fenced last spring.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;There are challenges to living in our urban community.&amp;nbsp;Many houses in the &amp;#39;hood are still&amp;nbsp;more &amp;quot;transitional&amp;quot; in their appearance (READ: pitbulls, collapsing front porches,&amp;nbsp;and chainlink fences), and the neighborhood does have issues with sketchy transients from the nearby mission district. But we also have real sidewalks for walking, and beautiful greenways and parks snaking through the entire neighborhood. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/nabepark.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/nabepark.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;This is one stretch of the lovely&amp;nbsp;greenway that runs through our neighborhood, including right behind our backyard. It&amp;#39;s a park that many suburban neighborhoods would kill for, but I think a lot of people have no idea it exists right here in the middle of the city.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Yes, a walk through the park still&amp;nbsp;too often involves stepping over a drunk guy sprawled across the path, but we&amp;#39;ve decided to stake our claim here, and work to make the neighborhood we love better, instead of opting out of it altogether.&amp;nbsp;The very, very active neighborhood association is full of other people who feel the same way, and those who have been here a lot longer than we have say we have no idea how far the neighborhood has come already.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;So yes, this is home now. Having finally put down roots somewhere feels wonderful&amp;nbsp;(even when I silently curse the terrible condition of our rickety, ugly kitchen, or complain about the homeless guy urinating in the creek out back). I know many of my friends who live in houses with fully functional&amp;nbsp;bathrooms in neighborhoods full of neatly manicured lawns can&amp;#39;t imagine living here, but all I can tell them is that&amp;nbsp;I can&amp;#39;t imagine living anywhere else! And I think&amp;nbsp;that&amp;#39;s a pretty good litmus test for whether you are where you are supposed to be.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Now that I have given this matter some thought for myself, I am curious to hear from blog readers about what feels like home to you. Is it your current house? Is it your parents&amp;#39; house? What defines the right living environment for you to feel most comfortable raising your own family?&amp;nbsp; Do you have a dream neighborhood in mind, but you haven&amp;#39;t managed to get there yet? &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Tell me in the comments below.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;SUBSCRIBE &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rss.aspx"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;TO THIS BLOG&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;FOLLOW KATIE&amp;#39;S BLOGGING &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://twitter.com/kgranju"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;em&gt;ON TWITTER&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt;&amp;nbsp;OR &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=762800164&amp;amp;ref=profile"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;em&gt;FACEBOOK&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;READ MORE OF &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/default.aspx"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;em&gt;KATIE&amp;#39;S BLOGGING&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;br /&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=149604" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category></item><item><title>A few o' my favorite parenting blogs</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2008/11/18/a-few-pf-my-favorite-parenting-blogs.aspx</link><pubDate>Tue, 18 Nov 2008 22:28:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:147886</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>7</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=147886</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2008/11/18/a-few-pf-my-favorite-parenting-blogs.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;People pretty frequently ask me what parenting blogs I myself read regularly, so I&amp;#39;ve decided to start a semi-regular feature here at &lt;em&gt;Home/Work&lt;/em&gt; in which I share my own&amp;nbsp;bookmarked parenting blogs.&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;Thus, I present to you&amp;nbsp;this premiere edition of &amp;quot;&lt;em&gt;A Few of KAG&amp;#39;s Favorite Parenting Bloggers&lt;/em&gt;.&amp;quot; Share your own favorites in the comments below, because&amp;nbsp;I&amp;#39;d love to discover some new blog reads now that the election is over and I no longer have to check &lt;a class="" href="http://www.realclearpolitics.com/"&gt;Real Clear Politics&lt;/a&gt; obsessively.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I hope you enjoy these writers as much as I do.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;ul&gt;
&lt;li&gt;
&lt;div&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.500jerk.com/"&gt;500 Jerk&lt;/a&gt;: a wryly hilarious, partner-track&amp;nbsp;lawyer-mama on everyday work and home life with two kids.&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/li&gt;
&lt;li&gt;
&lt;div&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/strollerderby/default.aspx"&gt;StrollerDerby&lt;/a&gt;: Yep, it&amp;#39;s from Babble, and it&amp;#39;s a must-read round-up of all-things-parenthood in the blogosphere each day.&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/li&gt;
&lt;li&gt;
&lt;div&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://domesticpsychology.com/blog/"&gt;Domestic Psychology&lt;/a&gt;: Funny, funny, funny. True, true, true.&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/li&gt;
&lt;li&gt;
&lt;div&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.thisbumpyjourney.wordpress.com/"&gt;This Bumpy Journey&lt;/a&gt;: a family waits to adopt, and remembers the little boy they lost&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/li&gt;
&lt;li&gt;
&lt;div&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.sweetsalty.com/"&gt;Sweet Salty&lt;/a&gt;: the most literary of&amp;nbsp;mama blogs. This is some seriously good writing from an immensely gifted essayist. Somebody give this woman a book deal.&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/li&gt;
&lt;li&gt;
&lt;div&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://yestertimeblog.com/"&gt;Yestertime&lt;/a&gt;: this is an old college pal of my husband&amp;#39;s whose mothering blog I just discovered. Sweet and self deprecating.&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/li&gt;
&lt;li&gt;
&lt;div&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.martinimade.com/"&gt;&amp;nbsp;Martinimade&lt;/a&gt;: a little bit of everything from my ubercrafty writermama friend, Adrienne.&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/li&gt;
&lt;li&gt;
&lt;div&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://thevolabroad.blogspot.com/"&gt;The Vol Abroad&lt;/a&gt;: a smart expat mama living in London&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/li&gt;
&lt;li&gt;
&lt;div&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://readingwhileknitting.blogspot.com/"&gt;ReadingWhileKnitting&lt;/a&gt;: my friend S. manages to homeschool her large brood of children and makes it all look super fun.&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/li&gt;
&lt;li&gt;
&lt;div&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://unfitmother.typepad.com/unfit_mother/"&gt;Unfit Mother&lt;/a&gt;: Outspoken feminist mama, and an old friend from college days&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/li&gt;
&lt;li&gt;
&lt;div&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://mamatried.wordpress.com/"&gt;&amp;nbsp;MamaTried&lt;/a&gt;: Another old college pal, now adjusting to life in the &amp;#39;burbs with two baby grrls&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/li&gt;
&lt;li&gt;
&lt;div&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.thiswomanswork.com/"&gt;This Woman&amp;#39;s Work&lt;/a&gt;: Adoption, parenting, infertility, freelance writing - not necessarily in that order&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/li&gt;
&lt;li&gt;
&lt;div&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.foment.net/journal.html"&gt;Bee Lavender&lt;/a&gt;: Hip Mama, cancer survivor, writer, blogger&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/li&gt;
&lt;li&gt;
&lt;div&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.jonathanhickman.com/"&gt;Jonathan Hickman&lt;/a&gt;: Crazy-hot father and stepfather. I read his blog just so I can look at the occasional photo of himself that he posts. His wife is awfully lucky.&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/li&gt;&lt;/ul&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;These are but a few of my faves. I will revisit this subject periodically, and add more to my list. And in the meantime, please really do post your own favorites in the comments below.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;SUBSCRIBE &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rss.aspx"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;TO THIS BLOG&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt; &lt;/em&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;FOLLOW KATIE&amp;#39;S BLOGGING &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://twitter.com/kgranju"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;em&gt;ON TWITTER&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;em&gt;&amp;nbsp;OR &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=762800164&amp;amp;ref=profile"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;em&gt;FACEBOOK&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;READ MORE OF &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/default.aspx"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;em&gt;KATIE&amp;#39;S BLOGGING&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=147886" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Blogging/default.aspx">Blogging</category></item><item><title>Baby's getting off the fuss bus</title><link>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2008/11/18/baby-s-getting-off-the-fuss-bus.aspx</link><pubDate>Tue, 18 Nov 2008 17:57:00 GMT</pubDate><guid isPermaLink="false">42a08a39-daf3-4129-8a63-8a27b879cc03:147738</guid><dc:creator>kgranju</dc:creator><slash:comments>12</slash:comments><wfw:commentRss xmlns:wfw="http://wellformedweb.org/CommentAPI/">http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/rsscomments.aspx?PostID=147738</wfw:commentRss><comments>http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/2008/11/18/baby-s-getting-off-the-fuss-bus.aspx#comments</comments><description>&lt;p&gt;C. is 15 months old now, and she&amp;nbsp;is emerging from my least favorite stage of early childhood - late infancy -&amp;nbsp;into one of my favorites - toddlerhood. With all four of my children, I have found the stage between about 6-13 months&amp;nbsp;to be the most frustrating period for me as a mother, and for them as wee humans. At that stage, they remained sort of crabby&amp;nbsp;much of&amp;nbsp;the time&amp;nbsp;because&amp;nbsp;they couldn&amp;#39;t really DO much of anything, despite an increasing awareness that the world offers many interesting things to do. They could pull up, or crawl, but what they really wanted to do was run around and play with their older siblings and cousins. And between about 6-15 months,&amp;nbsp;my babies&amp;nbsp;have all obviously had&amp;nbsp;a lot to say, but have had trouble getting anyone to understand them clearly. It must be irritating beyond belief for them, which must be why all of mine have whined quite a bit during the stage from which Miss C. is now happily emerging.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/baby2.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/baby2.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Charlotte (with her cousin Nancy Catherine) shedding angry tears at about seven months at the thought of being forced to endure the dreaded tummy time. She wanted so much to crawl, but could only flail her arms and kick her legs in hysterics at this point. She would scream if we put her on her tummy, and scream if we took her off her tummy. She just didn&amp;#39;t know what she wanted.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;I guess all parents have their favorite and least favorite ages and stages, and while many friends tell me they found the newborn period mindnumbingly difficult and dull, I really love that period. In fact, I have found each of my newborn babies to be so delicious that they are lucky that my postpartum euphoria didn&amp;#39;t lead me to simply&amp;nbsp;smother each of them in&amp;nbsp;butter and honey and eat them for breakfast. &lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/baby1.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/baby1.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Charlotte, age 10 days or so.&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;There is just&amp;nbsp;something about little newborn noises,&amp;nbsp;and those jerky stretches they do&amp;nbsp;that sends me into love spasms.&amp;nbsp; And don&amp;#39;t even get me started on those tiny, adorable knitted caps that newborns wear. &lt;em&gt;Swoon&lt;/em&gt;.I also find newborns to be really easy to car efor compared to other children. They sleep a good bit, and they aren&amp;#39;t very demanding when they are awake (I know. I know - I&amp;#39;ve definitely been blessed with four easy babies). They are extremely portable. Plus, during the first few months, no one expects very much from ME.&amp;nbsp; I am still in the babymoon period, and as such, I&amp;nbsp;get waited on by others, which is always a bonus.&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;But again, after about six months,&amp;nbsp;each of my babies became more aware that there was a lot going on around them in which they could not participate, and accordingly, they became rather crankier for a period of time. The situation improved greatly once each of them could walk on their own, and they became even more fun once real words started to make an appearance. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;And that&amp;#39;s where C. is right now. The rate at which she&amp;#39;s picking up language is astonishing. She says about two or three new words each day, and she&amp;#39;s starting to string them together in sentences. Her increasing ability to explain to her parents and siblings what&amp;#39;s on her mind gives her obvious pleasure, and as a result, she much jollier overall than she was even 6 weeks ago. &lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;a href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/baby3.jpg"&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/baby3.jpg" border="0" alt="" /&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;Yay! I can finally get up and run! And talk! Life is good!&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;
&lt;p&gt;&amp;nbsp;&lt;/p&gt;
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&lt;p&gt;&lt;strong&gt;&lt;em&gt;READ MORE OF &lt;/em&gt;&lt;a class="" href="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/default.aspx"&gt;&lt;font color="#336633"&gt;&lt;em&gt;KATIE&amp;#39;S BLOGGING&lt;/em&gt;&lt;/font&gt;&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/strong&gt;&lt;/p&gt;&lt;img src="http://www.babble.com/CS/aggbug.aspx?PostID=147738" width="1" height="1"&gt;</description><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Katie+Allison+Granju/default.aspx">Katie Allison Granju</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/infancy/default.aspx">infancy</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/postpartum/default.aspx">postpartum</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Newborns/default.aspx">Newborns</category><category domain="http://www.babble.com/CS/blogs/homework/archive/tags/Babyhood/default.aspx">Babyhood</category></item></channel></rss>