Home/Work : Toddler

That baby's all used up

kgranju — Fri, 29 May 2009 06:46:00 GMT

C is 22 months old now. I insist on continuing to refer to her as "my baby," or "my one year old" because I am hesitant to let go of her infancy, which is coming to an end. Yes, two year olds (and even three and four year olds) are still babies in many ways, but they are not infants. I know my issue with admitting that she's growing beyond true babyhood comes from the fact that she's likely to be my last. We haven't entirely abandoned the idea of managing to produce another offspring, but given my recent obstetrical history, combined with my age (41), as well as how hard I am working at my job these days, that's looking less likely as time goes by. And I have some major regrets about that; I would really like to have another baby. But biology + economy make for a pretty powerful double whammy.

So yes, I cling to the vestiges of C's infancy. Having said that, however, I really do love, love, love toddlers and preschoolers. It's a favorite childhood stage of mine. I adore their fat, juicy, half-baby/half-kid bodies, and the ridiculous-yet-profound things they say. I am awed by their unbridled enthusiasm and confidence, and I revel in the way they unabashedly believe in things like fairies, Frances the talking badger, and Elmo. We all see more and more of that with C every day. She's our household comedy act, keeping her older siblings in frequent stitches with her absurd utterances. And she talks A LOT. She's not nearly as outgoing as her same-age cousin, NC, who really should have her own variety show. But with people she knows, Miss C is a chatterbox extraordinaire.

Soon, we need to start scouting out part-time nursery school options for her. NC already goes two half days each week to the wonderful nursery school that her own siblings, as well as my 11 year old attended. NC loves it. C, on the other hand, with her more reserved personality, isn't quite ready to jump into the classroom yet, but I think she might be in the fall. I wish she could go to the same nursery school as NC, but job schedules and locations for Jon and me make that unlikely. We have to find something near Jon's office (since he takes her to work most days, where his mom cares for her at the office - a family business), and unfortunately, the nursery school pickins appear to be mighty slim in that small town 30 miles from where we live, and where I work. So I am not sure what we'll do. I also hate the idea of her nursery school being so far away from my own office that I could never be the one to pick her up, or be "snack mom" or meet her little friends... It's yet another working mama conundrum.

Anyway, here, are some recent photos of C, the demi-toddler. As my grandmother says of children this age, "that baby's about all used up!"

PS: Check out my essay in Babble today on the "Cult of the Bad Mother"

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I'm becoming the nap nazi

kgranju — Wed, 21 Jan 2009 01:18:00 GMT

With my three older children, I was pretty loosey-goosey about naps and bedtimes. If they got naps, that was great. If they didn't, no biggie. Until they became school age, at which point I tightened up bedtimes, I tended to let them stay up in the evening until they actually acted sleepy. But when they were babies and toddlers, we had very flexible sleep routines - certainly nothing resembling a "schedule." I was inordinately proud of the fact that all of them could generally fall aslseep anywhere, at any time, with any amount of distraction, That worked fine for them, and fine for me.

With their one year old sister, however, we actually have a schedule and frankly, I am rather rigid about it.

This is C operating on plenty of sleep.

Jon and I first discovered C's love of a predictable routine before she was even three months old. Through trial and error, we realized that if we bathed her, nursed her, swaddled her, and put her down to sleep for the night at approximately the same time and in the exact same way each evening, she slept far better than if we mixed things up, or kept her up later. Given that I returned to full time employment when she was only 8 weeks old, and Jon has a full time job, too - plus I have three other children to care for - maximum quality sleepage for the baby meant happier household.

She still isn't what many more highly scheduled parents would consider a "good" sleeper, if your definition of that is sleeping 8 hour stretches in a separate bed. Instead she sleeps with us, and she does usually wake a time or two for a moment or two during the nightttime hours. However, she goes down to bed at a very regular time each night - between 7 and 8 pm - and the little bit of wakefulness she has at night is easily soothed; she goes right back to sleep with little effort on our parts. If, however, we keep her up much past her bedtime, or if she misses her bath, or if we sleep somewhere away from our house, her sleep is greatly disturbed, and so is her mood the next day. This is a child who craves a regular schedule, and who lets you know when her beloved routine has been disturbed. And have I mentioned the white noise machine? She will really only sleep deeply with the white noise machine turned on; we even take it with us when we travel.

This is C, awake after her bedtime after a day with no real nap

This is even more true of her naptimes. C generally takes a 1-3 hour nap every day right after lunch. If she misses that nap, or if it is disturbed in some way (like, we are out and about at that time and she only gets 30 minutes while riding in the car), she transforms from a sunshiney toddler into Princess Whines-A-Lot. Missing the nap, or significantly altering the nap time or location makes everyone else in the family's day a living hell. She simply cannot function on sub-optimal sleepage. There is no "second wind" later in the day after a missed nap. Instead, there is meltdown after meltdown after meltdown. Plus, somewhat counterintuitively, she sleeps much worse at night if we alter her regular daytime nap schedule. So then we have a double-whammy of sleep deprivation going on.

Having realized all of this about my child, I have become something of a nap nazi. On weekends, I regularly turn down opportunities to do anything that would interfere with C's naptime, and I often find myself rushing home with her to avoid missing the optimal nap window. Night time activities are planned carefully to minimize the chance that C will miss bath-and-bed by 8 pm. I am sure my zealousness about this routine seems a bit odd to those who know how differently I approached sleep with my other children. But this kid is different; she's more like her Daddy, who is a noted lover of predictability. I am parenting what I got, and what I got this time is a child who needs a lot of sleep, provided at specific times in specific places. Plus, it's a bit selfish on my part. I don't really relish dealing with a widly fussy toddler all weekend or all evening after being gone at work all day. And getting her down to bed at a reasonably early hour each night means I have more time for the older kids, who, of course, stay up later and also need mama-attention.

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A portrait of the toddler as a 17 month old

kgranju — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 14:06:00 GMT

C is 17 months old now, and her development in just about every area is accelerating at an unbelievable pace. For starters, she talks...and talks...and talks! She says dozens and dozens of words quite clearly, and is putting words together in 2-4 word sentences. She also picks words up very easily. People comment regularly on what a prolific and advanced talker she is.

One of the cutest thing she does is talk and sing to herself all the time. Right now I can hear her across the room, playing with some toys and just chattering away. She will talk to anyone, anytime, but she does have a shy side. She's never completely standoffish with anyone, but she sometimes takes a few minutes to warm up before starting to converse. And she really, really hates it if people she doesn't know well grab her and pick her up. HATES it. She would prefer that they just hang out with her and talk to her rather than scooping her up in their arms.

Her favorite people are her older siblings and her cousins. She is much happier when the older children are here rather than when the house is quiet because they are at their Dad's. She can now say her two older brother's names well, and she calls J, "Sissy," which was one of her first words. She adores her Sissy, and also loves her Sissy's 8th grade friends who dote on her and give her lots of attention when they are here.

One thing C is not so good at yet is getting down out of chairs and off of riding toys. She tends to topple over head-first (she does still have a rather large noggin, which probably makes her center of balance a bit iffy). We are trying to teach her to always go feet-first, but she hasn't quite grasped this concept. So we have to watch her pretty carefully, because if she climbs up onto anything, you can be sure she will shortly be screaming because she's fallen off.

She is definitely a toddler who does better with her routine kept pretty much intact. She naps and goes to bed at fairly regular times, and if we mess with her nap time or bed time routine too radically, we see it in her mood and behavior. She is also clearly having some anxiety about me being away from her, which I am a lot because I have a full-time job. She never seems unhappy when we part in the mornings. In fact, she gets excited when we get her coat and hat on her, and she sees it's time to head off with her Dad for a day together (with her grandmother there as full-tme caregiver) at the family business. But in the evenings and weekends, when I am with her, she gets upset if I walk around the house without carrying her with me. I think she is worried I may be about to leave. So for now, I try to carry her with me as much as possible to try to help her through this extra-clingy phase.

And here is the part where I am about to completely cross the mommyblogger rubicon; I am going to tell you about my child's toilet habits. But I gotta say, I find it pretty remarkable that a 17 month old is using the potty. And she is! At least once a day, she asks to be taken to her little potty. She sits on it, and she goes, meaning one fewer wet or dirty diaper for me that day. I think this may mean that she's a complete genius. In any event, I hope it means she'll be out of diapers sooner.

This truly is a delightful period of childhood. I am enjoying it even more with C because I know how quickly they become five year olds and then 15 year olds. Those are great ages too, but with baby #4, I am more conscious of trying to slow down and enjoy each moment of each day.

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